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Seeker of Truth - Chapter 20: Love me Again

‘Are you ready for tomorrow?’ Clint asked you, as you were walking out of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

You had just heard you and Clint were going on a mission together to retrieve something other agents had found in Washington. Fury wouldn’t say what the agents had found exactly, but apparently the both of you were needed.

‘I guess… Let’s just hope it’s not an ‘abandoned’ Hydra base again.’

Clint laughed. ‘I doubt it. Fury doesn’t make the same mistake twice.’

‘So you believe him?’

‘He’s the director, I don’t really have a choice.’

You sighed. ‘Maybe…’

‘Don’t worry, [Name]. You have this sixth sense, right? You’ll see them coming!’

‘Didn’t really work last time, did it?’ you groaned, looking at the bruise on your chest. It still hadn’t completely disappeared. ‘What if I lost the power?’

‘You don’t just lose something like that. Y’know what I think? I think you’re scared.’

‘What do you mean? Scared of what?’ you frowned, following Clint to the parking lot, where both your cars were parked.

‘I think you are scared to see something you don’t want to see.’

‘Like?’

Clint sighed. ‘I don’t know. Someone dying? It’s a real burden knowing something is going to happen, but not having the power to stop it.’

You nodded. He was right. That was exactly the reason you had suppressed your hunches and the headaches. It was bad enough not to be able to save people you didn’t know, but what if it were to happen to someone you did know? Would you ever be able to forgive yourself?

Clint padded you on the back. ‘Don’t worry, [Name]. Your secret is safe with me.’

You smiled. ‘Thanks, Clint. You know… I think this is the longest conversation we have ever had. Apart from that time you laughed at me for five minutes.’

Clint laughed. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, [Name]. 08.00 sharp!’

You nodded, watching him get in his car and drive away. You made your way over to your own car and stepped in. Now you were alone again your thoughts went back to Steve and your date with Ethan. You had been thinking about the both of them all night. Maybe you had been too harsh on Steve. It was clear you were not just somebody to him. He really cared about you. He just had an odd way of showing it. He wanted some time, but how much longer could you wait for him?

Ethan on the other hand was very open about his feeling towards you, but then again, how much did you really know about him?

As you drove off the parking lot, you decided to give Tony a call.

‘Stark residence, how may I help you?’ Tony said, amused.

You laughed. ‘It’s me, Tony.’

‘Oh, hey, [Name]! How is my little love bug doing?’

‘Love bug?’

‘Yeah… It sounded better in my head.’

You smiled. ‘I imagine…’

‘Anyway, what I meant to ask was: how are things with you and the Cap?’

‘You haven’t heard?’ you sighed, waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

‘Well, of course I have, but Pepper told me to wait for you to tell me.’

‘You should listen to her more often,’ you laughed.

‘I know, I know. You sound just like her, but I guess you’re not calling me to discuss your problems with the Cap. So, what can I do for you?’

‘I need a favor…’

‘Sure, shoot!’

‘I need you to check someone for me. His name is Ethan Lewis. He also works for S.H.I.E.L.D.’

‘What makes you think I can…’

‘Don’t play stupid with me, Tony,’ you interrupted him. ‘Can you do it, or not?’

Tony laughed. ‘Very well then, J.A.R.V.I.S?’

‘On it, sir.’

‘Great!’ Tony cried out. ‘So, [Name]… What exactly happened last night?’

You sighed. ‘I really don’t know… I don’t care.’

‘Oh, come on! You were practically made for each other. Thinking about it… That’s rather ironic, since you both, y’know…’

‘I know, Tony. Believe me… I know. I thought I was good at reading people, but I guess with Steve I was too blind to see he doesn’t give a damn about me.’

‘Really? You’re telling yourself that? Look, I might not be the best person to go to for relationship advice. God knows I’ve screwed up more times I can even count, but I’m not an idiot, [Name]. Steve loves you. Even I can see that.’

‘I… I just don’t know, Tony. It’s so confusing. One second I think he is finally going to tell me he loves me and the next… nothing. He rejected me, Tony, when I practically threw myself at his feet. What more do you expect from me?’

