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| Silly-Bat
Silly-Bat
♀️
[21074198]
[2012-02-24 01:02:26 +0000 UTC]
"now SevenSpirals"
(Mexico)
# Statistics
Favourites: 2061; Deviations: 48; Watchers: 138
Watching: 483; Pageviews: 15227; Comments Made: 734; Friends: 483
# Interests
Favorite visual artist: There's tons. Impressionist artists were brilliant. If we're talking contemporary artists though, Sergey Kolesov's work has been catching my eye lately. GaudiBuendia is great too. Before that I idolized Charlie Bowater and Fernanda Suarez.Favorite movies: Cloud Atlas... and sci-fi stuff, fantasy, horror movies- and Treasure Planet. Don't judge me.
Favorite TV shows: Sherlock, Dr Who
Favorite bands / musical artists: Way too damn many... but hey, if you really give a fuck: http://grooveshark.com/#!/silly-bat
Favorite books: LOTR, the Kingkiller Chronicle, A Song of Ice and Fire, horror and sci-fi stuff is great as well.
Favorite games: I like Halo even if I'm no good at it, and really like other games' storylines. [Also: racing games were made by the devil himself]
Tools of the Trade: Intuos Pro, Photoshop CC, paper & pencil
Other Interests: Music in general [I pretend I can sing]
# Comments
Comments: 240
Caray por que no había visto tus ilustraciones mujer, te la rifas, a ver si luego me das unas clases
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Sip, y gracias, qué bien que te haya gustado c:
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Thanks for the fantastic reads!
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You're welcome- but I should be the one doing the "thank you"s, for such a wonderful read
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Wow thanks for all the faves! And the commments
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You're welcome, they were all fantastic reads, deeply moving.
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Thank you so much. Although I find the older stuff that I have posted here to be less contrived than the works you read. I dunno before I would write like straight from the heart, whereas lately I'm always fixating on technicalities.
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Hmm, I'll have to take a bit more time to browse older stuff. I would've done that already but I'm lazy and procrastinate and so school work piles up... And I think there has to be a certain mood, some peace and quiet in order to properly appreciate art like yours. Peace and quiet is something I usually don't get when using a family computer placed in a common space.
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Oh no that came out wrong; you don't have read anything else. You've already read more of my pieces than anyone else ever. I was just saying, like sometimes I feel I'm too focused on applying the stuff I've learned from writing classes, and the emotions get smothered in the process.
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It didn't come across as if you were forcing me, in case you thought it did.
It's just that if you say there are rawer things than this, I can't help but be really really curious.
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Yes, raw is the adequate word. Thank you.
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Thanks for the fave and the watch. btw, you're gallery is full of marvels; I went in for a peek and end up staying a long, long while. Can't seriously wait to see more of your work <3
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You're welcome, and thank you too: It's great to get so many comments from an artists that works with words.
I'm not the most prolific artist, but I don't think you'll be let down. Also, right back at you- your work's style is wonderful, I'll definitely keep an eye out for more of it.
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Oh you are so sweet, thanks for the compliments; and take your time with your pieces, if they're going to be as stunning as what you have already, they are worth all the wait in the world... I have to say DA is awesome but there is a lot of noise around, I have trouble finding art with soul and spirit (for lack of better terms) among the commercial oriented material and the superfluent inanity. I'm glad I stumbled upon your stuff, it made feel beautiful things. Thanks for sharing <3
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Yes, there are great things on the site, but too much of it looks the same. Then you click on it and it's yet another version of the same tired design for a mmorpg or cards... not that I have anything against those, but you get the idea.
I'm not at their level of skill, but I try to paint things that speak to me, ideas that haunt me. Being able to do that is a privilege- I'm pretty sure the artists that sell out don't do it out of disdain for expression.
...I got a bit carried away.
Anyway, I'm glad my effort has moved at least one person out there. It's a strange but fulfilling sensation
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"I try to paint things that speak to me, ideas that haunt me" Wow you just described what my idea of art is in a nutshell--that was amazing.
