HOME | DD
LionesseRampant — lost memories between the sofa cushions
Published: 2013-11-08 03:23:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 1206; Favourites: 38; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
i found the lost boys under the sink again,their eyes boring as dark as a stygian night.
black ink tallies were scrawled on their arms --
an imaginary clock ticking life away in place
of the years they weren’t growing.
they reach their hands out to me,
beckoning, whispering the mantra
“be our mother again, again, again...”
but it was your words that echoed in my mind:
even pixie dust isn’t strong enough
to help me fly anymore.
Related content
Comments: 52
How impactful are the first lines?
The first two lines immediately caught my attention. It was such an odd image that popped into my head that I definitely wanted to see where this was headed.
Do all the references make sense?
To be honest, they made sense to me upon a second read, after having seen your description. After reading that though, I could see the tie-ins. It made this poem that much more bittersweet to me.
Can it be considered minimalist?
I really wouldn't consider this minimalist. It's short, yes, but I don't feel that there's a lot left unsaid. I don't think that's a bad thing! I just think that what you wanted to say is stated within the poem.
Do the last lines leave you with a 'bang?'
The last lines ended it well, and it was such a sad ending, really. The lines that packed the most punch, for me, were "of the years they weren't growing./they reach their hands out to me,/beckoning, whispering the mantra/"be our mother again, again, again..." <--That just really hit me, that part.
Overall?
Wonderful! I can definitely see the time and attention that this took.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Whoot, yay! Those two lines were running through my mind for WEEKS before I could finally choke them out.
Thank you so much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
That's mostly a reference to the character Nico in Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson novels, because his sword is made from Stygian Iron, which is black.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Good. You know the meaning, thank god.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I wouldn't have used it if I didn't know what it meant, haha.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you very much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The first lines are impactful, but maybe "I found the lost boys again, under the sink"? Idk it just flows better for me, the references are amazing, I think this is minimalist, the last lines are great, overall amazing
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'll think about it, but rearranging the words would interrupt the flow, in my opinion.
But thanks for the input!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Ohmyword. I lovelovelove this! I wanted to copy in my favourite line, and discovered I'd just end up copying-and-pasting the whole thing. Beautiful, hon~!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Awwwwwwww. You're too sweet!
Thank you so much for everything.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
So I'm losing my mind right now over this piece Oh my GOD.
Maybe it's because I love Peter Pan (my absolute favorite and i had the biggest crush on him)
I really love it, the loss of innocence and it makes me feel lik--OH you had questions lemme get to those first.
1. The first LINE was so powerful because I immediately got the reference and it got me so excited. The way it was written made me think of like maybe she was tired of it (oh look they are under the sink again) And it gives me a sort of jaded feel, a feel as if that aspect of there is no more going back, she's tired or re-living and it is time to move on.
2. Yes all the references make sense and it was quite lovely.
3. I'm not good on what is considered minimalist so I can't exactly say.
4. The whole poem left me with a bang. But the last lines were powerful because they sort of gave me the impression of "no that part of my life is over and I'm not turning back" which kind of, of course, reminds me of the whole thing that was about Peter Pan and once you grow up there is no going back.
I loved loved loved loved uber loved this piece
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're so sweet!
I'm so so so so so so so glad that you love this! It means a BUNCH.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I love the mood of this whole poem. It seems very nostalgic, and the descriptions are perfect - not too fancy, but also not plain. While poems aren't favorite things of mine, I tend to like ones that end with a "smack down" the best.
And bonus points for Peter Pan, of course.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Peter Pan for the win.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hmm, the first lines incited curiosity to know what the poem is about, although I am still not entirely sure, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Is it about forgotten or lost fairytales? Lost innocence?
I do not feel that I know poetry well enough to judge whether or not it is minimalist... I have read more minimal pieces, but, in my relatively uninformed opinion, yes, I would say that it is.
I like the last two lines very much -- unique imagery and the feeling resonates with me.
Overall... I am not sure, but the word that comes to mind is "perplexed." I know that isn't very helpful, sorry. It is definitely well-written and I enjoy your word use and imagery, but I feel that I didn't entirely catch or connect with the subject, but that is probably just me and not reflective of any weakness in your work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I think that people have been interpreting it differently, and both of those can apply.
Thank you so much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I love the ending. To me, those last three lines are the best part. Beautiful work!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you very much! That's good; I meant it to go off with a bang.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
haha, you're welcome! And it did!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hm, I perhaps liked the other title better because it wasn't as obvious. The other way, the allusion slowly built on you and it felt like something you'd connected by yourself, just based on the words. This one doesn't feel as refreshingly different -- so if you don't want to use the prompt as the title, you could come up with something similarly interesting?
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
I found a solution! I changed the title back, and then put "somewhere in neverland" in the AC.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Heh, glad it worked out
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Lol. I just changed the title because I was listening to an All Time Low song. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
From Wendy's point of view perhaps?
Such a beautiful poem- As I keep reading this over and over, I am trying, without success, to figure out exactly what draws me in and holds me captive- everything from the bold font and word size to the imagery and underlying emotion helps to create an intricate and mesmerizing experience.
Excellent work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Perhaps, haha. That's one of the things that could be an allusion.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
An allusive illusion perhaps? lol
You are most welcome. It was my pleasure.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The first line rocks- it made me curious, made me want to read more!
Minimalist? I would say yes. I am a big fan of short poems that have big meaning- and this would definitely fit in that category!
For me, the last stanza was very successful- it has a sense of finality, and a sense sadness.
Overall? Your work evokes emotion, for me, that makes it wonderful.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oooh, yay.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think this is a great way of interpreting the prompt "The Ones I've Lost". Really well done.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you very much.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This is fantastic!To have such a connection between growing up and the loss of childhood innocence and memories work so well is great. I also love the connection to Peter Pan and growing up in this poem. The line where the Lost Boys have been tallying the days away is almost like their cry out to grow as well. Absolutely brilliant!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
no worries man, I love literature and I'm so glad I came back to DA to this
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Bahaha, that's what I was going for. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The analogies and imagery are absolutely amazing! Your usage of words is really inspiring, and I can't help but love you as a writer
The first lines? Extremely well-written, and they act as a fantastic hook to the remainder of the poem.
The references are clever, and that last one took me a little bit to figure out for some odd reason (I might be operating a little slower today 
I had to look up what minimalist meant, but from what I can gather, I do believe you were very successful in getting so much across in so few words! I love the way this is written, and those words fading away were immensely moving and pulled me in to be amazed at your talent.
The last words most certainly left me with a bang, and I'm 100% certain that many others will feel this way, too. Your talent is enormously inspiring and fascinating, and I can't wait to see the next thing you come up with
Overall, I say this is the definition of amazing, I congratulate you on your skills
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>