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The drive was hauntingly silent. She had promised Zach she would be there at 6:00 AM sharp to catch Finny off the trailer from Minnesota. After some deliberation, and much to the shock of everyone else, Zach had ultimately agreed to return to FDS as a trainer for Adam. Finny would be arriving home ahead of him, as Zach was busy trailering and handling Primrose’s admission to one of the nation’s top rehabilitation facilities in Georgia. Keri’s promise to meet the young stallion had come a few weeks ago… before her hostage had shown up.

She parked the car in the stable’s lot, peering over to him and clutching the wheel angrily. He was a thorn in her side. After what she had witnessed the afternoon before, she wasn’t about to leave him at home alone with all her brother’s things. Who knew, maybe he would have summoned other angels from there, or left some curse on Tide’s home? She didn’t trust him, and right now she loathed his presence. She wanted to be alone, she was tired of catering to men, it didn’t matter at all that he was some mystical creature. She had to break this silence, or she might reach over and test how easy it was to kill an angel.

“Josh, can I ask you something?”

He instantly perked up at the opportunity for conversation, and it made her want to punch him in his stupid face. “Anything.”

“Why… me? Why… here?” She gestured vaguely.

“Well, I thought you might not freak out. It seems I made a reasonable assumption.”

“I’m a stranger to you though, I never even met you when you were alive- I mean, when you were alive before. I think you’re alive now…?”

“Do I not feel alive?” He abruptly took her hand, pressing it firmly to his chest, where something thumped below.

It felt like electricity was buzzing up through her arm, and she seethed with disgust at his violation of her physical boundaries. She ripped her hand away, rubbing it against her jeans. What gave him the right to touch her? Did he assume with enough angelic charm and imposition that he might seduce her? That she could become some willing pawn in whatever game he was playing?

“I know you had a wife, Josh. You had a family; she was pregnant when you died. Do you not remember that?” Keri scrutinized.

He hesitated, averting his gaze. “…I do remember.”

“Then why not her? She would have been thrilled… confused, scared, just as I am, but thrilled, I’m sure.” At this, he laughed, but she failed to find the humor in it.

“I’m not so sure, actually. It was complicated… and she remarried three years ago, anyhow. She loves him.” Josh shrugged.

“How can you act so nonchalantly? She loved you, you ought to fight for that. If it wasn’t for your death, you two would be together, you would have a family.” Keri kept pushing, with an increasingly accusatory tone.

“No, we wouldn’t…. I didn’t love her. Not the way a husband should.” He finally admitted, his voice thick with shame.

Immediately, Keri issued a repulsed scoff, not an ounce of pity lingering for him. “God, what is with you men? Pretending to love women so they will settle down, stringing us along until we get pregnant, just so you can continue some disgusting male legacy and get a pat on the back from society for making a family. And once you get what you want, you just… leave us… with all the responsibility, all the baggage.”

It would have been well within his reason to be annoyed with her reaction… but he sensed she had taken his words personally somehow. He shifted back to face her, those misty swirling pools softening as he made a silent decision. She bristled at every move he made, he ought to make a good effort to make her understand his motives.

“When I was young…” Josh began softly, “I was the star player on my high school varsity football team. I was actually really good at it, I had offers of full ride scholarships to multiple universities, and everyone was waiting for me to sign myself off to one. Except… in the end, I carved my own path, applied to my own university, took no scholarship, playing no football. I was going to be an English major, and I really wanted to be a professor one day.”

“What’s this got to do with anything?” Keri spat at him.

“Because… I liked football, I had fun… but what I actually loved stretched beyond the game, Keri. The locker room was rather nice…”

She stared at him blankly, eyebrows furrowed as she waited for him to continue. Except, he just continued to smile at her. Then, she blinked her eyes wide with realization. “Oh, my God… are you gay?”

“Aah… yes.” He shifted awkwardly in the passenger seat.

“You’ve never said you were “gay” before, have you?” Her tone was changing now with him.

“Um… well, honestly, no…”

“Why?” She tilted her head, her shoulders beginning to relax.

“Well… you see, I am a pastor’s son. When your dad is speaking to your community’s church every Sunday, people pay attention to what you do, so I had to be a good boy. I went to church, sat with my mom at the piano, tried out the choir, discussed scripture with my father over dinner. My parents were my best friends… I loved them.”

“But…?”

“That… feeling… was always there, along with the intuition not to tell anyone. In my Sophomore year of high school, I got my first ‘kind of’ boyfriend. We tried to keep it a secret but… my dad, he came up those steps so quietly, there was no time once the door opened. I’ve never seen a kid run so fast, not even on the football field. And my dad… he just kind of looked at me. I didn’t think he would hurt me… he was my dad…” His voice wavered as he trailed off.

“You don’t have to keep going…”

Josh cleared his throat. “It’s okay. He grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me out back, where he held me down in the creek. The water rushing, the roaring of my own thoughts, I barely heard my mom screaming for him to stop...”

