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This-Time-Imperfect — graves
Published: 2004-07-26 11:19:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 235; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 8
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Description The gate creaks loudly in the midnight air as i push it ajar and squeeze threw the gap, my dress gets caught as the gate swings back making a racket that can probably be heard a mile away. i tug at my dress to free it, however it tears in my hands, leaving a white silken rag behind in the gate. I sigh and leave it behind and turn to walk down the path. I gaze at the graves adorned at each side of me. Many of them have worn away faces and no flowers, it makes me feel sad and hollow inside knowing that no-one visits these anymore and no-one can know who’s buried under there is, and know whether they were a loving mother or father or a husband and wife or a newborn child. The weathering of there tombstone erases them from life, there are just merely a grave in a graveyard, meaning nothing to no-one, there family probably all dead around them, there graves also faceless and flowerless. I see a particularly big and wide grave, probably a whole family, I walk past the other graves towards this one and run my hands across the sand stone which feels almost soft to my finger tips, I kiss the grave "you will not be forgotten " I mumble silently and make my way back to the path and begin to walk past some more graves, these too looking old and frail, however not as old as the others as some of these still have feint engravings on them. I read the graves as I walk past, died 12, died 5 days, died 22  people die so young, I feel a tear of sorrow run down my cheek, I wipe it away and continue to make my way towards the grave im looking for. Memories of happiness fill my head, I remember walking threw the park we were so happy, I remember sitting on my grandmas knee and drinking milk, baking with my mum and playing chess with my dad and teasing my brothers and sisters. Happiness. My eyes begin streaming rapidly and I try wiping the tears away but they just keep coming faster and faster and im unable to stop them. Finally I reach my destination and I sit upon the flowerless grave, I lay the rose from my hand upon the grave and as I do bloody drops hit the ground from my hand where id been squeezing the rose. "Im sorry I did this to you, im sorry I threw your life away" I sob and lay down on the grave, where I begin to feel sleepy. I close my eyes.

I feel my skin begin to burn and open my eyes, the sun is rising, wow, sunrise, i haven’t seen a sunrise for a year now. It looks beautiful, though I cant stand and watch, I get up on the grave and stretch, I adjust my halo and begin to walk down the path back to the gates, I find a grave blooming with flowers and pick a few, and make my way to the big grave a saw upon entering the graveyard. I lay the flowers down upon the old worn away grave and head for the gate. I open the gate slightly and squeeze threw, taking the white rag with me, I leave, leaving my grave behind.
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Comments: 9

shameberkowitz [2004-07-30 14:34:41 +0000 UTC]

AWESOME!!!!!

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missmander87 [2004-07-28 08:15:47 +0000 UTC]

Wow, that was very good! alright!

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Disillusioned-One [2004-07-27 05:00:27 +0000 UTC]

i love the ending, and the descriptions are beautiful. lovely work!

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subliminal-torture [2004-07-26 21:05:44 +0000 UTC]

i love it! wonderful descriptions and such a bootiful story
nice ending!!

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xxBloodyxWristxx [2004-07-26 16:34:31 +0000 UTC]

more of a short story then a poem people ..maybe thats what she was going for "short story" ..any how its lovely..maybe a lil too descriptive but overall lovley

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EnchantedOtaku [2004-07-26 15:24:41 +0000 UTC]

Full of turns and twists--I really like this!

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geniusspermbank [2004-07-26 14:16:03 +0000 UTC]

and squeeze [through] the gap,

what i think you need here, is to run this through word for as a spell and grammar check, to make this more read-able. many of your sentences are run-ons/are far too long.

it would be worthwhile to seperate the first paragraph into a few shorter ones, to make this easier to read.

there are some interesting ideas and images in here, that you could develop. focus on details here, as you're speaking of a short scene. the details can be very important and intersting.

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XRayeX [2004-07-26 12:57:01 +0000 UTC]

wow.. that was a twist.. thats really good.. well done!

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ContraFool [2004-07-26 11:26:54 +0000 UTC]

Nice, I like it. You need to fix a few mispellings and in some places it does seem like you are trying a bit too hard to give poetic descriptions, but I really like the end. I think you make a good point and you reveal it well. good job over all.
--Erik

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