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kitboys
♂️
[38781369]
[2016-03-19 05:16:56 +0000 UTC]
"yiff? yiff"
(United States)
# Statistics
Favourites: 1534; Deviations: 670; Watchers: 374
Watching: 270; Pageviews: 33649; Comments Made: 3042; Friends: 270
# About me
:thumb208722614:
valentine | he/him | engaged | 20
i know it won't be too long before we're free
:thumb208722614:
# Comments
Comments: 425
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happy birthday!! i hope you have a wonderful birthday and that you're doing good pal!! you deserve a great birthday!! <3
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thank you SO much, my friend!! ;v; this means a ton!! ❤
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sent me this way, just wanted to wish you a happy birthday! Hope it's a great day for you! 
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thank you so very much!! it means a ton!! ;v; ❤
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there isn't a single day i don't marvel and bask in the beauty of our togetherness and how the stars and planets alike so kindly alligned in my hopes of being with you.
every day with you is an adventure, darling, and i'm just fortunate enough to be in for the ride. i'll be your eyes to spotting every perfect piece of paradise if you'll be my compass, always steering me right to where i need to be. thank you for every hour, every day, and every year you've dedicated and sacrificed for me, love.
my words in real life cannot spin themselves like my fingers can, but i love you all the very same and my words mean no less.
cheers to surviving this year and starting our biggest adventure yet the next. i couldn't ask for a better person to be with for something like this.
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someone: hey are u thirsty
me: hell YEAH i am
(chugs nonstop support, love, and validation juice for my bf)
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IF i were a DINOSAUR i’d be HEARTosaur instead of a herbivore cuz i’d only want UR HEART
✨💚✨🦕✨💚✨
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i lessthanthree you babeyyyy
<3333333333333333333333
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X3 RAWR TWICE if you THINK my BOYFRIEND is SMEXEH X3
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HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TODAY VALENTINE!!!!
poop i hit submit too soon but! you are such a kind and loving person and im glad that you were born this day!! youre such a sweet soul and i hope this year holds many beautiful and kind things for you!! ilysm valentine!! sorry for bein late ;o;
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also just putting this here, but you’d better get used to sticking around with me anyways- who else is going to raise your beautiful, perfect and divine little girl with you? to wipe your tears and remind you that you are so human, so beautiful and loving and that you’re still trying even as you fail? to (..eventually master..) cook all of your favorite meals and spoil you into your own grave?
who else is going to obsess and hoard gaudy victoria gothic furniture with you in our humble little castle in romania? to spend forever and ever with, plus an eternity? what other werewolf boy would make such a commitment as to sticking around for a pretty vampire boy like you? to kiss away at your porcelain skin and admire your suave and charm?
no boy or girl but me, that’s who. despite this turning a little jokesy sounding, darling, if you asked me to spend forever with you, i’d have shown you the very second i’d have fallen in love with you and tell you that, i already made that commitment- all i ask is yours.
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ps: i’m your guard wolf for life! just remember that. you’d better get used to me following your shadow, throwing myself onto you for attention, and never ceasing to kiss your face all over. i don’t feel that raw urge to go outside and howl,
because why would i? there is no moon as beautiful as mine.
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hello my little moonbeam, you know i adore you so much! i am so proud of you- but i am always, so what’s new?
you are such a bright little light of joy and life in mine that i can’t get over, no matter how much time i spend with you. i can't get enough of living with you together- it’s been three years, you know? i bet you’re just as (happily!) surprised as i am. i will always, always be with you- there is no other boy (nor girl) who will carry you and support you to the lengths i will. i’d travel every ripple of ocean, to every speckle of stardust for you, boy. you make me so, so happy, and you give me so, so much strength- even if it is at times renewed. being with you is like a permanent fresh breath of air; everything we do together always feels so brand new to me. i have never had that joy with anyone aside from you, my darling. since the day we became internet friends, up until the sweet summery evening before our engagement day.
you complete so much for me and give me so much meaning- you make life feel so complete for me. i am so in love with being alive as a humble, disgraceful human being, but who cares if it means being with you? i know you will catch me every step of the way as i will catch you- i am so excited growing and changing with you. i feel like i’m a broken and beaten up dusty record by now, how i’ve likely said all these lines before and then some. actions speak louder than words, so i’ll put my money where my mouth is and vow to never leave your side. i am yours, truly forever, my darling. let’s cherish this lifetime as long as we can.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAL I LOVE U SO MUCH!!!!!! ♥ ♥ ♥
you're such an incredible friend and its been such a pleasure knowing you for
all these years!!! you've always filled my days with so much laughter, we had so much
fun back in the days!!!!
