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WoodenTrees
— The big stone wall
#loss
#vent
#ventartwork
#sorry
Published:
2020-12-03 09:14:52 +0000 UTC
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Description
Do you remember the big yellow wall?
The one beside our old school, the one with the crusted paint and chipped bricks. The large, bright wall that we spent hours outside every chance we got.
It was always cold near the wall, but warm. Inviting. Like a mystery. You must remember it. As kids we would sit by the wall and run our fingers along the bricks. In the crevices. The cold artificial cracks of the bricks. There, we would talk about the wall. The big yellow chipped wall that no one else could see. We would wonder what lay on the other side of the wall. Walls being walls, they surround something, generally. This big wall had something in the middle. We knew it did.
Hours as children, and an hour as teenagers. We would talk about the wall. Where it came from. What it held in its circular pen.
The other people couldn’t see the wall. They wouldn’t respond if we asked but, we never did ask, did we? And they never asked after what we were doing either. It was just me, you, and this big yellow brick wall.
As time went on something started to change. You told me once, by the wall, that you saw a marking by the wall. I told you you were lying, do you remember that, too? I looked later and I didn’t find anything aside from the chipping yellow paint.
One day I didn’t show up to look at the wall. But we were older. I wanted a change, the mystery of the wall was boring to me. It wasn’t boring to you, and I caught you staring at the wall when I was walking by.
You never got angry at me though. On the days that I did show you were just happy to see me. I was happy to see you, too. I just didn’t like the yellow wall. You didn’t like it either I think, because the next day you didn’t show up for the wall inspection.
And the week following you didn’t show up. So eventually I stopped going to the wall.
One day the wall disappeared. Did you know that?
It happened a year after. One day I was walking by and decided to check on the wall, for old times sake. But, it wasn’t there anymore.
A wall isn’t likely to disappear. Even after a year of not looking after the wall surely it would have at least had some rubble left behind. Maybe a yellow painted brick, or a flake of paint. But the wall was gone without a trace. Where it once stood instead grew a bunch of honeysuckles.
I went to you the next day. Remember?
“The wall is gone.”
I said to you,
I’ll never forget your face when you looked up at me. I noticed the bags under your bright eyes, the confused expression. You rubbed your pale hands, tilted your head and raised an eyebrow.
“What wall?”
That’s what you said. Wasn’t it.
The big yellow wall. It came back.
I was sitting down and sniffing a honeysuckle in my bedroom when I heard the news. I was too late, and that day no one ever saw you again. Not the way you were, did they? You were frail, sad, I couldn’t help. We both knew I couldn’t. But like always, you never got mad at me. You were a saint, did you know that?
That day, I walked past the school. I saw it. The big yellow wall.
I ran to the wall, but it didn’t look the same. The paint was gone. The wall was a rocky grey now that all the paint had chipped. Patterns and graffiti lined the wall now, and one side of it was caved in with large bricks and boulders.
The wall was cold, and I understood.
There was nothing in the wall.
It had always been a wall. And just that.
I tried to knock the wall over. But it was too heavy for me to knock down in one kick. The more I stared at the wall the more I knew. And the more I kicked the more my foot hurt.
I didn’t know about the walls contents, but you did, didn’t you?
Kick kick kick
You knew there was nothing inside of the wall. I didn’t want to believe it.
Kick kick kick
You knew all that time.
Crumble Crumble crumble
The wall fell down. It fell ontop of me. I didn’t die. I felt like it, though. Having a whole wall fall on you hurts like hell. I could hear my ribs crack and my heart shatter. But I ignored it.
I pushed the rocks away and got to my feet. I turned back around and came face to face with a brand new, yellow wall.
And I was alone.
—-
I’ve been scared to post this but I feel like I have to. It’s almost like a confession, a cry for closure that I don’t deserve. Just something personal, I needed to get this off of my chest.
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