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Wombatchar — Once, I Was A Fish...

Published: 2004-10-12 23:43:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 182; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 9
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Description Once I Was A Fish

Once, I was a fish
Who lived inside a glass bowl,
And every day I swam round
Peering out at the world outside.

Sometimes, I could watch in peace,
At other times big pink things came.
Sometimes they brought food.
Sometimes they just watched.
[Always noisy]

The smaller ones tried to touch me;
Pressing their pink fins on the bowl side.
Sometimes they tapped, moving the water
Disturbing the perfect [pink] peace of my underwater world
[I didn't like this, so I hid inside my cave
The vibrations hurt my head]

Sometimes I loved; sometimes I feared;
Sometimes ate or watched the world.

But mostly I just swam.
[Or floated.
Whichever.]

-

Today, I am people.
I rush round, plug myself into humanity.
Instead of thinking, I act;
Instead of loving, I fear;
I feed on hatred, instead of fish food.

[It tastes like chicken]

I have no time to float or swim,
No time to watch the fish go by,
Only time for television,
For death, not life,
[Only life unlived.]
No-one tries to touch me anymore,
And words hurt my heads, [instead of vibrations]
But I drown my pain, [my red pain],
Within my inner caverns.

Alone,
In my personal fishbowl of aggression.
[My red fishbowl.]

-

Yesterday, I was a fish.
Today, I am people.

[Tomorrow, I will be a fish again.]
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Comments: 15

Bexie [2004-10-19 07:56:03 +0000 UTC]

I love that, the way its written even though its not your usual style nice writing hun

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ArmorFelix2001 [2004-10-17 21:33:23 +0000 UTC]

The smaller ones tried to touch me;
Pressing their pink fins on the bowl side.

I liked this poem, cute yet philosophical. The overall execution seemed planned out and rather good, I don't think you'd want to do anymore than a few minor tweaks. Most of the imagery you use seems to connect to something else in the poem, which is a plus to how effective it is...

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shade01 [2004-10-17 00:30:20 +0000 UTC]

I like how you took two completely different things and made them more relative then we usually see. I love the fishbowl idea. like you said it's not your usual style but I love it.

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jerzchick16 [2004-10-16 23:39:34 +0000 UTC]

this is pretty good. it is very different, but that is the fun part about it! great job

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cutie-pie18 [2004-10-13 13:40:32 +0000 UTC]

its well good! it made me smile! it's ace! for not doing a poem in a while it's ace. I love it! he he.

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shatteredsanity [2004-10-13 11:59:30 +0000 UTC]

Amazing, i wish i could write something to this standard

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Eroala [2004-10-13 11:53:55 +0000 UTC]

U make me want to be a fish. Too bad im a human. This was great!

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Maikaduriel [2004-10-13 11:11:02 +0000 UTC]

I enjoyed that one! *is chuffed* the best bits all seemed to be [in the square brackets] I noticed.

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JenniferStarling [2004-10-13 00:11:32 +0000 UTC]

That's actually pretty good although I dislike the all bold/underline. Makes you wonder what you'd really want to live life as.

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Wombatchar In reply to JenniferStarling [2004-10-13 19:15:29 +0000 UTC]

Oooooooh thanks for telling me about the b/u, etc... It wasn't meant to be there.... ta hun

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NippyKitty [2004-10-12 23:54:39 +0000 UTC]

I don't really get it, but I wanna be a fish now...

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Wombatchar In reply to NippyKitty [2004-10-13 00:00:06 +0000 UTC]

Heheheh, then it has achieved its purpose....
Its just about being a fish really.....

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LordOfSenses [2004-10-12 23:52:31 +0000 UTC]

I LOVE IT!
it's so sad though...so final...

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Wombatchar In reply to LordOfSenses [2004-10-12 23:59:05 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou hunny

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LordOfSenses In reply to Wombatchar [2004-10-13 00:01:55 +0000 UTC]

you're most certainly welcome banana lover!

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