i hope you have a very good birthday, you deserve it!!!! ♥
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Remy! Remy! Psst! Psst! Hey, hey, hey, little brother! We were afraid you weren't going to, you know, show up. - Hey, Remy! How you doing? - You told them? Emile, that's exactly what I said not to do! But you know these guys. They're my friends. I didn't think you meant them. Look, I'm sorry. Don't tell me you're sorry, tell them you're sorry. - Is there a problem over here? - No, there is not. Wait here. It's locked? Remy, what are you doing in here? Okay. Emile shows up with... Okay, I said not to. I told him... He goes and blabs to... Yeah, it's a disaster. Anyway, they're hungry, the food safe is locked and I need the key. - They want you to steal food? - Yes. No! It's... - They want you to steal food? - Yes. No! It's... It's complicated. It's family. They don't have your ideals. Ideals? If Chef Fancy Pants had any ideals, you think I'd be hawking barbecue over here? Or microwave burritos? Or, Tooth, I say, Tooth Pick'n Chicken? About as French as a corn dog! Coming soon! We're inventing new ways to sell out over here. Will ye be wanting some haggis bites? I cannot control how they use my image, Remy. - I am dead! - Can you guys shut up? I've got to think! Word's getting out. If I can't keep them quiet, the entire clan's gonna be after me with their mouths open and... Here it is. Hey. Your will! - Oh, this is interesting. Mind if I... - Not at all. Linguini? Why would Linguini be filed with your will? This used to be my office. He's your son? - I have a son? - How could you not know this? I am a figment of your imagination. You did not know, how could I? Well, your son is the rightful owner of this restaurant! Well, your son is the rightful owner of this restaurant! No! No! The rat! - Sorry, chef. - The rat! It's stolen my documents! - It's getting away! Hey, Mr. Chef! You! - Get out of my office. - He's not in your office. You are in his. Bottoms up, Linguini! Cheers, ja. Chef! Chef! Chef Linguini! Your rise has been meteoric, yet you have no formal training. What is the secret to your genius? Secret? You want the truth? I am Gusteau's son. It's in my blood I guess. But you weren't aware of that fact until very recently. No. And it resulted in your taking ownership of this restaurant. How did you find out? Well, some part of me just knew. The Gusteau part? - Where do you get your inspiration? - Inspiration has many names. - Mine is named Colette. - What? Something's stuck in my teeth. Health Inspector. I wish to report a rat infestation. It's taken over my... Gusteau's restaurant. Gusteau's, eh? I can drop by. Let's see. First opening is three months. It must happen now! It's a gourmet restaurant! Monsieur, I have the information. If someone cancels, I'll slot you in. But the rat! You must... It stole my documents. It's past opening time. He should have finished an hour ago. Bonjour, ma chérie. Join us. We were just talking about my inspiration. Yes, he calls it his tiny chef. Not that, dearest. I meant you. - It's him. - Ego? Anton Ego! Is that Ego? I can't believe it.
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You know, I'm going to stay here. Make sure the floors and countertops are clean before you lock up. Wait. You want me to stay and clean? Is that a problem? - No. - Good boy. See you tomorrow. We're here. Take a good long look, Remy. Now, this is what happens when a rat gets a little too comfortable around humans. The world we live in belongs to the enemy. We must live carefully. We look out for our own kind, Remy. When all is said and done, we're all we've got. - No. - What? No. Dad, I don't believe it. You're telling me that the future is... Can only be more of this? This is the way things are. You can't change nature. Change is nature, Dad. The part that we can influence. And it starts when we decide. - Where you going? - With luck, forward. Hey! Yeah. Stop it. Good morning. Good morning. So, the chef, he invited you in for a drink? That's big. That's big. What did he say? What? What, you can't tell me? Forgive me for intruding on your deep, personal relationship with the chef. Oh, I see how it is. You get me to teach you a few kitchen tricks to dazzle the boss and then you blow past me? Wake up. Wake up. I thought you were different. I thought you thought I was different. I thought... I didn't have to help you! If I looked out only for myself, I would have let you drown! But... I wanted you to succeed. I liked you. My mistake. Colette. Wait, wait. Colette! It's over, Little Chef. I can't do it anymore. Colette! Wait, wait! Don't motorcycle away. Look, I'm no good with words. I'm no good with food either. At least not without your help. I hate false modesty. It's just another way to lie. - You have talent. - No, but I don't! Really! It's not me. When I added that extra ingredient instead of following the recipe like you said, That wasn't me either. - What do you mean? - I mean, I wouldn't have done that. I would've followed the recipe. I would've followed your advice. I would've followed your advice to the ends of the earth. - Because I love your advice. - But... But I... Don't do it. I have a secret. It's sort of disturbing. - I have a... - What? You... - I have a ra... - You have a rash? No, no, no. I have this... This tiny little... Little... A tiny chef who tells me what to do. A tiny chef? Yes. Yes. He's... - He's up here. - In your brain? Why is it so hard to talk to you? Okay. Here we go. You inspire me. I'm going to risk it all. I'm going to risk looking like the biggest idiot psycho you've ever seen. You want to know why I'm such a fast learner? You want to know why I'm such a great cook? Don't laugh! I'm going to show you! No! No! - What is it, Ambrister? - Gusteau's. - Finally closing, is it? - No. - More financial trouble? - No, it's... Announced a new line of microwave egg rolls? What? What? Spit it out. It's come back. It's popular. - I haven't reviewed Gusteau's in years. - No, sir. My last review condemned it - to the tourist trade. - Yes, sir. I said, "Gusteau has finally found his rightful place in history "right alongside another equally famous chef, "Monsieur Boyardee." Touché. That is where I left it. That was my last word. - The last word. - Yes. Then tell me, Ambrister, how could it be popular? No, no, no, no, no, no, no! The DNA matches, the timing works, everything checks out. He is Gusteau's son. This can't just happen! The whole thing is a setup! The boy knows! Look at him out there, pretending to be an idiot. He's toying with my mind like a cat with a ball of... Something. - String? - Yes! Playing dumb. - Taunting me with that rat. - Rat? Yes. He's consorting with it. Deliberately trying to make me think it's important. - The rat. - Exactly! Is the rat important? Of course not! He just wants me to think that it is. Oh, I see the theatricality of it. A rat appears on the boy's first night, I order him to kill it. And now he wants me to see it everywhere. It's here! No, it isn't, it's here! Am I seeing things, am I crazy? Is there a phantom rat or is there not? But, oh, no! I refuse to be sucked into his little game of... Should I be concerned about this? About you? I can't fire him. He's getting attention. If I fire him now, everyone will wonder why. And the last thing I want is people looking into this. What are you so worried about? Isn't it good to have the press? Isn't it good to have Gusteau's name getting headlines? Not if they're over his face! Gusteau's already has a face, and it's fat and lovable and familiar. And it sells burritos! Millions and millions of burritos! The deadline passes in three days. Then you can fire him whenever he ceases to be valuable and no one will ever know. I was worried about the hair sample you gave me. - I had to send them back to the lab. - Why? Because the first time it came back identified as rodent hair. - No, no, no. - What? Try this. It's better. Well, because you... Rat! Disgusting little creatures. I was reminded how fragile it all was. How the world really saw me. And it just kept getting better.
