juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2010-02-01 00:50:41 +0000 UTC]

yeah i know... lots of... stuff. thanks for not forgetting about me though (: how have you been?

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Blackened-Dove In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2010-02-01 00:59:06 +0000 UTC]

Right now, I feel kind of mixed...most of all, I feel like crap, but I'm okay. What about you?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2010-02-01 01:33:15 +0000 UTC]

blah, i cant really talk about it. im sort of stuck. :/

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Blackened-Dove In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2010-02-01 01:38:47 +0000 UTC]

I know the feeling; I'm in a similar situation.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2010-02-01 23:44:36 +0000 UTC]

hugs.

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Blackened-Dove In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2010-02-02 00:14:48 +0000 UTC]

Yup.

I feel a little better, though.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2010-02-02 02:08:30 +0000 UTC]

im glad.

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Blackened-Dove In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2010-02-02 21:08:12 +0000 UTC]

Me too. What about you?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2010-02-03 01:42:56 +0000 UTC]

here. go to... www.xanga.com/the_undercloud

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Blackened-Dove In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2010-02-03 23:02:07 +0000 UTC]

Well damn, you need a hug...

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2010-02-04 03:16:38 +0000 UTC]

aww thank you hun. i really appreciate it. (:

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Blackened-Dove In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2010-02-04 11:32:05 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to PrincessBetty1 [2009-11-27 04:11:04 +0000 UTC]

oh no problemo!

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PrincessBetty1 In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-27 21:47:09 +0000 UTC]

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to PrincessBetty1 [2009-11-28 01:06:41 +0000 UTC]

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PrincessBetty1 In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-28 01:15:06 +0000 UTC]

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to PrincessBetty1 [2009-11-28 03:31:07 +0000 UTC]

haha thats pretty rad.

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PrincessBetty1 In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-28 03:31:52 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I found it by typing it up!

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-10-30 07:04:14 +0000 UTC]

awwwwww thanks so so much girl!!! yay

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-10-30 14:19:53 +0000 UTC]

anything exciting happen?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-02 23:43:51 +0000 UTC]

mm, me & jesse shared our first long kiss (:

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-03 00:04:04 +0000 UTC]

aaaaahhhhh! DDD what happened?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-03 03:20:28 +0000 UTC]

hehehe. well on my birthday i didnt have to work, i dont usually on wednesdays anyway. and so he drove down here, & we went to pizza hut, then got a movie & cuddled on the couch.

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-03 03:27:17 +0000 UTC]

awwww. i love love.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-04 04:08:21 +0000 UTC]

hehe (: yes.
you've got a boy?

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-05 00:03:05 +0000 UTC]

haha. more like a best friend and maybe some day potential boy.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-05 01:13:19 +0000 UTC]

awww. those are the hardest. i know how that is. keep your hopes up, but dont be too discouraged and give up on guys if it doesnt work out that way. it didnt for me. i was brought to jesse. so glad i was.

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-05 05:46:02 +0000 UTC]

honestly though, the thing is if we never end up together, that's perfectly fine with me, because i know that he will always be there for me even though i'm three hours away from him. it was really hard to embrace that at first, but i am so thankful that i did. my life wouldn't be the same without him. he came right when i needed him ooh i could talk about him all night but i won't bore you with all the gory details. i love him so much.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-06 01:23:20 +0000 UTC]

aww thats so adorable! are you two childhood friends or what?
i moved 6 hours away from all my friends 5 years ago.

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-06 01:44:00 +0000 UTC]

no not childhood friends. we actually met in january, and through a series of crazy events became best friends.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-07 05:00:47 +0000 UTC]

aww well thats still pretty cool (: good luck with everything

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-07 12:46:20 +0000 UTC]

thankkkss. same with youuu. love is a beautiful thing.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-09 03:36:38 +0000 UTC]

it is. (:

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-09 15:26:21 +0000 UTC]

*sigh*.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-11 04:52:24 +0000 UTC]

how you been hunni?

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-11 22:24:54 +0000 UTC]

stressssed and tired. i cannot wait until thanksgiving break. How about you dearest?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-13 01:38:31 +0000 UTC]

same. and even more stressed because i dont see any hopes of me getting into college. i really dont. and i cant talk to anyone about it, i feel really dumb. i should probably talk to my counselor tomorrow and see if there is any hope for me. but, talking to her, means spilling my score on the act, and im not sure im ready to do that with anyone yet... :/

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-13 03:22:49 +0000 UTC]

aw. you can take the act multiple times annd get a higher score. that's what i did. i took it three times. guuhh. if you were to go to college, what would you want to study? you can always go to community college too. there are so many options!

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-13 04:25:33 +0000 UTC]

i know. im afraid 3 times isnt enough to make it go up enough. i would have to get at LEAST raised 2 points each of those 3 times to even be able to get into the community college here. thats how much i sucked it up. yeah. i feel really freaking dumb.
and im thinking about psychology. i think i want to be either an abuse counselor, or with addiction, something helping youth overcoming life situations and problems. or mental. not sure yet. lol.

