HOME | DD

Description
and the desire for attention and comments still persists. why does this feeling persist ?! i'm currently not in any shape to start just bearing my soul on  because 1, there are too many people i knew from school on there and 2 , i don't like verbal conversations .
  i don't enjoy being perceived via things outside of my own control.   people's expectations for me gets too much to bear ; why bother with what people think of me IRL when i can actually be myself! home is safe , home is where none of the bad feelings can get me ; but my stupid broken body , nay , MORONIC BRAIN CHEMISTRY demands i seek enrichment.
   the majority of the time , enrichment means i have no choice but to fucking go outside.   outside sucks, there's pretty much nothing to do that doesn't have the prerequisite of you having to spend money . so my lonely self has no choice but to stay home and hide.


but then there's all those desires of wanting to try something new ; the shame of not wanting to leave the house VS the shame of not following through with the plans i made for trying something new.
i want to go out and try new food , but the main issue is dealing with PEOPLE . i want to enjoy myself , but the feeling of literally every damn stranger silently judging everything i do really kills any semblance of a good mood that i previously had.

being nonconsensual perceived is not good!

Description
and the desire for attention and comments still persists. why does this feeling persist ?! i'm currently not in any shape to start just bearing my soul on  because 1, there are too many people i knew from school on there and 2 , i don't like verbal conversations .
  i don't enjoy being perceived via things outside of my own control.   people's expectations for me gets too much to bear ; why bother with what people think of me IRL when i can actually be myself! home is safe , home is where none of the bad feelings can get me ; but my stupid broken body , nay , MORONIC BRAIN CHEMISTRY demands i seek enrichment.
   the majority of the time , enrichment means i have no choice but to fucking go outside.   outside sucks, there's pretty much nothing to do that doesn't have the prerequisite of you having to spend money . so my lonely self has no choice but to stay home and hide.


but then there's all those desires of wanting to try something new ; the shame of not wanting to leave the house VS the shame of not following through with the plans i made for trying something new.
i want to go out and try new food , but the main issue is dealing with PEOPLE . i want to enjoy myself , but the feeling of literally every damn stranger silently judging everything i do really kills any semblance of a good mood that i previously had.

being nonconsensual perceived is not good!