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Incandescent —
Self dated
Published: 2006-01-18 05:19:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 5425; Favourites: 49; Downloads: 1683
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Description
I feel most glamorous when I walkthrough Target. Look at the sheeple,
now look at me. I've got a
pinstripe blazer. I "do poetry."
I listen to Gwen and Lindsay
but only for the irony. I understand
the Xbox 360 and Lost in Translation
on more levels than you ever do.
And all I'm coming in here to buy
is a marked-down jar of J. Crew.
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Comments: 43
Hi There!
You have just earned yourself an O.D.D. feature 
ODDS (oibyrd's daily deviations) are to honor the sometimes overlooked artists of dA that I personally think deserve some exposure (and ALSO, to show off people who I think are undeniably talented in their own genre of art, REGARDLESS of their #'s of fav's or pageviews. I like what I like and sometimes artwork isn't featured in the regular DDs because it's popular all on it's own It's a shame, but the admins are only trying to be fair! ). Please click the link below to see your work featured and to view other featured artists . If you prefer not to be a featured artist, just send me a note and I will remove you from the list. Cheers! xoxo Stef xoxo
[link]
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I LOVE this. I have nothing constructive to say, just that this is wonderful.
Also, the description itself is a wonderful bit of writing.
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ok, i'm not sure which i like better, the picture, the description or the actual piece ... probably the description. you have a way with words, it shows your superior vocabulary and that you are not afraid to ... not use it. and to quote my favorite person ... me (j/k, sorta) "despite all the brilliance in the world, the incoherent mumblings will still suffice as conversation"
lines with the biggest punch: I only asked if she was the Antichrist
and: I understand/the Xbox 360 and Lost in Translation/on more levels than you ever do.
well done.
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It's hard to get past using those big words! They're too much fun, even if they make a muddle of whatever you're writing unless they're absolutely needed.
And the people with whom you can have incoherent mumblings (and random giggling and noises) in place of conversation = the most awesome friends. In my opinion. And there's quite a brilliance to making that work.
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I love Target. Too bad Wal-mart's taking over the northwest instead.
Anyway, I think you really have three pieces here -- the photo, the descrip, and then the poem. It's like a tryptych in three mediums. Or something. And they all kinda blend together to form the name of the set.
But that's just me thinking. I like it.
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wow the photo, the story, the poem.. fing great. so fantastic to see some quality work on this site
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haha this is great..I love the flow and everything ^^
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stunning syntax, beautiful flow.
it has a druggy syncopation.
also, I love the comments.
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it's so nice to seem something positive in a world where everyone's blowing each other to bits. very nice capture ^_^
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:: looks upon the sign as is demands success ::
:: protests it ::
:: gets bad grades in school ::
...
NOT! XD XD XD
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Call me dense, but I am not entirely sure if you are sarcastically demonstrating a dislike for so-called "psuedo rebels" (the "fake" anti-sheeple) or if the piece is simply stating that you ARE one of the anti-sheeple... I personally interpret it as the latter, but one of your responses to a comment confused me about your intentions. Also, "sheeple" has become my new favorite word now... it's brilliant! It perfectly describes why I would rather be tied to train tracks than to spend more than an hour at the local mall or movie multiplex.
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Well, I don't know how you can tell much about me from reading my poetry. After all, you can't really tell how much of myself I put into my art. But I should point out that I put this in the humor category. And I talked about Target making me feel glamorous! That's not to say that I'm being totally sneering... I do own a pinstripe blazer myself, and the piece was inspired by silly thoughts running through my head walking through a Target looking for hair cream. Take that as you will.
There are malls/cineplexes in NYC? Well, theatres I suppose, by necessity... but they can't be nearly as frightening as those suburban 18-screen megaliths.
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To my humble self, this is a comment on social youth colour and the mind of a young person who believes he is wiser than he actually is. Touching
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Hehe.. "Mana"? "Antichrist"?! XD
Do you by any chance listen to Malice Mizer or Moi dix Mois?
--k
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Her name really is Mana, and I really did ask if she was the Antichrist. I was drunk...
Never heard of either of those, why?
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Oh? Ahahaha~
It's cool that her name is Mana.
