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youreokiwillbe — Just To Let You Know...
Published: 2004-10-12 18:59:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 17795; Favourites: 211; Downloads: 3501
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Description
Seeing is believing,Feelings are deceiving.
Your dress is enchanting,
Our Press chanting,
To slip between the very fingers I caught you in,
In to the hands of another
brother
Lets take this back. {Why}
Red of your lips, {Change}
Move of you hips, {Your}
Any clearer my Dear? {Mind?}
You should have left then,
You left the Lights on,
and I CAN'T SEE.
What were you Running away from?
{When I can Catch you.}
I can show you Obsession,
You,
can show me.
can’t you.
Would you like that?
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Comments: 169
this is great. i'm just getting into the typographical style, so thank you for inspiring me ^^
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Thats amazing, its very emotional, and I think that this could go very far. Great job, keep writing!
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This made me completely wordless and I'm still mouth wide open..
Great work!
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what the fuck is this? i love it. do you really hope i die soon? im goin to the zoo on saturday, i hope i dont die before that, it should be ghetto as fuck.
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Yeah Dawg, I was totally rippin' and then this piece was all about how some crazy ass fools. be all up in this biatch and the bam... they're gone.. Later homes
Peace. Netto...
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lol. I hope you die soon too.
ha. jk jk. xD Great pic!
The beginning of your poetry ["seeing is believing; feeling is deceiving"] is similar to mine ["seeing isn't believing; feeling it is believing"] but the meaning is completely opposite. ha. ^-^
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While the way in which many of your words are segragated and made emphatic through the use of certain techniques intentionally attemps to break conventions , sometimes it feels as if what you have written is yearning to attain something it can't quite reach. Although this restrains the overall effect of what you're saying sometimes it's also a way of expressing your discontentment and confusion which is evident in the poem. With that being said , in it's entirety it works as a very compelling piece of art which signals in exciting and innovative new directions for poetry to take. You are certainly close to peerless in the way you have conceived this poem and almost undoubtedly you will reach your apex in due course.
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i like the pic...it's so gothic...
please add me,
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I'm not going to pretend I understand this, but I much enjoyed reading it.
"You left the lights on and I can't see" - fantastic line. Good accompanying picture too.
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Thank you very much, if you'd like I can decode which bits you don't get, if you want, it's something to do, but yet again could mean something completly different to you.
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very nice set up. its got a good beat to it. just abstract enough.
fantastic.
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Just to let you know... thanks for that...
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The formatting is all this writing has. The actual concepts the words have fall a bit flat. If you could construct stronger concepts and language to write with coupled with complimentary approaches to formatting - it'd balance out.
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i think im the only one but hell i'll admit to it
i'm confused...
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Thanks for that one...
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Wow, thats amazing. Very very well written. I very much like. You have talent.
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well thank you, that's quite a bold statement.
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fucking brilliant man.. i cant express how uniquley written this is. I admire the way you made this and i enjoyed reading, this is definatly going in meh favs, keep writing!
~Audri
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Um.. It's good and all, uh..
But..
I don't get it. o.O
(Sorry, i'm norwegian.)
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You don't have to get it,
But if you tried...
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You said earlier in response to another comment that the typographical style was about concentrating on the physical placement of words as well as their sounds and meanings. It seems to me from reading this poem that you spent more time working out how the words should look on the page than concentrating on things like meaning and imagery and technique, and just generally content. And I think that's a shame, because that makes this one of the worst things I have seen on deviantART masquerading as poetry. That is really quite an impressive feat, considering. You don't seem to have anything to actually say here, the endrhyme is just bad and there is no flow whatsoever. However, you've clearly expended a lot of time and effort in making the poem actually look pretty on the page. Unfortunately, this detracts from the readability while adding nothing to the sound or meaning of the poem. Any technique should be used with some thought to the effect you're attempting to generate, and it should be used in the context of the poem, so that content informs form and vice versa. I see none of this going on here.
Now, you've got lots of positive comments from kids who don't seem to know an awful lot about poetry, so by all means disregard this negative comment as some kind of sour grapes if it makes you feel better.
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No, say what you like as that is what you think.
I'm in no place to stop you.
It depends if you'd like a response to your comment, or if through any of it there was a question to be answered.
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thats really cool. very strong. i like it
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Thanks for the comment!
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you're welcome
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Awesome stuff, both this pic and poem, wish i could write like u
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You can, anyone can, It's mostly heartfelt. (sickly, yeah but true.)
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Amazing poem 
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Thats a nice thing to say, cheers...
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This is Fazz yeah my friends Jet and Cy who are also in Misfit Animations make wise cracks at me for being Goth but hey they're not the popular ones either lol
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Nah, I just woundered, glad to know.
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Really neat oh by the way,have you met Fazz cause thats all that is on his mind is death.
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