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paintausea — Hazed Views

#haze #blue #blues #depression #insecurity #rainy #paintausea
Published: 2017-06-16 10:00:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 2312; Favourites: 160; Downloads: 33
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Description I've been feeling so uncomfortable uploading anything I draw... 
And I can't even seem to draw anything worthwhile staring at.. 
I am not sure what I should do regarding my art during these dark times.. 

Should I just continue uploading without caring about how good it is..?
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Comments: 60

paintausea In reply to ??? [2017-08-21 15:29:07 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for your comforting words..
I think, because it is art, that you can let yourself be a bit more open of such things.. 
I've been very lucky to have so many people on here be so accepting, thoughtful and kind to me..
Perhaps you need to take those small little steps first to be able to express yourself in such a way... 
I have not always painted this way.. but once I did it regularly, it became a comfortable little home for my negative feelings. 
Something, I feel, we need to do more often, to be able to learn how to truly accept ourselves.. 
Just some thoughts of mine.. 

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Rokatsu In reply to paintausea [2018-01-19 04:45:41 +0000 UTC]

I'm my hardest critic and I hide myself so well to the point where I just sort of disconnect without even trying. I'll be eating a bowl of cheerios, nothing bad is happening, and suddenly 5 minutes have passed and I was gone for a while. It's crazy really, what your mind had to do in order to survive... and then trying to learn how to make your mind realize you're not there anymore... in that bad point in time. Creative expression is a powerful tool to vent out emotions (I believe Vincent Van Gogh did that) and now he's the most loved artist in the entire world. I'd like to do it again, but I won't be able to for a while sadly. Rip life situation. I'm glad you have people though who accept you as you are and your art. I always worried about you not gunna lie especially when you poofed one day. So I hope you are doing good. I'm just an on and off hiatus cause of real life artist lol so people kinda go "meh" and leave haha. 

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TheSilverPhoenix [2017-07-07 05:37:08 +0000 UTC]

I've seen other artists commenting that they don't care for a certain piece they've uploaded, but then the piece gets a great deal of love.  Maybe you should do a more relaxed piece or two to "clear the jam"?

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paintausea In reply to TheSilverPhoenix [2017-07-20 15:09:37 +0000 UTC]

Yes.. mhm.. That's wonderful advice... Thank you!
I hope I find the energy to be able to do it..

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Baratus [2017-07-02 04:03:51 +0000 UTC]

Well, I don't draw, although I write... but it feels like hypocrisy to say," of course you should."

But well... of course you should, if that is what you want to do. 
Anxiety is a terrible beast that will consume everything if you let it...
I don't mean to presume I've got a clue whats goin' on, but... well..
I do appreciate seeing what you post, and want to encourage that you continue, if its okay for you.

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paintausea In reply to Baratus [2017-07-20 15:17:27 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.. thankyouthankyou!

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Baratus In reply to paintausea [2017-07-24 10:20:40 +0000 UTC]

*Nod*
I hope it helps!

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paintausea [2017-06-29 14:50:40 +0000 UTC]

Look at all those loving people here on this page!
I hope we can love each other like this more..

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charlievigil54 [2017-06-28 06:41:50 +0000 UTC]

I like how it provokes some all sorts of emotion all at once. 

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paintausea In reply to charlievigil54 [2017-06-29 02:15:58 +0000 UTC]

There is so much of it breathing fogs into the window..
Thank you..

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MR-NIK [2017-06-21 03:41:45 +0000 UTC]

Sister, what you output has so much soul in it. This is really something special. I see a rainy window with bridge below, a sad girl's face with her eye reflecting on her current state. It's such a clear and direct translation from your brain to the page that it's raw emotion is immediately digestible. The way that you represent it, is with no signal degradation along the way from your brain, down your arm to the tablet. It's your absolute emotion in pill form, that we eat and then feel the direct result.

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paintausea In reply to MR-NIK [2017-06-29 14:42:43 +0000 UTC]

Does swallowing it sting a lot..? 

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MR-NIK In reply to paintausea [2017-06-30 01:06:30 +0000 UTC]

Sometimes it does dear Sis, sometimes it does.. and you know what? You should be super proud of that.

