THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2014-01-14 01:05:10 +0000 UTC]

I've been pretty stressed out with my senior year stuff. Not school stuff exactly, but extra-curriculars and some family things. How have you been?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2014-01-14 01:31:55 +0000 UTC]

My life is insane. Living in a new state, getting divorced and trying to re - learn dating etiquette, losing my best friend... Blahhhhh! Optimistic at least...  mostly. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2014-01-14 01:45:29 +0000 UTC]

Woh, where'd all that come from?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2014-01-14 03:59:04 +0000 UTC]

Well, you and I met while I was deployed to Afghanistan. A few months after the delpoyment ended, I got out of the army (yay!) And the hubby got transferred to a teaching position training new soldiers at Ft Lee, Virginia. I am way over - simplifying it here, but hubby and I started drifting years ago and here in Virginia it started becoming painfully obvious that we weren't living as husband and wife but simply as friends that couldn't say certain things to each other for fear of hurting the other's feelings. Intellectually speaking, we decided that a divorce would give us both the chance to find real happiness somewhere else... This is mostly the hubby's idea because it's my feelings that got hurt most often because he wasn't sexually drawn to me anymore... and a woman not feeling desirable really sucks...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2014-01-14 05:25:23 +0000 UTC]

Well that sucks. Are you handling it well? We've had trouble in my family too because when my grandparents were coming down for some appointments they got into a car accident and my grandmother was killed. My grandfather had to be put into a physical rehabilitation center for seniors but he's coming back tomorrow and we have to take care of him. It sounds bad to say, but if you knew my grandparents it makes sense, but we all wish that my grandfather had been able to go in the accident too, he's suffering so much now.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2014-01-14 05:43:29 +0000 UTC]

That's horrible... so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. And I think I understand... they've obviously been together a long time so his suffering is much more than physical... and survivor's guilt is a very real thing. I've seen it in Soldiers that survive something that killed others around them, so I can only imagine the intensity increase when its someone you love that was lost instead of you. 

As to my marriage, I'm only ok. Intellectually it makes sense to split, but it's still really hard. And while I'm slowly becoming ok with the idea, the hubby is starting to have doubts so it resurfaces my doubts etc...

I've actually been on dates with 2 different men these past few months and while nerve-wracking and confusing it has been kinda fun too to behave like a single woman again. Still too many emotions to sift through. Because I still love my husband, we're best friends. But we haven't been lovers in almost 2 years... when first told I had a nice body by one of my dates I didn't believe him. Really sad to know just how much damage your best friend/husband can do. And speaking of non-husband best friend... letting her and her kids move in was the beginning of the end of our friendship, apparently. I've had a steadily growing resentment to her presence over the past few months to where now, (since coming back from visiting family at Christmastime) I hide in my room (I have my own room separate from the hubby now) whenever possible. We're polite to each other and all, but I don't want to hang out with her. Everything she does gets on my nerves and I don't want to lay into her like I know I would if confronted. So the avoidance is actually me protecting her.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2014-01-14 05:54:56 +0000 UTC]

Have you tried to sit down and talk with her about it? I've been having similar issues with one of my friends, though it stems mostly from her constantly picking guys who are broken and trying to fix them, and then forcing them on the rest of us. I haven't had to have a sit down talk with her, but I'm not living with her either. Do you know how the kids feel about the situation?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2014-01-14 06:25:43 +0000 UTC]

The kids are a difficult hurdle. The little one, 2.5 years old, LOVES me and my husband and is still moldable and (hopefully) unaware of what's going on. It's going to kill me to loose her.

The other two are boys and are 5 and 7 years old. Up until they moved in with me had been growing up in welfare neighborhoods so they're little hoodlums. They steal and break things and while in me and the hubby's presence act like they respect us, the fact that they're repeat offenders of hurting and taking things that they KNOW are ours makes me believe they DON'T respect us. I suppose a 5 year old stealing a candy bar is not malicious... but when it's constantly done? Seriously? Did I grow up in a different world? I shoplifted when still in a stroller... I wanted it, didn't quite understand the meaning of money and ownership, right? But when seeing how embarrassed and upset my mom was, and being told that that is NOT ok, I didn't do it again... and that was stealing from a store... not people I called aunt and uncle and lived with. 

