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Are you ready for storytime kiddies? Of course you aren't, that's why most of you just stopped reading when you saw the word vent. Oh wait, you're still here? Oh okay. You are a cool person. You are now a member of the cool squad. Cool.

Let's talk about Eurovision for a brief moment. That winning song from Sweden? That song actually hit home for me a lot more than I thought it would when I first heard it. Especially the visuals for it. I'm feeling a little emotional now I've realised what it all represents. You might want to go check out the performance if you haven't already to understand this a bit better. Even then I'd say go watch it anyway because it's beautiful.

Anyways, it got me thinking a bit. Well I've been thinking about this for a few days now anyway. Now if you know me at all, you might know that I've not had the easiest time at school. Ever since about year three, (for you Americans I don't know what that is but put it this way I was about 7ish maybe?) I've been picked on a lot. Oh I know what you're thinking, haven't we all? Well yes but when I say 'picked on' I don't mean a few harmless insults from time to time. No. I was full on bullied. Not just by a small group of people either. You see, when you're in Primary school, you like to do what everyone else is doing. By the time year six rolled around, my entire class was doing it. They saw a group of people harassing me, they thought it was funny, they joined in. The teachers did nothing about it. On several times when I was leaving class, about fifteen people would wait behind the wall to jump out and scare me. Boys would laugh at me because I hit puberty a little earlier than most so I started growing hairs under my arms. Apparently they thoughts that 'girls didn't grow hairs there' so that meant I was a freak. All the girls thought I was disgusting and treated me like a rat. Yes I had a few friends, but as soon as high school came I lost pretty much all of them. The one friend I had that came to the same high school as me left me about halfway through the first year for her new friends. Oh but a new school means no more bullying right? Wrong. Somehow it got even worse.

Some people decided to spread a rumour that I had touched myself inappropriately during a lesson once. And yet again, I was labelled as a freak. Such nicknames I received included 'Spazzinator' and 'Scary Mary'. As the years went on, yeah people began to mature. The people in my year eventually left me alone. Oh but guess what? Now people in the years below and above me were doing it. People I didn't even know. The amount of times I would break down crying in the toilets because I couldn't handle it was ridiculous. Sure some people reached out to me and considered me a friend. Yet the damage was done. I was afraid that I'd do something that would cause them to join in so I often distanced myself from them. The one person I really liked talking to and thought was a great person, guess what? She was a backstabbing bitch who told people I was weird. I'd never really had it diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'd developed a case of social anxiety. I was terrified of people. My high school gave me a mentor but it did nothing to help me at all. I'd tell them about the bullying and they did nothing. Now my high school is known for being a top school in my area and is apparently very strict on bullying. However, I know a few people who'd experienced it (one of my earlier friends had to leave the school because of it) and they will all tell you that the school does nothing about. Honestly, the one thing that kept me going was the internet. For a long time, the people I know on here were my only friends. My OC, Luna was my friend. Yeah I know that sounds silly, but she was. Luna was a character who I wanted to be and she has always been by my side.

So, I get into college and finally the bullying stops. Oh, but it didn't matter. I was still terrified of people. I couldn't talk to people. I couldn't interact with people. This was particularly bad because I had chosen to study drama. And I freaking love drama. You see my problem? Drama involved a lot of group work. Whilst my theatre class is small, it's full of confident people. Every day I'd watch them laughing and making jokes and be desperate to join in. But I couldn't. I was scared I'd mess up. Eventually I broke down again. So, my theatre teacher noticed and we talked about it. Now my theatre teacher is brilliant. He's great as a teacher and great as an adult that will listen to what you have to say. Not to mention he's hilarious. He told me he got picked on as well as a kid. Somehow, explaining everything that had happened made me feel so much better. Somehow drama became so much easier. I began to open myself up more. I began to speak more. I then realised that for the first time in years, I had friends. I made a great friend in my tutor group who didn't think I was strange and loved to talk about my interests. I told her I liked anime, I liked drawing and all that stuff. She didn't laugh or mock me. She was interested. And we bonded pretty quickly. Now we're pretty damn good friends. It wasn't just her, I made many other friends. Heck this year I made some friends whom I never thought I'd find. Back in high school I didn't know a single person who liked stuff like anime. Now, I've met about ten people who do in my college and we all hang out during free periods. And hey, next year I'm gonna do a group cosplay with them.

So where does all this leave me now? Well, my friend said it best to be honest.

"Hey Laura, you look so much happier this year!"

When she said that, I realised it. I was happier. I used to go home in a bad mood and lock myself up in my room all day. Now I go home smiling. I don't dread doing into college so much. In fact some days I look forward to it. I love seeing all my friends. And whilst I might be leaving them behind in a few weeks to go on to University, I'll keep in touch. Something I never did with anyone in high school. And it's only now I can finally say something I never would have said last year. I am no longer afraid of people. I'm not afraid to be myself. I love making people laugh and now I can try to do it again in the same way I did when I was a kid. The person I was a few years ago would be overjoyed to see me now.

Listen to me, if anyone is reading this and has problems with bullying. And I know many of you have since I hear about it online all the time. I was a wreck once. And now I feel brilliant. If you are still here right now and you are living then you have already won. Your life will get better, I can promise you that. Life changes. People change. You change.

I was bullied. I got social anxiety. And I fucking beat them both.

And this summer when I have graduated college I will get ready for university, I will see all of my friends, I will have my birthday, I will go to a convention or two, I will maybe get a job, I'm going to Ireland to meet up with two of my best online friends, I'm going to study media and I'm going to be a screenwriter.

Just you fucking try to stop me. My life is just getting started after all.

You are important. People care about you. You are going to win.

Thank you.

