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baronvonvoe — My novel
Published: 2011-05-27 03:27:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 827; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 6
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Description Chapter 1

It was a beautiful sunny day and in the high mountains Lazarus, the true son of King Othrin ran for his life.  The looming shadow and the guttural roar above gave his feet an extra burst of speed along the steep paths.  He glanced over his shoulder just in time to dive on his stomach; the harsh rock scraping his skin.  When he looked up he could see a tuff of his red hair clinging to the large talons of the wyvern as it swooped past him.  He waited only for a second as the creature circled back; he scurried to his feet and ran once more, fear pushed him.
Lazarus yelped as rocks gave way beneath him and he fell.  He desperately clawed at the rocks trying to find a hand hold, Paeldin help me please! Several of his fingernails peeled away on the stone until he shoved his hand into a small crevice.  The jolt of the sudden stop added to the weight of his muscular body dislocated his shoulder.  He gritted his teeth against the pain and pulled himself up to ensure a better grip with his other hand.  
He looked down briefly at the sharp rocks below and breathed another short prayer to Paeldin.  However, the roar of the wyvern reminded him of the real peril.  He could see the creature coming in for the kill as he cried out, "Any time now Nathane!"  
The beast drew closer.  
"NATHANE!"
The wyvern landed on a ledge above and it began snapping at its dangling meal.  Lazarus dodged the best he could and even managed to punch the creature once but his fist had little effect against its leathery hide.  Saliva oozed onto his face as the jagged teeth inched closer and Lazarus could see his death in its gaping maw.  Finally within reach, the wyvern lunged for the killing strike, but it never hit.  Instead, its head fell free from its body, severed cleanly at the base of its neck.  Lazarus watched the beast crash into the rocks below; very dead.
"Worried little brother," Nathane called out, grinning broadly as he leered from above.
"A little," Lazarus replied, "Next time you're going to be the bait!"
"That's not how the game is played," Nathane lowered a rope to his brother's reaching hand, "Younger brothers are always bait."
Lazarus struggled with his injured shoulder but managed to scramble over the top.  He laid for several moments face-down in the dirt.
"You don't look so good," Nathane stared with sincere concern at Lazarus' bloodied hands and swelling shoulder  
"Ya think?" Lazarus said, rolling onto his back but still not rising from the ground.
"Hold still," said Nathane, bracing his knees against his brother's side.  With a quick jerk he popped the shoulder back into place.  Lazarus gritted his teeth and grunted at the sudden pain but it quickly subsided leaving a dull ache and the taste of bile in the back of his throat.  Nathane then tended his brother's bloody hands.  After a few minutes the two brothers looked over the edge at their prize, it was a big one.
"Come on let's find your bow then we can worry about getting that thing home," said Nathane wiping the blood from his axe.

* * *
The next morning the two brothers finally made it back home dragging their kill behind two giant rams.  Nathane took in an encouraging breath as the aromas of fresh bread and steel being worked in the weapon smith's forge reached him just outside the walls of the fortress city of Hanlord, their home.  Lazarus smiled despite his pain because he was just happy to be alive watching the sun rise over the mountain peaks illuminating the valley below.
The moment they passed through the reinforced gates a silver haired girl, not even ten years old approached them.  She said nothing to them but only held out a small ivory jar toward Lazarus.  
"For me," he asked taking the jar.
She pointed to her shoulder, made a rubbing motion and walked back to a modest hut built into the wall.  Lazarus could smell the pungent ointment without even opening the jar, curling his nose.  Nathane smirked trying his best not to laugh, "Now I remember why little brothers are always bait."
"Laugh it up," replied Lazarus placing the jar in a pouch on his belt.
"Hey I'm not the one who told you to fall off a cliff."
"You FELL off a cliff," asked a startled voice.
The brothers looked ahead and saw their mother, Queen Ursula.  Even with distress in her eyes she remained the perfect example of grace and poise.  Her ankle-length black hair swayed in the cool air as she walked over to her youngest, examining him thoroughly.  She inquired with a mother's concern looking at the missing fingernails on Lazarus' hand, "How badly are you hurt?"
"Scrapes and cuts mostly but I did pull my shoulder out when I fell.  Don't worry I'll be fine in a few days."
"You are just as stubborn as your father," she said kissing her son on the cheek, though she had to stand on her toes to do it.  She then motioned with her hand summoning several servants who took the wyvern to their kitchen.  
"While the beast is being prepared for dinner I want you two to get cleaned up and rest.  I know from my days of adventure that sleeping on rocks is not comfortable or restful."
"Yes mother," said the two in unison.

