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masaothedog — Snupin Burrito 19.
Published: 2008-09-19 18:40:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 5494; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 35
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Description
Snupin Burrito is a slash doujinshi. It is based on an RP by and I.Slash, slightly AU, impeding buttsex. Other, but that would give stuff away. And I don't own this, of course.
Cover Page: [link]
Previous Page: [link]
Next Page: [link]
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Comments: 34
Page 001 =
1) In all panels, the clothes are lacking actual decent shadowing.
2) In 2nd panel, the background is very wavy so you should make it something that doesn't annoy the audience's eyes.
3) In 3rd panel, when he was comparing his nails to others, the hand's position looked odd.
Page 002 =
1) In 1st panel, the left hand got cut in the air, if you don't want to draw full hand, cut the panel in half.
2) In 1st panel, the side way flashes are done in a very amateurish way.
3) In 2nd panel, you said, "And black is a girl." so you meant Lucius' wife?
4) In last panel, use "...if I had manicured them!"
Page 003 =
1) In 2nd panel, you should put more efforts for the table and the chairs, regardless of wanting to make Harry's group humourous.
2) In the last panel, when Snape scratched/rubbed his head, his black clothing showed no distinction for the movement he made so again, ink and shade carefully, possibly with more efforts.
Page 005 =
1) Harry looked odd in the last panel.
Page 006 =
1) Snape's nose is too long and his mouth is peaking too much, make everything more flexible.
Page 007 =
1) In last panel, the old woman(teacher) didn't look humane or feminine.
Page 008 =
1) Instead of overusing tones, you should learn to make your linearts stand out more and with your drawings having more depth.
Page 009 =
1) I hope you add more details to the items(windows, books, etc.)
Page 010 =
1) The dad looked *bleh*. :<
Page 011 =
1) In 1st panel, you need to make Snape look more natural.
Page 012 =
1) You just need to add more details in the clothes, that is all.
Page 013 =
1) "What is happening?" ===> "...what are you doing?"
Page 014 =
1) Last panel, yeah sideview needs more works again.
Page 015 =
1) You need to make the tables and the room more realistic.
2) You need more love in drawing Lupin.
Page 016 =
1) lol, I would prefer if you would remove Snape's nose and make the mouth bigger. (For reference, look at Rukia's drawings.)
Page 017 =
1) You just need more works in the items, background.
Page 018 =
1) Remus frontal view of nose looked BAD in 2nd panel, so change style, yes.
Page 019 =
1) Younger snape was so weirdly shaped.
Overall =
1) The art style needs more attention and skills.
2) You need more improvement in inking and shading.
3) Also, choose speech bubbles more cuter.
4) You will have to improve in expressions and anatomy.
I don't want to be overly critic so I held back. I hope you could become much better some day.
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Thank you very much^_^. I don't think you are overly critcal. This is all stuff I need to do. I wondered about changing the speech bubbles--aside from improving upon everything else--so I will look at some references about that. Just for context, though, when you say "Harry"... Well, that is James. This is in 1975 when all of the 'adults' of the series are in school. Of course, if that's not clear, it's error on my part.
I'm making this in the first place in order to get better so that future comics will be more enjoyable.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No, it was clear. It is just that what I called in my mind and what I typed were different. >.<
Speech bubble definitely needs improvement. There are many bubbles you can download online for the photoshop, I heard. And so, yeah, try that. ;O
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Since I do it all traditionally, though, I couldn't really use downloaded speech bubbles without making vague predictions of where they would have to go. Maybe I will take a look at them and try to emulate them.
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Oh!
Well, I do like traditional but I think it is not wrong to add digital too. May be, you should edit your work in digital. It will make more neat and prettier.
Yeah, you should go download the speech bubbles... Oh, I think you should download TEXTURES too! It will help a lot. XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
YesXD. I wish I had more occasions to draw him!
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Wonderful colours here, particularly with the hair and Severus' skin. It just all looks so pretty, too. I wish I had something more intelligent to say besides "HURR SO PURDY!"
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Great coloring! Especially the hair and eyes. I have to say, though, that Severus may look cute with short hair... But he looks sexy with long hair. 
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Aa! I think the same thing^^. About his hair, I mean. Thankyou so much<3.
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You're welcomed.
I'm glad we have the same view about his hair. ^^ I can't get over the coloring. It's so awesome!
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Well, that's good thenXD. We're going to colour a couple of pages per section. More especially for the longer sections... since this was a pretty short one.
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Yay!
I got to ask, which is harder to do, the coloured version or the non-coloured version of a page?
Will the next section be longer than the last one?
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Um... I'd say coloured because I have years and years more experience with thatXD. And you don't have to cut anything out.
Yes. Much longerXD.
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At least ten more pages, but it'll probably be longer than that. I have a lot to cover. And it makes me so mad, but I have too much going on in ONE OF MY CLASSES... just ONE... that I have almost no time to draw.
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Is it socilogy? Even though you have tons of stuff to do, I'm looking forward to your section. And it's great news to hear that it will be 10 pages longer.
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Of course it isXD. I really can't get anything below a b in any of my classes, and it's going to have to be a big struggle to get one in this class. If I were in highschool, I'd get a D or C in this class. And aside from maintaining my scholarship, I wouldn't care! Because it doesn't seem as if any level of academic merit will affect my grade. It seems like it's a lot of ass kissing.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
That's the worst. So you have to kiss up to her to get a decent grade in her class? Too bad hard work doesn't seem to work in there.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It seems like it, and I'm not even very good at kissing up.
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Hard work should matter more than kissing up. Just pretend to pay attention, if you're not already doing that. I mean, in her class who wouldn't?
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I can't help but look like I'm not paying attention, unfortunately-_-. Most people realize that I really am paying attention regardless.
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But she's not one of those people, eh? How can someone like her actually teach a class?! I hope your grades in there aren't affected because of her.
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That's what I mean><. I'm so astonished! I mean, that someone like her would be able to teach a class...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
So am I. She should really learn how to teach, rather than pretending to teach and being right all the time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Yay for coloured endings! He looks so adoreable that young!
(Lupin the Dog, here...)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I spit in your shoe!
And you're welcome.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You may not be so lucky tomorrow.
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I probably won't wear shoes tomorrow, eitherO_O.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thankyou! I don't like that the scan came out so that a lot of the airbrushing is not shown, though><.
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