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Description

    It hurt.

    You looked at the conversation, knowing where it was leading to. Your conversation partner gave a reply. You decided not to offer a response. Placing your phone on your nightstand, you turn in your bed to face the wall.

    It hurt. The reason you knew very well.



    *--------------------------*-------------------------*



    "(L/n)," Sugawara said. "Did something happen?"

    You looked up, only to come face to face with hazel, brown eyes. He was looking at you deeply, discerning your problem. You dropped your gaze.

    “It’s nothing,” you reply, returning your attention to the book you were reading.

    Sugawara didn’t seem convinced. He took a seat across you. “Did I do something wrong? Am I the problem?”

    A skip of the heart. “Of course not,” you immediately said.

    “Then why won’t you tell me? We used to talk about anything. Although most of the time it would be you complaining about anything.”

    You blushed in embarrassment. “Not all the time.”

    He smiled when he finally got a reaction from you. “I did say ‘most of the time’ now didn’t I?”

    You puffed your cheeks.

    “So?” Sugawara began. “What’s wrong?”

    You closed your eyes and held your breath. You heaved a sigh. “It’s this classmate of mine in (random subject).”

    His eyebrows creased. “What about your classmate?”

    “Well, our text conversation has been—turning toward a direction that I don’t like.”

    “Is it that much of a problem?”

    “When the conversation moves toward love prospects, I’d get uncomfortable anytime.”

    “Shouldn’t that be alright? I mean, I don’t think she means to do anything with that information.”

    “You’re wrong in a lot of things there. First, who knows if that girl is actually a love rival. Second, what if she’s collecting information from me for her friend? Third,” you pause. “My classmate’s not a ‘she’ but a ‘he’ and that changes things a lot.”

    It took a couple of blinks for the statement to sink in. “Was he going to confess?”

    “I’ve had the same conversation a lot of times before.   If I had replied to him one more time, he would’ve.”

    “Why didn’t you tell me about that sooner?”

    You shrugged. “Slipped my mind.”

    Sugawara raised an eyebrow. It was a contradiction, you both knew that. After all, if it slipped your mind, you wouldn’t be troubled by it. You just wished that he’d change the topic. He did.

    “What time does your shift end at the convenience store today?” he asked.

    “8 o’clock,” you replied. “Why do you ask?”

    “I was thinking of stopping by later. My mother wants me to buy a couple of things so I was wondering if we could walk home together afterward.”

    “Really? What time does volleyball practice end?”

    “Around 7:30.”

    “Sure,” you smiled. “Let’s walk home together later.”

    After all of your classes ended that day, you headed to the convenience store where you worked part-time. You worked the cashier with another college student who studied at another university. He was around your age, kind, smart, and you’ve known him for about two years now. Unlike other boys you were around with, Sugawara and his high school team mates as exceptions, you didn’t feel awkward around him. He wasn’t around today though because he was hospitalized.

    Sugawara entered the store at exactly 7:45 and bought the things his mother requested. When your shift ended, the both of you headed home.

    The silence that took place wasn't an uncomfortable one. After walking home alone late at night for as long as you started your part-time job, you felt content having someone to walk beside with. You looked at your companion. It didn’t look like he minded the silence either.

    Sugawara was your classmate for your second and third year in high school. You didn’t expect that the both of you would choose the same university and although you both chose a different course, you still had some classes together.

    All of the sudden, you feel something wrap itself gently around your neck. You looked at Sugawara, wondering what the scarf was for.

    “It’s the end-of-the-year-month and you’re not keeping yourself warm enough,” he answered your unspoken question.

    Your cheeks heated up a bit. “Won’t you be cold yourself? I mean, you’re letting me borrow your scarf.”

    “Then next time, don’t let me worry about you getting a cold.”

    You giggled. “Yes, yes, Suga-mama.”

    “Hey!” he reacted. “Don’t call me that.”

    You laughed some more. You adjusted the scarf around your neck, hoping that he won’t notice your cheeks redden even more. You just wished time would just slow down so you could spend more time with him.