* * *

That night at the feast no one sat near Lazarus because of the ointment's stench.  The little, silver haired girl giggled.

* * *

The next morning when the city was just starting to come to life, Lazarus found his way back to the hut.  He thought by looks alone that the crude wooden door would come off its hinges with ease, but somehow it felt stronger than steel when he knocked.  The door creaked open and the small girl stepped out staring at Lazarus with deep green eyes.  He felt uneasy in her glare as the sounds of animals from within the hut poured out.
"I wanted to thank you for the ointment.  I woke up with no pain or swelling and I can use my arm with no problem—and the cuts on my hands are gone too," said Lazarus holding out the jar.
"Keep it," replied the girl holding up her hand, "You'll need it again, soon."
"What do you mean?"
"Rho leave the dear prince alone and get back to your studies," said the girl's silver haired mother.  Her simple blue robe that barely covered her body made him uncomfortable, as she stood just inside the door.  Though she looked no more than thirty years of age Lazarus couldn't remember a time when her face was any more youthful.  Rho voiced no complaint and returned inside closing the door.
"Good morning Ezrel," said Lazarus bowing to the city's oracle.
"There's no need to be so formal my prince you are always welcome here," she said with a smile, tightening her robe.
Lazarus pulled out a small pouch, "I understand your usual payment is in gems.  I hope it's enough."
"Do not worry about that my young prince," she said folding his fingers back over the pouch, "Consider it an early gift for your birthday."
"But that's months away."
"I know but you'll find that simple jar of ointment will be far more valuable than any gift of gold or steel I could give," she said just as a raven dropped from the sky to perch on the roof of her hut and cawed three times, "You should go, your father is looking for you."
"Okay," said Lazarus fearfully, knowing that the words she just spoke about the ointment were important but he was unable to grasp their true meaning.  He turned away and focused on finding his father.

* * *

Lazarus walked into his father's throne room, a large room with a vaulted ceiling.  The skulls of various trophy kills adorned the walls, furs lined the floor and a single exotic, blue and gold silk tapestry hung behind the throne.  King Othrin sat on his throne with Queen Ursula seated to his right, Nathane seated to his left and the four royal concubines standing behind him.  
Before his father stood a shaken and bloodied soldier, able to stand only by leaning heavily against Tolbain, one of Othrin's bodyguards and an older half-brother of Lazarus.  Lazarus took his seat beside his mother.  She looked at him with a half smile, placing her hand on top of his.  Othrin stroked his graying beard in thought before speaking, "Now that you're calm please tell us what happened."
"It was horrible," began the harried soldier, tears streaming down his cheeks, "They attacked before dawn two days ago—it was a slaughter.  They killed any man brandishing arms and they carried off the rest with our women, children and livestock.  We had no warning.  HELP US GREAT KING!"
"Who attacked you," asked the King.
"G—giants," cried out the man, his strength failing.  Tolbain eased him to the floor where he began to weep.
"It could only be the Shadow Peak tribe," replied Nathane, "They are the only ones that are still openly aggressive toward us."  
"I agree," said Othrin motioning for one of his concubines, a stout, dark haired woman, "Take care of this man.  Make sure he is cleaned, fed and given rest."
"Yes my king," she said helping the man to his feet and leading him from the room.
"Nathane gather our forces for battle.  Instruct them to pack light.  The giants have a two day head start and we'll need to ride hard and fast through the mountain passes," King Othrin stood up, "Tolbain go to the barracks and send our best scouting party ahead.  We will need to be sure if it is the Shadow Peak tribe and pray no other villages have been attacked."
"What about me," asked Lazarus.
"What of your shoulder son?"
"There is no pain or swelling thanks to Ezrel's ointment.  I am ready."
"Then gather your armor and weapons my son, battle awaits us," King Othrin smiled proudly at his son.
"I do hope you plan to consult Ezrel before you go," said Ursula, "Without Selger or Paeldin's blessings there will be no victory."
"I wouldn't dream of it my beloved," said Othrin, just before he kissed her, "and knowing you will be praying for us will give our men strength and courage."