And I didn't mean to sound so critical of commercial art; because if artists reach a higher level it's because there is great quality in their art. However, sometimes the stuff feels mass produced, like lacking the personal touch. It's like when you love a music band and then in your eyes they take a turn for a "sell out" vibe. They are still a good band you feel they don't reach you at a unique personal level. I guess the difference is if they do it only for the money, or if they do get paid but the ideas still "speak to them, and haunt them" like you so beautifully put it. Am I over-thinking this?
Anyway, I don't know why but I'm sensitive to that personal touch, which for my heart's content you have plenty.
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Your idea of art... That's a pretty big deal. I don't know if I should say "thanks" or "you're welcome". Probably both, since I don't usually get the chance to really talk about this kind of thing with someone out of the blue. It's a really nice opportunity.
I probably did sound a bit too harsh. Especially considering that selling my art is just what I'll have to do if I want to live off it.
It seems like it's a lot harder to keep a personal touch on things that depend on someone else's pocket.
But hey, even if you can't keep that, at least you have money to eat, and make time for personal projects... which may be my favourites but that doesn't mean the rest is bad.
...I don't think there's such a thing as over-thinking art. We've got to keep the gears turning on that, or else it grows stale.
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"Especially considering that selling my art is just what I'll have to do if I want to live off it."..."t's a lot harder to keep a personal touch on things that depend on someone else's pocket."
Very interesting point. If you take any creative writing class you'll teacher will probrably tell you: Oh, chances are you won't be able to make a living out of writing. In the writing world you are sort of conditioned to accept the reality that you might have to approach your writing as a side project on top of your day job--and probably never do just write. Many poets/writers have par time jobs or teach; that's the reality of it. You see, I was blinded by such paradigm. I do get your point though; and beside, some mass marketed things end up being an essential part of pop culture. Plus who wouldn't be happy with lots of dough.
However, while I was trying to say is that when works are conceived just to sell out, they lose a lot of artistic value. I can't speak assuredly for anything else except for books. For example, like James Patterson or Stephanie Meyer...You can see the degradation of their quality as you progress chronologically within their career.
And the stuff they are putting out there is bad, bad stylistically, bad technique and form--psychologically one dimensional and by god so morally shallow.
That type of art doesn't capture your imagination, awaken your sense of wonder or make you question the universe; it's just skin deep. it's like the going to one extreme kinda thing, there has to be a balance.
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Yep, the starving artist threat is always there. But as you say, there can be a balance between survival and art.
I personally wouldn't like to put my art aside, as just a hobby, even if that would preserve its purity in a way. Because if you do sell it, there are very different opportunities: you can get it out there, reach more people, make an impact. With luck, and effort.
Sometimes... maybe not so many mass-marketed, but decently-marketed things are still very meaningful.
But yes, if the goal is selling -instead of communicating, using selling as a means to achieve that, and make a living-, the artistic value is next to zero.
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"Because if you do sell it, there are very different opportunities: you can get it out there, reach more people, make an impact. With luck, and effort." Exactly, that would be the artist break through. You summarized it really well on the last lines of your post talking about the artist's goal. And I think that's the key, sell vs communicate. if you are passionate all the way about the Idea of communicating your emotions, the money will only help you expanding and growing. if you lose that goal along the way...Well Stephanie Meyer.
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Yes, there are plenty of commercially successful artists that had their message, whose art was more than skin-deep, and they held on to it from the start. And it can't be an easy thing to do, but it opens so many possibilities.
However, if there wasn't art to begin with... then it's just an empty career like so many others, and that takes up too much of the scene's attention and the audience's money. It's just sad.
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"takes up too much of the scene's attention and the audience's money. It's just sad."
Yes! You finally got what I was trying to say. Mass marketed stuff are half the times substandard; while there are wonderful artists whose art could really have a positive influence is someone's life--the "attention" being completely focused on those "skin-deep" successful ones.