‘Y’know, this is exactly the reason I didn’t want you guys dating. Steve is different from the men you are used to. I might be a dickhead to him sometimes, but only because I think he needs it. He is still hung up in the past, [Name], and frankly, who would blame him? Seventy years were only a tiny nap for him. My dad always talked very highly of him and I understand why. Steve is a good guy, [Name]. Better than all of us combined. Hell, he is even nicer than Bruce and Bruce is a real softy! What I’m trying to say is, don’t judge him so harshly. He does care about you. If he needs some time, it’s for a good reason.’

‘You talked to him?’ you asked, swallowing hard and biting your lip, trying not to cry.

‘I did…’

‘I just don’t know if I can give him what he needs, Tony. I’m a mess myself, I…’

‘I don’t mean to interrupt, sir,’ J.A.R.V.I.S said, ‘but I have the results from the background check.’

‘Show me,’ Tony answered.

It was quiet for a few seconds, until you heard Tony sigh, picking up the phone again. ‘He’s completely clean, [Name].’

‘Well, that’s good right?’

‘I’m not so sure. It’s like someone erased some of his files. Or they don’t keep files of secret service agents in England, but I doubt it. Wait… this isn’t the guy that has been flirting with you, is it? That freakishly handsome guy from the gun range?’

‘As a matter of fact, it is, and he is taking me out to dinner in just a few hours.’

‘You sure you want to do that? If Steve finds out, he’s going to be heart broken.’

‘How do you think I felt when he told me he still loves Peggy?’

Tony sighed. ‘Look, I understand, [Name]. I really do, but please don’t do anything you’ll regret later.’

‘I wasn’t planning on sleeping with him if that’s what you were thinking…’

‘Good. Also, don’t invite him up!’

You shook your head smiling. ‘I won’t. Besides, I’m going to Washington with Clint tomorrow, so I don’t have time for that anyway.’

‘Englishmen can be very persuasive…’

‘Let’s just say I don’t want my first time to be after a first date…’

‘Wait… Can you repeat that? Are you telling me… Are you? No way! Are you still a virgin?’

‘I… I don’t know,’ you mumbled. ‘I mean, I think so. I have no memory of what happened before the car crash, remember?’

‘Wow… Well, I would normally have a lot of funny comments, but I think it’s better to say that you should be careful. Steve doesn’t trust him, and neither do I.’

‘Of course he doesn’t…’ you sighed, rubbing your eyes as you drove up to the parking lot of your apartment, ready to take a long and hot shower.

‘I’m serious, [Name].’

‘So am I. If Steve really cares about me, he knows where to find me.’

‘[Name], I…’

‘Bye, Tony. I’ll talk to you when I get back from DC.’

You hung up the phone and made your way to your apartment. You still had three hours to get ready for your date, but you wanted to spend at least two of that in the bathtub. You were getting tired of all conversations and people thinking they knew what was best for you. Natasha was the first person you had called, but she had said the same things as Tony. It was time to start think for yourself and what you really wanted.

**** A FEW HOURS LATER, AFTER THE DINNER WITH ETHAN *****

STEVE POV

Steve was walking – no, running – across the street. After talking with Tony on the phone for the second time on one day he had decided to take a leap of faith. He knew his feelings for Peggy would probably never go away, but why had he been so stupid to ignore how he felt about you? If he didn’t try to make it work with you, he would forever regret not trying.

He took two steps up the stairs at a time. He was getting nervous, but Tony had said you were willing to give him a second chance if he just told you he did care. When he was at the right door, he hesitated. What if Tony had been wrong?

After a few seconds Stece decided to throw everything out there and he pressed the doorbell. The flowers he had bought on his way, he put behind his back to surprise you.

He took a deep breath as he wobbled on his feet. When the door opened, he put on a sweet smile. Just as he was about to hand you the flowers he realized it wasn’t you that opened the door, but Ethan, without a shirt.

Tears started to sting behind his eyes, but he didn’t let Ethan notice.

‘Can I help you?’ Ethan asked, looking at Steve and smiling a little, noticing his surprised expression.

‘I… I came to see [Name], but…’ Steve stuttered.

Ethan smiled, licking his lips. ‘Are those flowers behind your back?’ Ethan shook his head, sighing. ‘You missed your chance, captain. What is it that they say here… ‘May the best man win’? Well I guess be both know now who that is, don’t we?’

Steve clenched his fist and bite down his teeth hard. He wanted to punch Ethan so badly, but he knew it wouldn’t solve a thing.

‘Who is it?’ he heard you yell from somewhere in your apartment. Steve was sure it was the bedroom. It had to be…

‘No one, babe! Wrong house.’