* * *

   Ezrel held the crude wooden door open for King Othrin beckoning him to enter the modest stone hut.  Incense and the calls from caged animals assaulted him as he crossed the threshold.  Movement to his right instantly drew his attention to the forsaken daughter the oracle, Ezrel bore him 9 years ago; her price for wisdom and help in a time of distress.
He only looked at Rho for a moment but neither had time to talk.  He knew she was preparing small totems of protection for the warriors waiting outside and did not want to distract her.  His gaze returned to Ezrel, some said she was over a hundred years old but her face still shone with the beauty of youth.  He patiently awaited her guidance as an eerie silence gripped the hut despite the cawing of birds and the mewing of other small animals.  She cast the sacred bones across the floor and gazed intently at them.
The seer's grey eyes turned to her king, "Are you ready to hear the verdict my dear King Othrin?"
"What do you see Ezrel?  Will we be victorious?  Will we reclaim what was taken?"
"You will," she answered as her eyes dropped to the floor, "but at a price."
"I have brought your payment," spoke Othrin dropping a bag of gems on the table.
"Not that price, something far more valuable is required."
"How much more do I have to give?  What is your price this time Ezrel?"
"Not my price Othrin…not mine for it is a price I would never ask of you."
Fear gripped him, "What do you see?"
"You will achieve a crushing victory but the battle will cost you, your true sons."
Othrin's muscles froze.  His true sons; the ones his beloved Queen Ursula bore after years of barrenness.  Looking uneasily at Ezrel, "That's madness!  Are you sure?  Could the bones be wrong?  Could YOU be wrong?"  
           She ignored his blasphemy with a wave of her hand, "The bones do not lie and neither do I, but there is hope, my king."
           "Hope?"
"One of your sons will be gathered to our ancestors and carried into the halls of our honored dead but your other son will be gathered to his destiny," replied Ezrel with a half smile gathering the sacred bones, "Make no mistake my great king this cannot be altered or denied."
"Do…do you know which one will die," asked Othrin looking over at his silver haired daughter.
"No—I do not, but Selger will show you."
He eyed the intricately carved statue of the great hawk dominating the mantle over the fireplace; Selger, the avatar spirit of Paeldin, the true God.  The king walked out the door without another word.  Sitting stoically on their giant rams the king's warriors awaited the prophetess's vision while Rho began to hand out her small totems.
Othrin glanced at Nathane and Lazarus before mounting his ram, "We will be VICTORIOUS!!"
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Comments: 21

mzhamma [2011-07-12 12:54:24 +0000 UTC]

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact


It is a strong opening that holds a great deal of potential. I felt there were a few minor grammatical errors at the very beginning of the piece, but nothing serious. The story flowed well and there was a good deal of interaction that revealed much about each of the characters.

One suggestion I would make to improve the story would be to find a way to make internal dialogue distinguishable from the normal text. Readers might become confused if a character is having an internal thought and it looks like it is supposed to be part of the story. Making a characters internal thoughts bold or italic is one possibility. Another is to put some sort of indicator around the internal dialogue.

Overall, this story has a great deal of potential to become an exciting adventure. I am looking forward to the next installment of this intriguing piece.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to mzhamma [2011-07-22 05:47:33 +0000 UTC]

Right now it's still in the development stages and I'm writing the main story arc. Afterward I plan on going back and filling in a lot of details when I start my line editing.

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mzhamma In reply to baronvonvoe [2011-07-22 18:50:28 +0000 UTC]

I am looking forward to it; this has some real potential.

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andreaco28 [2011-11-08 06:02:43 +0000 UTC]

So far so good. You have a great start filled with suspense and fear, as you read it you almost feel that you are running with Lazarus for your life. There are small parts that seem to be rushed (the transitions) but otherwise it is good. The characters are not that well defined but that is not important when you have the rest of the book to keep adding substance to them. I wish this chapter was longer since I enjoyed it very much. Wishing you success in your writings.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to andreaco28 [2011-11-11 06:16:10 +0000 UTC]

Well I've got 20+ chapters written...but I haven't written anything in a couple of months now Severe case of writer's block.