Anyway I'm rambling... but the boys' behavior is a factor as to why I want them out of my house. I love them, I want what's best for them, but apparently I didn't know that ghetto imprints pretty early. It's heartbreaking that children can hurt my feelings the way those two have... They're mom isn't a bad mom... I mean, she did kinda let me get gung ho Aunt Liz the first months after they moved in and slacked off on what was her territory letting me take over, so that was partially my fault. When I started feeling taken for granted/advantage of, I did tell their mom what was up. I was resenting everything and I deeded to back off. I was getting too close... I was taking it personally when the boys would try to walk all over me, and that's just something kids'll try...

And now I can tell she's depressed because she's losing herself in a virtual world on utherverse.com staying up all night, sleeping in, and if the kids are 2 hours late for school, the school won't let them  come at all. Their attendance has gotten scary. I wrote the school asking if there would be truancy repercussions for ME since they live with me if it got too much worse. She hardly keeps up with their laundry and I won't do it without being asked anymore. And her pride isn't asking me either.

So I suppose the bottom line is this: no. I haven't sat her down to tell her everything. Because when I told her I was afraid of the boys' attendance record, she was "offended" of my fear and threw up all sorts of defensive excuses at me. So I don't really want to talk to her about everything else on my mind.

Blahhhh.... need to win the lotto.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2014-01-14 06:32:29 +0000 UTC]

Have they ever been taken away from her? That's happened to some kids I know because their parents couldn't get them to school and such. It sucks that you're caught in such a bad place, you were supposed to be getting out of that when you finished with the army.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2014-01-14 06:42:57 +0000 UTC]

Yea. Different kind of awkward/bad place now. It started with such promise... It was fun and rewarding to be such a big part in the kids lives. And Samantha and I were partners in the domestic world of pseudo - housewife stuff.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2014-01-15 02:44:47 +0000 UTC]

All will work itself out in the end. Either she'll come around, or you can both reach an agreement.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

THEmightyMAZ In reply to wezenbeesje [2013-11-29 05:20:12 +0000 UTC]

why?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

wezenbeesje In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-11-29 06:01:04 +0000 UTC]

I'm appearantly a bad person for having certain fears. 

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to wezenbeesje [2013-11-29 07:18:48 +0000 UTC]

like?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

THEmightyMAZ In reply to theresahelmer [2013-07-04 02:05:07 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome! I just love all of your beautiful foods

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-06-08 19:30:12 +0000 UTC]

Nah, not yet. Four more days of finals though.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-06-09 00:57:19 +0000 UTC]

almost...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-06-09 06:21:37 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, not to worried about it. I had fun yesterday though, I got to go to graduation because the choir was singing the national anthem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-06-09 06:54:27 +0000 UTC]

Neat. As a former band geek, I was plagued to play that graduation march for 3 years in a row... blah... until it was my turn to wear the cape of course.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-06-09 22:01:52 +0000 UTC]

Our band seniors didn't have to play, but our choir seniors had to sing otherwise it would have been like five of us. We had some beautiful speeches though. Our valedictorian was this boy who had moved from Mexico two years ago on his own. He worked as a math tutor to pay his rent and the teachers helped him pay for food. All of his family came up from Mexico to see him graduate. I almost started crying his speech was so sweet!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-06-09 23:32:22 +0000 UTC]

That is so awesome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-06-10 02:38:17 +0000 UTC]

One of our salutatorians wrote a speech comparing cereal to highschool. That was my second favourite speech.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-04-20 21:21:49 +0000 UTC]

Busy as hell. I haven't had my computer on much recently because I've been at school til ten everyday the last few weeks. Build week, tech week, and last week the musical opened. I should be more active after next week. How've you been? I never got to hear how Hawai'i is?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-05-17 20:07:01 +0000 UTC]

Hawaii is great... as Hawaii. As the place I work no so great, but it's beautiful. The rainy season was dryer than previous years so the hubby and I have been trying to do all the tourist-y things we haven't done yet because of being work burned-out. We leave for Virginia in the summer. I'm thrilled to be headed to the Mainland soon -- even more so because I'm headed back to be a college student. No more Soldiering for me!

Are you a junior or senior right now? And regardless... summer is coming up have you any grand plans?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-05-18 02:12:14 +0000 UTC]

Well it's nice to see everything! You're pictures look amazing, especially the one with the piano!
I'm a junior still, but school ends soon. I'm hoping to get into a junior college econ class, but at this point I just have to crash it and hope for the best.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-05-18 06:49:35 +0000 UTC]

Econ is logic. Dry, don't over think it logic. You'll be fine.