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Indeed, it seems things with an actual message scare people too much- they might make them think! feel things! oh the horror!
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It's so true, 95% of people I know are on antidepressants, some kinda psychoactive/booze or just addictive to video games...And I'm talking daily. Like a drink occasionally because I enjoy a tasty beer--not trying to get away from myself. Why are so many humans afraid to face their emotions? It's crazy, a huge part of the population does it; yet, no one at all seems to think this is a problem.
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Yes! The cool thing, the socially accepted, the politically correct thing is to repress all feeling, and replace it with what is "right" to "feel".
It scary how brutally unacceptable it is to show emotion- you get labeled, at least, as annoying, at worst, as a threat to so-called peace.
Whether the emotion itself is positive or negative is irrelevant- it has to be watered down for it to be okay.
And that's the reason why I've chosen so very few friends, because I look for people that don't just tolerate the intensity of all the things I feel, but have some of their own and try to reach out with it to others- even if they're like me and it scares them shitless.
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"It scary how brutally unacceptable it is to show emotion- you get labeled, at least, as annoying, at worst, as a threat to so-called peace."
Yes, more and more highly sensitive people are being shunned. It's becoming the norm, a social paradigm, where they think you need to seek help if you feel to much; go to a doctor so you can become emotionally crippled with the aid of medication. Suppression over expression.
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"Emotionally crippled" ...That's just it! That's what scares and angers the crap out of me! People think they're oh-so-badass because they "shut me up" sometimes, after a particularly brutal display of insensitivity and shallowness. But it's not intimidating, it doesn't make them cool. It's just horrifying, and really sad.
And such displays hit me in a pretty vulnerable spot, because I've gone through periods of a couple of months [Sometimes more, sometimes less] where I'm just as apathetic, where I can barely feel anything.
My brain simply refuses to give a singly flying fuck about anything. I feel like I'm seeing reality clearer than ever, and it doesn't make sense at all. Everything's pointless. Life is a mindless rat race and then we die, right?
And during that period it seems normal and perfectly fine- but when I emerge from it and sensation rushes in again... holy fuck, it's like coming back from the dead. And then I care about every goddamn little thing on planet Earth and I'm brutally emotional and the tiniest, most insignificant shit makes me sob uncontrollably and laugh like a maniac and almost explode in euphoria.
And then there's the idea that I might slip back into that numb state in the future, and it's scary as fuck, even more so because I usually can't tell when it's happening, and so I can't stop it.
I feel pretty intensely, or not at fucking all. And while I'm pretty sure that still happens within the "normal" range... I'm pretty sure I haven't got any mental disorders...
I sort of feel like I wouldn't want help if I did.
Like a year ago I was in a bit of a tough spot, and so my parents suggested a psychologist. And I wouldn't even hear of it, as much as psychology interests me.
It's not the healthiest attitude, it's not the one that will make me the happiest [And by the way, I guess I could mention that being happy isn't my goal, but experiencing the most intense shit I can, and if that burns me out I'll make sure I'm as bright as I can get while I last], and it won't work for everyone... but it's the one I want, and it's the one that I feel I need to make art with.
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"And by the way, I guess I could mention that being happy isn't my goal, but experiencing the most intense shit I can, and if that burns me out I'll make sure I'm as bright as I can get while I last"
Hahahaha just make sure your body can keep up, remember you are gonna be living in the same shell for a while. You'd be surprise how easy your organs wears out. Organ damage e.g. tinnitus, myopia, renal insufficiency, etc are sooo easy to get.
OK now listen pls, don't think I'm trying to label you or anything. 'Cause I really find it stupid when psychologists try to define someone as a particular personality type, like you can't be a 100% INFP, INTJ, ISFJ, EFNJ or whatever--that's nonsense. Nonetheless, I believe people does follow certain behavioral patterns, which fortunately psychology has recognized through observation... And for the sake of self-understanding and self-growth is healthy to sometimes know if we have tendencies to follow any of those patterns.
