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M-AGGOTS
♂️
[39804238]
[2016-07-06 20:58:55 +0000 UTC]
"You are all a bunch of PANSIES!"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 0; Deviations: 1; Watchers: 94
Watching: 122; Pageviews: 2288; Comments Made: 108; Friends: 122
# Interests
Tools of the Trade: h# Comments
Comments: 88
Soldier pointed his rocket launcher at [Y/M], a large grin on his face. He had caught an intruder! He... He didn't know who they were, but... He had caught them! Hooray! Now the other members of his team would be impressed! Oh yeah, the intruder. Soldier had forgotten to actually talk to them!
"STAY RIGHT THERE, MAGGOT! DO NOT MOVE! YOU ARE ON THE RED TEAM'S TERRITORY!"
He put his finger to the trigger of his rocket launcher, ready to fire if he needed to. It's not like he'd hesitate. He shot people all the time.
"NOW STATE YOUR BUSINESS, OR ELSE!"
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Land of the free!
Please respond here to roleplay with Soldier!
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☒ Makes his hand in to a L shape and puts on on his forehead. . .
"Dis-missed!"
☒ (Imitating Soldier)
☒ Has a big grin on his face. . .
☒ Scout no. . .
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The small child whimpers loudly, a look of horror on his face. All that he was able to get was a strangled whine, small round ears pressed against his head. He harshly clears throat, which only a triggers him to let out a rough cough, gagging as his throat closed.
"Food!" Was all that he could get out, wheezing loudly in between harsh coughs, the child sounding like he was hack up his lungs.
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/ frEEZES AND HER HANDS FLY UP
" i didn'T DO IT "
/ her machete drops to the ground
/ oh shit
/ oh shIT
" i, uh,, i'm lost?? this-- i don't know where i am?? and everyone keeps trying to kill me,, "
/ she's so scared rn
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//just kinda squints at
//Soldier just leave her alone
"LOST?! HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET LOST IN A WARZONE, MAGGOT?!"
//pushes his helmet up
//so he can actually see
"HELL, YOU'RE NO OLDER THAN SCOUT! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE?!"
//Soldier istg
//you're such a jackass
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/ aw that hurt her feelings
/ sniffles
" i don't know! i was just- "
" i was just hanging out mtt and- "
" and then, i fell asleep?? "
" and then i was here. "
" is this a dream? is this- "
" is this hell? is this what i get for murdering everyone? "
" oh no, i knew that was a bad idea- "
" please, uh, mr. rocket launcher sir- don't give me eternal torture, it was a one time thing! "
/ she's close to tears now
/ poor bby
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//blinks a few times
"... What?"
"You think this is hell?"
"I mean, come on, it's not that bad here."
"Yeah, it's a war zone, but..."
"Nowhere close to what hell must be like."
//tilts his head slightly
//one second he's trying to murder you and the next he's acting like a four year old
"Wait, you murdered everybody?"
"Sheesh."
"..."
"We could use you on the team."
"How would you like to be a mercenary, cadet?"
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" that was- "
/ pauses
" i mean, as long as its for a good reason. "
/ yeah and ur reason was so a certain pun lord would love you
/ bends down and picks her machete up
" why are you guys fighting anyways?? "
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//grins like a dork
"Oh!"
//clears his throat
"WE ARE FIGHTING AGAINST THOSE BLU SCUMBAGS OVER LAND! WE WANT ALL OF IT AND SO DO THEY!"
"BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT THE RED TEAM IS THE BEST TEAM!"
"WE ARE SURE TO WIN!"
//he looks so sure of himself
//even though they've been fighting for years and nobody had ever even come close to winning the war
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" but couldn't you guys just split the land evenly and end the war? "
" i mean, war is kinda pointless. "
" plus, blue is a great color! it's the color of the sky, and the ocean, and... "
/ sans
/ sans is blue
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//squints
//don't say war is pointless around soldier
//or you're gonna get a history lesson
"DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU DID?!"
"WAR?! POINTLESS?!"
"THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE!"
