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Don’t Be Sad ((After the Rain))

((A/N: So… I’ve been feeling slightly depressed lately, but I was listening to After The Rain by Marcus Warner and I realised that… my life actually mattered. In a way. So this is for anyone who feels alone. Because, quoting the Face of Boe, you are not alone.))

Freak. Nerd. Geek. Wierdo. Weeb.

Loser. Bookworm. Trashbag.

These were the names I was used to being called. For 13 years now, I’ve been in fandom after fandom. Group after group. Club after club. All for one thing. Those TV shows I’m into.

When I was about 5, it started with Pokémon. My next-door neighbour at the time was playing Heart Gold, and I got Soul Silver just so I could play it with him.

It escalated from there.

Doctor Who, RWBY, Sherlock, Narnia, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Merlin, Supernatural. Any fandom that caught my attention, I became a part of. I made silly Tumblr posts, got my friends into them, wrote fan fiction. They became a necessity. I lived and breathed for them.

For a while, my parents thought it was just a phase. That I would grow out of it eventually. But that day never came.

One night, I was going downstairs for a drink of water or something. I was at the top of the stairs, and I heard my mother’s voice.

“We have to do something about this obsession she has! We can’t let it continue!” She was shrieking at my father.

“Sweetheart, calm down”

“Calm down? Our daughter is throwing her life away!”

At that point I ran back upstairs. I was done. My parents didn’t believe in me. That was the worst feeling ever. Like my heart was being ripped out. I kneeled on the floor, sobbing. Just crying. Now, I’m an atheist, but still, I prayed.

“Please… If there really is someone up there, help. Send an angel, or someone… just please… help me…” By that time I was screaming as tears rolled down my face. The pain was immense, just washing over me in waves like sea on the beach. I was shaking, crying, screaming at my life. The fact that I had been like this inside whilst pretending that everything was okie-dokie Diet Cokey was what was really making me sad. I had been living a lie for years, and believing that lie was true was my downfall. I felt three people standing in front of me.

“Can I shoot who-ever is making her sad?”

“Not in public.”

“Yes, that would be a very bad idea.”

Those voices. I had heard them before. I looked up, three men were standing before me. One was tall and lanky, one was slightly shorter with green eyes, and the other was wearing a beige trench coat. I sniffed as Dean crouched down beside me and held me to his chest.

“Sssshhhh, princess. Don’t cry. It’s gonna be ok.” He whispered as I cried again, shaking. This wasn’t real. It definitely wasn’t. Cas and Sam bent down too, and I was enveloped in three sets of arms, one of a Squirrel, one of a Moose, and one of an Angel. “And we’ll take you on our next hunting trip, ok?” Sam laughed, and ruffled my hair.

Another man, black haired and in a red scarf and a blue shirt was kneeling next to me, a blonde clad in armour next to him. “Look. I don’t know any spells that can mend a broken heart, but I know one to help.” Merlin said, and his eyes glowed gold as I’d seen so many times before as he opened his hand and thousands of glowing, ethereal butterflies sprung forth, encasing the room in a silver glow. Arthur spoke up. “And I can take you back to Camelot, and I’ll teach you how to ride a proper horse!” He smiled as I stared into the face I’d fallen in love with over the years of watching them.

Another raven-haired man stood in front of me, with a slightly older man next to him. Sherlock looked me up and down. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll try and compose a song on the violin for you.” “I could teach you how to shoot a gun. Believe me, it makes for some pretty nice stress relief.” John added, chuckling. I stared in awe. The Baker Street duo. What was happening?!

Another person, a woman this time, lent down and patted my shoulder. “It’s ok Alex. We’re here for you.” Hermione said softly, then stepped backwards, to hold Ron’s hand and give him a quick kiss on the cheek, whilst Ginny did the exact same to Harry. “Yeah. You might not have gotten your acceptance letter, but you’re still an awesome Ravenclaw.” Harry smiled, and for the first time, I smiled back.

