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dasprid — Flim Flam Tonic
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Published: 2014-03-30 12:28:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 7898; Favourites: 111; Downloads: 192
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Description
The famous all-curing tonic, soon coming to a Walmart nearby.Episode: S04E20
Screenshot: sta.sh/01dw4i4gf2zf
SVG: sta.sh/029hz3i84r4q
My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic by , copyright by Hasbro
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Comments: 11
"On the plus side, it DOES work wonders as an improvised weapon!"
--- Applejack, while throwing one of the tonic bottles Granny bought, modified into an incendiary 'cocktail' with a flaming piece of cloth on its neck, during the "Great Timberwolve Invasion" of Ponyville.
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"Brother of mine, perhaps we should get into the...defense business? Those mutts are nothing but ashes; this could be our TRUE big break!"
--- Flam, to his brother, after seeing the effects of their weaponized tonic.
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"Fellow mares and gentlecolts, may I present to you, for your consideration: The FFT saddle-mounted flamethrower, courtesy of our new star researchers in the Royal Ministry of Defense R&D development. This weapons uses a special flammable alcoholic compound, codename "Special Tonic", to spray a jet of flame with a range of around 50-80 meters. Short range, yes, but nevertheless highly effective against masses of infantry, especially in enclosed spaces and close-quarters, and quite a dependable weapon to use against many of Equestria's enemies, such as the Changelings. As for costs and potential safety concerns; well, the cost-benefit reviews are yet to be finished, but our weapons developers assures us that it will be 'worth every bit'."
--- Royal Equestrian Army general, on a new weapon developed by Flim and Flam, during the REA's first major modernization and re-armament program in centuries.
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"Despite the Flim/Flam Brothers' reputations as hucksters and con-artists, their newest invention has proven to be a genuinely effective weapon. Field tests have shown that the flames it produces, despite their short range, can spread at a rapid pace and are difficult for opposing forces to extinguish with mundane water, requiring specialized spells or chemical extinguishers to put out with any speed.
Moreover, these effects can be enhanced with minimal use of magic: simple thickening agents or coagulants can be added to the "Special Tonic" fuel to make it stick to targets and/or burn slower, minimizing the need for enchantments AND allowing Guard units with few unicorns--or composed mainly of non-pony troops--to have sufficient firepower to deal with greater threats.
The controversies of the flamer's supposed "barbarism" leveled by civilian commentators, or its "displacement of traditional unicorn battle-mages" are minor issues at worst; merely a hoof-jerk reaction to something unfamiliar.
The effectiveness of this weapons system, and even its potential civilian applications, speak for themselves. Full deployment should begin as soon as is practical."
--- Leiutenant-Colenol Crimson Arrow, Liason to the Royal Army Research Division, in a report on the new Flamthrower.
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Flim Flam Tonic--cures all known ailments, restores your youth, and will instantly improve your love life! Buy yours today!
Side effects may include nausea, dizziness, skin irritation, inflammation of the soul, vomiting, heart burn, nasal congestion, severe weight gain, severe weight loss, inability to concentrate, the dumb, the derp, acne outbreak, chronic arthritis, chapped lips, chipped hooves, unexplained pregnancy, sudden hair growth, gingivitis, tinnitus, laryngitis, loss of sense of smell, anxiety, heart palpitations, sudden mood swings, night terrors, swapping genders when splashed in the face with water, paranoia, bloating, muscle twitches, vampirism, penguinism, indigestion, cataracts, severe migraine headaches, insomnia, increased gambling, blurry vision, bleeding from all orifices of the body, and itchy eyes.
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Ah, yes. Can't forget that one.
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