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Don't just hork it down! - Too late. Here. Chew it slowly. Only think about the taste. - See? - Not really. Creamy, salty sweet, an oaky nuttiness. - You detect that? - Oh, I'm detecting nuttiness. Close your eyes. Now taste this. Whole different thing, right? Sweet, crisp, slight tang on the finish. - Okay. - Now, try them together. Okay. I think I'm getting a little something there. - It might be the nuttiness. - See? - Could be the tang. - That's it. Now, imagine every great taste in the world being combined into infinite combinations. Tastes that no one has tried yet! Discoveries to be made! I think... - You lost me again. - Yeah. But that was interesting. Most interesting garbage I ever... Hey! What are we doing? Dad doesn't know you're alive yet! We've got to go to the colony! Everyone will be thrilled! - Yeah! But... - What? Thing is, I kind of have to... What do you "have to" more than family? What's more important here? Well, I... It wouldn't hurt to visit. - Have you had a pet rat? - No. - Did you work in a lab with rats? - No. Perhaps you lived in squalor at some point? Nopety nopety no. You know something about rats! You know you do! You know who know do whacka-doo. Ratta-tatta. - Hey! Why do they call it that? - What? Ratatouille. It's like a stew, right? Why do they call it that? If you're going to name a food, you should give it a name that sounds delicious. Ratatouille doesn't sound delicious. It sounds like "rat" and "patootie." Rat patootie. Which does not sound delicious. Regrettably we are all out of wine. My son has returned! And finding someone to replace you for poison checker has been a disaster. Nothing's been poisoned, thank God, but it hasn't been easy. - You didn't make it easy. - I know. I am sorry, Dad. Well, the important thing is that you're home. Yeah, well, about that... You look thin. Why is that? A shortage of food, or a surplus of snobbery? It's tough out there in the big world all alone, isn't it? Sure, but it's not like I'm a kid anymore. - Hey. Hey, boy. What's up? - I can take care of myself. I've found a nice spot not far away, so I'll be able to visit often. Nothing like a cold splash of reality to make you... - Visit? - I will. I promise. Often. - You're not staying? - No. It's not a big deal, Dad. I just... You didn't think I was going to stay forever, did you? Eventually, a bird's got to leave the nest. We're not birds. We're rats. We don't leave our nests. We make them bigger. - Well, maybe I'm a different kind of rat. - Maybe you're not a rat at all. Maybe that's a good thing. Hey! The band's really on tonight, huh? Rats. All we do is take, Dad. I'm tired of taking. I want to make things. I want to add something to this world. - You're talking like a human. - Who are not as bad as you say. - Oh, yeah? What makes you so sure? - Oh, man. I've been able to observe them at a close-ish sort of range. - Yeah? How close? - Close enough. And they're, you know, not so bad as you say they are. Come with me. I got something I want you to see.
