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Description
Raggedpaw smiled. This was what he wanted right? He had waited so long to have someone who loved him and who would keep loving him for who he was, But who he was didn't involve kits and he didn't want to keep ignoring this aspect from Lightwind. He loved her too much to lead her on like that.

"Lightwind..." Raggedpaw begun and it felt like there was a lump in his throat, "I... Kits. I don't want them, and it might be a while before I do, if ever. I love you Lightwind, but I don't think kits are right for us."

The dark tabby shouldn't have opened his heart. At first he had admired Lightwind, then had feelings for her, but now he knew... He loved her, otherwise he would have let Brackenheart have her. He always chased her and was happy to just seeing where they went, but now... Things were serious and he loved Lightwind and he couldn't go on with the mentality that things would come as they go. They needed to talk about this.

"But that's always been my dream," Lightwind said, trying to remain calm. She didn't want to star another fight. "I once told Brackenheart I wanted twelve kits. I don't think I can see never having kits that were mine." She stopped and looked at him. It appeared this conversation was going to happen now.

Raggedpaw didn't want a fight but he would rather fight than lead her on without Lightwind knowing all of the facts. Did his mother have this discussion with his father? Is that why she abandoned him and his brother? He couldn't have kits of his that thought they were unwanted just because Raggedpaw wasn't ready for them.

"I know but think about it. There are other ways of being a mother, ones that wouldn't put your life in danger. And that is if I am ready for kits at all," Raggedpaw tried to explain.

"If you're ready? What do you mean, if you're ready? I don't understand why you don't want to have a family with me? We love each other!" She said, "Don't we...?" She frowned, worried about where this was going. Why couldn't she just have a relationship like everyone else?! Like Uncle Minty! He and Deerleap never had fights! Why couldn't she find her soulmate!?

Raggedpaw was taken back. He knew Lightwind would be upset but he was surprised at what she was saying.

"Having a family doesn't suit everyone. I don't want kits now and I don't see myself ever wanting them, things might change but I knew we couldn't go on ignoring the subject. Ido love you Lightwind, but I can't father kits that may have to bare my reluctance for them. You don't understand you parents loved you unconditionally, mine didn't," Raggedpaw explained and his ears dropped.

He didn't understand why she wouldn't understand where he was coming from, he was making reasonable arguments and she was shoving them back in his face. It was hard for him as well, realising he might not be everything she wanted.

"I love you Lightwind, and if you love me you surely could see where I am coming from," the dark tabby added.

"I don't know..." she said, "When we said we'd be mates, I thought I'd found my dream tom, but kits are a big issue and... I can see where you're coming from, but I can't ever agree with it. I..." she sighed and dropped her gaze. "Maybe... this was a bad idea."

Raggedpaw's heart froze and it felt like something was squeezing it. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped open slightly. It felt as if his thoughts were a swarm if flies buzzed around his brain telling him too many things at once. He guessed it wasn't right to lead her on if they wanted two different things, but the dark tabby apprentice always assumed that Lightwind would see sense.

"Is..." Raggedpaw could hardly breathe, let alone speak, "I could have been... your dream tom."

Thought of Brackenheart filled his mind. The tom had loved Lightwind just and much as he did and had loved her longer. Would he have accepted this?

"If that is what you want... if you want us to end..." Raggedpaw whispered and he heated how his voice shook, "then I guess... it's up to you."

"I don't want us to end our entire relationship," she said slowly, "but I don't think we'll ever work as mates. I know it's cliche, but I think we should just be friends." She felt sick, sicker than she had been.
"Please, don't be mad... I don't like this either, but I think it's for the best."

The thought he had found someone who had loved him for who he was. All of him, his flaws and everything. He thought Lightwind would stick with him despite everything. A fury as hit as a blazing inferno grew inside of him, but he squashed it down as best he could. He had to be logical, it wouldn't have worked.

The tom nodded slowly as he gazed sadly at Lightwind. It hurt, watching the sun's rays dance through her beautiful white and brown spotted fur, knowing that even if he was mates with her, there would always be something stopped them from being completely happy.

"I really do love you, Lightwind. I would have been a father to your kits if it was just you I had to think about, but I have to think what I could have been like to kits we might have had. I am sorry," Raggedpaw said slowly as he turned his face away from her.

His paws felt icy cold but he could barely feel them through an odd numbing sensation that filled his body. This was really it, he hadn't loved her long, but he had loved her all the same.

He turned away and had to look forward, at the camp and with it held everything he needed right now. He spied a brown and white tom emerging from the warriors den and knew what he had to do. He dared to look over his shoulder and stare into Lightwind's green eyes.

"I am not the tom of your dreams, but you will find him someday and he might be even closer than you think. Look to your heart and you will know what you want and where to find it," Raggedpaw said before he raced away.

If Lightwind spoke or was going to speak he didn't hear it, he didn't want to hear it. Only one other tom could love her as he did and hopefully he had given her a big enough hint.

------

It's over. Ragged and Light broke up.

