HOME | DD
vga212 — Egontale pg11 ENG
by-nc-sa
#doctor #fancharacter #potions #special #potionmaker #undertale #undertale_game #asriel_dreemurr #undertalefanart #undertale_comic #undertalefancharacter #undertale_au #undertale_alternate_universe #egon_dreemurr #egontale
Published: 2018-09-02 07:54:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 405; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Thank you so much for the grammatical help Mira-Image : www.deviantart.com/mira-imageCover:Egontale cover
Pg 1: Egontale pg1 ENG
pg 2:Egontale pg2 ENG
Pg 3:Egontale pg3 ENG
Pg 4:Egontale pg4 ENG
Pg 5:Egontale pg5 ENG
pg 6: Egontale pg6 ENG
pg 7: Egontale pg07
pg 8: Egontale pg8 ENG
pg9: Egontale pg9 ENG
pg10:Egontale pg10 ENG
pg12: Egontale pg12 ENG
Undertale by Toby Fox!
Related content
Comments: 12
awwww!
(oh yeah do you want me to go over grammatical mistakes?)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Okay here ya go! I gave explanations too X3
My dear little brother... would you tell me where you were last night? (this sentence is very formal, and unlikely that a brother would speak so his brother like this. It would imply sarcasm if he said "my dear little brother... would you tell me where you were last night?" So just replace ! with ...)
How can i say this.... (the sentence just needed a subject for the verb)
Did you do something big and crazy again? (two descriptions mean you need to put and in between)
Am I right? (You need a subject for every sentence, or else we don't know what they're talking about.)
I think the biggest ever, Brother. (Brother! as a sentence alone means he's calling him, so it should be part of another sentence)
The biggest ever...
I suspected...
Damn it. You've had the freedom you wanted for a year now! (your previous sentence didn't tie well with the context. the subject was "a year ago" which means you're changing the topic to the past. I made the subject "you" to show that asriel has been free for one year)
Yeah, i'm really grateful... (he doesn't have to remind his brother that that's the reason, he just has to remind him that he is grateful. I added 'yeah' so show asriel speaks casually with his brother)
You know that you sleep only once a week! You shouldn't do something like this when you're tired! (you shouldn't start a sentence with 'and'. when you say "a sleepy day", it implies asriel has specific days when he's really sleepy, but it doesn't make much sense because it means those days can be tracked. I changed it so the subject is asriel working, not a sleepy day, and tired is a more formal word so it suits how the brother has been speaking so far)
Mother said the same thing... (your previous sentence is grammatically correct, but pretty formal. This sentence suits asriel better)
Sorry, it won't happen again. (asriel is speaking too formally again, and there is no subject 'it')
Forget it!
Just watch out for yourself better next time. (the ! doesn't match his calm face so i changed it to . )
Okay, brother!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
X3 X3
i hope my explanations were helpful!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