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paintausea In reply to MR-NIK [2017-07-01 20:47:46 +0000 UTC]

Anxiiieettyyy

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paixii [2017-06-20 08:59:28 +0000 UTC]

Your raw works touch me the most and help me realize the most truth about life.. it's really the authenticity that you paint with that counts, not the look.

Y'know, when we're so absorbed into a feeling it becomes embedded in our expression in a way that can't be understood but it can be felt. Sometimes when I really zone out on someone's art I can even feel unrelated things like stress from school or frustration they have with their painting, but it's almost impossible to pinpoint what it's actually from or comprehend it mentally.. I just get the feeling. And when artists keep blending and touching up their works to make them look good without feeling it, it becomes like a mask hiding the original feeling. I don't really understand how it works though... Two artists can be painting in a similar style, yet one I feel their anxiety to do a good job and another their joy to express their perfect ideal.

So I say paint and let it be violently dark and wretched.. let the darkness bleed from your heart out your fingertips and let the jabbing strokes become your stitches.. if it's really what you wanna do. Art has been therapeutic for me in that way when I face intense emotions at my own pace. They fade away as I paint and I become a little more free from their draining control over me.

And whether you upload them or not is up to you. I have so many personal works I'm too uncomfortable with sharing, but giving myself permission to draw them, something no one will ever see, lets me be uncensored and really face the most difficult emotions that have the greatest bondage over me.

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paintausea In reply to paixii [2017-06-29 14:45:56 +0000 UTC]

This comforted me and refueled my idea of art so much.. 
Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Vladimir32 In reply to paixii [2017-06-22 16:46:35 +0000 UTC]

You, sir, have said what I could not. uwu

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Xu-cha [2017-06-19 18:59:34 +0000 UTC]

I think you should definitely upload regardless. It is always great seeing your art. Not only do I find all your pieces beautiful no matter how conventionally "good" they are I do also find great comfort in them. Knowing that you are still creating and pushing through your hardships gives me hope. Your strength to keep drawing during these times gives me hope and motivation. I know that I struggle with uploading because I too get so caught up in producing something refined but that is not how art should be.

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paintausea In reply to Xu-cha [2017-06-29 23:22:13 +0000 UTC]

Your words bring me great hope and comfort..
I am honored to be able to give you this little peace.. Thank you!

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moka-asaki [2017-06-19 03:26:58 +0000 UTC]

upload without caring. It will be much healthier on you.
You shouldn't go by what you think others will like; just upload to share what you do

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paintausea In reply to moka-asaki [2017-06-29 14:47:52 +0000 UTC]

(: (: Thank you!!

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ReverieRose [2017-06-19 01:14:23 +0000 UTC]

Wow this is so cool!! It really captures cold weather I think, like looking through a window? The eye is really haunting. 

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paintausea In reply to ReverieRose [2017-06-29 14:47:38 +0000 UTC]

The reflection of a tired eye as the tears of a window pane roll down silently brisking in the cold stinging howls..

Thank you!

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Iriliae [2017-06-17 20:36:51 +0000 UTC]

I'd love to use this as a wallpaper.
Beautiful as always.

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paintausea In reply to Iriliae [2017-06-18 22:51:09 +0000 UTC]

I'm honored that you would.. thank you..

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Iriliae In reply to paintausea [2017-06-25 23:08:30 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome.

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paintausea [2017-06-17 13:19:42 +0000 UTC]

you guys are the best ♥!!

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Cerecin [2017-06-17 08:15:21 +0000 UTC]

"You're so far away from me now. I forgot things about you I thought I'd remember forever..." -my haunting friend

If uploading the art is making you uncomfortable, I can't say I recommend continuing to upload it. While I and many others love your art, if you're dissatisfied, there's no way we can hold it against you. Whatever you so decide to do, I'm always on your side Kapani.

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paintausea In reply to Cerecin [2017-06-29 14:49:18 +0000 UTC]

Good old Cerecin.. (:

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RotmetX [2017-06-17 06:34:27 +0000 UTC]

do as you like... good drawing

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paintausea In reply to RotmetX [2017-06-29 14:48:45 +0000 UTC]

thank you..

