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It was long ago, in a clinic with one of the greats, that he had been told that horses only care about two things that humans possess: peace and comfort. There was no logic in frustration or punishment, and there was no room for a relationship once fear was introduced. It struck him in that moment how much he could relate to those young, unstarted horse… the own abuse he had felt as a young boy, his own helplessness, the confusion that was always met with anger. He got it, and he carried it with him.

So, when he swung his leg over into the saddle for the first time, the stud’s head snapped up in surprise, but after a moment of consideration and reflection on prior encounters with Tide… Finny’s flanks heaved a heavy sigh, and his head dropped down. The cowboy, after all, had never put him in a situation that was more than he could handle.

“That was boring. Here I thought I would be getting entertainment with my meal.” Alice muttered from the sidelines, nearly spitting out a piece of apple as she spoke.

“Well, when you do it right, it ain’t much to watch.” Tide shrugged, scratching at Finny’s withers reassuringly. Although, the blue roan show no sign of startling.

“And you know how to do it right?” She teased, a playful smirk dancing on her peach-glossed lips. It was rare these days to see any semblance of cocky confidence in the man.

“I wouldn’t go so far to say I always get it right… but it’s so simple as just listening and knowing when to slow down or stop altogether. They’re always communicating, and sometimes what you hear doesn’t make you feel very good, but it’s not about our ego. Nothing scarier, in my opinion, than a horse that shuts down and stops talking because no one will listen. That’s when you get explosive, ‘dangerous’, horses… but they’re just afraid, and no one will hear them.” In those months after his return from the veteran’s hospital, he had been explosive, he had been dangerous… and he had been paralyzed by a fear that no one could even begin to understand. Hell, he still was afraid, and he had his colder days, but he was finding healthier ways to cope than building barricades around himself.

“How was your weekend away with Jude?” Alice switched the subject, approaching the pair and offering her apple core to the young stallion as a reward for his participation.

Tide shrugged nonchalantly again. “Good, great. We don’t get a lot of time together; it was really nice. Of course, he wants to rodeo now.”

“That kid is going to end up just like you.”

“Hopefully not.” He would do everything within his power to make sure that kid ended up nothing like him. Rodeo was no career. Then again, if he had never gone down that road, he would have never needed money or a life purpose so desperately that he enlisted, and he would have never met Joshua.

Alice brushed off his self-deprecating comment. “How is school going for him? Isn’t this his first year?”

“Good… great. He’s a little boy genius, he’s got tons of friends… I’m supposed to do some dad thing at his school, where I go in and talk about what I do.” He shifted around in the saddle, watching Finny’s ears tense, and allowing the stud to take a few confused steps backward. Eventually, he settled back down.

“You don’t think the kids will love learning about the cowboy life?”

“I don’t know… kids tend to be afraid of me, I think my eye is scary to them… and they’re kids, they don’t hold back, they ask all the obvious inappropriate questions. I guess I could just say a bull did it to me.” He issued one half-hearted chuckle, finally swinging his leg over and dismounting. There was no need to wait until something went wrong, it was better to keep sessions short and end on a good note each time.

“Or just be honest? Kids think soldiers are cool too… you’re like Captain America.”

He hardly agreed with this heroic comparison, and he didn’t dare glance her way as he loosened the cinch by a single hole. “No, no… I don’t even talk to Jude about all that stuff… I mean, I try to, but I just can’t.”

There was a long moment of silence, the woman judging if she should dare to pose her next question. However, she was horribly curious, and her intimate relationship with the man encouraged her even more to not hold back on anything. He let her push his buttons, more than anyone else.

“So, on a related note… you were in Tennessee all weekend, did you take Jude to… see him?”

“I did.” Tide replied tensely.

“How did that go?”

He shook his head, still not facing her, and decidedly focusing on stroking Finny’s neck instead. “As well as expected, I explained as much as I could about why we were there, who he was… but it’ll never be enough, Alice. It’s impossible to try to sum up who he was or what he meant to me into a short, simplified story for my son. To know Josh, to really get any of it… you had to meet him.”

“What did Jude think of it all?”

“He was just quiet. I didn’t shed a tear or anything, but no young boy likes to see his old man in a sad way. It was okay though… I mean, he’s not there, Alice. Not really. I don’t feel anything when I go to that cemetery. A body might be buried there, but it’s not him, not anymore…” Finally, he looked at her, and what lingered in his eyes told her that it was time to stop pressing. She knew well enough that when that mistiness came about, she was about to lose him to sorrow. He would lock the doors, shut the windows, draw the curtains, and there was no getting through. He was airtight.

“I get it.”