“He was going to kill you.” She replied flatly, but her disdain was no longer directed at him.

“Maybe, I’m not sure. The greatest pity of that day was that I thought it was my fault, and that I deserved it.”

“You did not.” She instantly told him. “It’s okay to feel the way you do, Josh.”

“I know that now, but at the time I just wanted to be the perfect son, and I was afraid of going to Hell. My father never brought it up again, and shortly after I met Skylar. She truly was my best friend, but that was the only capacity I could love her in. We were happy enough together, and I was always faithful. Until…”

“There are lots of men in the Army, huh? Is that why you joined?” She inquired, suddenly feeling the urge to reach out and stroke his arm. However, she quickly reminded herself he was still an ethereal beast.

“Yes, but not in the way you think. I had to escape. I couldn’t keep living as the person I was. I had my Bachelors, but I didn’t have the money to continue my education, and the military said they could help. It was a way out. While I was away, I felt like I could finally confront that other part of me, because no one I knew was watching me. I could be a different person, more than the pastor’s son, for a little while. Except, once you embrace a huge part of yourself, you can see no way to return to a hollow shell.”

“Did your wife ever suspect?”

“I’m certain she did, she was very smart, but she was also taught to keep that to herself. I was going to end it when I got home, but I never got that far. I guess I saved her that grief, and the shame. Now, she has someone that does love her the way a husband should...” His voice was so quiet. She was beginning to feel the smallest tinge of guilt for having been so short with him the last few days.

It was hard to imagine herself in his shoes, but she supposed she might be doing the same thing. If she had unworldly powers, and the memory of a life and people she loved, what would she be willing to sacrifice to return to it all? There was the slimmest chance of a fresh start dangling in his face, at the cost of his existence, and he had leapt for it. Just like he had done as a human. The desperation someone had to have to do such a thing…

“So, now what is your plan…? You’re a powerful angel… the whole world thinks you’re dead… seems to me that you’re free to love whoever you want.”

“Not quite.” Josh whispered back to her.

Her heart dropped straight into her stomach as his expression, but there was no time to ask. The trailer had finally pulled down the driveway, and even from inside her car she could hear the pounding of a very overstimulated and stressed stallion.

“I’ll be right back, just stay here, please. Hat and glasses go on too, okay? You never know who could be watching... Okay?”

“Okay…”

---
ref: www.deviantart.com/valkyrie-st…

Description

The drive was hauntingly silent. She had promised Zach she would be there at 6:00 AM sharp to catch Finny off the trailer from Minnesota. After some deliberation, and much to the shock of everyone else, Zach had ultimately agreed to return to FDS as a trainer for Adam. Finny would be arriving home ahead of him, as Zach was busy trailering and handling Primrose’s admission to one of the nation’s top rehabilitation facilities in Georgia. Keri’s promise to meet the young stallion had come a few weeks ago… before her hostage had shown up.

She parked the car in the stable’s lot, peering over to him and clutching the wheel angrily. He was a thorn in her side. After what she had witnessed the afternoon before, she wasn’t about to leave him at home alone with all her brother’s things. Who knew, maybe he would have summoned other angels from there, or left some curse on Tide’s home? She didn’t trust him, and right now she loathed his presence. She wanted to be alone, she was tired of catering to men, it didn’t matter at all that he was some mystical creature. She had to break this silence, or she might reach over and test how easy it was to kill an angel.

“Josh, can I ask you something?”

He instantly perked up at the opportunity for conversation, and it made her want to punch him in his stupid face. “Anything.”

“Why… me? Why… here?” She gestured vaguely.

“Well, I thought you might not freak out. It seems I made a reasonable assumption.”

“I’m a stranger to you though, I never even met you when you were alive- I mean, when you were alive before. I think you’re alive now…?”

“Do I not feel alive?” He abruptly took her hand, pressing it firmly to his chest, where something thumped below.

It felt like electricity was buzzing up through her arm, and she seethed with disgust at his violation of her physical boundaries. She ripped her hand away, rubbing it against her jeans. What gave him the right to touch her? Did he assume with enough angelic charm and imposition that he might seduce her? That she could become some willing pawn in whatever game he was playing?

“I know you had a wife, Josh. You had a family; she was pregnant when you died. Do you not remember that?” Keri scrutinized.

He hesitated, averting his gaze. “…I do remember.”

“Then why not her? She would have been thrilled… confused, scared, just as I am, but thrilled, I’m sure.” At this, he laughed, but she failed to find the humor in it.

“I’m not so sure, actually. It was complicated… and she remarried three years ago, anyhow. She loves him.” Josh shrugged.

“How can you act so nonchalantly? She loved you, you ought to fight for that. If it wasn’t for your death, you two would be together, you would have a family.” Keri kept pushing, with an increasingly accusatory tone.

