HOME | DD

SSEJBAT — Broken Pieces
Published: 2007-03-14 15:48:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 145; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
Redirect to original
Description Broken pieces

Broken down shattered
And dancing for coppers
Mismatching pictures
Looking too right
Its just an reaction
Still the truest convention
With those for whom fear
Is sleeping by night

Letters together
For people caught lonely
Note contradictions
As hopes are replaced
With half understanding
Dreams of escaping
And waters so clear
They were obviously laced

Broken down children
United in treason
For speaking the words
The past has encased
And painting fresh pictures
Without a reaction
It wasn’t their fault
That the worlds gone to waste

Letters together
United in treason
Note contradictions
The past has encased
With half understanding
Without a reaction
And waters so clear
That the worlds gone to waste
Related content

[ TEXT ]


SSEJBAT - So I Don't Have to Follow

SSEJBAT - Lady

SSEJBAT - Icon Under Construction...

SSEJBAT - Understanding Fails...
Comments: 20

mauxd-amour [2007-04-03 14:13:37 +0000 UTC]

... ...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to mauxd-amour [2007-04-25 13:37:41 +0000 UTC]

what a detailed comment lol!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

mauxd-amour In reply to SSEJBAT [2007-08-31 21:52:41 +0000 UTC]

well u no me

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

some-ppl-call-me-tim [2007-03-16 12:18:22 +0000 UTC]

love the line "Broken down children
United in treason "

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to some-ppl-call-me-tim [2007-03-16 14:08:31 +0000 UTC]

cheers!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ghost-ruler [2007-03-15 22:22:35 +0000 UTC]

wow I like the whole oddness of the subscripted letters.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to ghost-ruler [2007-03-16 09:41:46 +0000 UTC]

thanky!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ghost-ruler In reply to SSEJBAT [2007-03-16 10:33:44 +0000 UTC]

yup np.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

element-of-use [2007-03-15 20:52:47 +0000 UTC]

Ooooh!! I really really love this one. It's got a good rythm to it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to element-of-use [2007-03-15 21:06:32 +0000 UTC]

thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Margot-Cloud [2007-03-15 00:07:51 +0000 UTC]

I'm thinking maybe you could highlight the separate words in another way, more subtle perhaps? Italicise?

Not sure, that could make it too subtle. They stand out well in brackets.

It has nice flow, and a good rhyming pattern. Why did you choose to make the 3rd and 4th stanza's rhyming the same?

👍: 0 ⏩: 3

SSEJBAT In reply to Margot-Cloud [2007-03-15 10:49:36 +0000 UTC]

could you have a look at give honest opinion of it thats better on not!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Margot-Cloud In reply to SSEJBAT [2007-03-15 22:50:04 +0000 UTC]

I'm going to be awkward now.
I like the subscript better than the brackets, and it does look interesting. But I'm not sure if it looks too odd?
Golly, sorry I'm a pain.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to Margot-Cloud [2007-03-16 09:39:51 +0000 UTC]

heh ok then! dont worry about it i asked for your opinion and thanks for taking the time!

hmm gonna have to have another think! ill keep it like this for now but i might change it again if i can think of a better way!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SSEJBAT In reply to Margot-Cloud [2007-03-15 10:40:45 +0000 UTC]

i think thats a little 2 subtle actually i might try subscript though!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SSEJBAT In reply to Margot-Cloud [2007-03-15 10:30:23 +0000 UTC]

ah yeah i like that plan im going to change to italics! thank you!

i did that because then i could fit lines of each of the verses together for the later verses!

thanks for the comment and the help!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

vampyrdevil [2007-03-14 20:27:55 +0000 UTC]

heh yeah i like the idea of words within words...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to vampyrdevil [2007-03-14 21:10:13 +0000 UTC]

thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Redscream [2007-03-14 18:39:45 +0000 UTC]

I like it, in all the ways it can be liked. Nice wording and good flow.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

SSEJBAT In reply to Redscream [2007-03-14 20:00:32 +0000 UTC]

heh thanky!

its random!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0