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Exekiella [2017-06-17 00:29:16 +0000 UTC]

There there... -pats and hugs-

I say upload them good or not! Then again, it is your choice~ There will always be people who will love it regardless <3 Upload anything you feel you want to share. uwu

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paintausea In reply to Exekiella [2017-06-29 14:49:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.. I hope you had a great birthday!

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Exekiella In reply to paintausea [2017-06-30 20:33:40 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome~ and thank you as well! uwu

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FrostedPeaks [2017-06-16 23:25:43 +0000 UTC]

When your feeling low,
and things are out of control...

Find your feet and dig them into the dirt.
Like armour, Wear your favorite shirt.

Some say you might be ungrounded,
But this observation, surely, is unfounded?

Say hello to the tree that is deep rooted.
Continue on your journey sure footed.

Depression and sadness
Do not make your imagination looted.

Anger and fear
The emotions denuded
Life shall be eluded

unless love and passion become clear.

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paintausea In reply to FrostedPeaks [2017-06-29 14:50:15 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful...!
Thank you...

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Theresa-Maria-Falcon [2017-06-16 23:19:31 +0000 UTC]

You should post if you want to, or if you want to still know anything at all about your art skills. Do what you want darling.

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paintausea In reply to Theresa-Maria-Falcon [2017-06-29 23:22:30 +0000 UTC]

I will try my best to beat this anxiety..!
Thank you..

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Theresa-Maria-Falcon In reply to paintausea [2017-06-30 15:26:54 +0000 UTC]

Yes ! I know you can do it !
You're welcome

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HonouNoKage [2017-06-16 22:31:53 +0000 UTC]

Your art is so beautiful (in a chilling sort of way) and expressive, it really is a joy to see ^^  Provided you yourself like it that is, because that's really all that matters.~

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paintausea In reply to HonouNoKage [2017-06-29 14:51:32 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, thank you!

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Fat-Butt [2017-06-16 22:15:59 +0000 UTC]

Hey, at least you make an effort. That's more than I can say.

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paintausea In reply to Fat-Butt [2017-06-29 14:51:22 +0000 UTC]

(: .. Thank you for reminding me of how I try..

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Fat-Butt In reply to paintausea [2017-07-01 17:16:47 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome.

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Vladimir32 [2017-06-16 17:24:49 +0000 UTC]

Ah, yes. We are so often our own worst, most vile critics. You say you can't produce anything worth staring at, but that is exactly what I did with this, and with all your work: I stare and stare, drinking in the rawness of expression and intensity of feeling I see in all of it. You don't have to upload everything, no, but I will say that I always love when you do.

And hey, have you *seen* some of the stuff I put up? It's total trash that doesn't even come close to your work! But I put it up anyway because it was *mine* and I put the effort in to make it, just like you do with everything you make.

I know it can be hard to see things this way, especially at times like this, and that's okay. But everything you make comes straight from inside, is filled with your own time, effort, and feeling, and is something to be proud of.

Again, you don't have to post every single thing if you aren't comfortable with its present state. You can upload what you want, when you feel ready to. But whatever the case, I know that I will always love to look at it. uwu

This piece included, by the way. The colours, technique and shading are absolutely gorgeous. I'd count it among one of the most unique of all your works.

It's not just rainy, but icy and cold. You feel frozen, dead, immobile, unable to see anything clearly.

Allow me to warm you up... u.u

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paintausea In reply to Vladimir32 [2017-06-29 14:59:53 +0000 UTC]

" You feel frozen, dead, immobile, unable to see anything clearly. "

This was actually a sketch with a bunch of crazy filters thrown on it while adjusting and painting over some things here and there.. ;;;;
Thanks Mama Bear..

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Vladimir32 In reply to paintausea [2017-06-29 17:31:21 +0000 UTC]

It's okay! It is still a wonderful, powerful piece.

You are very welcome. uwu

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stickcraft [2017-06-16 16:52:24 +0000 UTC]

Well I guess I'll just make my place as the guy who just says cool very nice work and that's pretty much it

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paintausea In reply to stickcraft [2017-06-29 14:56:41 +0000 UTC]

Hahah.. Thank you even for that!

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stickcraft In reply to paintausea [2017-06-30 05:05:38 +0000 UTC]

No problem

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