    *------------------------*-------------------------*



    Sugawara was simply on his way to his class when he heard a familiar voice speak louder than normal.

    "I asked you not to give my number out to just anyone," you half-shouted at your friend. "Shouldn't you ask for my permission first before giving it?"

    "I'm sorry but he was persistent," your friend explained. "What was I supposed to do?"

    You deeply inhaled to calm your nerves. "Okay, here's what you do. The next time someone asks you for my number, tell them this, 'please have the guts to ask her yourself'."

    Your friend raised an eyebrow. "You sure? If you don’t give your number then you could be labeled as someone rude."

    You sighed. "It doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to deal with things like that again. It just—hurts."

    "If you want them to stop then just say it straight to their face what you really want and how you want your romantic life to go."

    You sighed again. "Then don’t you think that it would end up being pointless if I do tell them?”

    She took in your statement. "Friends before lovers, right? I guess but—can’t you give them a chance? Or is there a reason that you don’t want to?”

    "I—.” There was a reason but you didn’t want to admit it because you didn’t want to keep your hopes up. “I just—want someone who understands."

    He didn't mean to but Sugawara eavesdropped on your conversation. He sighed. He knew things were going to get more difficult from now on.



    *------------------------*-------------------------*



    "Good afternoon," you announced yourself when you entered the convenience store to greet your co-workers.

    "Good afternoon, (L/n)-san," the manager said. "How was school today?"

    "It's the same as usual. Hectic," you answered. You were about to enter the staff room when you saw someone beside the cashier you worked on. "(Random boy's name)-san? You're back?"

    The mentioned boy looked at you. "Hey, (L/n)-san, good afternoon."

    "You're out of the hospital already? I thought you wouldn't be back for a few more days."

    He sheepishly smiled, while rubbing the back of his neck shyly. "They said that I was recovering fast and besides, I wanted to see someone again."

    You laughed. "Lucky person, whoever that person is."

    He smiled more comfortably now. "You should smile more often. It suits you more," he said.

    Your heart gave a thump. You shyly looked away. "Th-thanks," you said. It wasn't every day that someone gave you a compliment like that, but somehow, it didn't really make that big an impact as you expected it to. Your heart didn’t flutter unlike how it does when he says it to you.

    "Sorry for bursting your bubble, lovebirds, but (r/b/n), you've got a customer," the manager said.

    The both of you flinched.

    "L-lo-love—," (r/b/n) blushed. "(Manager)-san, we're not—."

    "Yet," the manager, a romantic at heart, grinned. "I can see it coming though."

    "Uh, excuse me," the customer said.

    You froze at the sound of the voice.

    "I just need to buy these things quickly," Sugawara said.

    "Ah, yes, I apologize for the delay," (r/b/n) said, starting to transact the items.

    You glanced at him, only to see him looking your way. You turned away immediately and headed for the staff room. "I'm going to go change into my uniform first," you said.

    The moment you entered the staff room, you covered your face in embarrassment. “Please, oh please, tell me he didn’t hear that. Ugh, (manager)-san, why did you have to say those things?” You took a few breaths, calmed your heart, and returned to the counter.

    Sugawara was no longer there. You felt relieved, at the same time, disappointed?

    "(L/n)-san, are you okay?" (R/b/n) said. "You don't look alright."

    "Huh? Oh, I'm fine, really," you said.

    "Hmmm, well, okay then. Hey, (L/n)-san, there's something I want to talk to you about after our shift is over," he said. "Is that—alright with you?"

    "Talk to me about what?"

    "Just a little something," he shyly smiled.

    You felt something odd about his actions. It made you remember the times when other guys confessed to you and asked you out. "Sure. Alright."

    Hours later and your shift ended. You had just changed out of your uniform and were now rummaging through your bag for your phone. When you finally found it, you check to see one message from Sugawara. Your finger lingered above the ‘open’ button. Holding your breath, you shoved your phone back into your bag.

