HOME | DD | Gallery | Favourites | RSS
| ChrisHarbinger
ChrisHarbinger
♂️
[19371741]
[2011-10-10 16:05:16 +0000 UTC]
(Germany)
# Statistics
Favourites: 217; Deviations: 1415; Watchers: 2231
Watching: 39; Pageviews: 125712; Comments Made: 688; Friends: 39
# Comments
Comments: 103
👍: 1 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 1 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 1 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Happy birthday!!
Best wishes from your watcher ^_^
Have a wonderful day today! 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Chris,
Now that we've corresponded, I'm posting this quick review of "Frontal Window" here. I'm delighted that it worked for you. It's a great little story. I've made a couple of tiny changes in the review that follows, so that it'll work as a comment rather than as a private note.
* * * * *
I enjoyed reading this story very much. My comments below reflect my experience as a reader, but also as a writer, specifically of bondage-themed stories.
(BTW, in US English, we would probably title this as "Front Window" or perhaps a "Picture Window." The word "Frontal" conveys a sexual connotation, as in "frontal nudity." But then, perhaps that connotation is what you intended! If so, then clever, clever!
First of all, I'm wondering whether, although your profile page says you're from Germany, you're really actually German. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that I have many good friends who are native Germans, and who speak and write English fluently, but they all do this with easily recognizable German tendencies. You do not do so. Your command of English prose is at the native fluency level, especially with respect to idioms. Of course, you use UK conventions (while I'm an American), but as a trained editor this is fine with me, and not at all a problem. The truth is, as I see it, that your command of English dialogue is terrific, snappy, and very realistic. And your descriptive ability in the narrated sections is quite good. More than quite good.
I expected the narrative arc of the story to be exactly what it turned out to be, so there were no overall plot surprises for me. But the little twists and turns of Carla's character were delightful, and enriched the story greatly. I was also pleased at how consistently you represented the narrator's self-denigration and willingness to admit to vulnerability and an impoverished love life. Just enough so. He doesn't come across as weak or risk-averse, simply as a bit inexperienced and not particularly cynical or skeptical. Works quite well.
The bondage riggings were very realistic. Even with your use of the ball gag – which to me is the height of unreality in bondage situations – your writing helps to defuse the presence of such a prop.
Ball gags...hmmm.... Uncomfortable, yes. Effective, though? Not really! Ball gags are not effective at silencing, or even eliminating verbal communication. Sorry. At least, not without some interior packing, which then becomes rather dangerous. So this is really the only weakness in the story itself, IMHO. I know, I know, they're very sexy. Yes, they are. Can't argue with the prop's symbolic capability.
Overall, a very nice job and a very compelling short story. Well done!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Visiting for the first time in a very very long stretch, and I was delighted to view all the work you've done. Some terrific new images. I'm going to be reading "Frontal," and I'll probably post a Note to you after I've finished.
Good stuff!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Many thanks to whoever gave me a premium membership. Much appreciated 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Always a pleasure, keep up the great work
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RANDOM ARRIVAL FROM RANDOM DEVIANT BUTTON COMING FROM THE RANDOM AND POWERFUL SEBBY!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm... kind of scared.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>