"IF THERE WAS NEVER WAR, AMERICA WOULD NOT BE THE FREE LAND IT IS!"
"WE WOULDN'T OF BEEN ABLE TO GET AWAY FROM THOSE DAMN BRITS!"
//huffs softly
"AND WE CANNOT SPLIT THE LAND BECAUSE WE'RE NOT IN CHARGE OF THAT!"
"WE'RE THE MERCENARIES, NOTHING ELSE!"
"WE DO THE FIGHTING!"
"OUR BOSSES DO THE PLANNING AND DECIDING!"
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/ she knows her history
" yeah, but back then war was fair! each side would take turns fighting! "
" but now, people just go around killing each other! "
" no wonder i thought this was hell. "
/ listens to him
" well then, if that's what it's gonna be, then i call parley. "
/ parley refers to pirates not mercenaries
/ crosses her arms
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" y o u . "
" Y O U . "
" I've heard about you. "
" She told me. My friend told me. "
" You know, the one yOU ACCUSED OF BEING SPY. "
" yeah. Her. "
" I'm not very happy :^) "
" neither will you when I'm done with you "
✖️ Cracks his knuckles
✖️ Oh he mAD.
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//just kinda stares at him
//squints a bit
"IF YOU WANT A FIGHT, MAGGOT, YOU'RE GOING TO GET A FIGHT!"
//literALLY JUST FIRES HIS ROCKET LAUNCHER
//SOLDIER NO
//RAINBOW MAN GONE GET YOU IF YOU HURT TED
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✖️ ok he's a bit scared of the launcher but it's like a deadly game of dodge ball with a 90% chance of dEATH.
✖️ Just steps aWAY from the launched rocket jfc Ted
✖️ Quickly floats , nah he just ju MPS @ MAGGOT FACE OVER HERE AND
✖️ SCRATCHES HIS EYES bc no one can fight without being able to seen properly
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//"no one can fight without being able to seen properly"
//this is soldier you're dealing with
//he conSTANTLY FIGHTS WITHOUT SEEING PROPERLY-
//LOOK AT HIS HELMET I-
"OH SON OF A-"
//grunts and just tries to shoot Ted again
//soldier just stop
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✖️ P FFFFPFG ,,,,,,
✖️ Oh yeah ,,,,,,
✖️ Aggressively !!!! Bits his arm like no f you
✖️ You hurt he bean you're going to end now -
" >:^) "
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"Well HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Soldier!" Yakko said, "Remember me? We talked on your old account!"
Yakko then jumped onto the red wearing man and gave him a kiss.
"So did ya miss me?" Yakko asked.
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The mercenary immediately grabbed the other male and pushed him away, an unamused look on his face. This was the last thing the man wanted to deal with today.
"No. I did not."
He paused for a moment before continuing.
"Account? What are you talking about? What old account? I do not use the internet, so I have no accounts for anything."
The American tilted his head slightly in confusion. He was 99% sure that none of his questions would get straight answers, but it was worth a try, right?
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"Uhhhhhh...... never mind." Yakko said. Even if he explained the Fourth Wall break to Soldier, he probably wouldn't understand.
"So, how's your teammates, anyway?" He asked, not really caring. He knew they were kinda dumb.... except for Spy.
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Soldier grinned childishly as the other asked about his teammates. The mercenary actually really liked talking about them, despite acting like he didn't.
"Oh, well Medic is still insane, Scout is still a little brat, Engie is still really smart, Demoman is still a drunk, Pyro is still delusional, Heavy is still real strong, Sniper still throws piss at people, and Spy is... Still Spy. Everything is pretty much the same!"
The man smiled happily as he finished his sentence.
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"Well that's good." Yakko said. He then handed Soldier a Dr's Dapper Topper. He knew Soldier liked hats, so he figured he'd reward him for being nice.
"So, ya wanna meet my relations?" Yakko asked. He always had Wakko and Dot on speed dial, and they showed up pretty quick whenever he needed them.
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Soldier looked at the hat the other male just gave him, a large, childish grin on his face. He already had a few hats like this, but... A hat was a hat, right? Soldier loved hats!