    You quickly fixed your things and headed out the convenience store after bidding goodbye to the manager. (R/b/n) was already there, waiting for you.

    "So what did you want to talk about, (r/b/n)-san?" You asked.

    When he looked at you, his cheeks were flushed. Because of the cold? Maybe not. You could feel your heart pick a rhythmic beat of nervousness.

    When those words came out from his mouth, you thought you were ready to answer him. He had followed your ideal route after all: friends before lovers.

    He nervously waited for your reply.

    "I'm happy that you told me," you started. "Unlike the others who just randomly confessed, you did something different. I'm glad you did.” You paused and took a deep breath in, giving him your answer.



    *------------------------*-------------------------*



    You were walking home after the confession when you stopped and looked up at the sky. Your breath came out as puffs of smoke as tiny spots of white floated down from the sky. "It's snowing," you said.

    "And it's beautiful," someone said not so far away in front of you.

    He was leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, and looking at the sky.

    "Sugawara," you said. Seeing him made your heart ache. "What are you doing here?"

    He smiled but he didn't look your way. “You didn’t answer my text so I thought I’d wait for you here.”

    “I’m sorry. I didn’t check my phone before leaving the convenience store,” you lied.

    The smile left him and he still wouldn’t look at you. So you walked closer to him instead. You leaned on the wall and looked up at the sky together in silence.

    "He confessed to you, didn't he?" Sugawara suddenly asked, still not looking at you. "Your co-worker, I mean."

    "…Why do you think he did?"

    "Your conversation a while ago."

    "…Sorry you had to hear that."

    He chuckled nervously. Nervously? "I walked in at an unfortunate time. So, he did, didn't he?"

    "…Yeah, he did."

    "You're not going to complain about it? You used to do that before."

    "No."

    An awkward pause. "So that means you accepted it?"

    Heavy and strained tension filled the atmosphere. It felt like one word could ruin the friendship you've built with him over the years. It really hurt.

    "No," you breathed out.

    He straightened up and looked at you with a surprised expression, as if he didn't expect you to reject him.

    You felt your heart clench. "I couldn't accept him because I realized something when he confessed. What I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted."

    "So what is it that you really want?"

    You made a forced light laugh. "If you don't know the old one, then I can't tell you the new one."

    Sugawara looked you in the eye. "You don't like it when someone you barely know confesses to you out of the blue because you want a love that comes from being friends first and getting to know each other.”

    You blinked. "You knew?"

    "I just happened to find out in high school—especially from your ramblings."

    "Oh."

    Silence filled the air again.

    Sugawara sighed. "I don't want to regret this after all," he softly said.

    You had barely heard him. "Regret what?"

    "Today may be the closest call I'll ever have. That just proves that maybe someday, someone may just really take you away."

    "Take me away? S-sugawara?"

    He moved in front of you, keeping you between him and the wall. "I don't want to lose you to someone else," he said. "But that can happen any day if I continue to keep this a secret from you. (L/n),” he paused. Your heart beat against your chest. “I love you. Won’t you consider being my girlfriend?”

    As the snow continued to gently fall around the both of you, you hurriedly used the cuffs of your jacket to wipe away the tears that were falling from your face.

    Sugawara started to panic when you started crying. He started to worry, not knowing exactly what to worry about. Should he try to comfort you? Or were you crying because your relationship as friends was over? Were you going to reject him after all?

    "Ne, Sugawara,” you said, through the tears. “Do you know why I couldn’t accept (r/b/n)’s confession?”

    He hesitated. “…Why?”

    “Because after being your friend for so long and getting to know you after all this years, I realized that I was in-love with you. It’s true that my romantic ideal was ‘friends before lovers,’ but what I really wanted was a mutual love from that. Not just one-sided feelings. Not just one-sided feelings from the guy and not just one-sided feelings from me. I love you, Sugawara. I have for a long time now.”

    Sugawara gently cupped your face, brushing away the tears that stained it.

    When you looked up, he was smiling that bright smile of his to let you know he felt the same.

Description

    It hurt.