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Slayer-1412 [2011-07-31 04:41:52 +0000 UTC]

Wow. I'll have to reread this again once I have a good internet connection and can make a long review

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baronvonvoe In reply to Slayer-1412 [2011-08-29 09:51:06 +0000 UTC]

Look forward to it my friend.

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FifteenthApostle [2011-06-08 11:40:03 +0000 UTC]

Hmm... Well I said I'd give a proper review, so here goes.

From what little you've given us here, I can gather that this is a fantasy-action-adventure story. Your main character, Lazarus (is he going to come back from the dead?), is going to be a typical hardcore action hero who will have to struggle with a whole lot of personal loss and the burden of a "destiny" which has been mercilessly thrust upon him. Your main selling points will be a whole lot of bone-jarring action, a gritty yet slightly quirky fantasy setting, and an undercurrent of sensuality hopefully without too much gratuitousness. Target audience: teen or above.

Let's start by looking at your setting.

Clearly you've populated your world with some unusual fantasy creatures. First of all we have the Wyvern. They're a dangerous beast, yet the brothers hunt them for meat. This, along with the trophies in the King's great hall, suggests that your characters are part of a strong, warlike warrior culture, yes? I'd like to see some indication of the peoples' martial traditions. The ludicrously short feast scene would be the place for that. Have Nathane describe the hunt or something. Or have minstrels sing of great deeds from the past. That'll add richness to your setting. One thing I'd criticize is that the wyvern wasn't described all that well. I asume that when you say "wyvern" you are talking about a scally, bat-winged, dragonlike creature with no front legs. I know what a wyvern is, but that doesn't mean that all of your readers will. You need to put much more detail into the description. Here's an idea: how abut you describe the shadow of the thing as seen from Lazarus' perspective right before it pounces on him. He is running for his life, a shadow passes over him, it has bat wings etc, the shadow gets bigger, he dives for cover at the last moment... Something like that. Also, what does wyvern meat taste like?

The giant rams are ... interesting. A little bit different, to say the least. It leaves me begging for an explanation of why the zog they're riding big horny sheep instead of horses, though. At the very least, you have got to give us a better description of what they look like. This is vital with anything so central as the main character's prefered mount. give it a name, give it colours and textures, give us a clear idea of its size, its temperament, its abilities. Presumably the rams were the ones doing most of the work in dragging the wyvern carcass. How strong are they? How were they harnessed to the thing? What was the harness made of (this would suggest the kind of technology base the characters have)? What was their attitude toward being forced to drag a big, heavy, stinking, dead predator beast around for a solid day? Give us something here, please.

Continuing with the description of your world, and the flora and fauna within, one huge opportunity I think you missed was the animals in the oracle's hut. That was the perfect opportunity to mention some more weird and wonderful creatures, which would add both to the depth of your world and the weirdness and mystery of the woman herself. A character like that simply demands to have an exotic pet of some kind. And what about the rest of the stuff in her house? That ointment must have been made from some funky herbs and things; so where are they? What exactly was her daughter doing when she returned to her studies? Tending to strange plants? Making more of that stinky ointment? Feeding a gnarly looking concoction to an equally weird looking animal? And what about the whole fortune telling ceremony? She mentioned "bones" but we never saw them. Was it some oogey-boogey pagan gig with child sacrifice and ritual prostitution or what?

In fact, I'd say just about everything in your story is woefully under described. You seem to be very sparse with your descriptive language when it comes to locations. You say they live in a "fortress city" but we get no indication of what kind of city it is. A single paragraph spent describing the size, shape, architecture, and citizenry of "Hanlord" would do wonders for the reader's imagination. And what of the world? Where were the brothers hunting? Give the place a name and some more description. Give us an idea of the geography, the season, the climate. What kind of world do they live in? Give us a feel for the land of ... did you even give it a name? How do you expect us to care about this world you're presenting to us if we don't even know what to call it?

Most of all, though, you need to put more work into your characters. We need more depth and description for everyone. After reading this, I have not connected with any of the characters in the least. To me they seem like flat, lifeless, cookie-cutter characters with no real personality.