"Your... Relations?"
The man tilted his head slightly, a hint of confusion in his voice.
"Like... Teammates? Or family? Or friends? What kind of relations?"
Soldier pushed his helmet up a bit as he spoke to get a better look at the other. It had definitely been a long time since he had seen Yakko. And, to be honest, the mercenary had missed the toon's antics, even if they tended to be rather annoying.
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"My siblings, actually." Yakko said, "I have two. A brother, named Wakko, and a sister named Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Franchesca Banana Fana Bo Besca the Third.... but everybody calls her Dot. She hates being called Dottie, though."
He pulled out his cell phone that just so happened to be a version of a phone from the 1920's that worked without a cord. He called them.
"Hey. I got a friend who wants to meet you two." Yakko explained.
Wakko and Dot then popped out of Soldier's shirt.
"Hiya Mr. soldier man!" Wakko said.
"Helloooooooooooo NURSE!" Dot said.
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The mercenary let out a soft yelp as the two appeared. Oh boy, more of them. That is exactly what Soldier didn't want to deal with. But he wasn't going to question how they got there; these things seemed to do the impossible, which Soldier found... Rather impressive, actually.
"... Hello. Yakko's siblings, right? Nice to meet you. I'm Soldier. The RED Soldier, mind you. Not that BLU scumbag."
The man grunted softly as he picked the two up and set them on the ground. He definitely hadn't liked them being so close to him. Then again, he didn't like anyone being close to him.
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Wakko looked the man in the face. Clearly he wanted to do something to him.... but he seemed to be nice to Yakko, so he couldn't.
Dot, on the other hand, had pulled out a pad of paper and started drawing fan art of Mel Gibson.
Yakko looked at the both of them.
"Sibs, he's a really nice guy, and we have to be friendly. None of the stuff we do to Scratchansniff." Yakko said.
"OK. We'll be nice." Dot said.
Wakko was too busy burping to the tune of the Star Spangled banner to notice.
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The bushman was neither impressed nor amused by the American's antics. He crossed his arms and stared at the other, with a deep frown creasing down on his tan face.
"Oh, I don't bloody know what I'm bloody doin' in me own bloody base." The man sighed. How long was this going to take? He had lunch waiting for him, and knew the vultures that were his teammates would pounce the moment they realized Mattice wasn't present.
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Soldier tipped his helmet up slightly, his eyes narrowed as the mercenary stared at his teammate. What if they were really a Spy? You could never be too sure in this place. Anyone could really just be that damn Frenchy in disguise.
"How do I know that you're really my team's Sniper?! What if you're a damned Blu Spy?! I don't have a way of being sure! So gimme the reason why you were out here and I might believe that you're really the Australian!"
Of course, most of the people involved in the war were wary of Spies, but... Soldier took it a bit too far. He was much too cautious, and pretty much thought everybody was a Spy except for himself-- all those years in the war had really made him paranoid.
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Sniper stood up straight, with his arms crossed firmly across his chest. While the man was about as tall as the other, he didn't have nearly as much bulk. However, the sharpshooter made up the difference with the way he held himself; like a cobra flared up, watching and waiting for his chance to strike.
The bushman snorted at the other, but not out of amusement. No, Mattice's patience had attenuated far passed the point of humor. He began with an upstart of snark,
"I seen ya buryin' something way out back around the perimeter of our base. Wanted to check up on ya, to make sure that you weren't no bloody spy. Are ya?"
The man was smirking now, but this was the grin of a malicious schoolyard bully. Of course his story was rubbish made up on the spot. Mattice would use all tactics at his disposal to get this rocket hoppin' simpleton to leave him alone.
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At this, the mercenary paused. Him? Burying something? That didn't make sense. Soldier couldn't remember doing such a thing. Or had he? The man recalled what he had done so far today-- Got up, took a shower, got dressed, ate breakfast, and then patrolled the perimeter until now. Nothing else had happened.
"I didn't... What...?"