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Lalo! We have some veal stomach soaking, yes? Yes! The veal stomach, I get that. Veal stomach? Okay. I'll be right back. Where... Hey, I got to... Hey! Don't mind me. I just need to borrow this real quick. Let's see, over here... I'll be back. Thank you. Excuse me. I'm going to... Apparently, I need this. I'll be right... I'm going to pick that up. I got some of that spice. Okay. What are you doing? You're supposed to be preparing the Gusteau recipe. This is the recipe. The recipe doesn't call for white truffle oil! What else have you... You are improvising? This is no time to experiment. The customer are waiting. You're right. I should listen to you! - Stop that! - Stop what? Freaking me out! Whatever you are doing, stop it. Where is the special order? - Coming! - I thought we were together on this. - We are together. - Then what are you doing? - It's very hard to explain. - The special? - Come get it! I forgot the anchovy licorice sauce. - Don't you dare. - I'm not, I'm not. I'm... Sorry. Is Linguini's dish done yet? Ja. It's as bad as we remember. Just went out. - Did you taste it? - Ja, of course, before he changed it. Good. What? How could he change it? He changed it as it was going out the door! Ow! They love it! Other diners are already asking about it, about Linguini. I have seven more orders! That's wonderful. I'd like one of those. Special order! What is that? Special order! Special order! Special order! To Linguini. - Congratulations, Mr. Linguini. - Cheers, ja? Drink now, there's plenty. Take a break, Little Chef. Get some air. We really did it tonight. Dah! Got your toque! Oh, seriously now. I'd love to have a little talk with you, Linguini, in my office. - Am I in trouble? - Trouble? No. A little wine, a friendly chat. Just us cooks. The plongeur won't be coming to you for advice anymore, eh, Colette? He's gotten all he needs. Toasting your success, eh, Linguini? Good for you. I just took it to be polite. I don't really drink, you know. Of course you don't. I wouldn't either if I was drinking that. But you would have to be an idiot of elephantine proportions not to appreciate this '61 Château Latour. And you, Monsieur Linguini, are no idiot. Let us toast your non-idiocy. - Remy! - Emile? I can't believe it! You're alive! - You made it! - I thought I'd never see you guys again! We figured you didn't survive the rapids. And what are you eating? I don't really know. I think it was some sort of wrapper once. What? No. You're in Paris now, baby. My town. No brother of mine eats rejectamenta in my town. Remy! You are stealing? You told Linguini he could trust you. - And he can. It's for my brother. - But the boy could lose his job. Which means I would, too. It's under control, okay? - More wine? - I shouldn't, but... Okay. So, where did you train, Linguini? Train? All right. Surely you don't expect me to believe this is your first time cooking? - It's not. - I knew it! It's my... Second, third, fourth... Fifth time. Monday was my first time. But I've taken out the garbage lots of times before that... Yes, yes. Have some more wine. Tell me, Linguini, about your interests. Do you like animals? What? Animals? What kind? The usual, dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs, rats. I brought you something to... No, no, no, no! Spit that out right now! I have got to teach you about food. Close your eyes. Now take a bite of... No! No! No!
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What are you doing? I'm cutting vegetables. I'm cutting vegetables? No! You waste energy and time! You think cooking is a cute job, like Mommy in the kitchen? Well, Mommy never had to face the dinner rush when the orders come flooding in, and every dish is different and none are simple, and all of the different cooking times, but must arrive on the customer's table at exactly the same time, hot and perfect! Every second counts, and you cannot be Mommy! What is this? Keep your station clear! When the meal rush comes, what will happen? Messy stations slow things down. Food doesn't go, orders pile up. Disaster. I'll make this easy to remember. Keep your station clear, or I will kill you! Your sleeves look like you threw up on them. Keep your hands and arms in, close to the body. Like this. See? Always return to this position. Cooks move fast. Sharp utensils, hot metal, keep your arms in. You will minimize cuts and burns and keep your sleeves clean. Mark of a chef: Messy apron, clean sleeves. I know the Gusteau style cold. In every dish, Chef Gusteau always has something unexpected. I will show you. I memorize all his recipe. - Always do something unexpected. - No. Follow the recipe. - But you just said that... - No, no, no. It was his job to be unexpected. It is our job to... - Follow his recipes. - Follow the recipe. How do you tell how good bread is without tasting it? Not the smell, not the look, but the sound of the crust. Listen. Symphony of crackle. Only great bread sound this way. The only way to get the best produce is to have first pick of the day and there are only two way to get first pick. Grow it yourself, or bribe a grower. Voilà! The best restaurant get first pick. People think haute cuisine is snooty. So chef must also be snooty. But not so. Lalo there ran away from home at 12. Got hired by circus people as an acrobat. And then he get fired for messing around with the ringmaster's daughter. Horst has done time. What for? No one know for sure. He changes the story every time you ask him. I defrauded a major corporation. I robbed the second largest bank in France using only a ballpoint pen. I created a hole in the ozone over Avignon. I killed a man with this thumb. Don't ever play cards with Pompidou. He's been banned from Las Vegas and Monte Carlo. - Larousse ran gun for the Resistance. - Which resistance? He won't say. Apparently, they didn't win. So you see. We are artist, pirate. More than cooks are we. - We? - Oui. You are one of us now, oui? Oui. Thank you, by the way, for all the advice about cooking. - Thank you, too. - For what? For taking it. The rat! - But he is a... - I just dropped my keys. Have you decided this evening? - Your soup is excellent. But... - But we order it every time. - What else do you have? - Well, we have a very nice foie gras. I know about the foie gras. The old standby, used to be famous for it. What does the chef have that's new? - Someone has asked what is new! - New? Yes. What do I tell them? - Well, what did you tell them? - I told them I would ask! What are you blathering about? - Customers are asking what is new. - What should I tell them? - What did you tell them? - I told them I would ask! This is simple. Just pull out an old Gusteau recipe, something we haven't made in a while... They know about the old stuff. They like Linguini's soup. They are asking for food from Linguini? A lot of customers like the soup. That's all we are saying. Were we saying that? Very well. If it's Linguini they want tell them Chef Linguini has prepared something special for them. Something definitely off menu. Oh, and don't forget to stress - its Linguini-ness. - Oui, chef. Now is your chance to try something worthy of your talent, Linguini. A forgotten favorite of the chef's, sweetbread à la Gusteau. - Colette will help you. - Oui, chef. Now, hurry up. Our diners are hungry. Are you sure? That recipe was a disaster. Gusteau himself said so. Just the sort of challenge a budding chef needs. "Sweetbread à la Gusteau. "Sweetbread cooked in a seaweed salt crust "with cuttlefish tentacle, dog rose purée, "geoduck egg, dried white fungus? "Anchovy licorice sauce." I don't know this recipe, but it's Gusteau's, so...