Four children then came up to me, a lion and a mouse at their side. “Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen.” Aslan said, and Repicheep ran up to me and bowed as a small circlet of rose gold was placed on my head by Lucy and my blanket draped on my back by Peter. I smiled. The Chronicles of Narnia. Oh, how I cried when the films were finished.

Two more people came up to me, a boy and girl in orange T shirts. “Our stories may be continued, but yours is just starting, Daughter of Hecate.” Percy laughed, and Annabeth and I shared a knowing look as a hologram of two blazing purple torches sprang up above my head.

Eight people stood in front of me now, all in armour and with weapons holstered somewhere on them. Ruby and Jaune bent down to face me and wrapped their arms around me. “You’ll always have a place at Beacon, Alex.” Blake said, her cat ears exposed. “Yeah! And we’ll break anyone who tries to make you sad’s legs!” Nora yelled, punching a fist in the air ad Ren put a steadying hand on her shoulder and Pyhra did the same to Jaune, whilst Yang gripped my hand tightly.

I didn’t realise I was still crying when an old man with curly grey hair knelt and wiped them away. “Hey. We can have an adventure together in the TARDIS, me and you. What do you say?” The Doctor asked and I nodded, holding back another round of tears.

They all stepped back. I could feel their happiness and love and pride and hope coursing through me. It was all for me. That made me stop crying.

But what happened next nearly made me start again.

Two people came and lead me forwards, two that I knew so well. Link and Zelda, the Hyrulian heroes. The Goddess and The Warrior.

A shorter girl and boy, the Inklings, stood in front, both smiling at me. I booped the girl and ruffled the boy’s tentacle ponytail, making him blush.

A yellow puppy walking on her hind legs flanked by another girl and boy joined us. Isabelle and the Villagers. “Hurry! This way!” She babbled, beaming. “It’s good to see you again Mayor Alex!” I started crying again, but happy tears. Because as I looked up, an old Japanese man walked towards me, a yellow mouse in one hand, a short plumber in a red and blue uniform leading him forwards. Fusajiro Yamauchi. The founder of Nintendo. I bowed to him, and he bowed back, then I ran forwards, hugging him. “Thank you. I am so happy to have discovered your company when I did, like so many others.” I said to him. He hugged me back, surprisingly strong for his old age. “It is alright to cry, child. For after the rain, there is always a ray of hope in the dark.” He said as I cried again, but this time in happiness. Because this is what my family is. This group of people. They may be fictional, but I love them. They’re real to me. There was a soft prodding at my leg. “Pika?” Pikachu offered up something. A flower. A rose. A symbol of love. I walked back to the group of people I’ve known my whole life, arm in arm with Yamauchi, and in that single moment, that was what I felt. Love. Pure, undying love. And for as long as I live I will remember that moment. For after the darkness comes for the light, the hope and love will repel it until the end of time. And that night I learnt that. It may have been that I fell asleep on the floor after crying, but I saw my friends that night. The ones who will never leave me, as long as we all shall live, I will love them until I’m old and grey. I will tell my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren stories of Monster Hunters, of Time Lords, of a land of myth and a time of magic, of wizards and witches, of children of the Greek and Roman gods and humans, of consulting detectives and their adventures, of creatures in another world that battle each other, of trainee warriors and a land behind the back of a wardrobe, of a brave knight saving a princess from an ancient darkness, a plumber becoming the lover of a princess and so many more stories that I will tell them. And they will tell their children, and their children will tell their children, and the cycle will keep going.

So if anyone ever tells you that you have a weird obsession, look them in the eye and say: “I am a fan girl or a fan boy. I have interests that your tiny mind could not comprehend. So don’t try and tell me that my likes are stupid, or that I’m living in a fantasy world, because if you do, you might find yourself outnumbered, my friend.”

Because that is what you are. Not a Freak or a Weeaboo or a Nerd or any of those things. You are you.

Never forget that.