    You looked at the conversation, knowing where it was leading to. Your conversation partner gave a reply. You decided not to offer a response. Placing your phone on your nightstand, you turn in your bed to face the wall.

    It hurt. The reason you knew very well.



    *--------------------------*-------------------------*



    "(L/n)," Sugawara said. "Did something happen?"

    You looked up, only to come face to face with hazel, brown eyes. He was looking at you deeply, discerning your problem. You dropped your gaze.

    “It’s nothing,” you reply, returning your attention to the book you were reading.

    Sugawara didn’t seem convinced. He took a seat across you. “Did I do something wrong? Am I the problem?”

    A skip of the heart. “Of course not,” you immediately said.

    “Then why won’t you tell me? We used to talk about anything. Although most of the time it would be you complaining about anything.”

    You blushed in embarrassment. “Not all the time.”

    He smiled when he finally got a reaction from you. “I did say ‘most of the time’ now didn’t I?”

    You puffed your cheeks.

    “So?” Sugawara began. “What’s wrong?”

    You closed your eyes and held your breath. You heaved a sigh. “It’s this classmate of mine in (random subject).”

    His eyebrows creased. “What about your classmate?”

    “Well, our text conversation has been—turning toward a direction that I don’t like.”

    “Is it that much of a problem?”

    “When the conversation moves toward love prospects, I’d get uncomfortable anytime.”

    “Shouldn’t that be alright? I mean, I don’t think she means to do anything with that information.”

    “You’re wrong in a lot of things there. First, who knows if that girl is actually a love rival. Second, what if she’s collecting information from me for her friend? Third,” you pause. “My classmate’s not a ‘she’ but a ‘he’ and that changes things a lot.”

    It took a couple of blinks for the statement to sink in. “Was he going to confess?”

    “I’ve had the same conversation a lot of times before.   If I had replied to him one more time, he would’ve.”

    “Why didn’t you tell me about that sooner?”

    You shrugged. “Slipped my mind.”

    Sugawara raised an eyebrow. It was a contradiction, you both knew that. After all, if it slipped your mind, you wouldn’t be troubled by it. You just wished that he’d change the topic. He did.

    “What time does your shift end at the convenience store today?” he asked.

    “8 o’clock,” you replied. “Why do you ask?”

    “I was thinking of stopping by later. My mother wants me to buy a couple of things so I was wondering if we could walk home together afterward.”

    “Really? What time does volleyball practice end?”

    “Around 7:30.”

    “Sure,” you smiled. “Let’s walk home together later.”

    After all of your classes ended that day, you headed to the convenience store where you worked part-time. You worked the cashier with another college student who studied at another university. He was around your age, kind, smart, and you’ve known him for about two years now. Unlike other boys you were around with, Sugawara and his high school team mates as exceptions, you didn’t feel awkward around him. He wasn’t around today though because he was hospitalized.

    Sugawara entered the store at exactly 7:45 and bought the things his mother requested. When your shift ended, the both of you headed home.

    The silence that took place wasn't an uncomfortable one. After walking home alone late at night for as long as you started your part-time job, you felt content having someone to walk beside with. You looked at your companion. It didn’t look like he minded the silence either.

    Sugawara was your classmate for your second and third year in high school. You didn’t expect that the both of you would choose the same university and although you both chose a different course, you still had some classes together.

    All of the sudden, you feel something wrap itself gently around your neck. You looked at Sugawara, wondering what the scarf was for.

    “It’s the end-of-the-year-month and you’re not keeping yourself warm enough,” he answered your unspoken question.

    Your cheeks heated up a bit. “Won’t you be cold yourself? I mean, you’re letting me borrow your scarf.”

    “Then next time, don’t let me worry about you getting a cold.”

    You giggled. “Yes, yes, Suga-mama.”

    “Hey!” he reacted. “Don’t call me that.”

    You laughed some more. You adjusted the scarf around your neck, hoping that he won’t notice your cheeks redden even more. You just wished time would just slow down so you could spend more time with him.