The oracle sounds far too pretty and perfect to me. You put more description into her than any other character; is that because she's important, or because you want us to drool over her hawtness? I almost want to see her transform into a hideous hag monster and go for somebody's face, just to break the image. Her daughter (am I wrong in thinking she was fathered by the king? Cuz that sentence needs a little work) sounds like she's going to be important. If not, then I can only asume she exists to further portray the kind of world these people live in and their general lack of marital faithfulness. I mean a wife, four concubines, and a child by the village's hundred-year-old snake oil peddler? Dude, keep it in thyne codpiece!

The biggest gap in character development by far, though, is with the main character. As I said above, he looks to me like a typical hardcore action hero ... which is precisely the problem. He's a cardboard cuttout. Any story, regardless of setting, flies or falls on the strength of its main character. We've just been told that he's going to lose his older brother (it's shokingly obvious that Lazarus is not the one who's going to die), but I feel no emotion for the guy, and even when it happens I probably still won't. Partly because I know it's going to happen, but mostly because I just don't feel anything for him at all. At this stage, he's nothing to me but a name. Before you do anything else, you need to give us, your readers, a feel for the main character and a reason for us to connect with him. If we're supposed to be going on this big epic journey with Lazarus, we'd better know who the guy is. And if you want us to feel his pain when his brother dies, you'd better have them speak more than two scentences to each other before it happens, and perferably before we find out the guy is going to get offed. In fact, I might not even let the reader know about the prophecy, or at least that little detail, until after he snuffs it. Really takes the edge off when we already know he's going to die.

Here is the biggest tip I can give you: before you write another word of actual story, you need to sit down and create detailed character profiles for every single character in your story. And when I say detailed I mean D.E.T.A.I.L.E.D! You need to know your characters better than you know your closest friends. Create a chart for each character and list their: Name, gender, birth date, height, weight, general figure description, detailed face description, skin colour, eye colour, hair colour, hair length, hair styles (formal and casual), identifying marks (tattoos, birthmarks etc), clothing preferences (again, formal and casual, as well as nightwear, swimwear, any special uniforms; everything from their footwear to their jewellery, even their undies! and don't forget colours!), list their home (and place of birth if different), rank or status, family members, friends and acquaintances, abilities and talents, special powers, special equipment and weapons, write a detailed background story covering every remotely important event in their lives (from their first words to their first fight to their first crush, everything!), describe their personality (and how it may have been influenced by their past), their quirks and foibles (such as not being able to swim because they were brought up in the desert or having a bizarre phobia of chickens because they fell into the coop when they were two), list their hobbies and favourite pastimes, their likes and dislikes (food, colours, weather, music, personality types, ethnicity if they're racists, turn-ons and turn-offs, what they look for in a romantic partner; in fact, sexual orientation should probably be a category, too), anything else you can think of that might add depth to your characters, and finally note down their role in the story (hero, mentor, enemy, rival, canon fodder, whatever!). Put in everything you can possibly think of. EVERYTHING!

Okay, so you don't need to go into that much detail with every single character, but it certainly couldn't hurt. And only once you have all of these categories neatly filled in with detailed descriptions should you begin writing your story. Then, as you write, you'll find yourself thinking how your characters would speak and act and respond to the situations you place them in. They'll start acting like real people, rather than just floating along and doing whatever the plot requires them to. You may find your story changes dramatically (hopefully for the better) because you plan to have a character do something only to realise that there's no way that person would ever say/do/think that, and you'll decide to have them do something else instead. That's how you build a real character, and that's how you get your readers to view them and empathise with them as real people. And hopefully you'll end up with an organic, natural-feeling story, too.

Another little thing you want to think about is the way in which the characters speak. They were using terms like "Okay" and "Ya think", which work fine in cheezy teen romance novels set in the real world, but if this is a medival fantasy setting, they definitely shouldn't be using that kind of slang. It really ruined the atmosphere for me. I'm not saying you need to go all "forsooth yon naive" on us, but if you're going to include some colloquialisms (and done properly, that can really add to the feel of your world), try to make them fit the general idea of what someone of that timeline would say. I know it's not supposed to be set in the real world, but even in a fantasy, people never say stuff like that (please don't mention those old live action Xena and Hercules shows *shudder*).