Description

Don’t Be Sad ((After the Rain))

((A/N: So… I’ve been feeling slightly depressed lately, but I was listening to After The Rain by Marcus Warner and I realised that… my life actually mattered. In a way. So this is for anyone who feels alone. Because, quoting the Face of Boe, you are not alone.))

Freak. Nerd. Geek. Wierdo. Weeb.

Loser. Bookworm. Trashbag.

These were the names I was used to being called. For 13 years now, I’ve been in fandom after fandom. Group after group. Club after club. All for one thing. Those TV shows I’m into.

When I was about 5, it started with Pokémon. My next-door neighbour at the time was playing Heart Gold, and I got Soul Silver just so I could play it with him.

It escalated from there.

Doctor Who, RWBY, Sherlock, Narnia, Percy Jackson, Harry Potter, Merlin, Supernatural. Any fandom that caught my attention, I became a part of. I made silly Tumblr posts, got my friends into them, wrote fan fiction. They became a necessity. I lived and breathed for them.

For a while, my parents thought it was just a phase. That I would grow out of it eventually. But that day never came.

One night, I was going downstairs for a drink of water or something. I was at the top of the stairs, and I heard my mother’s voice.

“We have to do something about this obsession she has! We can’t let it continue!” She was shrieking at my father.

“Sweetheart, calm down”

“Calm down? Our daughter is throwing her life away!”

At that point I ran back upstairs. I was done. My parents didn’t believe in me. That was the worst feeling ever. Like my heart was being ripped out. I kneeled on the floor, sobbing. Just crying. Now, I’m an atheist, but still, I prayed.

“Please… If there really is someone up there, help. Send an angel, or someone… just please… help me…” By that time I was screaming as tears rolled down my face. The pain was immense, just washing over me in waves like sea on the beach. I was shaking, crying, screaming at my life. The fact that I had been like this inside whilst pretending that everything was okie-dokie Diet Cokey was what was really making me sad. I had been living a lie for years, and believing that lie was true was my downfall. I felt three people standing in front of me.

“Can I shoot who-ever is making her sad?”

“Not in public.”

“Yes, that would be a very bad idea.”

Those voices. I had heard them before. I looked up, three men were standing before me. One was tall and lanky, one was slightly shorter with green eyes, and the other was wearing a beige trench coat. I sniffed as Dean crouched down beside me and held me to his chest.

“Sssshhhh, princess. Don’t cry. It’s gonna be ok.” He whispered as I cried again, shaking. This wasn’t real. It definitely wasn’t. Cas and Sam bent down too, and I was enveloped in three sets of arms, one of a Squirrel, one of a Moose, and one of an Angel. “And we’ll take you on our next hunting trip, ok?” Sam laughed, and ruffled my hair.

Another man, black haired and in a red scarf and a blue shirt was kneeling next to me, a blonde clad in armour next to him. “Look. I don’t know any spells that can mend a broken heart, but I know one to help.” Merlin said, and his eyes glowed gold as I’d seen so many times before as he opened his hand and thousands of glowing, ethereal butterflies sprung forth, encasing the room in a silver glow. Arthur spoke up. “And I can take you back to Camelot, and I’ll teach you how to ride a proper horse!” He smiled as I stared into the face I’d fallen in love with over the years of watching them.

Another raven-haired man stood in front of me, with a slightly older man next to him. Sherlock looked me up and down. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll try and compose a song on the violin for you.” “I could teach you how to shoot a gun. Believe me, it makes for some pretty nice stress relief.” John added, chuckling. I stared in awe. The Baker Street duo. What was happening?!

Another person, a woman this time, lent down and patted my shoulder. “It’s ok Alex. We’re here for you.” Hermione said softly, then stepped backwards, to hold Ron’s hand and give him a quick kiss on the cheek, whilst Ginny did the exact same to Harry. “Yeah. You might not have gotten your acceptance letter, but you’re still an awesome Ravenclaw.” Harry smiled, and for the first time, I smiled back.

