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SleepySundae — White Tail Ch1 Pg11
#comic #deer
Published: 2018-04-06 10:55:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 20251; Favourites: 146; Downloads: 18
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<< << Page 11 >> >>First:
I almost upload the ML page instead. I wish stash could be organized better.
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White Tail © SleepySundae
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Comments: 30
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Looking back at this early page, I wonder, if she had chewed her tail off, would she have lost the Badness?
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So seeing as you said in your comic meme post that you'll be redoing the first 40 pages of White Tail, I figured I'd give my feedback before you do ^_^
Okay so, I personally dislike how this page is laid out. The way panels 3, 4 and 5 are arranged gives it away too quickly, since when you look at the panels (3 and 4) on the left you already see what's happening in panel 5 by the time you finish looking at 3 and 4 and kind of defeats the purpose of the suspense the last few pages have been giving, if you know what I mean.
Also, there's another thing on this page that bugs me. I made this exact same mistake when drawing a simple comic in my notebook XD So basically, in panel 5 you see what's happened to Plucky's tail, but you can't see her reaction. My friend pointed out in my mini comic that it's boring if you don't show the faces [first]. Although the last panel IS her reaction, it just doesn't really give off that suspenseful vibe anymore in my opinion.
(Prepare for this mouthful lol) Rearranging panel 3 and 4 to be side by side under panel 1 and 2, and swapping the last panel with where panel 5 used to be, might give the reader more suspense as to what happened to her tail to the very last minute.
Alright, that's all I have to say. Have a cookie for reading this far 🍪 c: (Sorry if I ever came off as rude, I rarely do critiques lol)
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Oh! Thank you! I definitely have every intention of rearranging the panels and fixing some layout problems. There are other pages that have wonky layouts, too. I definitely appreciate the advice. I think you're absolutely right about rearranging the panels to fix the suspense. I'll keep that in mind when I finally go back to this. Thanks, again!
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No problem! Happy to help
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but don't a lot of white tail deer have a lot of white on their tails anyway? well I'm loving this comic all the same you draw really adorable deer :3
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soo if i get this right when you get the evil your fur turns full white because the tail is much whiter then before
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That's about the gist of it.
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ok good i understood that seems like everyone doesn't get it
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What is going on with her (I think its a Doe) tail? Whats wrong with it?
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I know everyone loves the face in the last panel and so do I, but I'm seriously digging the way you drew her jaw in the penultimate panel. It's like the perfect stereotypical jaw drop, I love it
(Also the wrinkles in her neck, such detail! Plus the contouring on her friend's cringing face is so well done -- lol that face reminds me of someone else you once drew...if her friend doesn't have a name, can I call her Nina? 
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Thanks. The expressions with the deer has been hard, since they have relatively small mouths and narrow snouts. Idk who that "someone else" is but I'm sure it's ML related lol. The yellow deer is Plucky's sister and her name is Sunny.
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I remember Nino making that face, hence the attempted joke. I love the name Sunny though, it fits her coloring!
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Oh yeah.... dammit he makes the same face again in the first page of chapter 8! I need to start giving Nino different expressions.
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Haha you're welcome for pointing it out, I guess?
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*she, they're all does
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Well at least you didn't lose it. That could have been worse.
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