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Description

I'm a young, mature lady
with a sparkly bright future
filled with tons of money,
because I'm getting my degree
in Attention-Seeking and Self-pitying (A.S.S)

My life is so so busy;
more busy than you busy people.
Still I have time to take selfies
which people say are lovely.
But I'm so unloved, so ugly - why aren't you contradicting me?

You see me all lovey-dovey
with my sweet, perfect boyfriend.
Though we call each other honey,
he hogs all the attention,
leaving me a poor lonely baby.

Oh you too are in misery?
I'll lend you an ear,
and then say "I see"
before talking about me, me, me.
Because my problems are worse than yours - clearly.

That's okay though, really.
You don't have to comfort me
when I say I forgot to eat today, no biggie.
I just want to see
who will offer me their sympathies.

And if you didn't feel guilty
or catch my attempt at getting pity,
I'll post on social media: "I'm feeling shitty"
So when people express their concerns
I'll just say "Don't ask me."

So you see
my job really isn't easy-
Hey, eyes on me, missy!
You should be paying attention to me.
because I'm the best ASS in asshole city!