HOME | DD

Description
Many great philosophers have pondered what one needs to live.  Some say it is merely the simple necessities of food and water, while other, loftier individuals claim that such things as love, knowledge, and righteousness are needed to truly live.  Celestine, on the other hand, was pretty sure that all she needed to live at the moment was a quick pair of legs.  With the distance between her and Laila growing as thin as Laila's patience, it was a great stroke of luck that the entrance to the grand domed Palace was just a few steps ahead.  Celestine flung the door open and launched herself through, Laila going from being practically on top of her to literally on top of her as the pair fell down in a clumsy pile and rolled down a flight of stairs to the floor of the great hall filled with gods and goddesses of all sorts.
The two angelic women got to their feet with the little dignity and poise that they could muster, dusted themselves off, and then immediately started shouting at the same time.
"She's a murder-"
"This angel is a-"
"Hey, don't interrupt m-"
"I'll interrupt whoever the heaven I-"
"Oh, so that's how you want to-"
"No, what I want to do is wring your little neck until-"
"You hear that, she's definitely insan-"
"Insane?  Don't make me show you in-"
"Oh, I'll show you insan-"
"That doesn't even make any sen-"
"Just shut up for a moment and let me-"

The doors at the top of the stairs flew open again as Ael and Desdemona burst into the Palace.
"...and that, my fine fiendish friend, is why the sale of rubber duckies is prohibited in the Nether Pits!" said Ael in the conclusion to some grand argument.
"Sorry," explained Des to the assembled gods, "that really would have made more sense in context."
Everyone stood in silence for good few seconds before one of the gods spoke up.
"Would any of you care to explain this situation in a way that makes sense?"
Laila spoke first.  "My lords, I'm simply carrying out official Celestis Nocta business.  This angel is interfering with that business, so I am attempting to eliminate her."
"And the reason you need to bring this in front of us is...?"
"The way she's interfering with my business is by not being eliminated."
"Ah."
Celestine cut in.  "The problem here is that this crazy Nocta is slaughtering her fellow angels left and right!  I made it here so I could get my lords to stop her before she kills anyone else!"
The god that seemed to be speaking for all of them scratched his chin for a bit.
"So... we don't really have a procedure for settling this sort of thing."
"What?" replied Cel and Laila in unison.
"Normally we'd either have the god of truth decide it or have Chronos go back in time to figure it out, but the god of truth went home with a terrible migraine after he said 'this statement is false' and we don't really know when Chronos is."
"When Chronos is what?"
"It's like 'we don't know where Chronos is," but, you know, he's not really much for going with the timeflow."
"So how should we settle this?" asked Celestine.
"Ritual combat until one of us is dead," suggested Laila.
"That sounds like a good idea," mused the god.  "It's been a while since we had any good entertainment around here."
Des nudged Ael forward, and he carried her down to the floor of the Palace while she spoke.
"I've got an even better idea:" said Des. "Unarmed group combat, Infernal-style grappling rules with as many feminine co-combatants as the plaintiff and defendant desire.  We'll carry this on until one party surrenders or a better method of judging arises."
Seeing that nobody had understood what she suggested, Des dumbed it down.
"In other words, a big catfight with a bunch of pretty girls."
"I think we'll go with that one," said the lead god.  "It appears to reduce the chance of the innocent party being prematurely killed, and also girls fighting girls is sexy."  Most of the other gods nodded their heads eagerly in agreement while the goddesses rolled their eyes in a mixture of contempt and disgust.  Des smirked and gave a subtle wink to Celestine as Laila reluctantly threw aside her various implements of death and destruction.  Sometimes it almost felt too easy.