The American tilted his head slightly in confusion. Had Sniper... Seen a Spy? Disguised as himself?! That meant there was a Spy on the RED territory! (Well, there always was, considering they had a Spy on their team, but an enemy Spy must be lurking around.
"You must've spotted that damn Frenchman! Disguised as me! Why didn't you tell me sooner! That damn snake must be around here somewhere!"
On this note, Soldier picked the Australian up, slinging the other male over his shoulder. This wasn't exactly hard for him-- Soldier might be stupid, but he was definitely strong. That was pretty much his only redeeming quality, actually.
"C'MON! WE GOTTA GET BACK TO THE BASE TO TELL EVERYONE ELSE WHAT'S GOING ON!"
He then began running towards the base, going as fast as a bulky man carrying a rocket launcher and an Australian could go.
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Sniper couldn't respond in time to being picked up and slung over the man's shoulder like he was some kind of rag doll. The wind was knocked right out of him. The Aussie's long limbs were draped awkwardly over the American. His arms and legs swung to-and-fro with the motion of the man carrying him.
Once the bushman came back to his senses, he flailed about but to no avail. There was definitely no way the physically-challenged Australian would be able to break free from the American's iron-grip. Well, at least he'd be able to get back to the base quicker (...maybe).
"SOLDIER, LET ME GO!" The man's normally deep voice came out as more of a squawk than a mature command. While very unamused, the bushman was also caught very off guard.
At least they eventually got to the base...
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" ?? "
" me ? ? Uh "
" I'm ?? "
" lost ?? I "
" I don't know where I am ,, but nice rocket !! Reminds me of ,,, of ,, reminds me of my friend ! I call him rocket >:3c "
🔸 shrugs
🔸 she's too pure save her
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//squints
//Soldier stop it
"Are you a Spy?!"
//that's way too upfront
//you can't just ask people that you dingus
//also are you not even going to address the fact that she just told you she was lost
//you're such a prick
"Well?! Are you?!"
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🔸 sqUEAKS
" ?? "
" a spy ?? I'm not a spy !! I'm an aLIEN !! "
🔸 plus, spIES DONT TELL YOU THEYRE A SPY AGH.
🔸 shrugs
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//literally just trusts them instantly
//Soldier you're such a moron istg
"... Oh! Some you're from space?!"
//grins like a dork
"I've met aliens before! None that looked like you, though!"
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🔸 one moment he's yelling @ you the next he's probably having a tea party with tiny af cups
" I'm in disguise tho "
🔸 puts her finger over her mouth
" shhhhh "
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//I'd gladly have a tea party with Soldier
//That sounds fun
"..."
//Kinda squints
//Immediately correlates 'disguise' with 'spy'
"..."
"So you ARE a Spy!"
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🔸 sQUEAKS
" nO "
" IM AN ALIEN "
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//pICKS HER UP
//BAD SOLDIER
//DROP IT
"You're coming back to the base with me!"
"So I can check if you're a Spy!"
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🔸 !!
🔸 fxCKIGGN
🔸 BITES HIS HAND AS HARD AS sHE CAN
" PUT ME DOWN I WILL SHOVE GLITTER UP YOUR EYE SOCKETS "
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//doesn't even seem to notice
//just like the idiot he is
"DON'T THREATEN ME, CADET! I WILL NOT HESITATE TO BEAT YOUR HEAD IN WITH A SHOVEL!"
//he'll do it
//don't mess with the American
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🔸 LEGIT JUST
🔸 REACHES INTO HER POCKETS AND SMACKS HIS FACE WITH GLITTER
🔸 AND SALT.
" I WILL CALL THE COPS ON YOU "
" I AM AN ALIEN I WILL GET THE SQUAD OVER HERE. "
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//scREAMS
"WHAT THE HELL"
"WHAT THE HELL"
//just drops her
//and hOLDS HER DOWN WITH HIS FOOT
//SOLDIER NO
"YOU-"
"YOU MAGGOT!"
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🔸 sCREAMS
🔸 biting and scratching his leg
" let go !! "
🔸 kicking and stuff
🔸 poor bean
🔸legit.
🔸 starts.
🔸 CRYING.
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