And thank you for the compliments... I have more views of the poor piano (no cats) so they'll come. I'm still kinda high on the fact that my best friend fell into the poly so well!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-05-18 21:43:25 +0000 UTC]

oooooh yay! so happy for you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-01-16 01:13:33 +0000 UTC]

Oh yeah, what island are you on?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-01-16 05:32:56 +0000 UTC]

I'm on Oahu. Schofield Barracks and Wheeler Army Airfield are right next to each other and kindof SW central. Kinda fully because it has the nick name castle grey scull because of how often it rains.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-01-17 03:41:24 +0000 UTC]

Castle gray scull?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-01-17 04:07:20 +0000 UTC]

Where the bad guy in the He-Man show lived. It was always rainy there.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-01-17 06:11:06 +0000 UTC]

Never watched He-Man, before my time. I feel young now.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2013-01-17 07:38:44 +0000 UTC]

What's old is new in plenty other arenas... care bears, gi joe, transformes, my little pony... I wasn't willing to assume you didn't know He-Man. I do try not to poke age at you. ;D

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2013-01-18 02:36:14 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I'm into some old stuff, but I just mean like 90's stuff.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

THEmightyMAZ In reply to asecretoutlet [2012-12-19 01:19:20 +0000 UTC]

thanks! I'll try not to!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2012-12-24 12:53:23 +0000 UTC]

Yep, she needs "company" and I can't believe I never gave you a llama till today.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2012-12-24 22:00:54 +0000 UTC]

thank you for the points! I've never had any before

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2012-12-25 04:12:54 +0000 UTC]

Happy whatever this day means to you day!!! Lol... it's still Christmas, who cares.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2012-12-25 05:22:48 +0000 UTC]

Should I wish you an early Christmas because it's not yet christmas for me, or just a regular merry Christmas because it's the 25th for you already?

I never thought holidays would cause so much grammatical trouble

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2012-12-25 05:47:22 +0000 UTC]

Haha... like you said in the other post... the celebration is for how it makes us feel. So who cares what day it is in our respective time zones... good wishes and love across the miles...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2012-12-26 04:28:18 +0000 UTC]

I'm gonna sound like a spoiled little kid but OMIGOD PRESENTSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got so much stuff that I didn't expect to get and I love it! Plus I'm at my grandparents house so it's my favorite weather in my (2nd) favorite house and my favorite area because it has farms/ranches, forests, mountains, hills, lakes, rivers, AND THE OCEAN JUST FIVE MINUTES AWAY. Best Christmas in years!

How was yours?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Zilenna In reply to THEmightyMAZ [2012-12-27 04:07:38 +0000 UTC]

Eh, it was another day. I went through the motions at a slow, relaxing day at work, then after work me the hubby and some friends went to the USO and hung out just talking and singing random carols and it turned out to be a good time. I almost passed on the social outing because I was feeling blah and the lines for the morale phones were too long...

I was able to talk to my family last night, though, so it was their morning of the 26th and everyone was home! Passed the phone around and everyone cought me up with their lives... mine's pretty redundant so that didn't take long, lol.

You're in California, right? I spent a 30 day training event at Ft. Erwin, which is right there in the desert... but me and a friend got a 4 day pass to visit her family who lived in Big Bear (if I'm remembering that right... on a mountain near-ish LA). It was beautiful up in the mountains. I'm from Illinois so definately a flatlander. Driving in the mountains totally freaked me out a bit, not gonna lie... but yeah, it was a culture shock and awe-some (origional meaning of the word) to be driving around up there. I get the same way in Hawaii with the volcanic formations and bridge-like highways. I just stare out the windows in awe... Total geek.

So what all'd you get? and a new "friend" of mine has a whole journal full of icons and I'm having fun...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

THEmightyMAZ In reply to Zilenna [2012-12-27 06:56:45 +0000 UTC]

That sounds like a fun christmas to be with good friends
I love mountains, but forested ones especially. It looks like a fantasy world. Actually, up here, it kind of is. In the forest thats about ten minutes away from me right now was the set of Star Wars Episode 6 Return of the Jedi (the foresty part, not the whole movie). I really just like being away from small cities and towns. I either want a big metropolis or wilderness.

The best thing to do in Hawai'i is to take a helicopter ride over the lava flows. You can see the lava moving under the rock and pouring out into the ocean it's just phenomenal!

I got lots of books on my hobbies and some headphones since my old ones don't do jack shit. My favorite thing is this pretty necklace from my grandparents which has a compass face on the front and on the back it says "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams" ~Thoreau

Did you get any presents?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1