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Bark — Event
Published: 2012-02-26 22:51:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 876; Favourites: 33; Downloads: 6
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Description the stars are sharp and the wind has teeth
night is black as a bodybag
clanking, buzzing sounds surround
as the wind has its way with the town

dimlights from the hospital over there
cheerios in milk over here
the night ripped in two by the surgeons saw
the dreamless, the hopeless, the flawed

(sometimes the world shifts on its axis
and never settles right again)

the wind is sharp and the stars have teeth
chewing through the darkness
eating dreams, vomiting dust to the ground
the surgeon pulls his mask down

nothing more that we could do
goodnight, i've other things to tend to
bonesaw and flatline sounds surround
as the wind has its way with the town
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Comments: 40

Dreamydeb [2012-04-21 02:58:18 +0000 UTC]

You're suddenly taking my breath away.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to Dreamydeb [2012-04-21 05:52:26 +0000 UTC]

Thank you most sincerely!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

halcyonshores [2012-04-06 18:57:02 +0000 UTC]

I do watch your scraps.. but some(most)times I am late getting to them..
I am so glad this is out of there (though I don't see scraps as 'such' to begin with).

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to halcyonshores [2012-04-13 11:07:44 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

halcyonshores In reply to Bark [2012-04-13 20:59:30 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

neuroticmnemonic [2012-03-21 15:21:40 +0000 UTC]

Not scrap.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

AngelaLeonetti [2012-03-19 05:23:41 +0000 UTC]

Just wanted to let you know you have been featured by

You can visit the feature here [link]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

artistic-foolishness [2012-03-16 18:41:25 +0000 UTC]

i love the image of a surgeon sawing the night in half. cray (:

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Domnus [2012-03-02 20:25:24 +0000 UTC]

The most beautiful words I've seen you write.

Bravo, Sir.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to Domnus [2012-03-02 20:42:10 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

chryssalis [2012-03-01 19:53:13 +0000 UTC]

My dear Bark!!You are brilliant,my friend!!I wish i could be inside your mind....

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to chryssalis [2012-03-02 12:53:28 +0000 UTC]

lol, that's no place anyone would really want to be! thank you!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

PursuingTheCerberus [2012-03-01 04:25:02 +0000 UTC]

this is the first poem of yours I've read so I cannot comment on you reverting back to a familiar subject.

I think the language is concise and powerful. I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of the stars and wind in stanza number 1 and number four...as well as the repetition of the the last lines in stanza 1 and 5. I think it bring the poem back from the darkness a bit...sort of grounds the poem amidst the chaos of such morbid emotion/imagery.

Excellent piece. I will be continuing through your gallery.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to PursuingTheCerberus [2012-03-01 13:39:34 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much for the excellent in-depth comment. I haven't had the time to make those type comments myself, lately, so I hope you'll excuse some fav-and-runs. I'll definitely be taking a closer look at your work as well.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

alapip [2012-02-29 18:23:12 +0000 UTC]

dark, but not morose, Ron.
relate-able to everyone.

very well written too...

pip

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to alapip [2012-02-29 20:09:35 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

alapip In reply to Bark [2012-02-29 20:49:32 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LancelotPrice [2012-02-29 14:33:21 +0000 UTC]

"no more more"? first line of last stanza

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to LancelotPrice [2012-02-29 14:38:15 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for catching that!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

LancelotPrice In reply to Bark [2012-02-29 15:01:07 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome, Ron. Now if only I could catch my own typos before clicking 'Enter'.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

beeswingblue [2012-02-29 14:19:54 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad you brought this out of scraps. About time!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to beeswingblue [2012-02-29 14:24:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, I'm really glad that you liked it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

beeswingblue In reply to Bark [2012-02-29 14:25:00 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FuzzyHoser [2012-02-28 20:42:43 +0000 UTC]

It seems matters are settled that this is a fantastic piece that should be moved from Scraps. So uh...what's the hold up, man?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to FuzzyHoser [2012-02-28 22:44:16 +0000 UTC]

Uh... I don't know. Thanks, I'll bring it out one day when I don't have anything else to do. If that ever happens.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

FuzzyHoser In reply to Bark [2012-02-28 22:47:29 +0000 UTC]

Excuses, excuses.. You can't see it, but I'm totally tapping my foot and rolling my eyes.

At your leisure, though. I have my copy. I'll settle for that, I reckon.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

sunshinegypsy [2012-02-27 04:55:56 +0000 UTC]

Oh man. First of all I love how you use every sense to bring your poem to life. It's not just being read - it's happening. That's fantastic.

And this is the all-time best opening line: the stars are sharp and the wind has teeth

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to sunshinegypsy [2012-02-27 11:30:33 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much, I'm glad that you liked it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

beeswingblue [2012-02-27 01:58:14 +0000 UTC]

I like it as it is, thanks. Except for the it's that should be an its. There is also probably a way to reword the "there was" statement to make it stronger; I'm not fond of that construction. But the rest....

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

Bark In reply to beeswingblue [2012-02-27 12:27:23 +0000 UTC]

I fixed that, but now have one ending with a preposition.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

beeswingblue In reply to Bark [2012-02-27 14:49:42 +0000 UTC]

Leave it alone. It's good.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Bark In reply to beeswingblue [2012-02-27 11:34:27 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, Ms Bee! Your wisdom is always appreciated. I removed the "there was", but I still have two lines ending with the same word. Is that too bad?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

beeswingblue In reply to Bark [2012-02-27 14:21:55 +0000 UTC]

It's good, leave it. Repetition reinforces when used well.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

LancelotPrice [2012-02-27 00:13:20 +0000 UTC]

Body bags are mere soft plastic
When they fall away
under glare
of movie lights or sun
even the most vivid of humans must
wear make-up to seem alive
or without that mask
crawl away into the dark
and make the blood in fantasy
run through the face again

--------------
Sorry about that; I find it too easy to be morbid given the slightest inspiration.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to LancelotPrice [2012-02-27 11:35:58 +0000 UTC]

beautifully morbid, Lance!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

LancelotPrice In reply to Bark [2012-02-27 13:01:17 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. Perhaps I'd better not make it a specialty, though.

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wh0rem0ans [2012-02-26 23:31:31 +0000 UTC]

I think it is quite good.
The language is exact.
The pause is effective.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Bark In reply to wh0rem0ans [2012-02-26 23:43:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much. I feel like I'm taking a step backwards with this, but it wanted to be written.

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

beeswingblue In reply to Bark [2012-02-27 01:59:53 +0000 UTC]

No step backward, here. It seems to me as if you're thoughts are coming across clearer, in this, and in a more universal manner. (That is, in a way that the reader is more likely to relate to.)

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

wh0rem0ans In reply to Bark [2012-02-27 01:41:21 +0000 UTC]

Everything comes in seasons, in cycles. There is no 'done' but the revisiting comes at longer and softer intervals in my experience.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0