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I can't be constantly checking for a yes or no head shake from a... The rat! I saw it! - A rat? - Yes, a rat. Right next to you. What are you doing in here? I'm just familiarizing myself with, you know, the vegetables and such. Get out. One can get too familiar with vegetables, you know! That was close. Are you okay up there? How did you do that? That's strangely involuntary! One look and I knew we had the same crazy idea. Okay. Where are you taking me? Wait. Wait. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. À votre santé! All right. That should do it. Congratulations. You were able to repeat your accidental success. But you'll need to know more than soup if you are to survive in my kitchen, boy. Colette will be responsible for teaching you how we do things here. Listen, I just want you to know how honored I am to be studying under such... No! You listen. I just want you to know exactly who you are dealing with. How many women do you see in this kitchen? Well, I... - Only me. Why do you think that is? - Well, I... Because haute cuisine is an antiquated hierarchy built upon rules written by stupid old men. Rules designed to make it impossible for women to enter this world. But still I'm here. How did this happen? Because, well, because you... Because I am the toughest cook in this kitchen. I've worked too hard for too long to get here and I am not going to jeopardize it for some garbage boy who got lucky. Got it? Easy to cook. Easy to eat. Gusteau makes Chinese food Chine-easy. - Excellent work, François, as usual. - It's good, isn't it? I want you to work up something for my latest frozen food concept. Gusteau's Corn Puppies. They're like corn dogs, only smaller. Bite size. What are corn dogs? Cheap sausages dipped in batter and deep fried. You know, American. Cheap sausages dipped in batter and deep fried. You know, American. Whip something up. Maybe Gusteau in overalls and Huckleberry Tom hat. Or as a big ear of corn in doggie make-up. Yes. But, please, with dignity. Get my lawyer! Well, the will stipulates that if after a period of two years from the date of death no heir appears, Gusteau's business interests will pass to his sous chef. You. I know what the will stipulates. What I want to know is if this letter... If this boy changes anything! There's not much resemblance. There's no resemblance at all. He is not Gusteau's son. Gusteau had no children, and what of the timing of all this? The deadline in the will expires in less than a month! Suddenly, some boy arrives with a letter from his recently deceased mother claiming Gusteau is his father? Highly suspect! - This is Gusteau's? - Yes, yes, yes. - May I? - Of course. But the boy does not know. She claims she never told him, or Gusteau, and asks that I not tell. - Why you? What does she want? - A job for the boy. - Only a job? - Well, yes. Then what are you worried about? If he works here, you'll be able to keep an eye on him while I do a little digging. Find out how much of this is real. I will need you to collect some DNA samples from the boy. Hair, maybe. Mark my words. The whole thing is highly suspect. He knows something. Relax, he's a garbage boy. I think you can handle him.
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Stupid! He's stolen food and hit the road! What did I expect? That's what I get for trusting a... Hi. Is that for me? That's good. What did you put in this? Where'd you get that? Look, it's delicious. But don't steal. I'll buy some spices, okay? Oh, no. We're going to be late. And on the first day! Come on, Little Chef! "Though I, like many other critic, "had written off Gusteau as irrelevant since the great chef's death, "the soup was a revelation. A spicy yet subtle taste experience." - Solene LeClaire? - Yes! "Against all odds, Gusteau's has recaptured our attention. "Only time will tell if they deserve it." Well... You know. Look, I know it's stupid and weird, but neither of us can do this alone, so we got to do it together, right? You with me? So let's do this thing! I... Welcome to hell. Now, recreate the soup. Take as much time as you need. All week if you must. Soup. You little... Ow! You son of a... You got... This is not going to work, Little Chef! I'm going to lose it if we do this anymore. We've got to figure out something else. Something that doesn't involve any biting, or nipping, or running up and down my body with your little rat feet. The biting! No! Scampering! No! No scampering or scurrying. Understand, Little Chef? Little Chef? Oh, you're hungry. Okay. So let's think this out. You know how to cook, and I know how to appear human. We need to work out a system so that I do what you want in a way that doesn't look like I'm being controlled by a tiny rat chef. Would you listen to me? I'm insane! I'm insane! I'm insane! In a refrigerator talking to a rat about cooking in a gourmet restaurant. - I will never pull this off! - Linguini? We gotta communicate.
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Rat! - Rat! Get the rat. Linguini. Get something to trap it. It's getting away. Get it, get it, get it. - What should I do now? - Kill it. - Now? - No, not in the kitchen. Are you mad? Do you know what would happen to us if anyone knew we had a rat in our kitchen? They'd close us down. Our reputation is hanging by a thread as it is. Take it away from here. Far away. Kill it. Dispose of it. Go! Don't look at me like that! You aren't the only one who's trapped. They expect me to cook it again! I mean, I'm not ambitious. I wasn't trying to cook. I was just trying to stay out of trouble. You're the one who was getting fancy with the spices! What did you throw in there? Oregano? No? What? Rosemary? That's a spice, isn't it? Rosemary? You didn't throw rosemary in there? Then what was all the flipping and all the throwing the... I need this job. I've lost so many. I don't know how to cook, and now I'm actually talking to a rat as if you... Did you nod? Have you been nodding? You understand me? So I'm not crazy! Wait a second, wait a second. I can't cook, can I? But you... You can, right? Look, don't be so modest. You're a rat, for Pete's sake. Whatever you did, they liked it. Yeah. This could work. Hey, they liked the soup! They liked the soup. Do you think you could do it again? Okay, I'm going to let you out now. But we're together on this. Right? Okay. So this is it. I mean, it's not much, but it's, you know... Not much. It could be worse. There's heat and light and a couch with a TV. So, you know, what's mine is yours. Are you... Is this a dream? The best kind of dream. One we can share. But why here? Why now? Why not here? Why not now? What better place to dream than in Paris? Morning, Little Chef. Rise and... Oh, no. Idiot! I knew this would happen! I let a rat into my place and tell him what's mine is his! Eggs, gone!
