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I saw Gwen for the first time in God knows how long today. She looked different. She had two new tattoos and a new piercing and her face wasn't freckly anymore. She said she couldn't live without her foundation. Couldn't show her face in public without it. Talk about fucking paranoid. What happened to the tomboy Gwen I used to know? She asked me if I wanted to go with her to vote and I said sure, even though I wasn't registered and didn't give a damn about politics.

On the way there, when she and I were in her car, she told me she'd been fucking a new guy lately. I said cool and asked if it was any good. Then she looked at me with this big grin and said, so guess what? I said, I don't know, what? And she said, in about seven months give or take a few days, I'm going to have a new name. I was confused. I asked if she was going to legally change her name. She laughed and shook her head and tried to make me guess what her new name was going to be. It's really simple, she said. How the fuck am I supposed to know? I asked her. There are only like a gazillion names in the world. Picking the right one should be a total breeze. She laughed even harder and said, it’s Mom. I was like, what? What are you talking about? I thought she was trying to make a joke but then she said, real loud, I'm going to have a baby! I was shocked. Gwen, have a baby? But she wasn't kidding. I asked her if her parents knew and she shrugged and said, who cares? They don't matter none. I got really mad then, not because she didn't give a shit about her parents but because she was nineteen and pregnant.

I told her she was too young for this and that she should probably give the kid up for adoption. She stopped the car and told me to get the fuck out. But when I opened the door and started to scoot out of my seat, she caught my sleeve and pulled me back in and said, wait, I'm sorry. You're right, I'm sorry. I should give it up. I'm not fit to be a mother. I should find a good family and do the right thing by it. She started crying then, and said that the father didn’t know; she hadn’t worked up the courage to tell him yet, and she was scared because she didn’t know how he’d react. I wanted her to stop crying so I shrugged and said, what the hell? Keep it if you want it. She wiped her eyes and said, I just want something to love me back, you know? And I said, you already have that, and pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear. She said, let's get out of here. To hell with the vote. And we drove back to her house.

Her parents were gone so we had nothing to worry about. We went up to her room and sat on her bed and started talking. So I hear you're going to counseling now, she said. I asked her where she heard that from and she said, a little bird told me, and I figured it was one of the guys. I didn't take you for crazy, she said. Lonely, but not crazy. I think all of us are crazy, I said. Some more than others, but I don't want to talk about that right now. How about some TV? She said okay, so she turned on the TV set in her room and we sat on her bed and watched the news. I hated the news, but I knew it’d become a new thing with her now that she was trying to get politically involved so I didn't say anything. At about midnight she turned it off and laid back so she could go to sleep. I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said no. So I didn’t. I laid down on the bed next to her and put my arm around her and let her rest against me. She asked me if I was going to fuck her and I said no but I was going to hold her all night long.