All this to say, the way you describe yourself coincides with many of the Highly Sensitive Personality type. Especially when it comes to depth of processing, emotional responses and over stimulation. I'm not saying you are HSP, but the things you are telling me do make me think there is a relation. And if there is maybe you can understand yourself better and realize you're not different just because, or like in a negative way, but it's something you can work with and used to your advantage..
For example, I have always had a gigantic over stimulation problem, other people just fucking drain my energy to nothing--and the only way I can recharge my batteries is by doing solo activities. You can't imagine how horrible my childhood and high school years were with my family pushing me to be "social" because they were afraid I had autism or some other shit. It created huge social anxiety and horrible mood swings in me. The bullshit things my family said and the way they made me feel, everything just out of ignorance. Besides, I could've been a better student--a happier person, had they given me the space to be alone and compensate for the exhaustion from the overload of stimuli.
"And then there's the idea that I might slip back into that numb state in the future, it's scary as fuck"
Oh sweetie I'm so sorry, I can't believe you also go through this--it's the closes thing to being dead alive. I am my emotions.... As wild as they can be; when I feel depressed, Im like 10x more sensitive so It requires a lot of my energy to sort it all out-- things does seem bad and dark but in a way that makes me feel alive--actually those feelings fuel my writing a lot, when I'm down is like everything is abrasive, but at the same time I feel the world in its raw entirety. During my up cycles, Im usually in a great mood, see everything in colors,, wonder about stuff....Just have tons of energy....So I go back to my notebooks, to the lines I picked up when I was down and sensitive and write at my heart's content....Feeling numb however, it's such an excruciating experience, my being, my body, are used to intense emotions. without them, its like Im hollow, drowning in emptiness. Like a huge chunk of my spirit has been severed (and it can last so freaking long.)
Anyway, I dont wanna ramble too much, but I rly understand how you feel. Check out these links, maybe you can get something useful out of it. Let me know.
Being HSP
Are you HSP? (tiny buddha)
Are you HSP? (hrzone)
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I'm taking ages to respond to these... I've already read them, but haven't had time to write properly
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I know I still have to be careful. Self-destruction isn't the goal. I guess I can take decent care of myself... at least my body. I haven't been drawn to the most unhealthy habits... maybe I should get more sleep and eat healthier -which I don't do because hell, it's expensive-, but that's it. I keep the volume at a pretty low point, and am already nearsighted, but because of genetics. No smoking to look interesting like so many idiots do, no getting competely wasted at parties... which may have something to do with the fact that I don't go to parties. Hah.
Of course I'm not the best example of self-care, but I'm pretty sure I can physically keep up.
I seek intensity in true, deep connections with others, in art and knowledge, in travel, in realizing how insignificant I am in the grand scheme of things and somehow still finding the drive to try and create something that matters.
...And yeah, I've heard about the personality types, but I've never had anyone test me seriously in any of that, and didn't try to do it myself because I figured I'd be too biased. I guess it does fit. Not perfectly, but I do know it's not supposed to.
Reading more about that seems like a good idea, just so I can have a better idea of what's going on.
Oh man, your problem sounds pretty familiar. I'm sorry you had to go through it.
It's not as bad for me now, even if it did get ugly for the couple of years in which I didn't want to speak or be with a single human being.
Each time I changed schools [I've been in way too many] they expected me to finally fit in, get some damn friends, get off the damn computer, get out of the damn house once in a while. And each time I didn't -and when I stopped going to church, and when I started getting more and more into music and art in general-, they said I was doing it on purpose, and being "rebellious" and "antisocial" just to make myself interesting.
Oh, they also thought that the abusive relationship I fell into for a year was my fault and rooted in my stupid, immature impulse to sin [which I apparently do as part of an "ideological package" that includes satanic rock music and substance abuse], just to be "cool" and go against them and their religion. ...Because screaming at your daughter that she's a whore is the most mature and charitable way to face that situation. That's obviously what Jesus would have done.