Moi dix Mois is Mana's current project. He's a guitarrist and one were not to know him but just see his picture you would think "WTF, he's a crossdressing satanic antichrist from HELL! O_o" but then you read a couple of interviews and see that he's just a complete dork who loves old terror movies and has an insane amount of affection for his sea monkeys.
They're both good bands btw, so I recommend you check them out someday. They're from Japan. 
--k
PS: My avatar has (on the right) Gackt - Malice Mizer's second and most popular vocalist - & (on the left) Kami, Malice Mizer's late drummer who died in 1999. XD Sorry for the random trivia. I know far too much abou them. >_>;
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I really think the "sheeple" is great. That's always how I felt about the other people walking around Best Buy or Walmart or Target or whatever, although I'm probably one of the "sheeple" too. The juxtaposition (sp?) of the xBox 360 and Lost in Translation was also good for a little giggle.
The description of the poem is also wonderful, and I like the faintly hostile tones of that "YOU WILL ALL SUCCEED" on the school sign. I've had more than a few bad experiences with the public school system and I can totally relate to that.
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absolutely quirkily great 
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I kept on looking at the picture and asking my self "why is this picture a Daly Deviation?" but then I saw the awesome poem. . .lol I'm an idiot. Congrats on the DD
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Haha that's quite funny, reminds me a -lot- about some people I know around here. Converse all-stars and vintage rock t-shirts come to mind when I read this 
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wow. such a great description, and the poem itself speaks so loudly and vividly, proudly. its a wonderful piece of expression.
I do not think this piece needs any futher improvement, it is a pinnacle of creative writing ability.
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CONGRATS on the DD!! Well done!
Love the pre-story in the artists comments before you get to the actual poem.
They're both wonderfully done.
Bravo!
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i read through this a few times to make sure i got what you were talking about, but don't take that a slur on the poem, i'm just always a bit short-witted when it comes to understanding poetry. i really like the simple style and the 'artists comments' are a perfect precursor to the poem itself. maybe there should be a semi-colon in there but the stanza-break kinda negates it anyway i think. and the simple rhyme on the last line helps it roll out of your mouth. but anyway, i like it.
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I love the Artist's Comments as much as the actual piece. Both are great to read and flow just the way I like.
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Amazing poem. I love short ones like this that make such an impact on me. You pieced it together brilliantly with the compact lines and rhyme at the very end. It wrapped it up perfectly. And by the way, ^imperfect is right. The writing in your description is amazing. I wouldn't mind reading more.
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I don't usually go through the peotry section, but I noticed this as DD and can't help but thatink that's it's great.
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I just love it.
At first I found it a little frustrating that a lot of information that seemed relevant to the poem was placed in the Artist's comments instead of somehow also being incorporated into the poetry, then I took a step back and the way you've set this up really is brilliant.
The overall effect is slick and smooth.
I envy you.
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I really hear a semi-colon after 'sheeple.' But that's my only suggestion on the 'Advanced Critique Encouraged' front - I find this most effective because I actually found the bile rising to my throat just like I do when I meet people of that ilk in person. Congratulations on your feature!
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I'm not sure how you can hear a semicolon (they're rather quiet little critters), but nevertheless, you're right, as grammatically it really ought to be there (and it would match the pause that the stanza break creates visually, anyhow).
In Los Angeles, those people are part of the scenery. Pack antacid if you ever visit. They seem to generally avoid Target, though. I think their glamour would be negatively impacted by association.
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Alright, see a semicolon. 
Cheers!
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the self dated complete piece thing.. wotever it is i dont understand it but it seems very well writen its like i can interpret ur feelings but i dont even know what ur on about
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It's called a poem, and you can tell what it means by reading the words on the screen as you would any other words.
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The artist's comments is a very good start for a prose piece
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It would be, but I'm bad at fictionalizing events in my life!
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who says it needs to be fiction? great piece by the way. that's our generation.
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Oh, dear God, I hope there's more to our generation than just that. Thanks though.
I'm ever so slowly working on expanding that prose section. I'm fictionalizing it because my life is more a string of vignettes than a story, and I don't feel like I'm the protagonist, just the narrator.
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I love this, both the story (or recollection) and the poem. It seems like you've delved into the average kid's brain and took five minutes out of their day, and it's hilarious. Great job!
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