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moyanII — Silhouette
Published: 2007-10-10 23:59:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 710; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 6
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Description
飛ぶ鳥や木の影一片去りにけりtobutori ya ki no kage ippen sari ni keri
the tree
shed a shred of shadow--
a bird flew away.
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Comments: 12
This is really lovely. I think the wording is perfect, 'shed a piece of shadow' paints the image directly in my mind, without even having to look at your lovely artistic representation of it.
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Wonderful job! I love how there's almost a sense of longing for what has departed.
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This is really wonderful. This has all of the elements of a haiku and is original and sincere and poetic and I can see it and hear it and
would be perfect if I could place it in time-
what time of day or year- or detect the weather- to bring me a smell or a taste.
Do you do your own images as well?
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yes i paint my own pictures for haikuwrimo. i hardly believe they'll be anyone who'll do this daily mania for me.
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Oh! I love how subtly the image of the shadow turns into something else! Fantastic!
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the tree
shed a piece of shadow
I love this image! Very original! Really well done!
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I have those moments when I see our pigeons fly their synchronized acrobatics in mass. A shiny rear car window at an angle, and their reflection in it - first one bird starts low on the window and climbs up - followed by two then a few then a mass and then gone. My eyes are always startled when I catch their appearance on the window and are startled once again when they are just as quickly gone. Their reflections make an impression in unexpected ways that are unknown to them. Lovely work, here.
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I get a feeling of sadness and loss from this. As if a integral part of the whole is now lost forever.
Excellent Haiku!
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Love this... great haiku. My only niggle is I'm not sure about the phrase "a piece of". To me it seems a little awkward- you could cut it altogether ("the tree shed a shadow" would work just fine in my opinion) or replace it with some more elegant phrase with the same meaning. Of course I can't understand the japanese version...
Anyway, love it.
What gorgeous inkwork!
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the bird was once a part of the tree's silhouette and when it flew a tiny part of that shadowy silhouette is shed.
perhaps i should use 'morsel' instead of '
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I think it works fine as is. Morsel isn't so good.
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