Comments: 290
Disestablish [2014-04-04 14:15:37 +0000 UTC]
Got to the end and had to read it again with the ending in mind to finally understand the narrative and meaning.
With that in mind I much more enjoyed reading it.
Great read all and all.
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SkysongMA [2013-06-28 02:19:31 +0000 UTC]
Ohhhh man, that was fantastic. I loved the style, and the pacing was perfect.
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Fingleschkaise [2013-04-13 17:45:04 +0000 UTC]
Read the ending once - "WHAT? O.o"
Read the ending a second time - air escaped my lungs. Still reeling from the blow, I..
.. Read the ending for the third time, and: jumped out of my chair, crouched on the floor and concentrated on not screaming.
Now, a few minutes later, still feeling prone to some light convulsing, I am able to say:
I hate you, you amazing, brilliant, cunning human being.
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Rieal-Dragonsbane In reply to MelCasey [2013-04-18 22:46:01 +0000 UTC]
Oh, writing advice is terrible without a filter of some kind. xD
I'm glad this inspired you somehow, and I hope you've managed to write what you wanted to write.
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oviedomedina [2012-11-12 01:47:07 +0000 UTC]
That last scene with the message on the door...ooof, punch to the gut.
Weird, because I feel stupid for not getting the meaning of said message.
Nevertheless, love how vivid you made the story be, almost like a movie.
Excellent job!
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Rieal-Dragonsbane In reply to oviedomedina [2013-04-18 22:49:07 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
Ah, don't worry about the meaning or anything. It's somewhere in the region of 'The dangers of chasing "More"'. But I think people might take different things from it anyway. It doesn't matter.
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EelGirl [2012-11-04 05:39:15 +0000 UTC]
This story is magnificent. I really love how you've managed to tell an entire life story with only scenes.
The only part that trips me up is the end. Just to be clear, at the end, he realizes that life was the good thing, and that he wasted it waiting for heaven (or the good side of the door)?
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Rieal-Dragonsbane In reply to EelGirl [2013-04-18 22:51:06 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!
At the end, he realises he was on the good side of the door already. He lived his life on the good side, and he wasted it.
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vannerie In reply to EelGirl [2013-04-13 12:45:25 +0000 UTC]
Imagine that people have messed up the world and caused an apocalypse several times, but each time they found a brand new world to live in afterward. He opens the door to another dimension only to see that there is no new world, and that when the one he lives in is gone, life will stop existing permanently. That's how I understood it.
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doublethefun [2012-07-17 04:09:56 +0000 UTC]
Daaaaang....... mind bent
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snurtz [2012-06-30 02:33:15 +0000 UTC]
GAH! Making my cry again. Why do you do this to my heart!?
The scenes flow well together, and I don't think you should change anything.
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Rieal-Dragonsbane In reply to Adley16 [2012-06-18 20:01:16 +0000 UTC]
Wow. Wow, thank you so much! And thank you again for the watch. I hope you'll like my other stories just as much.
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UiaBird [2012-02-12 22:08:44 +0000 UTC]
This is really great!
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deva143 [2011-09-23 07:41:24 +0000 UTC]
“That was great.” You’re an amazing writer and an amazing person. I hope you never stop writing, and never stop inspiring others as you do now.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ThatDeadGirl [2011-09-23 00:29:50 +0000 UTC]
I bookmarked this after I saw it in the DD queue. I didn't have the time to devote to reading it, really reading it, so I put it off until I had enough time to cogitate on it.
It's really beautiful and painful to read.
Do you have a favourite and least favourite scene?
~My favorite was the end scene. It sort of jumps out from the crevices and gnaws on your brain. I know I'll be thinking of this for a good, long time.
~My least favorite was probably Eve's wedding. I just felt it could have been a bit more elaborate. I mean, this is the stuff we're SUPPOSED to be living for, right? It was nice, but it could have been richer with imagery, like when they're huddled in the bunker exchanging stories as if their lives depended on it.
Any scene which you thought was not visual enough?
~The wedding. I got really beautiful detail from every other scene. This one lacked just a little.... Oomph.
Any scene which you thought was not emotional enough?
~Absolutely not. I started crying the moment Elliot kissed Eve under the tree and didn't stop until well after I'd read the end. It's really a visceral story and it's easy to read, right up until the end. The ending really opens a wound.
It's truly an amazing piece. Thank you for sharing it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Rieal-Dragonsbane In reply to ThatDeadGirl [2011-09-23 11:44:00 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! And thanks for the detailed feedback too. c:
The wedding scene has already been revised a few times, so I'll believe you if you say it's still not up to the mark yet. When I come back to this story, I plan to take a closer look at Eve and her husband and make it just as nice as Elliot's kiss. Hehe, I'm quite excited about making this improvement.
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JuliaMurphy [2011-09-21 23:54:13 +0000 UTC]
I think I know the answer but I have to read it for sure- did Sarah leave him after their daughter's wedding? ;_;
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KavithaSukesan [2011-09-21 12:13:13 +0000 UTC]
Great story!!!!!!!!!!!!u r too gud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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highfunkion [2011-09-21 01:34:28 +0000 UTC]
Thats cool
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
mirosango14 [2011-09-19 23:07:19 +0000 UTC]
very deep, I don't think I understood it entirely...
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mirosango14 In reply to Rieal-Dragonsbane [2011-09-20 17:41:16 +0000 UTC]
well, I'm not sure why Elliot obsessed over those journals by his grandpa. and in the last scene, I get that he goes back to his old house, but I don't understand the "last chance here" part.
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