Steve tensed up at those words. Babe? He already called you babe…. Maybe be really had been too late.

‘I suggest you leave now, captain,’ Ethan said, already closing the door. ‘Let’s just forget this ever happened. Makes it a lot less awkward for the both of us.’

Steve nodded, watching Ethan close the door. He swallowed hard and started the long way back home. He threw the flowers in the nearest bin and thought about how stupid he had been. He could only thank Fury that he wouldn’t see you for at least two days. You were going away with Clint tomorrow and the next day Steve would have a mission together with Natasha. Maybe that would put his mind of the growing pain in his chest.

*****

Reader POV

‘Here’s your shirt back,’ you said, handing Ethan his washed shirt. ‘I’m so sorry I spilled my coffee on it. I just can be so clumsy sometimes.’

‘Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Good. Ethan… Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure, babe.’

‘Could you not call me babe? I mean, I really had a lovely time with you, but I’d like things to go a little slower.’

‘So I have to put my shirt back on?’

You laughed. ‘That would be nice, yes. Not that you don’t look nice without it… I mean… you’re sexy… I… I mean… God.’

Ethan smiled, putting his shirt back on. ‘It’s okay. I get it. This is about Steve, isn’t it?’

You nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Ethan. You’re a great guy, but I just need some time.’
Ethan sighed, letting his hand slip in yours. ‘I’m not going anywhere. We’ve have all the time in the world.’

You bite you lip, thinking that was exactly what you should have said to Steve. ‘Thank you for understanding, Ethan.’

He pressed a kiss on your cheek and walked with you to the door of your apartment. ‘Call me when you’ve figured it out. Or if you want to go out again, just for fun.’

You smiled. ‘I will. Bye, Ethan.’

He nodded, getting his coat from the rack and walking outside, letting you close the door behind him.

You made your way over to the couch and put on the TV, hoping Tony had spoken to Steve again and Steve would come to your apartment to tell you he did care. That he did love you like he loved Peggy.

As the clock ticked on and it was time for you to go to bed there had been no Steve. You went to bed thinking for the second time in 24 hours that Steve had abandoned you.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Description
Seeker of Truth - Chapter 20: Love me Again

‘Are you ready for tomorrow?’ Clint asked you, as you were walking out of S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters.

You had just heard you and Clint were going on a mission together to retrieve something other agents had found in Washington. Fury wouldn’t say what the agents had found exactly, but apparently the both of you were needed.

‘I guess… Let’s just hope it’s not an ‘abandoned’ Hydra base again.’

Clint laughed. ‘I doubt it. Fury doesn’t make the same mistake twice.’

‘So you believe him?’

‘He’s the director, I don’t really have a choice.’

You sighed. ‘Maybe…’

‘Don’t worry, [Name]. You have this sixth sense, right? You’ll see them coming!’

‘Didn’t really work last time, did it?’ you groaned, looking at the bruise on your chest. It still hadn’t completely disappeared. ‘What if I lost the power?’

‘You don’t just lose something like that. Y’know what I think? I think you’re scared.’

‘What do you mean? Scared of what?’ you frowned, following Clint to the parking lot, where both your cars were parked.

‘I think you are scared to see something you don’t want to see.’

‘Like?’

Clint sighed. ‘I don’t know. Someone dying? It’s a real burden knowing something is going to happen, but not having the power to stop it.’

You nodded. He was right. That was exactly the reason you had suppressed your hunches and the headaches. It was bad enough not to be able to save people you didn’t know, but what if it were to happen to someone you did know? Would you ever be able to forgive yourself?

Clint padded you on the back. ‘Don’t worry, [Name]. Your secret is safe with me.’

You smiled. ‘Thanks, Clint. You know… I think this is the longest conversation we have ever had. Apart from that time you laughed at me for five minutes.’

Clint laughed. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, [Name]. 08.00 sharp!’

You nodded, watching him get in his car and drive away. You made your way over to your own car and stepped in. Now you were alone again your thoughts went back to Steve and your date with Ethan. You had been thinking about the both of them all night. Maybe you had been too harsh on Steve. It was clear you were not just somebody to him. He really cared about you. He just had an odd way of showing it. He wanted some time, but how much longer could you wait for him?

Ethan on the other hand was very open about his feeling towards you, but then again, how much did you really know about him?

