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Description
Forgive me in advance if my thoughts don't come out clear. They don't even make sense to me sometimes. I'm not sure where I am exactly, in my mind...but I know it's somewhere hidden, deep within my sub-consious. Physically, I am outside on our family porch...smoking a cigarette while watching the thunder and rain rage around our house. The smoke, I've noticed this as I take a drag, makes shapes of seduction. Grey matter like bodies, twisting and writhing as if under a lover's touch, before fading into the night air. Loneliness...a feeling that comes to me quite often. I see you with her...and watch you with him...and jealousy and despair pool into the pit of my stomach. Envy...my strongest and most deadliest sin...Forgive me for that Father. In order not to feel lonely...I used what you gave me to grow in...Lust as my silky spider web to trap the most pious of men...Forgive me for that Mother.

Like the smoke from my death dealer, loneliness can too, writhe and twist...of lust...envy...pride...wrath...my most precious sins. They are so dear to my heart. Yet, still there is that empty void...desperate to be filled...but with what? Love? Longing? Sanity?? I ponder this as the cigarette turns to ash between my fingers. Is there a love for me? The butt is thrown and I walk out from under the shelter and into the pouring tears of the Heavens. I surpress a shiver as my hair plasters to my head, and my clothes become heavy with wetness. I stare at the night sky, clouds lighting every so often as lightning strikes through, burning the condensed water to nothing. Then the thunder cracks and something inside me breaks.

I hear a scream, a wail of hurt. I suddenly become aware that it is me screaming. I fall to my knees, fingers digging and caking themselves with the dirt below my aching patellas. Tears mix with the rain, so much that I am not sure whether I'm tasting Heaven's tears or mine. I pull up grass, and throw it...I tangle my hands in my heavy hair and almost tear out chunks. There all coming at me at once. The emotions crash in my mind in every direction and for a moment I forget to breathe. Like a sudden supernatural hand crushing my lungs till there is nothing left...still I yell and curse the sky, crying why would He do this to me? Was I not faithful to him? Did I not show him how much I loved him? Did I take his love for me for granted? The pain fills my heart and overflows. My soul...shatters to pieces right in my very body. Glass calls to me from the streets. I want to get it, to use it upon my wrists and take away the pain that Satan has plagued my being with. Suddenly a light binds to me, and a pair of arms encircle me. I cry in relief...

...In my faith...He has sent an Angel to save me...

Description
Forgive me in advance if my thoughts don't come out clear. They don't even make sense to me sometimes. I'm not sure where I am exactly, in my mind...but I know it's somewhere hidden, deep within my sub-consious. Physically, I am outside on our family porch...smoking a cigarette while watching the thunder and rain rage around our house. The smoke, I've noticed this as I take a drag, makes shapes of seduction. Grey matter like bodies, twisting and writhing as if under a lover's touch, before fading into the night air. Loneliness...a feeling that comes to me quite often. I see you with her...and watch you with him...and jealousy and despair pool into the pit of my stomach. Envy...my strongest and most deadliest sin...Forgive me for that Father. In order not to feel lonely...I used what you gave me to grow in...Lust as my silky spider web to trap the most pious of men...Forgive me for that Mother.

Like the smoke from my death dealer, loneliness can too, writhe and twist...of lust...envy...pride...wrath...my most precious sins. They are so dear to my heart. Yet, still there is that empty void...desperate to be filled...but with what? Love? Longing? Sanity?? I ponder this as the cigarette turns to ash between my fingers. Is there a love for me? The butt is thrown and I walk out from under the shelter and into the pouring tears of the Heavens. I surpress a shiver as my hair plasters to my head, and my clothes become heavy with wetness. I stare at the night sky, clouds lighting every so often as lightning strikes through, burning the condensed water to nothing. Then the thunder cracks and something inside me breaks.

I hear a scream, a wail of hurt. I suddenly become aware that it is me screaming. I fall to my knees, fingers digging and caking themselves with the dirt below my aching patellas. Tears mix with the rain, so much that I am not sure whether I'm tasting Heaven's tears or mine. I pull up grass, and throw it...I tangle my hands in my heavy hair and almost tear out chunks. There all coming at me at once. The emotions crash in my mind in every direction and for a moment I forget to breathe. Like a sudden supernatural hand crushing my lungs till there is nothing left...still I yell and curse the sky, crying why would He do this to me? Was I not faithful to him? Did I not show him how much I loved him? Did I take his love for me for granted? The pain fills my heart and overflows. My soul...shatters to pieces right in my very body. Glass calls to me from the streets. I want to get it, to use it upon my wrists and take away the pain that Satan has plagued my being with. Suddenly a light binds to me, and a pair of arms encircle me. I cry in relief...

...In my faith...He has sent an Angel to save me...