AND NOW COMES THE TIME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Raggedpaw - suicunetobigaara
Brackenheart (mentioned) - OMGpiku

Description
Raggedpaw smiled. This was what he wanted right? He had waited so long to have someone who loved him and who would keep loving him for who he was, But who he was didn't involve kits and he didn't want to keep ignoring this aspect from Lightwind. He loved her too much to lead her on like that.

"Lightwind..." Raggedpaw begun and it felt like there was a lump in his throat, "I... Kits. I don't want them, and it might be a while before I do, if ever. I love you Lightwind, but I don't think kits are right for us."

The dark tabby shouldn't have opened his heart. At first he had admired Lightwind, then had feelings for her, but now he knew... He loved her, otherwise he would have let Brackenheart have her. He always chased her and was happy to just seeing where they went, but now... Things were serious and he loved Lightwind and he couldn't go on with the mentality that things would come as they go. They needed to talk about this.

"But that's always been my dream," Lightwind said, trying to remain calm. She didn't want to star another fight. "I once told Brackenheart I wanted twelve kits. I don't think I can see never having kits that were mine." She stopped and looked at him. It appeared this conversation was going to happen now.

Raggedpaw didn't want a fight but he would rather fight than lead her on without Lightwind knowing all of the facts. Did his mother have this discussion with his father? Is that why she abandoned him and his brother? He couldn't have kits of his that thought they were unwanted just because Raggedpaw wasn't ready for them.

"I know but think about it. There are other ways of being a mother, ones that wouldn't put your life in danger. And that is if I am ready for kits at all," Raggedpaw tried to explain.

"If you're ready? What do you mean, if you're ready? I don't understand why you don't want to have a family with me? We love each other!" She said, "Don't we...?" She frowned, worried about where this was going. Why couldn't she just have a relationship like everyone else?! Like Uncle Minty! He and Deerleap never had fights! Why couldn't she find her soulmate!?

Raggedpaw was taken back. He knew Lightwind would be upset but he was surprised at what she was saying.

"Having a family doesn't suit everyone. I don't want kits now and I don't see myself ever wanting them, things might change but I knew we couldn't go on ignoring the subject. Ido love you Lightwind, but I can't father kits that may have to bare my reluctance for them. You don't understand you parents loved you unconditionally, mine didn't," Raggedpaw explained and his ears dropped.

He didn't understand why she wouldn't understand where he was coming from, he was making reasonable arguments and she was shoving them back in his face. It was hard for him as well, realising he might not be everything she wanted.

"I love you Lightwind, and if you love me you surely could see where I am coming from," the dark tabby added.

"I don't know..." she said, "When we said we'd be mates, I thought I'd found my dream tom, but kits are a big issue and... I can see where you're coming from, but I can't ever agree with it. I..." she sighed and dropped her gaze. "Maybe... this was a bad idea."

Raggedpaw's heart froze and it felt like something was squeezing it. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped open slightly. It felt as if his thoughts were a swarm if flies buzzed around his brain telling him too many things at once. He guessed it wasn't right to lead her on if they wanted two different things, but the dark tabby apprentice always assumed that Lightwind would see sense.

"Is..." Raggedpaw could hardly breathe, let alone speak, "I could have been... your dream tom."

Thought of Brackenheart filled his mind. The tom had loved Lightwind just and much as he did and had loved her longer. Would he have accepted this?

"If that is what you want... if you want us to end..." Raggedpaw whispered and he heated how his voice shook, "then I guess... it's up to you."

"I don't want us to end our entire relationship," she said slowly, "but I don't think we'll ever work as mates. I know it's cliche, but I think we should just be friends." She felt sick, sicker than she had been.
"Please, don't be mad... I don't like this either, but I think it's for the best."

The thought he had found someone who had loved him for who he was. All of him, his flaws and everything. He thought Lightwind would stick with him despite everything. A fury as hit as a blazing inferno grew inside of him, but he squashed it down as best he could. He had to be logical, it wouldn't have worked.

The tom nodded slowly as he gazed sadly at Lightwind. It hurt, watching the sun's rays dance through her beautiful white and brown spotted fur, knowing that even if he was mates with her, there would always be something stopped them from being completely happy.

"I really do love you, Lightwind. I would have been a father to your kits if it was just you I had to think about, but I have to think what I could have been like to kits we might have had. I am sorry," Raggedpaw said slowly as he turned his face away from her.

His paws felt icy cold but he could barely feel them through an odd numbing sensation that filled his body. This was really it, he hadn't loved her long, but he had loved her all the same.

He turned away and had to look forward, at the camp and with it held everything he needed right now. He spied a brown and white tom emerging from the warriors den and knew what he had to do. He dared to look over his shoulder and stare into Lightwind's green eyes.

"I am not the tom of your dreams, but you will find him someday and he might be even closer than you think. Look to your heart and you will know what you want and where to find it," Raggedpaw said before he raced away.

If Lightwind spoke or was going to speak he didn't hear it, he didn't want to hear it. Only one other tom could love her as he did and hopefully he had given her a big enough hint.

------

It's over. Ragged and Light broke up.

AND NOW COMES THE TIME YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

Raggedpaw - suicunetobigaara
Brackenheart (mentioned) - OMGpiku