I mean, my family's still pushing me in some ways but I've grown a tougher skin. Having people [Usually one, and never more than ten] I can actually enjoy being around helps, it gives me somewhere to run to.
The funny things is, now that I'm not boarded up in my room [Which is an exaggeration... since my door doesn't even have a lock. I can't remember wether it was my brother or father who broke it], and have surrounded myself with like-minded people that I have much healthier relationships with, and actually go out, they want me to stay inside, in "peace".
Apparently, "being at peace" means trying to paint or read or whatever while listening to them either scream at eachother -then at me- or laugh at the TV or stupid vines in the most strident way possible.
And in order to make me want to stay at home, it makes perfect sense to stop paying singing lessons and go nuts if there's rehearsals [And I need money for the latter too... which is hard to get because they don't want to keep "paying for my addiction"].
So if I obeyed every one of my parents' rules, I wouldn't get stimuli, nor get recharged after that stimuli.
Which is not exactly the kind of life I'm looking for. Which is one of the reasons why I decided it's no use arguing with them, so I'm just going to try and live anyway, and get out as soon as I can.
I'm a bit surprised and disappointed in dad. He's a psychologist, he should know lots of the things they do are fucked up. I guess I know now why they don't let people have family members as patients. Expectations [And in his case, religious bullshit] are a huge obstacle. I feel sorry for them sometimes, it can't be fun to be so brainwashed and have to deal with me as their daughter.
The numb thing... it's funny. I do have periods of ridiculously intense sadness, and they act as fuel like they do for you. The numbness is a whole different thing. You described it perfectly.
"I am my emotions.... As wild as they can be"
Yes! Sometimes I think of my ups as overlay and my downs as multiply [Photoshop layer modes, I don't know if you're familiar with them. They both make the colours more vibrant, but the first makes them lighter at the same time, while the second darkens them]. Both make fantastic playgrounds for my muse. Because everything I experience becomes more substantial, more intense.
Any of the two states are like a rainforest or a huge city -with its happy sunny days and its terrible thunderstorms- teeming with life, with a million different stories unfolding all the time. When I'm numb there's no trees for my muse to climb, no trouble for it to get into, nothing for it to play with, nothing to get chased by. And so it starves. Sometimes I'm almost sure it's dead.
But it comes back. It always does in the end. It always has, at least.
---
Oh gods, I hadn't had time to check out those links. I'm doing it right now.
I read this:
"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this:
A human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive.
To him... a touch is a blow,
a sound is a noise,
a misfortune is a tragedy,
a joy is an ecstasy,
a friend is a lover,
a lover is a god,
and failure is death.
Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - - - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating." -Pearl S. Buck
...And started crying immediately. I can't even identify the emotions behind this reaction, but I think that if anything it means that you were right in saying I fit the HSP profile.
The sites mention introverts and extroverts too, and while I'm not sure which of the two I'm most like, it's good to know that HSP is not limited to introverts. I was a bit confused about that.
There's a link to an article about empaths, too. I might have some of those characteristics. It'd explain quite a few things. [Even within this conversation -or conversations?- I've resonated with lots of things you've shared, and don't really know what to say about them, so I just share things in my life that are similar. I just hope I don't come across as ridiculously self-centered... the amount of "I"s in these responses don't look right to me].
The pyramid of needs makes so much sense... As well as this "We often think of sensitivity as weakness for three main reasons: it is out of our logical control, it makes us vulnerable, and we don’t know what to do with it, which means that we suppress and judge it—so it has manifested in weakness."
I have a bit of an obsession with that. I feel brutally vulnerable to so many things.
It's going to take a lot to work through that feeling, but they way they described it is going to be a great anchor.
All of it is going to be reall helpful, thanks for sending it. I'll definitely keep searching for more information on my own as well.
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damn, Treasure Planet really is a great movie.
and your art is seriously wicked.
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yES IT IS.
Thank you so much UuU for the fav and watch and sklfdj n.n
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you're really talented, I can't wait to see more.
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Well, I'm trying :v
And you can count on that... eventually, heh
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