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SurvivingNights ā I'm Soaring Now
Published: 2013-02-17 23:04:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 5014; Favourites: 176; Downloads: 57
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Description
I'm Soaring Now
This is a different level of fear
It's wounding my truth and morality
It's strong enough to bring me here
On the edge of life- peering over to serenity
It's not impossible to grasp
But it's typical to assume
The last breath is the fact
That after death- peace will follow soon
-
Countless flashing memories
Crossover swiftly
Ready to be set free
From this skin of...treachery
Fade/Fade/Fade
My scars peel off
Erased from my sight
The remains become soft
So this is what...innocence feels like
Wake/Wake/Wake
Destiny is somehow connected
Fate deems to be natural
The circle of the two is perfected
The beginning to the end is...peaceful
Raise/Raise/Raise
-
I offer and accept my own form of mercy
Before I miss out on forgiving the vulnerable side of me
Splitting and fusing fragments of calming memories
I would like to believe my life was somehow worthy
My tears have aligned with my eyes in this time-
To finally leave all that I loved...behind
And when I finally let it all go...
I won't feel the pain...anymore
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Comments: 18
This Critique is on behalf of a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/pā¦ " alt=" " title="PoeticalCondition" />
Vision: 5/5
When I read the description and realized that this was a part of a series, I thought to myself "What a wonderful idea." I never really see people posting a series of poetry. Very clever, and for that I gave you a full five stars in this category.
Originality: 4/5
This score is more a reflection of the subject matter more than you abilities as a writer. Typically when I see subject matter that I find commonplace, I dock a point. Nothing personal.
Technique: 5/5
We are back to five here because you are clearly able to properly operate a metaphor, you kept the piece clean and concise, and allowed it to flow together almost seamlessly.
Impact: 5/5
All things considered this is a piece that I believe will resonate well with the majority of your readers. This piece certainly did so for me! Keep up the good work!
(Bonus: I loved that this piece almost sounded lyrical in my head, it could easily be made into a song)
š: 0 ā©: 1
Thank you for this uplifting critique. 
I do realize the originality score is hard to come by for something of this type. It's always hard to pull off something that's not considered fresh and new. But everything has it's roots I guess. 
Anyway, I am humbled that you were able to enjoy this piece. It means a lot, it really does.
š: 0 ā©: 0
Okay, I am the worlds worst critique writer, but hey, I'll give it a shot.
The meaning of this poem was very powerful and it hit me like THUD the beauty of it. Honestly it was beautiful, I have no idea how else to describe it.
The font differences was a very clever move on your part I really enjoyed it. Besides the fact that it really made your poem shine I felt like it added to the meaning. I don't know if that was just me or what but it was beautiful. I don't know if this is just a coincidence but I also noticed that you grouped the words a bit differently, and that was very enjoyable too.
I also see a bit of near rhyming in a bit of the parts, which I found to be very creative. :3 The last part really struck me,
And when my eyes finally close
I won't feel pain anymore
I found that part to be absolutely beautiful, the perfect way to end a wonderful poem. I loved this. Keep up the great work!!!
š: 0 ā©: 1
I for one, don't think you're bad at doing a critique. I do have to apologize for being late on replying though.
The font coding has become an important tool for my literature. I know there are some individuals who dislike the use of coded fonts, but I rarely meet them.
I feel as if it does create a different level of impact when I code the fonts. When I use italics, I mean for it to be smooth and quick. When it's bold- I mean for it to be powerful and sharp.
Also, the near rhyming, or slant rhyming, or whatever else it is called, has become such an extensive tool for raising the emotions in the stanzas. I use this site, called b-rhymes, for all of my slant rhyming needs. Whenever I write, I always have that site opened.
I'm so happy that you liked this enough to write a critique, it is very much appreciated. Thank you.
š: 0 ā©: 1
Oh, it's fine really! :3
It's really cool!!!! You use it really well.
Wow, that must be a really cool site!!!
Oh, you deserved it 130% percent!
š: 0 ā©: 0
Thank you.
I'm so happy that you found this to your liking.
š: 0 ā©: 1
You're welcome. Beautiful imagery, and flows off the tongue.
š: 0 ā©: 0
You're welcome!
š: 0 ā©: 0
Heh, well I'm glad you were able to enjoy it.
š: 0 ā©: 0
I like the way you use HTML formatting for a more dramatic view
š: 0 ā©: 1
It's something that I try and add for more of an effect. I'm happy to see that it works every now and then.
Thank you.
š: 0 ā©: 0
This is a good poem
š: 0 ā©: 1
I'll be fine. Thank you for your kind words, it really does mean a lot.
š: 0 ā©: 1
I'm glad, and you're welcome
š: 0 ā©: 0