    *------------------------*-------------------------*



    Sugawara was simply on his way to his class when he heard a familiar voice speak louder than normal.

    "I asked you not to give my number out to just anyone," you half-shouted at your friend. "Shouldn't you ask for my permission first before giving it?"

    "I'm sorry but he was persistent," your friend explained. "What was I supposed to do?"

    You deeply inhaled to calm your nerves. "Okay, here's what you do. The next time someone asks you for my number, tell them this, 'please have the guts to ask her yourself'."

    Your friend raised an eyebrow. "You sure? If you don’t give your number then you could be labeled as someone rude."

    You sighed. "It doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to deal with things like that again. It just—hurts."

    "If you want them to stop then just say it straight to their face what you really want and how you want your romantic life to go."

    You sighed again. "Then don’t you think that it would end up being pointless if I do tell them?”

    She took in your statement. "Friends before lovers, right? I guess but—can’t you give them a chance? Or is there a reason that you don’t want to?”

    "I—.” There was a reason but you didn’t want to admit it because you didn’t want to keep your hopes up. “I just—want someone who understands."

    He didn't mean to but Sugawara eavesdropped on your conversation. He sighed. He knew things were going to get more difficult from now on.



    *------------------------*-------------------------*



    "Good afternoon," you announced yourself when you entered the convenience store to greet your co-workers.

    "Good afternoon, (L/n)-san," the manager said. "How was school today?"

    "It's the same as usual. Hectic," you answered. You were about to enter the staff room when you saw someone beside the cashier you worked on. "(Random boy's name)-san? You're back?"

    The mentioned boy looked at you. "Hey, (L/n)-san, good afternoon."

    "You're out of the hospital already? I thought you wouldn't be back for a few more days."

    He sheepishly smiled, while rubbing the back of his neck shyly. "They said that I was recovering fast and besides, I wanted to see someone again."

    You laughed. "Lucky person, whoever that person is."

    He smiled more comfortably now. "You should smile more often. It suits you more," he said.

    Your heart gave a thump. You shyly looked away. "Th-thanks," you said. It wasn't every day that someone gave you a compliment like that, but somehow, it didn't really make that big an impact as you expected it to. Your heart didn’t flutter unlike how it does when he says it to you.

    "Sorry for bursting your bubble, lovebirds, but (r/b/n), you've got a customer," the manager said.

    The both of you flinched.

    "L-lo-love—," (r/b/n) blushed. "(Manager)-san, we're not—."

    "Yet," the manager, a romantic at heart, grinned. "I can see it coming though."

    "Uh, excuse me," the customer said.

    You froze at the sound of the voice.

    "I just need to buy these things quickly," Sugawara said.

    "Ah, yes, I apologize for the delay," (r/b/n) said, starting to transact the items.

    You glanced at him, only to see him looking your way. You turned away immediately and headed for the staff room. "I'm going to go change into my uniform first," you said.

    The moment you entered the staff room, you covered your face in embarrassment. “Please, oh please, tell me he didn’t hear that. Ugh, (manager)-san, why did you have to say those things?” You took a few breaths, calmed your heart, and returned to the counter.

    Sugawara was no longer there. You felt relieved, at the same time, disappointed?

    "(L/n)-san, are you okay?" (R/b/n) said. "You don't look alright."

    "Huh? Oh, I'm fine, really," you said.

    "Hmmm, well, okay then. Hey, (L/n)-san, there's something I want to talk to you about after our shift is over," he said. "Is that—alright with you?"

    "Talk to me about what?"

    "Just a little something," he shyly smiled.

    You felt something odd about his actions. It made you remember the times when other guys confessed to you and asked you out. "Sure. Alright."

    Hours later and your shift ended. You had just changed out of your uniform and were now rummaging through your bag for your phone. When you finally found it, you check to see one message from Sugawara. Your finger lingered above the ‘open’ button. Holding your breath, you shoved your phone back into your bag.

    You quickly fixed your things and headed out the convenience store after bidding goodbye to the manager. (R/b/n) was already there, waiting for you.

