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Description
Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.

Time passes by so slowly. Painfully and so so slowly. And I can't breathe.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

It's like I'm freezing and burning at the same time. Like I'm numb but still feeling. Refusing to offer my body to the peace that has fluttered away from my grasps for good.

Why did you leave me like this? You took the gears that made me tick and you broke them.

Tick....tock...

You gave up too quickly. I guess I'm to blame as well because I could have done so much more to save this.

To save us.

But now it's too late. Things won't ever be right again. It won't. No matter how hard we tried.
I knew it was coming. I really did. From the moment I said "yes" to you I knew that it would be harder than anything else to keep our relationship afloat. I knew this would come in time. I expected it.

So why does it still hurt so much, Tooru? Why?

Watching you play volleyball is the most exhilarating thing ever. The way you throw tosses to your teammates, letting them play to their full potential. Whenever you use your godlike spikes to break down the opponents defense, I feel like my heart is just going to burst with excitement and pride for you. You love volleyball, Tooru. I can see it. With all your heart and soul, volleyball is your life. It's who you are. And everybody knows it. I know it. You put all your effort and love into playing volleyball.

And I was afraid you that you didn't have enough love left to spare for me.

The night is too long. I can't fall asleep. I stare at the ceiling, watching the moonlight sift through my windows.

And I can't breath again.

Sometimes I wonder whether it would have been better if I was the one who took the knife and cut you out my life. But I could never do it. I couldn't do it. Even now, I know that I would never do it.

Because I love you too much, Tooru. I love you too much to hurt you.

To hurt you would be to kill myself a thousand times over. And I'd sooner die that see you suffer.

I love you too much.

As everyday passes, I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into this endless black hole. I'm falling. Falling. Falling freely but still chained. To what? Hope? Regret? Love?

Everyday I see your beautiful doe brown eyes. But they're no longer looking at me. I see your adorable smile. But you're not smiling at me anymore.

And it feels like a punch to the gut. I can't even think straight when your beside me. My breaths come in short and my hands start to shake. My heart beats faster than it ever has and mind can't focus on anything but you and you alone. But now, I have to admire you from afar.

It's so ridiculous. Even after we're over, I'm still falling more and more in love with you Tooru.

Falling freely, but still not free.

I know you think I'm hopeless. I know that I am. And I laugh at myself every time. I was such a fool to think that I could make you happy, when I can't even help myself.

Ah....here come the tears again.

It hurts. It hurts so, so much. But at the same time, I'm numb. I can't feel anything. Because you've taken it all, Tooru. No. I gave it all to you. I gave you my heart and my love and my tears and my strength. You have it all, Tooru. And it's ok.

I was always yours only. I still am.

I think about all the moments I've spent with you, laughing, crying, loving and longing. A typhoon of emotions threatens to take me. To blow me away and throw me like a useless piece of wood. Helpless and broken.

And suddenly I think that it's better that you took it all. For I would rather be numb that feel anything at all.

My nights no longer comfort me like they did when you slept by my side. Now the only memory I have of you is the smell of your favorite soap and shampoo on the sheets and pillows you layed on.

I'm tired. I'm so, so tired. Maybe you were right to end it, Tooru. Maybe it was for the better. I say that I wish I could have done something to save us but the bitter fact is that I don't think I could have done anything. I gave up too.

But even so. I still love you. Even if I know you will never love me back.

Sleep is catching up to me. And I dread every second closer to it. I don't want to go to sleep. Because if I sleep and wake up to find that you're no longer with me, it means that this isn't just a nightmare. That this is reality. And I don't want it to be reality. I want it to go away. I want the nightmares to go AWAY. But then they never do.

And I'm left on this shore, being pulled out to sea. Almost drowning but then thrown onto the rocks and left for dead. Over and over again

I miss you. I love you. I can never stop saying that enough. But you're already too far away to hear me.

I'm falling slowly and slowly into unconsciousness. And I see you. I see you looking at me Tooru. You're smiling. At me.

But then your form starts to disappear and your smile starts to fade, until you're gone completely.

I close my eyes and let the cold bitter truth lull me to sleep.

Because sure, I was so good.

But never good enough.

Description
Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.

