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xLalawonderland — I'm a little kitten.

Published: 2010-11-26 13:23:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 751; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 11
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Description Pont des Arts.

the locks are representing love <333
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Comments: 230

kvnvk [2010-12-02 18:36:22 +0000 UTC]

hmmm... not sure what to say about this... on the one hand I do tend to be somewhat of a romantic, but a sad and bitter, disappointed romantic... so there is somewhat of a conflict involving contradictory impulses going on...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-02 18:38:15 +0000 UTC]

woot.
I had to read it like 6 times to understand it XD
It's on the pont des arts in Paris.
Love couples hang those things on the bridge and trow the keys in Seine.
I think it's sweet.

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-02 18:43:06 +0000 UTC]

and you still don't understand, do you...???

it is a nice sentiment throwing the keys in the Seine.

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-02 18:44:18 +0000 UTC]

no i don't haha

haha yeah it is.

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-02 18:47:06 +0000 UTC]

I didn't think you did LOL...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-02 18:48:08 +0000 UTC]

okay, I'm dumb today..
you didn't think I did what?

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-02 18:55:01 +0000 UTC]

understand what I was talking about...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-02 18:56:19 +0000 UTC]

oh haha lawl XD

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 11:51:09 +0000 UTC]

I' STILL debating about whether to fave this or not...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 14:35:35 +0000 UTC]

why are you doubting?

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 14:59:13 +0000 UTC]

because I'm uncertain about my view concerning the idea of love.

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 15:01:19 +0000 UTC]

sooo, what has that to do with my photo?
do you like it? or not?

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 15:05:20 +0000 UTC]

I do like it, it is quite nice but because I'm somewhat at odds with the concept I am having a VERY difficult time bringing myself to fave the piece...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 15:06:08 +0000 UTC]

haha you're weird!
In a good way though.

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 15:13:51 +0000 UTC]

thanks. most people do think I'm a little odd, which is o.k., been like that for most of my life... other people's perceptions that is...

and idk, maybe it's because I'm old and jaded that I have such issues with love, it is something that has been very hard for me to find. hope you never find yourself in that position, it's not easy especially when you fool yourself into believing it's near when in reality it's just as distant as ever...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 15:22:58 +0000 UTC]

no problemo
I like weird and odd.
because it's something special.
and not like all "normal" things the same.
AND I think saying something is not normal is the stupidest thing in the whole wide world.
because you don't know what normal is.
okay maybe my English isn't that good.
but you get the point right?

that sounds so sad.. I'm like awful when it goes about love. my relationships are not more then like 3 months.. but I have a lot.. I just suck at having a relation..

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 15:44:43 +0000 UTC]

yeah, I know what you're talking about, it's like what is the definition of "normal" anyway and who makes the decision to define what is or is not "normal" (within reason, since there are extreme psychological/psychiatric conditions and their related behaviors which would not be considered normal even by those with the condition)...


idk, usually I don't think about it but I've been hanging out with a woman I've had a major, long time crush on and we've definitely been getting closer the last couple months... and the other night I think I may have missed a moment of opportunity to at least "test the waters" to see if it could go farther... our parting goodnight hug was long and affectionate and when I started to let go she hugged even tighter, complete with head nuzzling and at the end when drawing away we kind of slowly and awkwardly touched each other's outstretched hand, which wasn't really planned... one friend said that sounded about as good as a kiss, and I really think had our hands clasped at that moment instead of just touching it may have gone there as well... so I probably missed an opportunity...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 15:48:42 +0000 UTC]

yeah, that's like totally what I meant haha


YOU MISSED A HUGE OPPORTUNITY!
you dummy! haha
you should have kissed her!
butt awwwww, it sounds so sweeet!
It really sounds you really like her!
cute

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 16:04:28 +0000 UTC]

yeah that's what I thought , it was a boneheaded decision not to, but I always tend to get thrown off by those moments and not know how to react, rather than just going with the moment I'm trying to analyze and interpret what I should do next when something unexpected like that occurs. I do REALLY like her and I've told her that about two and a half weeks ago, which is when it seemed she started to text me first rather than just respond to my messages or ignore them and kind of freaked out a week ago when I didn't text her for a full day. so I know she likes me as well, I'm just afraid it isn't as much and if it does go further what if it doesn't work out... she has already told me that, much like you, she's never been in a relationship which has lasted more than 6 months, and that she's normally the one who ends it. it may ultimately be better for me in the long run to maintain what I do have rather than possibly see it crashing down in June by pushing it into something more serious.. I really don't know...