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Well, yeah, anyone can. That doesn't mean that anyone should. Well, that is not stopping him. See? What is he doing? No. No! No, this is terrible! He's ruining the soup. And nobody's noticing? It's your restaurant. Do something. What can I do? I am a figment of your imagination. But he's ruining the soup! We got to tell someone that he's... But he's ruining the soup! We got to tell someone that he's... Table five coming up, right now. Coming down the line. Set. Hot! Open oven! Coming around. Oui, chef. One filet mignon, three lamb, two duck. Fire those soufflés for table six, ja. Five minutes, chef. - Oh, God. Tonight, I'd like to present the foie gras. It has a wonderful finish. Ready to go on table seven. Come on! Let's go! Oui, chef. Remy! What are you waiting for? Is this going to become a regular thing with you? You know how to fix it. This is your chance. The soup! Where is the soup? Out of my way. Move it, garbage boy! You are cooking? How dare you cook in my kitchen? Where do you get the gall to even attempt something so monumentally idiotic? I should have you drawn and quartered! I'll do it. I think the law is on my side. Larousse, draw and quarter this man after you put him in the duck press to squeeze the fat out of his head. - What are you blathering about? - The soup! Soup? Stop that soup! No! Waiter. Linguini! You're fired! F- l-R-E-D! Fired! She wants to see the chef. But he... - What did the customer say? - It was not a customer. It was a critic. - Ego? - Solene LeClaire. - LeClaire? What did she say? - She likes the soup. - Wait. - What do you mean, "Wait"? You're the reason I'm in this mess. Someone is asking about your soup. What are you playing at? Am I still fired? You can't fire him. - What? LeClaire likes it, yeah? She made a point of telling you so. If she write a review to that effect and find out you fired the cook responsible... - He's a garbage boy. - Who made something she liked. How can we claim to represent the name of Gusteau if we don't uphold his most cherished belief? And what belief is that, Mademoiselle Tatou? Anyone can cook. Perhaps I have been a bit harsh on our new garbage boy. He has taken a bold risk and we should reward that, as Chef Gusteau would have. If he wishes to swim in dangerous waters, who are we to deny him? - You were escaping? - Oh, yeah. Since you have expressed such an interest in his cooking career, you shall be responsible for it. Anyone else? Then back to work. You are either very lucky or very unlucky. You will make the soup again, and this time, I'll be paying attention. Very close attention. They think you might be a cook. But you know what I think, Linguini? I think you are a sneaky, overreaching little...
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Hello, Chef Skinner. How your night be now? Bonjour, chef. Hello, Chef Skinner. - Evening, chef. Ordering deux filet. Hey, boss, look who is here. Alfredo Linguini, Renata's little boy. - Hi. - All grown up, eh? You remember Renata, Gusteau's old flame? - Yes. How are you... - Linguini. Yes, Linguini. So nice of you to visit. How is... - My mother? - Renata. - Yes, Renata. How is she? - Good. Well, not... She's been better. I mean... She died. I'm sorry. Oh, don't be. She believed in heaven, so she's covered. You know, afterlife-wise? - What's this? - She left it for you. I think she hoped it would help me, you know, get a job here. But of course. Gusteau wouldn't hesitate. Any son of Renata's is more than... Yes, well, we could file this and if something suitable opens up... We have already hired him. What? How dare you hire someone without my... We needed a garbage boy. Oh, garbage. Well... I'm glad it worked out. I can't believe it. A real gourmet kitchen, and I get to watch. You've read my book. Let us see how much you know, huh? Which one is the chef? - Oh, that guy. - Very good. Who is next in command? The sous chef. There. The sous is responsible for the kitchen when the chef's not around. Saucier, in charge of sauces. Very important. Chef de partie, demi chef de partie, both important. Commis, commis, they're cooks. Very important. You are a clever rat. Now, who is that? Oh, him? He's nobody. Not nobody. He is part of the kitchen. No, he's a plongeur or something. He washes dishes or takes out the garbage. He doesn't cook. - But he could. - Uh, no. How do you know? What do I always say? Anyone can cook.