“No, we wouldn’t…. I didn’t love her. Not the way a husband should.” He finally admitted, his voice thick with shame.

Immediately, Keri issued a repulsed scoff, not an ounce of pity lingering for him. “God, what is with you men? Pretending to love women so they will settle down, stringing us along until we get pregnant, just so you can continue some disgusting male legacy and get a pat on the back from society for making a family. And once you get what you want, you just… leave us… with all the responsibility, all the baggage.”

It would have been well within his reason to be annoyed with her reaction… but he sensed she had taken his words personally somehow. He shifted back to face her, those misty swirling pools softening as he made a silent decision. She bristled at every move he made, he ought to make a good effort to make her understand his motives.

“When I was young…” Josh began softly, “I was the star player on my high school varsity football team. I was actually really good at it, I had offers of full ride scholarships to multiple universities, and everyone was waiting for me to sign myself off to one. Except… in the end, I carved my own path, applied to my own university, took no scholarship, playing no football. I was going to be an English major, and I really wanted to be a professor one day.”

“What’s this got to do with anything?” Keri spat at him.

“Because… I liked football, I had fun… but what I actually loved stretched beyond the game, Keri. The locker room was rather nice…”

She stared at him blankly, eyebrows furrowed as she waited for him to continue. Except, he just continued to smile at her. Then, she blinked her eyes wide with realization. “Oh, my God… are you gay?”

“Aah… yes.” He shifted awkwardly in the passenger seat.

“You’ve never said you were “gay” before, have you?” Her tone was changing now with him.

“Um… well, honestly, no…”

“Why?” She tilted her head, her shoulders beginning to relax.

“Well… you see, I am a pastor’s son. When your dad is speaking to your community’s church every Sunday, people pay attention to what you do, so I had to be a good boy. I went to church, sat with my mom at the piano, tried out the choir, discussed scripture with my father over dinner. My parents were my best friends… I loved them.”

“But…?”

“That… feeling… was always there, along with the intuition not to tell anyone. In my Sophomore year of high school, I got my first ‘kind of’ boyfriend. We tried to keep it a secret but… my dad, he came up those steps so quietly, there was no time once the door opened. I’ve never seen a kid run so fast, not even on the football field. And my dad… he just kind of looked at me. I didn’t think he would hurt me… he was my dad…” His voice wavered as he trailed off.

“You don’t have to keep going…”

Josh cleared his throat. “It’s okay. He grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me out back, where he held me down in the creek. The water rushing, the roaring of my own thoughts, I barely heard my mom screaming for him to stop...”

“He was going to kill you.” She replied flatly, but her disdain was no longer directed at him.

“Maybe, I’m not sure. The greatest pity of that day was that I thought it was my fault, and that I deserved it.”

“You did not.” She instantly told him. “It’s okay to feel the way you do, Josh.”

“I know that now, but at the time I just wanted to be the perfect son, and I was afraid of going to Hell. My father never brought it up again, and shortly after I met Skylar. She truly was my best friend, but that was the only capacity I could love her in. We were happy enough together, and I was always faithful. Until…”

“There are lots of men in the Army, huh? Is that why you joined?” She inquired, suddenly feeling the urge to reach out and stroke his arm. However, she quickly reminded herself he was still an ethereal beast.

“Yes, but not in the way you think. I had to escape. I couldn’t keep living as the person I was. I had my Bachelors, but I didn’t have the money to continue my education, and the military said they could help. It was a way out. While I was away, I felt like I could finally confront that other part of me, because no one I knew was watching me. I could be a different person, more than the pastor’s son, for a little while. Except, once you embrace a huge part of yourself, you can see no way to return to a hollow shell.”

“Did your wife ever suspect?”

“I’m certain she did, she was very smart, but she was also taught to keep that to herself. I was going to end it when I got home, but I never got that far. I guess I saved her that grief, and the shame. Now, she has someone that does love her the way a husband should...” His voice was so quiet. She was beginning to feel the smallest tinge of guilt for having been so short with him the last few days.

It was hard to imagine herself in his shoes, but she supposed she might be doing the same thing. If she had unworldly powers, and the memory of a life and people she loved, what would she be willing to sacrifice to return to it all? There was the slimmest chance of a fresh start dangling in his face, at the cost of his existence, and he had leapt for it. Just like he had done as a human. The desperation someone had to have to do such a thing…

“So, now what is your plan…? You’re a powerful angel… the whole world thinks you’re dead… seems to me that you’re free to love whoever you want.”

“Not quite.” Josh whispered back to her.

Her heart dropped straight into her stomach as his expression, but there was no time to ask. The trailer had finally pulled down the driveway, and even from inside her car she could hear the pounding of a very overstimulated and stressed stallion.

“I’ll be right back, just stay here, please. Hat and glasses go on too, okay? You never know who could be watching... Okay?”

“Okay…”

---
ref: www.deviantart.com/valkyrie-st…