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Mysteltain08 — Self Hate
Published: 2013-03-20 15:10:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 971; Favourites: 51; Downloads: 0
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Description
I hate myself especially my flaws, being selfish and emotionally unstable, and finding it hard to trust everyone.I say things I don't mean and it hurts those who truly care and try to understand me.
I hate my feelings, I wish I never had them, that way I can be near perfect... invulnerable, strong, unbreakable, incapable of caring and loving, because it just leads to falling apart. Maybe I can be happy if I'll be like that, it's better to be missing something than getting continuously hurt because of me getting affected easily over things.
I wish one day I'll fall asleep for a very long time until all the problems are gone, or my emotions have finally disappeared, or just simply die in my sleep. I ask for it everyday. I want it badly.
I confuse myself. I'm my own enemy. I want to be eliminated."
My usual crap.
Just... fuck off. Please.
Don't tell me anything. Don't convince me that things will be alright.
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Comments: 21
Sweetie.
I love you. Please let me know if you feel like talking? I'm always here for you.
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Thank you Thalia, I love you too.
I'm not sure if I can open up.
OTL
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That's okay, sweetie. *hugs* I know how that goes. Whenever/If ever you do want to talk, just know that I'll be here. :3 But I do understand if you don't want to. *hugs*
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...
*throws on ninja gear,
jumps into a nearby van,
drives through the oceans and the skies,
arrives at your house,
waits until you come out,
grabs a blanket,
throws it over you,
drags you over to the van,
drives to the nearest ice cream store,
takes you out of the van,
orders your favorite ice cream,
puts you back in the van,
drives to your house,
breaks in through the chimney,
drags you to the bed still in the blanket,
throws you onto the bed,
leaves to get more pillows,
throws the pillows at you,
and finally tackles you in bed with ice cream in hand,
SNUGGLES*
In other words, even if I don't ever manage to convince you everything will be alright, or that you're amazing and kind and an incredible person, just know that even if you won't believe me about those things, you should know I'll ALWAYS be here for you. No matter what. I don't care what I'm going through because if you're going through something, that just makes me feel worse (to put it selfishly). I know that when someone is depressed, they hate to hear those reassuring words because it just makes everything worse. They hate everything, everyone.. but, I'm here. Waiting. Whenever you want to note me to talk. About anything. Everything. I love you.
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Thanks.. I love you too. But I just want to stop existing.
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What happened? I want to know. I need to know. Why do you feel this way? Did something happen?
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Heartbroken... towards everything. Lost hope, can't be positive anymore. I feel like giving up.
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Why's that. Why are you heartbroken?
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Many problems and lost the tiny bit of optimism I have left.
Maybe I'm not really ready to talk about it. Hope you understand.
I'm trying to get my mind off of it.
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Alright, but if you ever need to talk to someone, I'll be here.
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Okkay, I'll f*ck off. I'll leave the sentimental crap for another time. How 'bout tomorrow? Meh, just kidding. I should just get to the point!
Looks great, as always. Want to hear something cheesy? I can see feelings in those strokes. Very strong indeed.
Simple sketches are the best. I was wondering if there's something to the square patterns but I dunno. Never been good with those although they give some nice effect to some works. Especially this one. Hmm.. 'Caged', I'd say. Beautiful, nevertheless. Wouldn't mind having it on my wall.
Was that too long? Nope! See ya.
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It's alright man. I just wouldn't like it when people would try to comfort me and say the usual crap "it's going to be alright", "you have talent, why give up" or "i feel you pain blah blah blah". I'm not into stupid comments either if some would come up. Yours falls on neither categories so it's fine.
Thanks man. Sorry if I'm not in my usual jokeful mood, been really down lately. It's another weird work that reflects my depression afterall, caged, being stuck in a box because of being confused and all that crap. Heh.
You wouldn't mind hm? Wait 'til you know what I used to color it. Haha..
My reply is longer.
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Yay, so I need not to jump off a cliff for now?
Yeah, I kinda understand. It's like giving a comment on a work without a critique or particular opinion. Kinda.
Yup, no problem. It's a nice piece of art.
Being stuck in a box? Read my signature, goddammit! --Sorry, I've got a 'bad jokes syndrome' going on. Another one of my traits when I feel that someone's depressed. Well, can't do much than that. Ain't easy supporting someone when there's a few miles distance. But I'll leave it to that. Up to you anyways. Know that Chip's here to hear a good rant if ya can't find anyone better. I'm a good listener on internet.
Okkayyy, I fell on the sentimental side again! Please do kill me.
Like I said, it's a great piece of work. Although what you just said made me poop my pants but no worries, I've got spares.
So it seems.
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Well you can if you want then I can shoot you as you fall off in slow motion. Because that'd just be epic.
I don't mind the bad jokes at all, I tend to do that a lot. I know, still, there are a lot of people having it worse, but I guess opening up wouldn't hurt much, soon when I can. Thanks man. I've always attempted to kill you, drat!
Fffffff I lol'd but is it really that scary? Hah, it was painless so don't worry. it wasn't out of my period either! Hahdhzhgdhshshdhd
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I just imagined that scenario... Whoah. That really would be epic.
Whew, saved. But yeah, you're right and no need to rush of course. I need to rush and hurry, though since I've got a decisive exam in twenty minutes. Fffuuuu....I know you have, but I'm still far too ninja for ya!
Meh, depends. If it's a needle stab in a finger that's not bad. I've done that one or two times for fingerprints but I really can't remember why. For lulz, perhaps. My god, that'd be nasty! asda sdagbdfhg
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Indeed epic.
Oh how's your exam btw?
Cursesssss!
Nah, asked a friend of mine to use big needle and injection (used for blood counts and shits). Prolly for lulz, also it turned brownish now. :/
Ikr? So wrong in so many ways. csjhdkjsdhkaf
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I think I failed it! XD No, seriously, I think I did. I hope I managed to get a few points more than I fear so that I'd at least pass and not fail completely. ^^'' Although my other tests would compensate it.. yolo?
Ehahehahehahaergh!
That's what it does when it dries. Blood ain't pure red.
huuuuuurllllll adjsghshsdkfsdgh
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If you feel like shit about it, I'm here and failed few of my exams too. ; u ;
But eh, you can/will pass. I did though I failed my final exams, teachers get grades from other stuff anyway.
I lol'd.
Indeed it's not. But it somehow maintained a few of its red. Eh maybe the amount of blood I put on paper. Heh.
The disadvantages of women doing blood art. OTL
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I don't really feel that bad. As long as I get the graduation cap on my head, that is. But thanks.
I really don't know. I calculated the possible points I could get and it'd be a miracle if I'd get just enough points to pass. If I'd pass, I'd just avoid few minor problems, that's all.
And I hope that your exams didn't ruin anything.
Duh?
Mm... Dunno. I think the rest of it will go brownish in time, though. Or then it was the watercolors, who knows.
Gezus, hhuuurrrllll, herp--
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