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xxLiLLiE β€” Time by-nc-nd
Published: 2010-11-30 09:49:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 495; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 3
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Description TIME
*Author note: Hey, thanks for clicking here! This story is written in 1st person and 3rd person so there will be places where you will be the main character and places where you will see the story unfold from the outside. Enjoy!



Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Boing. Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo.
It's 9 o'clock'.
Step, step. Sit.
Tap, tap, clack, tap, clack.
Click, click, cli-click.
She stares at the laptop screen intensely.
Arrival time: 20:50.

Tick-tock, tick-tock.
It's half past 9.
Rattle, rattle.
Stomp, stomp, stomp.
She opens the door.
Creeeak. Chirrrp, chirrrp.
False alarm.
It must have been the wind.
Whoosh, whoosh, rustle, rustle.
Aroooo. Arf, arf, aroooo.
She looks up at the dark night sky sprinkled with twinkling diamonds.
It's a full moon tonight.

Chirrrp, chirrrp.
Whoosh, rustle, rustle.
Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Slam!
Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.
Swipe. Beep.
"Hello?"
She had anticipated a call for 4 days.
Trickle, trickle.
"Yes…okay. Bye"
Trickle, drip. Sniff.
Step, step. Sit.
She makes a promise to herself to stay up all night.
She needs to reflect on these past 4 days.
The one thing running through her mind, again and again, is why.
Trickle, drip. Sniff.

At 10.15pm, she falls asleep on the couch with rivers flowing from her eyes.
Rattle, creeaak. Thud.
Step, step, step.
Damn, I fell asleep. Is this a dream?
Step, step.
He kisses her on her forehead.
Muah.
And says, "I'm home."
This isn't a dream.
She could feel the warmth of his lips and the purr of his voice, it's all just too real.
She quickly extends her slender arms to embrace him in a hug.
"I'm sorry."
Trickle, trickle.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted you. I shouldn't have doubted myself for believing you. I shouldn't have thought the things I did. I'm sorry. I love you..I'm sorry."
Trickle, drip.
He hugs her tight and says, "It's okay now. I'm home and I love you too."

She thought he had run away.
She thought he didn't care anymore.
She thought he didn't want to be found.
She thought he had been in an accident.
She thought is this it?
She thought wrong.

Sort out your feelings, fix up the misunderstandings and tell the ones that matter what they mean to you before it's too late.

"Time is a companion who reminds us to cherish every moment because it will never come again." -Unknown



*Authors note: Thank you for reading all the way up to the end! Thanks!
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Comments: 6

Chaues [2010-12-04 03:51:36 +0000 UTC]

I am always a bit skeptical of a piece that uses such clipped lines, and I'm still not entirely sure about it here. But I found myself intrigued, and I think I enjoyed it. Its a good story, contrast to the nice dreary stuff we've been getting lately. I like that.

One thing, I'd drop the authorial intrusion there:
"Sort out your feelings, fix up the misunderstandings and tell the ones that matter what they mean to you before it's too late."

You basically shooed into the door of the story to say, "By the way, the moral is..." Try not to do that If the reader doesn't get it, they don't care enough about the story. I'd like to see a little more internal rhyme for something that resembles a poem as much as this does. I know you have it as fiction, but it feels more like a poem. If you want it to be more prose like, you might consider expanding it out a little.

Nice job

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

xxLiLLiE In reply to Chaues [2010-12-04 07:11:11 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the comment. It's actually my first time writing in this kind of 'onomatopoeia' style.
Hmm, I write poems. I should submit some of them

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Chaues In reply to xxLiLLiE [2010-12-04 16:09:00 +0000 UTC]

Sure thing. You're a good writer, and I'm sure I'd enjoy them.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

xxLiLLiE In reply to Chaues [2010-12-05 21:05:10 +0000 UTC]

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

MojoTurtle [2010-12-03 21:31:47 +0000 UTC]

I wasn't sure where this was leading when I started reading it, but it actually has a nice meaning behind it Nice piece.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

MojoTurtle In reply to MojoTurtle [2010-12-03 21:32:25 +0000 UTC]

'Nice' meaning was the wrong word. But it makes you think which is always important in a piece of writing.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0