As you drove off the parking lot, you decided to give Tony a call.

‘Stark residence, how may I help you?’ Tony said, amused.

You laughed. ‘It’s me, Tony.’

‘Oh, hey, [Name]! How is my little love bug doing?’

‘Love bug?’

‘Yeah… It sounded better in my head.’

You smiled. ‘I imagine…’

‘Anyway, what I meant to ask was: how are things with you and the Cap?’

‘You haven’t heard?’ you sighed, waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

‘Well, of course I have, but Pepper told me to wait for you to tell me.’

‘You should listen to her more often,’ you laughed.

‘I know, I know. You sound just like her, but I guess you’re not calling me to discuss your problems with the Cap. So, what can I do for you?’

‘I need a favor…’

‘Sure, shoot!’

‘I need you to check someone for me. His name is Ethan Lewis. He also works for S.H.I.E.L.D.’

‘What makes you think I can…’

‘Don’t play stupid with me, Tony,’ you interrupted him. ‘Can you do it, or not?’

Tony laughed. ‘Very well then, J.A.R.V.I.S?’

‘On it, sir.’

‘Great!’ Tony cried out. ‘So, [Name]… What exactly happened last night?’

You sighed. ‘I really don’t know… I don’t care.’

‘Oh, come on! You were practically made for each other. Thinking about it… That’s rather ironic, since you both, y’know…’

‘I know, Tony. Believe me… I know. I thought I was good at reading people, but I guess with Steve I was too blind to see he doesn’t give a damn about me.’

‘Really? You’re telling yourself that? Look, I might not be the best person to go to for relationship advice. God knows I’ve screwed up more times I can even count, but I’m not an idiot, [Name]. Steve loves you. Even I can see that.’

‘I… I just don’t know, Tony. It’s so confusing. One second I think he is finally going to tell me he loves me and the next… nothing. He rejected me, Tony, when I practically threw myself at his feet. What more do you expect from me?’

‘Y’know, this is exactly the reason I didn’t want you guys dating. Steve is different from the men you are used to. I might be a dickhead to him sometimes, but only because I think he needs it. He is still hung up in the past, [Name], and frankly, who would blame him? Seventy years were only a tiny nap for him. My dad always talked very highly of him and I understand why. Steve is a good guy, [Name]. Better than all of us combined. Hell, he is even nicer than Bruce and Bruce is a real softy! What I’m trying to say is, don’t judge him so harshly. He does care about you. If he needs some time, it’s for a good reason.’

‘You talked to him?’ you asked, swallowing hard and biting your lip, trying not to cry.

‘I did…’

‘I just don’t know if I can give him what he needs, Tony. I’m a mess myself, I…’

‘I don’t mean to interrupt, sir,’ J.A.R.V.I.S said, ‘but I have the results from the background check.’

‘Show me,’ Tony answered.

It was quiet for a few seconds, until you heard Tony sigh, picking up the phone again. ‘He’s completely clean, [Name].’

‘Well, that’s good right?’

‘I’m not so sure. It’s like someone erased some of his files. Or they don’t keep files of secret service agents in England, but I doubt it. Wait… this isn’t the guy that has been flirting with you, is it? That freakishly handsome guy from the gun range?’

‘As a matter of fact, it is, and he is taking me out to dinner in just a few hours.’

‘You sure you want to do that? If Steve finds out, he’s going to be heart broken.’

‘How do you think I felt when he told me he still loves Peggy?’

Tony sighed. ‘Look, I understand, [Name]. I really do, but please don’t do anything you’ll regret later.’

‘I wasn’t planning on sleeping with him if that’s what you were thinking…’

‘Good. Also, don’t invite him up!’

You shook your head smiling. ‘I won’t. Besides, I’m going to Washington with Clint tomorrow, so I don’t have time for that anyway.’

‘Englishmen can be very persuasive…’

‘Let’s just say I don’t want my first time to be after a first date…’

‘Wait… Can you repeat that? Are you telling me… Are you? No way! Are you still a virgin?’

‘I… I don’t know,’ you mumbled. ‘I mean, I think so. I have no memory of what happened before the car crash, remember?’

‘Wow… Well, I would normally have a lot of funny comments, but I think it’s better to say that you should be careful. Steve doesn’t trust him, and neither do I.’

‘Of course he doesn’t…’ you sighed, rubbing your eyes as you drove up to the parking lot of your apartment, ready to take a long and hot shower.

