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Instagram | Furaffinity | Characters | Toyhou.se | IW:FR, Check out our game website! | IW:FR Join our discord server

They are not “dead.” There’s no such thing, really. They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when you’re not expecting. That’s why, of course, you cry all the time.
-Quotes from Dogs Never Die.

I lost my best friend some days ago; she was 15 and it hasn’t been easy. There is this constant feeling of confusion mixed with grief I cannot explain. I am filled with vivid images that paint the walls of my mind in a non-stopping buckle. It’s a movie I didn’t request but I had to pay. Whose idea was this? But it keeps on playing, this scene, we hold a last gaze neither of us knew was the last.

If I had known it was your last day

I would have stared longer

If I had known it was your last day

I would have held you longer

If I had known it was your last day

I would have taken you home

If only I had seen the signs, if only I had been there, if only I had been quicker, If only I ..

You leave and it weighs on me, with no key to free this chain. You are gone, but I am still here, heart filled with grief, with a hole you took with. And I am lost, gone, smothered in thoughts, filled with memories of you. Pictures that look so unreal, videos that feel strange, it doesn’t look like this is happening. Now I can’t find you anywhere, only grey ashes that don’t match your white.

Thank you everyone that lend a hand, since the selling of my ocs to the nice comments on my latest journal. It hasn’t been easy, at all, this is the first time I lose someone I love to death which is no one else but the thing I love the most in this world, even my own family (yes it sounds extreme). I never had a good relationship with my family, that created in me an apathic personality that hardly displays pity. It is from interacting with this dogs that I learn to love and appreciate life, many years ago (back when I was 9). I feel like I owe this dog so much, it wasn’t just a pet, it was more than that. You know how they say dogs take after their owners? It felt like if my life was represented by a circle, part of it would work because of this dog was there. Without it now it feels like I am not myself anymore. As selfish as it sounds, it feels like a part of me just got lost, somehow and somewhere I cannot reach nor accept. I understand what happened, but it just feels a different type of confusion. I will take care of her daughters now. I spent so much money on trying to help her, but life has its way. She passed away one night at the vet, no one was taking care of her because there is no 24 hours vet care here that would sit and watch. She was on fluids, but she had developed kidney failure and so quick. I didn’t want to put her to sleep but it was an option that was going to be the only way, she was decaying every day. She died on a cold metal box, alone and it is something I am going to blame myself for ever. Its not something you can control, no one can outmatch death itself, but if I had known, I would had had held her and lull her for the last time.

Its certainly not something that will fade anytime soon, I know it can heal, but it isn’t easy. The worst part is coming to the conclusion that I had pictures and videos of her everywhere, and I have been looking at them once a time per day. Sometimes they make me smile, some others they turn my stomach upside down. I kept a chunk of her fur the last day I saw her, god bless my mother which decided to cut it for what ever reason. Whenever I touch that I cry, long gone is my pride over all of this, I don’t know how many strangers have seen me do so. I have learnt so much from this, so much. I cherish life more now, specially with the remaining of my dogs. I will use the last of the money to check in their health. I want for them to live the good life their mother had and live for as long as they can. Thank you every one, specially the guys from the last journal, your words heal. I had read every single one of them the past days. I am sorry for my absence, I had a lot of thinking, reflecting about life and what’s to come. I can’t promise to always be around, but I can promise to her, that I will not forget about her and I will take care of what she left behind.

When I received her ashes it felt bittersweet, funny enough it feels like she never left now. She is not visible, there is no sound, but it feels like she was still there. I still question why is this happening, it all feels like one long nightmare that I am waiting to wake up. I am not religious, nor spiritual, but now I wish I was. Itmight sound strange, but I don’t refer to her as past tense in real life. I don’t call her remains ashes, but instead Nicky or daughter (I used to legit call her my daughter). I never dated nor wanted to get married, let alone have children, guess my mind unconsciously bonded in a way alike to this dog. Sometimes I forgot she was even a dog, I talk to my dogs as if they were humans, it sounds weird I know, I might be a bit fucked up haha. I hope we meet again, when I am gone (even though I don’t believe in the afterlife) I wish; in some part of my fantastic side, that she is out there waiting for me. This Christmas was ugly, no gifts, no Christmas tree, not her and on top of all my grandma fell AGAIN on Dec 24, on fucking Christmas and it was her fault because she refuses to be acknowledged as currently handicapped and does not listen. There was blood, head cracked up slightly. She seems to be doing fine atm, but who knows if anything will develop with time. Back to take care of her from zero. I will reply to all medias tomorrow, I can’t believe the incredible amount of positive feedback I had this last two weeks. I honestly thought you guys were bored of me, hit and fav and that no one read my stuff at all. I am glad to be wrong this time.

I hope you all had a nice Christmas or holiday!! I don’t want to talk more about Nicky, don’t want to smother you with it, but here are some pictures and videos of happy her taken some months ago. I have deleted the other ones from her bad condition, they don’t do well to anyones chest. I am glad I had captured good moments. sta.sh/2vicl3qmidd?edit=1 I miss you.

If you would like to use my art, PLEASE READ THIS!