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Hold on! Wait for me. Hold on. Dad? Dad? Which way? I waited for a sound, a voice, a sign, something. If you are hungry, go up and look around, Remy. Why do you wait and mope? Well, I've just lost my family, all my friends, probably forever. - How do you know? - Well, I... You are an illustration. Why am I talking to you? Well, you just lost your family, all your friends. You are lonely. Yeah. Well, you're dead. Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking. If you focus on what you've left behind, you'll never be able to see what lies ahead. Now go up and look around. Champagne! What are you doing? I'm hungry. I don't know where I am, and I don't know when I'll find food again. Remy, you are better than that. You are a cook. A cook makes. A thief takes. You are not a thief. But I am hungry. Food will come, Remy. Food always comes to those who love to cook. - You think I am playing? - You don't have the guts. Paris? All this time I've been underneath Paris? Wow. It's beautiful. The most beautiful. Gusteau's? Your restaurant? You've led me to your restaurant. It seems as though I have. Yes. There it is! I have led you to it! I got to see this. Ready to go on table seven. Coming around. One order of steamed pike up. Coming up. I need more soup bowls, please. I need two rack of lamb. I need more leeks. I need two salmon, three salade composée, and three filet. Three orders of salade composée working. Firing two orders, seared salmon. Three filet working. I need plates. Fire seven. Three salade composée up. Don't mess with my mise! Open down low. I'm getting buried here.
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Evacuate! Everyone, to the boats. Let me through! - The book. Let me through! - The book. Excuse me. Move, move. Go, go, go, go. Move, move, move. Get the bridge up! Move it, move it! Hey, Johnny! Hurry! Push off. Come on. Get hold! - Take the baby. Here! - Give me your paw. Hey, wait for me! Is everybody here? Do we have everybody? - Wait a minute. Where's Remy? - Right here. I'm coming. I'm coming! Hold on, Son. Give him something to grab on to. Come on, boy. Paddle, Son. Come on. Reach for it. You can do it. - Remy! - Dad! Come on. You can make it. You can make it. Guys, wait. Stop! Remy. Come on. Paddle.
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Great cooking is not for the faint of heart. Great cooking is not for the faint of heart. You must be imaginative, strong hearted. You must try things that may not work. And you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true. Anyone can cook. But only the fearless can be great. Pure poetry. But it was not to last. Gusteau's restaurant lost one of its five stars after a scathing review by France's top food critic, Anton Ego. It was a severe blow to Gusteau, and the brokenhearted chef died shortly afterwards, which, according to tradition, meant the loss of another star. Gusteau is dead? Run! No, you'll lead her to the colony! - Help, Remy, help! - Emile! Start swinging the light! - Help, Remy, help! - Emile! Start swinging the light! Try to grab you. Emile, swing to me.
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Saffron. Don't like it. She's gonna wake up. I've been down here a million times. She turns on the cooking channel, boom, she never wakes up. You've been here a million times? I'm telling you, saffron will be just the thing. Gusteau swears by it. Okay. Who's Gusteau? Just the greatest chef in the world. Wrote this cookbook. Wait. You read? - Well, not excessively. - Oh, man. Does Dad know? You could fill a book, a lot of books, with things Dad doesn't know. And they have, which is why I read. Which is also our secret. I don't like secrets. All this cooking and reading and TV-watching while we read and cook. It's like you're involving me in crime, and I let you. Why do I let you? What's taking those kids so long? Ah, I'Aquila saffron. Italian. Huh? Gusteau says it's excellent. Good thing the old lady is a food love... Forget mystique. This is about your cooking. Hey! That's Gusteau. Emile, look.
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This rosemary with maybe with a few drops from this sweet grass. Well, throw it on the pile, I guess, and then we'll... You know... We don't want to throw this in with the garbage. This is special. But we're supposed to return to the colony before sundown or, you know, Dad's gonna... Emile! There are possibilities unexplored here. We got to cook this. Now, exactly how we cook this is the real question... Yeah. The key is to keep turning it. Get the smoky flavor nice and even. That storm's getting closer. Hey, Remy, you think that maybe we shouldn't be so... You got to taste this! This is... It's got this kind of... It's burny, melty... It's not really a smoky taste. It's a certain... It's kind of like a... It's got, like, this "ba-boom, zap" kind of taste. Don't you think? - What would you call that flavor? - Lightning-y? Yeah. It's lightning-y! We got to do that again. Okay, when the next storm comes, we'll go up on the roof... I know what this needs! Saffron! A little saffron would make this! Saffron. Why do I get the feeling - it's in the kitchen? - It's in the kitchen. Saffron. - Not good.
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I know I'm supposed to hate humans, but there's something about them. They don't just survive. They discover, they create. I mean, just look at what they do with food. GUS TEAU ON TV: How can I describe it? Good food is like music you can taste, color you can smell. There is excellence all around you. You need only be aware to stop and savor it. Oh, Gusteau was right. Oh, mmm, yeah. Oh, amazing. Each flavor was totally unique. But combine one flavor with another, and something new was created. So now I had a secret life. The only one who knew about it was Emile. Hey, Emile. Emile. I found a mushroom. Come on, you're good at hiding food. Help me find a good place to put this. He doesn't understand me, but I can be myself around him. Why are you walking like that? I don't want to constantly have to wash my paws. Did you ever think about how we walk on the same paws that we handle food with? You ever think about what we put into our mouths? All the time. When I eat, I don't want to taste everywhere my paws have been. Well, go ahead. But if Dad sees you walking like that, he's not going to like it. What have you got there? You found cheese? And not just any cheese. Tomme de chèvre de pays! That would go beautifully with my mushroom. And... This rosemary!