hahaha... yeah cute, "old" people love...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 16:23:39 +0000 UTC]

you just think to much.
haha no really.
yeaah I..
meh..
I had like this really good story and stuff.
and then my brain went pooop.

so.
haha
but I do know what you mean; with the "what if it doesn't work out"-part.
but you know, if you don't try, you get nowhere..
okay that's a dutch saying what I translated to English, I don't know if it's correct.

hahaha yeah that's cute.
I think my parents are cute too :333

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 18:31:59 +0000 UTC]

hahaha... brain fart...


you probably mean something like " you will never know unless you try"... kind of like "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"...???

and yeah, I definitely think too much, trying to figure things out and still not knowing what to do... she has said that she is the same way, so not all that conducive to spontaneous moments...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 18:34:22 +0000 UTC]

hahaha yeah XD

haha yeah! the first one!
we say in dutch; wie niet waagt, wie niet wint.
hahaha

haha lmao.
okay two people who think to much

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 18:55:35 +0000 UTC]

between the two of us thinking too much you would think we could figure it out, lol...!!!

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 18:58:13 +0000 UTC]

hahahaha yeah

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 19:12:02 +0000 UTC]

idk, I just don't like to jump to conclusions in a situation like this... I've been interested in other women before, gotten to know them but turned out they liked me as a friend and nothing else... so that's what I'm used to and am conditioned to expect, she would practically need to make a move for me to know if she is interested in a deeper relationship than what we have now. heh, it's like a barrier to be broken, but rather than the speed of sound this is more like trying to travel at the speed of light, not even all physicists agree on whether that's a possibility.

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 19:17:34 +0000 UTC]

okaaaaay.
I do get you.
that's just awful.. I just think I'm to young to have that experience though..
my best friend is also my ex. but after like 2 month we decided that we are better friends then boyfriend and girlfriend haha.
I think you just need to tell her your feelings or just make a move next time you have the opportunity
so;
don't think!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 19:57:03 +0000 UTC]

you have probably had a relatively happy, well adjusted childhood, I think that the fact that both my parents died before I turned 4 yrs old has had a lot of repercussions throughout my adult life... I had to deal with a lot of death as well while growing up since I was raised by my grandparents. from what I know it seems she was kind of pushed aside as a child when her younger brother was born, so we both probably suffer from some degree of abandonment issues (mine a little more severe) and would likely benefit from a bit of therapy...



o.k., here is me NOT thinking...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 20:11:25 +0000 UTC]

uhm yeah, I have both of my parents, a huge family and I've never moved.
my best 3 friends I know my whole life..

wow really ?
thats... wow.. so intense .
I don't know what to react.. sorry..
but I feel sorry for u!


hahahaha I like you not thinking!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 20:17:14 +0000 UTC]

yeah, it does make a difference, I don't think you will have too many problems as you get older, probably just the usual minor irritations of everyday life.

thanks Lala, not that I can really do anything about that other than try to the best I can each day... it's not like it's something I consciously think about, but it had to have some kind of deep-seated effect on me psychologically that effects me on a sub-conscious level.

sure, that's what you say now, but you don't have to clean up the mess...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 20:49:00 +0000 UTC]

yeah that's true.

aww poor u!

hahaha you don't either, because you can't think hahaha

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-08 20:56:58 +0000 UTC]



hahaha... that means I'm not responsible for my actions.. genius...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-08 21:49:46 +0000 UTC]

Haha XD

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-09 02:34:14 +0000 UTC]

oh well, guess it's over now anyway...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-09 06:20:38 +0000 UTC]

Whats over?