Time passes by so slowly. Painfully and so so slowly. And I can't breathe.

Why does it have to hurt so much?

It's like I'm freezing and burning at the same time. Like I'm numb but still feeling. Refusing to offer my body to the peace that has fluttered away from my grasps for good.

Why did you leave me like this? You took the gears that made me tick and you broke them.

Tick....tock...

You gave up too quickly. I guess I'm to blame as well because I could have done so much more to save this.

To save us.

But now it's too late. Things won't ever be right again. It won't. No matter how hard we tried.
I knew it was coming. I really did. From the moment I said "yes" to you I knew that it would be harder than anything else to keep our relationship afloat. I knew this would come in time. I expected it.

So why does it still hurt so much, Tooru? Why?

Watching you play volleyball is the most exhilarating thing ever. The way you throw tosses to your teammates, letting them play to their full potential. Whenever you use your godlike spikes to break down the opponents defense, I feel like my heart is just going to burst with excitement and pride for you. You love volleyball, Tooru. I can see it. With all your heart and soul, volleyball is your life. It's who you are. And everybody knows it. I know it. You put all your effort and love into playing volleyball.

And I was afraid you that you didn't have enough love left to spare for me.

The night is too long. I can't fall asleep. I stare at the ceiling, watching the moonlight sift through my windows.

And I can't breath again.

Sometimes I wonder whether it would have been better if I was the one who took the knife and cut you out my life. But I could never do it. I couldn't do it. Even now, I know that I would never do it.

Because I love you too much, Tooru. I love you too much to hurt you.

To hurt you would be to kill myself a thousand times over. And I'd sooner die that see you suffer.

I love you too much.

As everyday passes, I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into this endless black hole. I'm falling. Falling. Falling freely but still chained. To what? Hope? Regret? Love?

Everyday I see your beautiful doe brown eyes. But they're no longer looking at me. I see your adorable smile. But you're not smiling at me anymore.

And it feels like a punch to the gut. I can't even think straight when your beside me. My breaths come in short and my hands start to shake. My heart beats faster than it ever has and mind can't focus on anything but you and you alone. But now, I have to admire you from afar.

It's so ridiculous. Even after we're over, I'm still falling more and more in love with you Tooru.

Falling freely, but still not free.

I know you think I'm hopeless. I know that I am. And I laugh at myself every time. I was such a fool to think that I could make you happy, when I can't even help myself.

Ah....here come the tears again.

It hurts. It hurts so, so much. But at the same time, I'm numb. I can't feel anything. Because you've taken it all, Tooru. No. I gave it all to you. I gave you my heart and my love and my tears and my strength. You have it all, Tooru. And it's ok.

I was always yours only. I still am.

I think about all the moments I've spent with you, laughing, crying, loving and longing. A typhoon of emotions threatens to take me. To blow me away and throw me like a useless piece of wood. Helpless and broken.

And suddenly I think that it's better that you took it all. For I would rather be numb that feel anything at all.

My nights no longer comfort me like they did when you slept by my side. Now the only memory I have of you is the smell of your favorite soap and shampoo on the sheets and pillows you layed on.

I'm tired. I'm so, so tired. Maybe you were right to end it, Tooru. Maybe it was for the better. I say that I wish I could have done something to save us but the bitter fact is that I don't think I could have done anything. I gave up too.

But even so. I still love you. Even if I know you will never love me back.

Sleep is catching up to me. And I dread every second closer to it. I don't want to go to sleep. Because if I sleep and wake up to find that you're no longer with me, it means that this isn't just a nightmare. That this is reality. And I don't want it to be reality. I want it to go away. I want the nightmares to go AWAY. But then they never do.

And I'm left on this shore, being pulled out to sea. Almost drowning but then thrown onto the rocks and left for dead. Over and over again

I miss you. I love you. I can never stop saying that enough. But you're already too far away to hear me.

I'm falling slowly and slowly into unconsciousness. And I see you. I see you looking at me Tooru. You're smiling. At me.

But then your form starts to disappear and your smile starts to fade, until you're gone completely.

I close my eyes and let the cold bitter truth lull me to sleep.

Because sure, I was so good.

But never good enough.