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Hello! How are you? It's been a while. Very long.
How long? A few months - at least. And then from,
When last we spoke? Well, perhaps a little more.
There's a strange look in your eye that wasn't there before...
Why are you boasting? Why do you feel the need to say,
how good you are? I knew this already, anyway.
I know you: your goodness. It's imbedded in my soul
And treasured in my memories. Which are turning into hell.
What's that? Oh no! I'm not saying you're ideal.
Just your badness, now I don't really seem to feel,
anymore. Seem lesser now. Even...somewhat forgiven.
I have changed enough to know, I have become more driven.
So now: You wouldn't dare do that again.
And I wouldn't go where we've been...

Um...

I'm sorry, I know, that sounds full of intention.
Perhaps I have been feeling a strong sense of retention,
Of emotion. Perhaps deliberation holds me back.
Or maybe I fear I am wrong. Or it's humility I lack.
Maybe it is the idea that holds me. That after time,
I am wishing once again for what was once mine.
Is it still there? Could we ever have another chance?
Sometimes I think I am in love with us, and obsessed with our dance.
But shouldn't one know for sure? Am I just regressing?
Not considering that the end of us was possibly a blessing?
Or do I just not trust my feelings, like I once bravely did?
Constant hesitation. Paralysing fear puts on the lid.
I don't want to waste my time, I don't want to be hurt.
I don't want to feel once again like I'm being dragged through the dirt.

What if I love you? What do you say? And how would you reply?
I can imagine you telling me now that, I am wrong, and why.
Or that I am misled. Or perhaps me realising,
That I should have stuck to my first plan of finally uprising.
Revelations later, that this wasn't what I wanted.
I am so confused by all the thoughts you've planted.
Can't stop thinking of you. Looking, being drawn to you.
When is it it time to let go? Or to realise it's true?
When will I know? Which way do I go?
I am completely uncertain about this, so...

am I in love with you
or
am I just in love with being in love?