Description

Instagram | Furaffinity | Characters | Toyhou.se | IW:FR, Check out our game website! | IW:FR Join our discord server

They are not “dead.” There’s no such thing, really. They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when you’re not expecting. That’s why, of course, you cry all the time.
-Quotes from Dogs Never Die.

I lost my best friend some days ago; she was 15 and it hasn’t been easy. There is this constant feeling of confusion mixed with grief I cannot explain. I am filled with vivid images that paint the walls of my mind in a non-stopping buckle. It’s a movie I didn’t request but I had to pay. Whose idea was this? But it keeps on playing, this scene, we hold a last gaze neither of us knew was the last.

If I had known it was your last day

I would have stared longer

If I had known it was your last day

I would have held you longer

If I had known it was your last day

I would have taken you home

If only I had seen the signs, if only I had been there, if only I had been quicker, If only I ..

You leave and it weighs on me, with no key to free this chain. You are gone, but I am still here, heart filled with grief, with a hole you took with. And I am lost, gone, smothered in thoughts, filled with memories of you. Pictures that look so unreal, videos that feel strange, it doesn’t look like this is happening. Now I can’t find you anywhere, only grey ashes that don’t match your white.

Thank you everyone that lend a hand, since the selling of my ocs to the nice comments on my latest journal. It hasn’t been easy, at all, this is the first time I lose someone I love to death which is no one else but the thing I love the most in this world, even my own family (yes it sounds extreme). I never had a good relationship with my family, that created in me an apathic personality that hardly displays pity. It is from interacting with this dogs that I learn to love and appreciate life, many years ago (back when I was 9). I feel like I owe this dog so much, it wasn’t just a pet, it was more than that. You know how they say dogs take after their owners? It felt like if my life was represented by a circle, part of it would work because of this dog was there. Without it now it feels like I am not myself anymore. As selfish as it sounds, it feels like a part of me just got lost, somehow and somewhere I cannot reach nor accept. I understand what happened, but it just feels a different type of confusion. I will take care of her daughters now. I spent so much money on trying to help her, but life has its way. She passed away one night at the vet, no one was taking care of her because there is no 24 hours vet care here that would sit and watch. She was on fluids, but she had developed kidney failure and so quick. I didn’t want to put her to sleep but it was an option that was going to be the only way, she was decaying every day. She died on a cold metal box, alone and it is something I am going to blame myself for ever. Its not something you can control, no one can outmatch death itself, but if I had known, I would had had held her and lull her for the last time.

Its certainly not something that will fade anytime soon, I know it can heal, but it isn’t easy. The worst part is coming to the conclusion that I had pictures and videos of her everywhere, and I have been looking at them once a time per day. Sometimes they make me smile, some others they turn my stomach upside down. I kept a chunk of her fur the last day I saw her, god bless my mother which decided to cut it for what ever reason. Whenever I touch that I cry, long gone is my pride over all of this, I don’t know how many strangers have seen me do so. I have learnt so much from this, so much. I cherish life more now, specially with the remaining of my dogs. I will use the last of the money to check in their health. I want for them to live the good life their mother had and live for as long as they can. Thank you every one, specially the guys from the last journal, your words heal. I had read every single one of them the past days. I am sorry for my absence, I had a lot of thinking, reflecting about life and what’s to come. I can’t promise to always be around, but I can promise to her, that I will not forget about her and I will take care of what she left behind.

When I received her ashes it felt bittersweet, funny enough it feels like she never left now. She is not visible, there is no sound, but it feels like she was still there. I still question why is this happening, it all feels like one long nightmare that I am waiting to wake up. I am not religious, nor spiritual, but now I wish I was. Itmight sound strange, but I don’t refer to her as past tense in real life. I don’t call her remains ashes, but instead Nicky or daughter (I used to legit call her my daughter). I never dated nor wanted to get married, let alone have children, guess my mind unconsciously bonded in a way alike to this dog. Sometimes I forgot she was even a dog, I talk to my dogs as if they were humans, it sounds weird I know, I might be a bit fucked up haha. I hope we meet again, when I am gone (even though I don’t believe in the afterlife) I wish; in some part of my fantastic side, that she is out there waiting for me. This Christmas was ugly, no gifts, no Christmas tree, not her and on top of all my grandma fell AGAIN on Dec 24, on fucking Christmas and it was her fault because she refuses to be acknowledged as currently handicapped and does not listen. There was blood, head cracked up slightly. She seems to be doing fine atm, but who knows if anything will develop with time. Back to take care of her from zero. I will reply to all medias tomorrow, I can’t believe the incredible amount of positive feedback I had this last two weeks. I honestly thought you guys were bored of me, hit and fav and that no one read my stuff at all. I am glad to be wrong this time.

I hope you all had a nice Christmas or holiday!! I don’t want to talk more about Nicky, don’t want to smother you with it, but here are some pictures and videos of happy her taken some months ago. I have deleted the other ones from her bad condition, they don’t do well to anyones chest. I am glad I had captured good moments. sta.sh/2vicl3qmidd?edit=1 I miss you.

If you would like to use my art, PLEASE READ THIS!