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-09 06:39:25 +0000 UTC]

she texted me all annoyed and rudely said she doesn't need all my comments (texts) and to take care of myself and not be so concerned with how she's doing... it's all job and unpaid bill related, so this is more complicated by the fact that I've been helping financially for the last few months... another of the reasons why I've been hesitant to push it any further. anyway, after I didn't reply for about 20 minutes she texted back and apologized, to which I told her is she needs a bit of space just tell me rather than getting rude and having to say "I'm sorry" later. idk, can't really get into it much, at work right now...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-09 06:42:11 +0000 UTC]

aww, that's so rude!
pooor u!
why would she say that?!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-09 07:11:45 +0000 UTC]

Because she's frustrated and stressed out and depressed about so many things, working 10+ hours a day having 2 get up at 4AM, not sure if she's going 2 get paid, owing several thousand dollars 2 credit card companies which she hasn't paid in like 4 months because until last month she had been unemployed since May... the fact that it's the holidays and she misses her mom who died in '03 of cancer and she gets no support from her father or his side of the family or her brother... so I can understand the reaction but it still hurts me because usually people don't say things like that when in a bad emotional state unless that's how they feel 2 some degree...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-09 08:01:27 +0000 UTC]

she has a hard life!
poor her.
and poor u.
she can say that because she's just feeling awful..
sometimes I say things to my mom when I'm angry and I don't mean that at all!
so, it's gonna be o.k.!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-09 13:21:47 +0000 UTC]

idk, Lala... I certainly hope you're right about that, but she did react in a similar way near the end of October after we spent an entire weekend together, went out and had a really good time... just seems it happens when she feels we might be getting closer or more specifically when she may be developing stronger feelings towards me, and she then wants to push me away and put some distance between us. I don't think I'm going to text her at all today and see what happens... last time she was texting and calling me the next day afraid something had happened, but then I misinterpreted her wanting some space, whereas this time I think she expected me to have figured that out and I didn't, so I think I may not hear from her for at least two days if not longer.

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-09 16:59:16 +0000 UTC]

I think she has some kind of fear of commitment..
let me know what happens!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-09 22:15:26 +0000 UTC]

it is possible, I mean her thing about ending relationships after about six months could hint at that, and I mentioned I think she has abandonment issues... in that case it could be a kind of "I'm going to leave you before you have the chance to leave me" way of thinking...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-10 13:08:58 +0000 UTC]

yeah I think so.
maybe you should tell her that you don't wanna hurt her?
or maybe just talk to her?

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-10 13:25:53 +0000 UTC]

I've already told her that... and kind of impossible to talk with someone when they aren't talking to you...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-10 13:30:49 +0000 UTC]

oh..
and yeah that's true.
just wait.. she'll comes back.

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-11 12:35:17 +0000 UTC]

well, we did meet for a quick dinner last night, only together for about an hour to hour and a half... was kind of surprised she asked since shortly before she said she was tired and exhausted from work and was going to bed early... then calls me, which is rare for ANYONE to get a call from her, and asks about dinner and saying she just wanted someone to talk to about what's been going on with her job. so was nice... she asked if I was interested in seeing a movie possibly Sunday which is her ONLY day off for awhile, but I'm working and may have to do a double shift, just have to see how things go...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-11 18:31:58 +0000 UTC]

gooood for u
I hope everything is gonna turn out okay!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-11 20:42:34 +0000 UTC]

thanks, I really have no idea how things may go... I've offered to get her a christmas tree and some lights for it since she has been so down and depressed about it not feeling like xmas & not having $$$ to get one herself... though for me it hasn't felt like xmas for almost 15 years, at least since my brother died back in '97, and it had been kind of weird since my grandfather passed away in 1984 (well before your time I know...). sent a message with the offer, just have to wait and see what sort of response I receive.

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-12 09:49:39 +0000 UTC]

nobody does when it goes about love..
just wait and see..
that's sweet of you to offer her a tree!
I never thought that you had such a harsh life..
I kinda feel sorry for u..

let me know what she says!

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kvnvk In reply to xLalawonderland [2010-12-12 15:33:28 +0000 UTC]

my life isn't all that bad, could have been better but wasn't, just have to deal with it..

I also suggested breakfast since I knew I'd be getting off from work at least a few hours late, and.......

nothing....

no response at all... which I can only assume means "leave me alone"...

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xLalawonderland In reply to kvnvk [2010-12-12 15:38:17 +0000 UTC]

okaayy..
that's true
but still.

that doesn't have to mean that..
maybe she read it to late.
or I dunno.

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