Comments: 30
AsgardsGuardian [2010-12-01 09:35:27 +0000 UTC]
I'd say that out of all the excepts, Branwen and Corbin were the most interesting. You had a pretty fair balance of showing and telling in that except which helped me to get a clear picture of their personalities , in my humble opinion.
This is not to say that the other sections/characters were not interesting in their own right, but the ravens caught and held my attention straight away.
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AsgardsGuardian In reply to SnowRaven-Moonstar [2010-12-02 11:17:36 +0000 UTC]
You are most welcome.
Too long? Hm...it didn't feel that way to me. If anything, some of your excerpts are too short! Micah's in particular but I've read the comments above and I realize you've been told that enough. xD
I appreciate your concern, by the way. I am in a bit of a better place. For now.
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DormantMalevolence [2010-11-29 12:32:29 +0000 UTC]
WHAT
THE
HECK!?
Why didn't you tell me you put something new on DA. WHY!?
I'll read it tomorrow and comment when I have some more time, I swear!
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Br0wnnie [2010-11-16 15:53:08 +0000 UTC]
The Ravens, the Wolf, and the Serpent were the most interesting characters, although, i'd have preferred more detail for Micah. The spider was somewhat confusing because I couldn't quite visualize anything while reading it. Needed a bit more fleshing...the conversation with the elders would've been nice. or you could've slipped in the basic result of the conversation, somehow. I actually liked how you wrote the Serpent's piece. It's short, but isn't vague.
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Br0wnnie In reply to SnowRaven-Moonstar [2010-11-21 15:58:08 +0000 UTC]
You could make it more of a 'duty' than a 'destiny'. Might take some of the cliche cheesiness out of the conversation. Or you could slip in the details of the conversation with the elders as little flashbacks.
The origin story idea sounds nice. Might even help develop the characters more so that the travellers story feels more natural to you.
Micah actually sounds like he'd be fun to write. Mostly because i suppose he'd be more relate-able and would be a bit of the oddball considering how everyone else comes from these almost mystical worlds and his just feels not that mystical.
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Br0wnnie In reply to SnowRaven-Moonstar [2011-03-20 15:02:15 +0000 UTC]
LOL. Hey. Yeah, it's been a while. So, how are you?
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Br0wnnie In reply to SnowRaven-Moonstar [2011-04-16 20:45:38 +0000 UTC]
I'm fine. Been overworked but managed a few excerpts. Might end up posting them, if I get around to editing them. What's going on with you?
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Br0wnnie In reply to SnowRaven-Moonstar [2011-07-24 11:23:10 +0000 UTC]
That's nice. At least you get to snoop through books without it being labeled as "a waste of time" by anyone. And just working on an idea can be good too. The writing part will probably come eventually.
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KarrinGray [2010-11-02 17:16:29 +0000 UTC]
Were you intending to have each of these introductions in your story? Or are they more of a character workup for your purposes? After reading them I feel many were repetitive. It might be a good idea to pick one or two main characters and have the rest join in as the story progresses and they meet? Then they can all relate how they all noticed the strange moon etc. That said, I found the Ravens tale very interesting! I agree with Spider needing that talk with the elders to flesh her story out more.
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