    "So what did you want to talk about, (r/b/n)-san?" You asked.

    When he looked at you, his cheeks were flushed. Because of the cold? Maybe not. You could feel your heart pick a rhythmic beat of nervousness.

    When those words came out from his mouth, you thought you were ready to answer him. He had followed your ideal route after all: friends before lovers.

    He nervously waited for your reply.

    "I'm happy that you told me," you started. "Unlike the others who just randomly confessed, you did something different. I'm glad you did.” You paused and took a deep breath in, giving him your answer.



    *------------------------*-------------------------*



    You were walking home after the confession when you stopped and looked up at the sky. Your breath came out as puffs of smoke as tiny spots of white floated down from the sky. "It's snowing," you said.

    "And it's beautiful," someone said not so far away in front of you.

    He was leaning on the wall, hands in his pockets, and looking at the sky.

    "Sugawara," you said. Seeing him made your heart ache. "What are you doing here?"

    He smiled but he didn't look your way. “You didn’t answer my text so I thought I’d wait for you here.”

    “I’m sorry. I didn’t check my phone before leaving the convenience store,” you lied.

    The smile left him and he still wouldn’t look at you. So you walked closer to him instead. You leaned on the wall and looked up at the sky together in silence.

    "He confessed to you, didn't he?" Sugawara suddenly asked, still not looking at you. "Your co-worker, I mean."

    "…Why do you think he did?"

    "Your conversation a while ago."

    "…Sorry you had to hear that."

    He chuckled nervously. Nervously? "I walked in at an unfortunate time. So, he did, didn't he?"

    "…Yeah, he did."

    "You're not going to complain about it? You used to do that before."

    "No."

    An awkward pause. "So that means you accepted it?"

    Heavy and strained tension filled the atmosphere. It felt like one word could ruin the friendship you've built with him over the years. It really hurt.

    "No," you breathed out.

    He straightened up and looked at you with a surprised expression, as if he didn't expect you to reject him.

    You felt your heart clench. "I couldn't accept him because I realized something when he confessed. What I thought I wanted wasn't really what I wanted."

    "So what is it that you really want?"

    You made a forced light laugh. "If you don't know the old one, then I can't tell you the new one."

    Sugawara looked you in the eye. "You don't like it when someone you barely know confesses to you out of the blue because you want a love that comes from being friends first and getting to know each other.”

    You blinked. "You knew?"

    "I just happened to find out in high school—especially from your ramblings."

    "Oh."

    Silence filled the air again.

    Sugawara sighed. "I don't want to regret this after all," he softly said.

    You had barely heard him. "Regret what?"

    "Today may be the closest call I'll ever have. That just proves that maybe someday, someone may just really take you away."

    "Take me away? S-sugawara?"

    He moved in front of you, keeping you between him and the wall. "I don't want to lose you to someone else," he said. "But that can happen any day if I continue to keep this a secret from you. (L/n),” he paused. Your heart beat against your chest. “I love you. Won’t you consider being my girlfriend?”

    As the snow continued to gently fall around the both of you, you hurriedly used the cuffs of your jacket to wipe away the tears that were falling from your face.

    Sugawara started to panic when you started crying. He started to worry, not knowing exactly what to worry about. Should he try to comfort you? Or were you crying because your relationship as friends was over? Were you going to reject him after all?

    "Ne, Sugawara,” you said, through the tears. “Do you know why I couldn’t accept (r/b/n)’s confession?”

    He hesitated. “…Why?”

    “Because after being your friend for so long and getting to know you after all this years, I realized that I was in-love with you. It’s true that my romantic ideal was ‘friends before lovers,’ but what I really wanted was a mutual love from that. Not just one-sided feelings. Not just one-sided feelings from the guy and not just one-sided feelings from me. I love you, Sugawara. I have for a long time now.”

    Sugawara gently cupped your face, brushing away the tears that stained it.

    When you looked up, he was smiling that bright smile of his to let you know he felt the same.