The silence was never comfortable for her, but she allowed it for his sake. It was difficult to imagine what went on in his head, and the conversations that he filtered through. He had mentioned long ago hearing voices, but she hadn’t asked him to elaborate on it. She just felt sorry for him and didn’t want to stack on more.

“So, how did you like staying at my house?” He asked out of nowhere, seemingly not as lost in thought as Alice had assumed.

“Uhh… What are you talking about?” She laughed nervously.

“Oh… well, Keri asked if she could have someone stay with her? I guess I assumed it was you… aren’t you guys super close?” He tilted his head.

“We used to be. I haven’t talked to your sister in weeks. Frankly, I haven’t seen her for even longer… it wasn’t me, sorry.” She replied, her words laced with puzzled amusement.

“Weird… okay. Now that you say that… I haven’t seen her here in a long time either, and this is her job. No way that Mister Moore lets her off the hook for much longer if she doesn’t keep working with his thoroughbreds.” Tide frowned deeply, his gaze shifting as he attempted to recall the last time he had run into Keri at the barn. The last thing he needed on his plate was covering her ass around here.

“Maybe the reality of her divorce and not having the kids is finally catching up to her… should I check on her?” Now Alice had taken on a more worried tone.

“No, no. I’ll take care of it, I’m her brother. Thank you, Alice…”

His hand came to rest on her arm, and they shared a long glance. In the past, he might have angled in, stealing away a kiss from her. Now, his stomach twisted at the very thought. He couldn’t… it would betray some vague awakening within him, even if such emotions meant nothing in the end. The one he wished to share it with was no more than dust to this world. Still, it meant too much to him to allow room for anything else, at least for now. In any case, Alice now knew too well that anything shared between them only served as a momentary distraction.

“Good luck, cowboy.” She interjected, turning on her heels and leaving him along in the center of the covered round pen.

The tension lingered, his chest squeezing so tightly around his heart that he both feared and prayed it would stop. He wanted that intimacy, he wanted that closeness… but nothing, no one, could ever possibly compare. His cards had been dealt, and this was the hand he had received. He glanced to the stallion next to him and resolved that a life of solitude would be survivable for the near future… he could throw himself into his work for as long as his body allowed. Horses were better than people, anyways.

----

ref: www.pinterest.ca/pin/603271312…

Description

It was long ago, in a clinic with one of the greats, that he had been told that horses only care about two things that humans possess: peace and comfort. There was no logic in frustration or punishment, and there was no room for a relationship once fear was introduced. It struck him in that moment how much he could relate to those young, unstarted horse… the own abuse he had felt as a young boy, his own helplessness, the confusion that was always met with anger. He got it, and he carried it with him.

So, when he swung his leg over into the saddle for the first time, the stud’s head snapped up in surprise, but after a moment of consideration and reflection on prior encounters with Tide… Finny’s flanks heaved a heavy sigh, and his head dropped down. The cowboy, after all, had never put him in a situation that was more than he could handle.

“That was boring. Here I thought I would be getting entertainment with my meal.” Alice muttered from the sidelines, nearly spitting out a piece of apple as she spoke.

“Well, when you do it right, it ain’t much to watch.” Tide shrugged, scratching at Finny’s withers reassuringly. Although, the blue roan show no sign of startling.

“And you know how to do it right?” She teased, a playful smirk dancing on her peach-glossed lips. It was rare these days to see any semblance of cocky confidence in the man.

“I wouldn’t go so far to say I always get it right… but it’s so simple as just listening and knowing when to slow down or stop altogether. They’re always communicating, and sometimes what you hear doesn’t make you feel very good, but it’s not about our ego. Nothing scarier, in my opinion, than a horse that shuts down and stops talking because no one will listen. That’s when you get explosive, ‘dangerous’, horses… but they’re just afraid, and no one will hear them.” In those months after his return from the veteran’s hospital, he had been explosive, he had been dangerous… and he had been paralyzed by a fear that no one could even begin to understand. Hell, he still was afraid, and he had his colder days, but he was finding healthier ways to cope than building barricades around himself.

“How was your weekend away with Jude?” Alice switched the subject, approaching the pair and offering her apple core to the young stallion as a reward for his participation.

Tide shrugged nonchalantly again. “Good, great. We don’t get a lot of time together; it was really nice. Of course, he wants to rodeo now.”

“That kid is going to end up just like you.”

“Hopefully not.” He would do everything within his power to make sure that kid ended up nothing like him. Rodeo was no career. Then again, if he had never gone down that road, he would have never needed money or a life purpose so desperately that he enlisted, and he would have never met Joshua.