‘I’m serious, [Name].’

‘So am I. If Steve really cares about me, he knows where to find me.’

‘[Name], I…’

‘Bye, Tony. I’ll talk to you when I get back from DC.’

You hung up the phone and made your way to your apartment. You still had three hours to get ready for your date, but you wanted to spend at least two of that in the bathtub. You were getting tired of all conversations and people thinking they knew what was best for you. Natasha was the first person you had called, but she had said the same things as Tony. It was time to start think for yourself and what you really wanted.

**** A FEW HOURS LATER, AFTER THE DINNER WITH ETHAN *****

STEVE POV

Steve was walking – no, running – across the street. After talking with Tony on the phone for the second time on one day he had decided to take a leap of faith. He knew his feelings for Peggy would probably never go away, but why had he been so stupid to ignore how he felt about you? If he didn’t try to make it work with you, he would forever regret not trying.

He took two steps up the stairs at a time. He was getting nervous, but Tony had said you were willing to give him a second chance if he just told you he did care. When he was at the right door, he hesitated. What if Tony had been wrong?

After a few seconds Stece decided to throw everything out there and he pressed the doorbell. The flowers he had bought on his way, he put behind his back to surprise you.

He took a deep breath as he wobbled on his feet. When the door opened, he put on a sweet smile. Just as he was about to hand you the flowers he realized it wasn’t you that opened the door, but Ethan, without a shirt.

Tears started to sting behind his eyes, but he didn’t let Ethan notice.

‘Can I help you?’ Ethan asked, looking at Steve and smiling a little, noticing his surprised expression.

‘I… I came to see [Name], but…’ Steve stuttered.

Ethan smiled, licking his lips. ‘Are those flowers behind your back?’ Ethan shook his head, sighing. ‘You missed your chance, captain. What is it that they say here… ‘May the best man win’? Well I guess be both know now who that is, don’t we?’

Steve clenched his fist and bite down his teeth hard. He wanted to punch Ethan so badly, but he knew it wouldn’t solve a thing.

‘Who is it?’ he heard you yell from somewhere in your apartment. Steve was sure it was the bedroom. It had to be…

‘No one, babe! Wrong house.’

Steve tensed up at those words. Babe? He already called you babe…. Maybe be really had been too late.

‘I suggest you leave now, captain,’ Ethan said, already closing the door. ‘Let’s just forget this ever happened. Makes it a lot less awkward for the both of us.’

Steve nodded, watching Ethan close the door. He swallowed hard and started the long way back home. He threw the flowers in the nearest bin and thought about how stupid he had been. He could only thank Fury that he wouldn’t see you for at least two days. You were going away with Clint tomorrow and the next day Steve would have a mission together with Natasha. Maybe that would put his mind of the growing pain in his chest.

*****

Reader POV

‘Here’s your shirt back,’ you said, handing Ethan his washed shirt. ‘I’m so sorry I spilled my coffee on it. I just can be so clumsy sometimes.’

‘Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Good. Ethan… Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure, babe.’

‘Could you not call me babe? I mean, I really had a lovely time with you, but I’d like things to go a little slower.’

‘So I have to put my shirt back on?’

You laughed. ‘That would be nice, yes. Not that you don’t look nice without it… I mean… you’re sexy… I… I mean… God.’

Ethan smiled, putting his shirt back on. ‘It’s okay. I get it. This is about Steve, isn’t it?’

You nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Ethan. You’re a great guy, but I just need some time.’
Ethan sighed, letting his hand slip in yours. ‘I’m not going anywhere. We’ve have all the time in the world.’

You bite you lip, thinking that was exactly what you should have said to Steve. ‘Thank you for understanding, Ethan.’

He pressed a kiss on your cheek and walked with you to the door of your apartment. ‘Call me when you’ve figured it out. Or if you want to go out again, just for fun.’

You smiled. ‘I will. Bye, Ethan.’

He nodded, getting his coat from the rack and walking outside, letting you close the door behind him.

You made your way over to the couch and put on the TV, hoping Tony had spoken to Steve again and Steve would come to your apartment to tell you he did care. That he did love you like he loved Peggy.

As the clock ticked on and it was time for you to go to bed there had been no Steve. You went to bed thinking for the second time in 24 hours that Steve had abandoned you.

TO BE CONTINUED...