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-13 05:42:35 +0000 UTC]

act tests are HORRIBLE. i was terrible at them too. they are so stressful to prepare for. ugh.

psychology would be really cool. i'm sure it will work out for you. it's so hard not to get discouraged but once everything falls into place, your life is soooo much less complicated.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-14 05:38:36 +0000 UTC]

yep. i agree. i talked with my counselor this morning, not all hope is lost (:

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-14 07:16:39 +0000 UTC]

aww. yaay! what did they say?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to RoseByAnyOtherName [2009-11-14 16:24:16 +0000 UTC]

she called up northwestern while i was in her office & talked to one of the ladies that worked there. and asked them even if my school was a lot lower than they were expecting for me to get in if i could still get in, the lady said i could still apply. i would just need 3 letters of recommendation. so far ive already got two people that said they would do it. so that made me feel a whole lot better. but yesterday didnt turn out at all like i had planned... :/

at lunchtime i was gonna go to my house and talk to my mom about my score, because i felt guilty enough for lying to her and it was driving me crazy and i wanted to tell her what my counselor had said. and im really close with my mom, so i thought she would be a lot easier to talk to about it, then her and my dad together. but that didnt happen. i had like a million things to do.

but jen was in the cafeteria waiting for me, she was wanting to go to lunch with me.
i felt torn kinda because i would feel bad, because she would probably just eat at home by herself if i didnt go with her, because anna had already left and jake had a denist appt.
so i said talking to my mom could wait.

we stopped by my house to check if my score had come in the mail yet, it hadnt so we left.
what she said to me though, was completly unexpected and out of the blue.
apparently she had been keeping this all contained for the two months that i had been dating jesse...

she started going off on how she had been mad at me since homecoming when i had a panic attack and had to leave the dance early. when she should have been supportive, somehow it made her made and she wanted to bitch me out that night but didnt. im so glad she didnt. that was a bad night in itself.

then she told me how jake and anna, my other two really close friends, and her had all been talking about how i had changed. and she felt they all felt kinda betrayed like i was choosing them second now that i dated. she told me not to change who i was just be myself. and thats what i thought ive been doing. dont you hate being ganged up on? dont you hate when you feel like they dont understand you. and they dont. they think they do.

why is there always someone out there you have to please? and you just cant. its hard. and i didnt take it easy either. i got really quiet. and upset of course. how was i suppose to feel? they kept this from me for almost 3 months, and never acted like everything was normal.
ive been so stressed lately. so what i hang out with jesse a lot? i feel the most comfortable around him. ive never been happier with anyone else.
they dont see that. or they do but their jealous.
maybe its because they dont have that i dont know.

but i think the hardest part after listening to all that, was the fact that jen was trying to make me feel better by having lunch with me, i didnt wanna be around her or any of my friends after that. i wanted to dissappear for awhile. i thought i was gonna cry.

i didnt. she said she felt really bad but she had to tell me. i was like yeah, sure.
this was all giving me flashbacks from freshman year. different set of friends, similar situation.
but that was a lot different because i was going through a difficult time, i guess i still am.
i hate how judgemental your friends can be towards you. you start acting one way, they instantly pick up on it, and they confide in everyone but you. thats crap to me.

anyway, jen wanted me to go shopping with her after school. i reluctantly agreed, i felt like saying no was another test. so i felt obligated and i knew she felt bad. and i didnt hate or anything, more so i was just really confused.
that was hard. shopping with her. but we laughed it off. brushed it aside.
then on the ride dropping her off was weird. because she had another long talk with me. just more of what she had said before. then i told her about the act and my score. and how stressed i have been lately.
of course i didnt tell her everything.

i dont believe in that.

she was like, okay well we'll talk later, love you dee. i was like yeah. okay.
but i was still really hurt.
i cried pretty hard the whole way home.
i felt rejected.
i dont think its necessary to go on how i felt at that time.
when i got home i had just pulled in when jesse arrived. he could tell something was wrong
but i didnt say what.
i sat on my couch and started shaking. i do that when im really upset.

he cheered me up a bit though, he always does.
jen went to the movies with us as well, but thats okay i guess. at least in movies you dont have to talk.
anyways, i gotta go. sorry for the rant.

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-15 22:08:07 +0000 UTC]

mm nothing much really. i dont know lol. it wasnt brought up again. im just gonna try and move on i guess. i mean not act like what she said to me totally slipped my mind, but then again im not really sure what she expects me to do either. i just want to be me. so im not planning on anything different. they can love it or leave it. thats my motto.

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RoseByAnyOtherName In reply to juiceboxheroX03 [2009-11-15 15:59:06 +0000 UTC]

oh noooo! what happened with that?

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juiceboxheroX03 In reply to Blackened-Dove [2009-08-29 12:15:21 +0000 UTC]

hey cutie! how have you been? its been awhile ):

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