Alice brushed off his self-deprecating comment. “How is school going for him? Isn’t this his first year?”

“Good… great. He’s a little boy genius, he’s got tons of friends… I’m supposed to do some dad thing at his school, where I go in and talk about what I do.” He shifted around in the saddle, watching Finny’s ears tense, and allowing the stud to take a few confused steps backward. Eventually, he settled back down.

“You don’t think the kids will love learning about the cowboy life?”

“I don’t know… kids tend to be afraid of me, I think my eye is scary to them… and they’re kids, they don’t hold back, they ask all the obvious inappropriate questions. I guess I could just say a bull did it to me.” He issued one half-hearted chuckle, finally swinging his leg over and dismounting. There was no need to wait until something went wrong, it was better to keep sessions short and end on a good note each time.

“Or just be honest? Kids think soldiers are cool too… you’re like Captain America.”

He hardly agreed with this heroic comparison, and he didn’t dare glance her way as he loosened the cinch by a single hole. “No, no… I don’t even talk to Jude about all that stuff… I mean, I try to, but I just can’t.”

There was a long moment of silence, the woman judging if she should dare to pose her next question. However, she was horribly curious, and her intimate relationship with the man encouraged her even more to not hold back on anything. He let her push his buttons, more than anyone else.

“So, on a related note… you were in Tennessee all weekend, did you take Jude to… see him?”

“I did.” Tide replied tensely.

“How did that go?”

He shook his head, still not facing her, and decidedly focusing on stroking Finny’s neck instead. “As well as expected, I explained as much as I could about why we were there, who he was… but it’ll never be enough, Alice. It’s impossible to try to sum up who he was or what he meant to me into a short, simplified story for my son. To know Josh, to really get any of it… you had to meet him.”

“What did Jude think of it all?”

“He was just quiet. I didn’t shed a tear or anything, but no young boy likes to see his old man in a sad way. It was okay though… I mean, he’s not there, Alice. Not really. I don’t feel anything when I go to that cemetery. A body might be buried there, but it’s not him, not anymore…” Finally, he looked at her, and what lingered in his eyes told her that it was time to stop pressing. She knew well enough that when that mistiness came about, she was about to lose him to sorrow. He would lock the doors, shut the windows, draw the curtains, and there was no getting through. He was airtight.

“I get it.”

The silence was never comfortable for her, but she allowed it for his sake. It was difficult to imagine what went on in his head, and the conversations that he filtered through. He had mentioned long ago hearing voices, but she hadn’t asked him to elaborate on it. She just felt sorry for him and didn’t want to stack on more.

“So, how did you like staying at my house?” He asked out of nowhere, seemingly not as lost in thought as Alice had assumed.

“Uhh… What are you talking about?” She laughed nervously.

“Oh… well, Keri asked if she could have someone stay with her? I guess I assumed it was you… aren’t you guys super close?” He tilted his head.

“We used to be. I haven’t talked to your sister in weeks. Frankly, I haven’t seen her for even longer… it wasn’t me, sorry.” She replied, her words laced with puzzled amusement.

“Weird… okay. Now that you say that… I haven’t seen her here in a long time either, and this is her job. No way that Mister Moore lets her off the hook for much longer if she doesn’t keep working with his thoroughbreds.” Tide frowned deeply, his gaze shifting as he attempted to recall the last time he had run into Keri at the barn. The last thing he needed on his plate was covering her ass around here.

“Maybe the reality of her divorce and not having the kids is finally catching up to her… should I check on her?” Now Alice had taken on a more worried tone.

“No, no. I’ll take care of it, I’m her brother. Thank you, Alice…”

His hand came to rest on her arm, and they shared a long glance. In the past, he might have angled in, stealing away a kiss from her. Now, his stomach twisted at the very thought. He couldn’t… it would betray some vague awakening within him, even if such emotions meant nothing in the end. The one he wished to share it with was no more than dust to this world. Still, it meant too much to him to allow room for anything else, at least for now. In any case, Alice now knew too well that anything shared between them only served as a momentary distraction.

“Good luck, cowboy.” She interjected, turning on her heels and leaving him along in the center of the covered round pen.

The tension lingered, his chest squeezing so tightly around his heart that he both feared and prayed it would stop. He wanted that intimacy, he wanted that closeness… but nothing, no one, could ever possibly compare. His cards had been dealt, and this was the hand he had received. He glanced to the stallion next to him and resolved that a life of solitude would be survivable for the near future… he could throw himself into his work for as long as his body allowed. Horses were better than people, anyways.

----

ref: www.pinterest.ca/pin/603271312…