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Vibanib In reply to MaliteStar [2018-01-09 17:16:12 +0000 UTC]

Well, that’s the thing—I feel like determining what makes everything go around again is really hard.

Part of it is how you felt about not wanting to say something wrong or look silly. But when I think about it, it’s probably just wrong/ silly to myself, right? I mean I’ve been this way for a while (I just don’t know when it started, but I guess I always lead myself back to one specific time despite not being sure if I can REALLY say that’s the cause since it could have happened later) but I guess since I’m seeing college as that last place before you really have to step out in the world, and the place where you have to start being more like an adult even though there isn’t a clear definition of what makes people seem like an “adult” adds a bit of pressure for me.

I think it’s because I’m afraid of what people might say that I also might pay too much attention to what their face tells me before they actually say anything which gives me pre-assumptions I probably shouldn’t be making. Or I tend to stay quiet when I don’t feel as educated/ familiar on the topic or with people that I’m meeting.

I guess it always comes back to not wanting to make things “awkward”, but in my head, I’ve  used that word so much that I think it’s become a replacement word for uncomfortable, even online. Usually when I find out people didn’t have a problem with what I said, I tend to be fine afterwards. But I also realized I haven’t actually argued with anyone outside of family in a while, and I thought it was strange. I’m also usually not nervous when it comes to critiques unless I couldn’t portray my work close to how I wanted to or imagined it and often have trouble working around that.

It’s fine. I appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me about it at all. At home, the usual response tends to be “You’re thinking too much” or “Stop doing that, you’ll get over it eventually” so I appreciate you explaining where you stand.

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CluelessDanny In reply to Vibanib [2018-01-10 05:48:46 +0000 UTC]

If I may, I think I know the feeling. I may be stating differences here, but this all sounds similar to me.

Well, first, MaliteStar's explanation is pretty spot on. There's no specific path to adulthood; it's all about maturity in my opinion. Even though it feels a bit nerve-wracking that you're closer than ever to getting out there, I think it's only natural that you feel a bit pressured. I got a bit of that too since I'm like less than 3 years before I graduate. But I believe it's a natural learning curve, like how MaliteStar said, we'll eventually learn as we go.

And I actually know that "psychoanalyzing" far too well. I have this problem that I probably can become a bother to someone if I try to send a message to a person I like to talk to online. I know it's probably just exaggeration, but at the same time, I worry about the chance of it being true. Aside from the fact I'm absolutely terrible at starting a conversation (funnily enough, I have this issue more online than in real life), it's a bit difficult for me to keep in contact with people.

But like Malite states, the best course of action is to find out what's giving you that mindset & break through it. I've lately been trying to tell myself "screw it, I'm just overthinking this" to say something first to people at times. Maybe it could turn out awkward, but I don't wanna lose contact either, & it sometimes turns out better than I hoped. Maybe it'll take a bit of time to get somewhere, but it's all a learning process.

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MaliteStar In reply to Vibanib [2018-01-10 03:16:22 +0000 UTC]

You see, being an adult is a multi-faceted thing. There's no one way one can become an adult, and rushing to be one doesn't mean anything. My idea of being an adult is understanding things from multiple angles, being aware of yourself and what your effect on people are, and having good judgement on how you should approach said things and people to leave as positive a mark as you can. Knowing what's important and understanding when you should think emotionally or when you should think logically or even when you shouldn't think at all is a real sign of an adult in my opinion. If you don't know how to do that, you'll learn eventually seeing as you're very cautious and willing to improve yourself.

Psychoanalyzing people can be good and it can be bad. I do it as well, but usually just responding to what they're saying rather than responding how you think they'd want you to is just more natural. It's just human nature to find people that are confident in what they say/do regardless of what people think more likeable/credible. This is true regardless of the person's intent.

Y'know, you might be over-thinking it. But just saying or acknowledging that doesn't really mean anything. It's not a bad habit like chewing your nails, it's more of a mindset. Something in your mind is making you believe that you should kick your brain into maximum overdrive. Everyone has their paranoias, but unless you figure out what the source is and deal with it you can't get out of that mindset. You'd need to think even more about it to find a solution, or ask a somebody reliable like a teacher or a pal to help you to get there.

Even though I knew there was a possibility that all of what I just said might be absolutely meaningless or completely off the mark, I believe it was worth it in case it did wind up meaning something. That's the kind of mindset I think you should try approaching with. Okay, lecture over~♪

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MaliteStar In reply to Vibanib [2018-01-10 01:16:31 +0000 UTC]

P

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