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I think it's apparent I need to rethink my life a little bit. What's my problem? First of all, I'm a rat. Which means life is hard. And second, I have a highly developed sense of taste and smell. Flour, eggs, sugar, vanilla bean... Oh! Small twist of lemon. Whoa, you can smell all that? You have a gift. This is Emile, my brother. He's easily impressed. So you can smell ingredients? So what? This is my dad. He's never impressed. He also happens to be the leader of our clan. So, what's wrong with having highly developed senses? - Don't eat that! - What's going on here? Turns out that funny smell was rat poison. Suddenly, Dad didn't think my talent was useless. I was feeling pretty good about my gift, until Dad gave me a job. Clean. Clean. That's right. Poison checker. Cleanerific. Cleanerino. Close to godliness. Which means clean. You know, cleanliness is close to... Never mind. Move on. Well, it made my dad proud. Now, don't you feel better, Remy? You've helped a noble cause. Noble? We're thieves, Dad. And what we're stealing is, let's face it, garbage. It isn't stealing if no one wants it. If no one wants it, why are we stealing it? Let's just say we have different points of view. This much I knew: If you are what you eat, then I only want to eat the good stuff. But to my dad... Food is fuel. You get picky about what you put in the tank, your engine is gonna die. Now shut up and eat your garbage. Look, if we're going to be thieves, why not steal the good stuff in the kitchen, where nothing is poisoned? First of all, we are not thieves. Secondly, stay out of the kitchen and away from the humans. It's dangerous.
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Although each of the world's countries would like to dispute this fact, we French know the truth: The best food in the world is made in France. The best food in France is made in Paris. And the best food in Paris, some say, is made by Chef Auguste Gusteau. Gusteau's restaurant is the toast of Paris, booked five months in advance. And his dazzling ascent to the top of fine French cuisine has made his competitors envious. He is the youngest chef ever to achieve a five-star rating. Chef Gusteau's cookbook, Anyone Can Cook! Climbed to the top of the bestseller list. But not everyone celebrates its success. Amusing title, Anyone Can Cook! What's even more amusing is that Gusteau actually seems to believe it. I, on the other hand, take cooking seriously. And, no, I don't think anyone can do it. This is me.
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Does anyone else measure time in relation to the release of Ratatouille?
A few days ago I was talking to a friend of mine, and I was talking about the mid to late 2000's. However, I referred to it as the Ratatouille era. This sparked some debate, he asked why I didn't just say late 2000's. Quite frankly I thought it was ludicrous to say that Ratatouille did not justify its own era in human history. At the very least it deserves some sort of calender system based on its release window. Here is the system I proposed:
Ratatouille era 0-2005
Pre Minor Ratatouile era 2006- June 28th 2007
Awakening - June 29th 2007
Post Major Ratatouille era - June 30th 2007 - 2008
Post Ratatouille era 2009 - Present Day
And yet, this fucking idiot still disagreed with me. Seriously how much longer can this shit go on. Ratatouille should, at the very least, be considered its own era. (Personally I feel it should define other eras as well.) If we are speaking simply in terms of the Ratatouille era itself, I would say it reaches from around late 2006 to early 2008.
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Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
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I fucking hate Stuart Little. I would kill him with my own bare hands. God I hate him so fucking much, I’m shaking with rage right now, fuck.
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Monster. A single word to describe Stuart Little. He is a disgusting creature. Look into his eyes, only the sight of the children he murdered and the documents he burned linger. Yet his fucking cheeky grin widens his already pancake face. He is nothing more than a disgusting creature, that takes pride in his repulsive work. I want to drench him in gasoline, then burn him alive. I want to see his skin crisp as the fire settles, and all that remains is the charred corpse of Stuart Little. A sight that cannot be matched in it's beauty. All I seek is retribution, for the life he stole from me.
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Remy would defeat Stuart Little. Remy is a black rat, these rodents can reach a length of 13 to 18 inches with a mass of up to 12 ounces. Film Stuart Little (not book Stuart Little) is a mouse. From this screenshot we see that Stuart is the size of a common toothbrush. Toothbrushes are about 7 inches long. The most common species of mouse that can be white and grows up to seven inches is Mus musculus, the common house mouse. These mice can only grow to be 7 inches long and only weigh a puny 1.6 ounces. Remy is twice as large as Stuart Little and weighs almost 6 times as much as Stuart Little. In a battle of sheer strength, Remy would wipe the floor with Stuart Little.
Strength is not only about strength but smarts and tactics. Once again, Remy wins. Stuart Little is but a child. While bright for a kid, he's by no means a genius and his brain is underdeveloped. Remy is a hyper intelligent adult rat with an intensive knowledge on the culinary arts. No war was ever won on an empty stomach. Remy has a special ability to control humans by manipulating the hair on their heads. Effectively Remy has a giant mech that can squash Stuart Little with its feet. Stuart Little is a decent sailor but he lacks the know-how to command a vessel larger than a model rc boat.
Allies are important for any battle, however, Remy once-again has Stuart Little beat. Stuart Little's allies include his adoptive mother, father, his older brother, and a cat (who often is his enemy). Remy has the support of his father, his brother, hundreds of Parisian rats, a fully staffed restaurant, and every food critic in Paris. If Remy commands it, he could assemble an army that would tear apart Stuart Little and his family.
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You See, Ah, GOO GOO GA GA, Uh, What I Like To doGOOGOO GA GAIs, I Like To Dress Up As My DEADPOOL CHARACKTËR! But I’m Real Cheap, I Don't Get The Morphsuit, So I
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