Four children then came up to me, a lion and a mouse at their side. “Once a king or queen of Narnia, always a king or queen.” Aslan said, and Repicheep ran up to me and bowed as a small circlet of rose gold was placed on my head by Lucy and my blanket draped on my back by Peter. I smiled. The Chronicles of Narnia. Oh, how I cried when the films were finished.

Two more people came up to me, a boy and girl in orange T shirts. “Our stories may be continued, but yours is just starting, Daughter of Hecate.” Percy laughed, and Annabeth and I shared a knowing look as a hologram of two blazing purple torches sprang up above my head.

Eight people stood in front of me now, all in armour and with weapons holstered somewhere on them. Ruby and Jaune bent down to face me and wrapped their arms around me. “You’ll always have a place at Beacon, Alex.” Blake said, her cat ears exposed. “Yeah! And we’ll break anyone who tries to make you sad’s legs!” Nora yelled, punching a fist in the air ad Ren put a steadying hand on her shoulder and Pyhra did the same to Jaune, whilst Yang gripped my hand tightly.

I didn’t realise I was still crying when an old man with curly grey hair knelt and wiped them away. “Hey. We can have an adventure together in the TARDIS, me and you. What do you say?” The Doctor asked and I nodded, holding back another round of tears.

They all stepped back. I could feel their happiness and love and pride and hope coursing through me. It was all for me. That made me stop crying.

But what happened next nearly made me start again.

Two people came and lead me forwards, two that I knew so well. Link and Zelda, the Hyrulian heroes. The Goddess and The Warrior.

A shorter girl and boy, the Inklings, stood in front, both smiling at me. I booped the girl and ruffled the boy’s tentacle ponytail, making him blush.

A yellow puppy walking on her hind legs flanked by another girl and boy joined us. Isabelle and the Villagers. “Hurry! This way!” She babbled, beaming. “It’s good to see you again Mayor Alex!” I started crying again, but happy tears. Because as I looked up, an old Japanese man walked towards me, a yellow mouse in one hand, a short plumber in a red and blue uniform leading him forwards. Fusajiro Yamauchi. The founder of Nintendo. I bowed to him, and he bowed back, then I ran forwards, hugging him. “Thank you. I am so happy to have discovered your company when I did, like so many others.” I said to him. He hugged me back, surprisingly strong for his old age. “It is alright to cry, child. For after the rain, there is always a ray of hope in the dark.” He said as I cried again, but this time in happiness. Because this is what my family is. This group of people. They may be fictional, but I love them. They’re real to me. There was a soft prodding at my leg. “Pika?” Pikachu offered up something. A flower. A rose. A symbol of love. I walked back to the group of people I’ve known my whole life, arm in arm with Yamauchi, and in that single moment, that was what I felt. Love. Pure, undying love. And for as long as I live I will remember that moment. For after the darkness comes for the light, the hope and love will repel it until the end of time. And that night I learnt that. It may have been that I fell asleep on the floor after crying, but I saw my friends that night. The ones who will never leave me, as long as we all shall live, I will love them until I’m old and grey. I will tell my children and grandchildren and great grandchildren stories of Monster Hunters, of Time Lords, of a land of myth and a time of magic, of wizards and witches, of children of the Greek and Roman gods and humans, of consulting detectives and their adventures, of creatures in another world that battle each other, of trainee warriors and a land behind the back of a wardrobe, of a brave knight saving a princess from an ancient darkness, a plumber becoming the lover of a princess and so many more stories that I will tell them. And they will tell their children, and their children will tell their children, and the cycle will keep going.

So if anyone ever tells you that you have a weird obsession, look them in the eye and say: “I am a fan girl or a fan boy. I have interests that your tiny mind could not comprehend. So don’t try and tell me that my likes are stupid, or that I’m living in a fantasy world, because if you do, you might find yourself outnumbered, my friend.”

Because that is what you are. Not a Freak or a Weeaboo or a Nerd or any of those things. You are you.

Never forget that.