Description
Are you ready for storytime kiddies? Of course you aren't, that's why most of you just stopped reading when you saw the word vent. Oh wait, you're still here? Oh okay. You are a cool person. You are now a member of the cool squad. Cool.

Let's talk about Eurovision for a brief moment. That winning song from Sweden? That song actually hit home for me a lot more than I thought it would when I first heard it. Especially the visuals for it. I'm feeling a little emotional now I've realised what it all represents. You might want to go check out the performance if you haven't already to understand this a bit better. Even then I'd say go watch it anyway because it's beautiful.

Anyways, it got me thinking a bit. Well I've been thinking about this for a few days now anyway. Now if you know me at all, you might know that I've not had the easiest time at school. Ever since about year three, (for you Americans I don't know what that is but put it this way I was about 7ish maybe?) I've been picked on a lot. Oh I know what you're thinking, haven't we all? Well yes but when I say 'picked on' I don't mean a few harmless insults from time to time. No. I was full on bullied. Not just by a small group of people either. You see, when you're in Primary school, you like to do what everyone else is doing. By the time year six rolled around, my entire class was doing it. They saw a group of people harassing me, they thought it was funny, they joined in. The teachers did nothing about it. On several times when I was leaving class, about fifteen people would wait behind the wall to jump out and scare me. Boys would laugh at me because I hit puberty a little earlier than most so I started growing hairs under my arms. Apparently they thoughts that 'girls didn't grow hairs there' so that meant I was a freak. All the girls thought I was disgusting and treated me like a rat. Yes I had a few friends, but as soon as high school came I lost pretty much all of them. The one friend I had that came to the same high school as me left me about halfway through the first year for her new friends. Oh but a new school means no more bullying right? Wrong. Somehow it got even worse.

Some people decided to spread a rumour that I had touched myself inappropriately during a lesson once. And yet again, I was labelled as a freak. Such nicknames I received included 'Spazzinator' and 'Scary Mary'. As the years went on, yeah people began to mature. The people in my year eventually left me alone. Oh but guess what? Now people in the years below and above me were doing it. People I didn't even know. The amount of times I would break down crying in the toilets because I couldn't handle it was ridiculous. Sure some people reached out to me and considered me a friend. Yet the damage was done. I was afraid that I'd do something that would cause them to join in so I often distanced myself from them. The one person I really liked talking to and thought was a great person, guess what? She was a backstabbing bitch who told people I was weird. I'd never really had it diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'd developed a case of social anxiety. I was terrified of people. My high school gave me a mentor but it did nothing to help me at all. I'd tell them about the bullying and they did nothing. Now my high school is known for being a top school in my area and is apparently very strict on bullying. However, I know a few people who'd experienced it (one of my earlier friends had to leave the school because of it) and they will all tell you that the school does nothing about. Honestly, the one thing that kept me going was the internet. For a long time, the people I know on here were my only friends. My OC, Luna was my friend. Yeah I know that sounds silly, but she was. Luna was a character who I wanted to be and she has always been by my side.

So, I get into college and finally the bullying stops. Oh, but it didn't matter. I was still terrified of people. I couldn't talk to people. I couldn't interact with people. This was particularly bad because I had chosen to study drama. And I freaking love drama. You see my problem? Drama involved a lot of group work. Whilst my theatre class is small, it's full of confident people. Every day I'd watch them laughing and making jokes and be desperate to join in. But I couldn't. I was scared I'd mess up. Eventually I broke down again. So, my theatre teacher noticed and we talked about it. Now my theatre teacher is brilliant. He's great as a teacher and great as an adult that will listen to what you have to say. Not to mention he's hilarious. He told me he got picked on as well as a kid. Somehow, explaining everything that had happened made me feel so much better. Somehow drama became so much easier. I began to open myself up more. I began to speak more. I then realised that for the first time in years, I had friends. I made a great friend in my tutor group who didn't think I was strange and loved to talk about my interests. I told her I liked anime, I liked drawing and all that stuff. She didn't laugh or mock me. She was interested. And we bonded pretty quickly. Now we're pretty damn good friends. It wasn't just her, I made many other friends. Heck this year I made some friends whom I never thought I'd find. Back in high school I didn't know a single person who liked stuff like anime. Now, I've met about ten people who do in my college and we all hang out during free periods. And hey, next year I'm gonna do a group cosplay with them.

So where does all this leave me now? Well, my friend said it best to be honest.

"Hey Laura, you look so much happier this year!"

When she said that, I realised it. I was happier. I used to go home in a bad mood and lock myself up in my room all day. Now I go home smiling. I don't dread doing into college so much. In fact some days I look forward to it. I love seeing all my friends. And whilst I might be leaving them behind in a few weeks to go on to University, I'll keep in touch. Something I never did with anyone in high school. And it's only now I can finally say something I never would have said last year. I am no longer afraid of people. I'm not afraid to be myself. I love making people laugh and now I can try to do it again in the same way I did when I was a kid. The person I was a few years ago would be overjoyed to see me now.

Listen to me, if anyone is reading this and has problems with bullying. And I know many of you have since I hear about it online all the time. I was a wreck once. And now I feel brilliant. If you are still here right now and you are living then you have already won. Your life will get better, I can promise you that. Life changes. People change. You change.

I was bullied. I got social anxiety. And I fucking beat them both.

And this summer when I have graduated college I will get ready for university, I will see all of my friends, I will have my birthday, I will go to a convention or two, I will maybe get a job, I'm going to Ireland to meet up with two of my best online friends, I'm going to study media and I'm going to be a screenwriter.

Just you fucking try to stop me. My life is just getting started after all.

You are important. People care about you. You are going to win.

Thank you.