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Lycaenyx —
Disengage
#between #bridge #collapse #disengage #distance #fonder #ground #grow #heart #inches #middle #miles #rebuild #torment
Published: 2019-12-24 21:46:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 1681; Favourites: 47; Downloads: 0
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Description
If distance makes the heart grow fonder,then why do I only find torment
when these inches turn into miles
and the bridge between collapses?
Maybe we could find our way back to how things used to be,
if only we could rebuild that middle ground.
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Comments: 17
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Oof, this is heartbreaking. And that last line... just made me crumble.
congratulations on the much deserved daily deviation, you talented poet, you.
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Wonderful work! 
Congratulations on your much deserved, DD! 
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...and so much is in that middle ground it's hard to imagine rebuilding all to be found there. If, indeed, it's all found. Good work here!
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it is truly a daunting task to undertake.
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Indeed - there's distance, and then there's distance.
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Personally, I am curious about why the metaphorical bridge has collapsed. It sounds to me that your narrator really cares about the relationship, and so I don’t think the relationship has failed because of disinterest. To be fair, this could also be about a long-distance relationship and the distance you refer to is a literal distance which is also the reason the relationship fell apart.
This is a fresh and original twist on a common metaphor. It works brilliantly as a poem. There is definitely a difficult balance to strike between embracing the cliché and breathing new life into it, and honestly you did so well I didn’t even remember the cliché until I read your description.
This critique is brought to you by Van Sledden! Merry Critmas! Critmas 2019: It's On!
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I like how you've said so much in so few words. I also got a chuckle out of your artist's comment.
I would just offer some critique on this. The second stanza of this poem is short, as if there is something missing here. The first stanza emphasizes how the distance grows between two people, and ultimately frays a bond between them to the point where it is broken. The second, however, is quite short by comparison, ending on only a wistful question. While this does work for a thought of what might have been, it seems like just a short thought on the entire issue, contrary the emotion included in the former. I would recommend considering adding more detail to the second stanza.
This has been brought to you by the Jingleblüd Crew of Critmas 2019. Link here: Critmas 2019: It's On! Happy holidays!
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Thank you for your input
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