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Description
I painted big once again, with low quality oil paints and a canvas about 1,5m x 1m just to get some frustration and fear out of my system.

So why did I paint this? There's some medical not-fun going on, if you are curious to learn about it keep reading.

I am in the process of being diagnosed with a genetic connective tissue disorder. Chronic pain, intense fatigue, digestive issues, frail skin, hypermobility, frequently subluxing and dislocating joints, and most dramatically, a leg issue with muscle weakness and inability to keep it from collapsing under me - to the point of falling. Apparently in the condition I am suspected of having, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, pseudo paralysis is not uncommon within the realm of dystonia. If I have dystonia or not is still out for debate. If I even have EDS is not sure quite yet.

I have seen six different doctors for my leg and heard at least seven different theories for what is wrong with me. This is the first one that might actually make sense. If my leg hadn't suddenly gotten bad I may have never realized that I have a systemic issue and illness, because I am used to my body not working well. I have other symptoms of dystonia in particular that I thought were part of a ticking disorder, Tourette Syndrome. But not all my tics behave like, well, tics. Someone should have noticed this.

I should have noticed this.

People with EDS sometimes describe themselves as walking on stilts. My proprioception is quite bad, if I cannot see my limb I cannot really tell what it is doing, so I sometimes feel like I am puppeteering my own feet or hands. Lately I have felt more as if I were being puppeteered by my illness and pretty intense, scary disability. Some forms of EDS are life shortening but thankfully not the ones I am suspected of having. I seem to be a mild case, yet it's enough to have uprooted me quite a bit.

This painting helped me to feel like I have my feet under me again. I'm slowly feeling ready to take over the strings again, after three months of pain and fear.

Oh and by the way I'm transgender and I'm a dude now. Just fyi. Yeah. Might make more art on that at some point.

Description
I painted big once again, with low quality oil paints and a canvas about 1,5m x 1m just to get some frustration and fear out of my system.

So why did I paint this? There's some medical not-fun going on, if you are curious to learn about it keep reading.

I am in the process of being diagnosed with a genetic connective tissue disorder. Chronic pain, intense fatigue, digestive issues, frail skin, hypermobility, frequently subluxing and dislocating joints, and most dramatically, a leg issue with muscle weakness and inability to keep it from collapsing under me - to the point of falling. Apparently in the condition I am suspected of having, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, pseudo paralysis is not uncommon within the realm of dystonia. If I have dystonia or not is still out for debate. If I even have EDS is not sure quite yet.

I have seen six different doctors for my leg and heard at least seven different theories for what is wrong with me. This is the first one that might actually make sense. If my leg hadn't suddenly gotten bad I may have never realized that I have a systemic issue and illness, because I am used to my body not working well. I have other symptoms of dystonia in particular that I thought were part of a ticking disorder, Tourette Syndrome. But not all my tics behave like, well, tics. Someone should have noticed this.

I should have noticed this.

People with EDS sometimes describe themselves as walking on stilts. My proprioception is quite bad, if I cannot see my limb I cannot really tell what it is doing, so I sometimes feel like I am puppeteering my own feet or hands. Lately I have felt more as if I were being puppeteered by my illness and pretty intense, scary disability. Some forms of EDS are life shortening but thankfully not the ones I am suspected of having. I seem to be a mild case, yet it's enough to have uprooted me quite a bit.

This painting helped me to feel like I have my feet under me again. I'm slowly feeling ready to take over the strings again, after three months of pain and fear.

Oh and by the way I'm transgender and I'm a dude now. Just fyi. Yeah. Might make more art on that at some point.