Well, I hope that helps. I'm actually trying to write something, myself, at the moment. Unfortunately I'm stuck for core setting and story ideas. Oh, I've got plenty of ideas, but getting them to mesh, and working out which ones to keep and which to junk has got me thouroughly mired. What I'm looking for is a simple but effective hook - a central idea which everything else will form around. I have little doubt that I could write a book right now, and perhaps even get it published, but I don't want to do anything less than the best that I'm capable of. I'm waiting and praying for that lightning-bolt of inspiration - that single perfect idea. If I can find the right idea, I could make something truly worthwhile.

And there he goes, rambling on about nothing again. It's my bedtime, here. Goodnight. Feel free to ask, if you want more ruthless criticism. You did ask us to be brutal.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to FifteenthApostle [2011-06-13 04:39:10 +0000 UTC]

BRUTALITY!!! I think about twenty rib-cages came out with that one. You made some very good points and you even made Jason (my editor) laugh with some of your comments. But these are things that I will definitely be going into in my line editing phase; right now I'm just trying to get it all finished. Thank you for your brutal honesty.

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Kajm [2011-06-04 13:06:27 +0000 UTC]

Ok. Does it flow well? Yes. Introductions are made quite nicely. 'Rise of the Blood-Hawk' suggests the destiny of the son who survives, so I would surmise more of what that destiny is, will come forth in later chapters.

As I mentioned, there are places where punctuation needs sprucing up. As one reads a sentence, there are natural breaks. Using a comma at the proper point makes it a bit easier to understand the line. An example, plus another suggestion:

'It was a beautiful sunny day and in the high mountains Lazarus, the true son of King Othrin ran for his life. '

I might have gone thus:

'On a beautiful sunny day in the high mountains Lazarus, the true son of King Othrin, ran for his life. '

The other suggestion, of course, being that you seek ways to shorten the sentence, as I did above. I do this constantly with my material, but even after a dozen readings, I still find things I could word better.

Thoughts! When a person's thoughts are being expressed in text, they should stand out from the description:

'He desperately clawed at the rocks trying to find a hand hold, Paeldin help me please!'

'He desperately clawed at the rocks trying to find a hand hold, Paeldin help me please!'

Other bits:

When they return with the wyvern, they are dragging it behind two huge rams (nice choice of animals *g*). Yet the servants seem to carry it off without a struggle. I could see Lazarus perhaps looking amused as they struggled with it

The king studies the statue of the hawk. Nice bit of foreshadowing of the title, it suggest that Paeldin will play a greater role than just being the God everyone looks to. The following sentence is honest but doesn't seem to give enough. 'The king walked out the door without another word.' He glanced at the hawk, but, did he see anything? It seems to me he might have mused upon something there which caught his eye, but chose to keep it to himself, not even glancing back at the seer as he left. How you would chose to word that is, of course, your choice

There you go. Best I can do for now. Hope I helped a bit!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to Kajm [2011-06-06 09:33:48 +0000 UTC]

Bravo; now that's what I'm talking about!

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Kajm [2011-06-01 09:59:50 +0000 UTC]

Have started on this, will do a proper job this weekend. Just as a beginning: I do see a number of places where a comma would do well, we'll go over that.
More detailed info later. No worries, you are doing fairly well!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FifteenthApostle [2011-05-30 22:25:53 +0000 UTC]

Hmm... I'd like to come back to this and give it a proper review. Please reply to this comment, otherwise I'm sure to forget.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to FifteenthApostle [2011-05-31 03:12:35 +0000 UTC]

Ok, please feel free to give me a proper review. Hahaha

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mzhamma [2011-05-27 12:42:14 +0000 UTC]

The story has a nice structure; I only glanced at it, but it seems to be a very good start.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to mzhamma [2011-05-28 21:24:53 +0000 UTC]

Well please feel free to read it all and give me a full critique.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

mzhamma In reply to baronvonvoe [2011-07-12 12:56:47 +0000 UTC]

I just wrote the critique, my friend. I hope it helps you in your writing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to mzhamma [2011-07-22 05:45:42 +0000 UTC]

Thank you sir.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

mzhamma In reply to baronvonvoe [2011-07-22 18:28:56 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Hayakain [2011-05-27 04:52:51 +0000 UTC]

Welcome back bud! Wondered where the Baron had gone. Good work here.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

baronvonvoe In reply to Hayakain [2011-05-27 06:12:12 +0000 UTC]

Just been working...a lot. So thoughts?

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