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Soldatoflife — The Voiceless Playground
by-nc-nd
Published: 2011-11-03 00:58:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 376; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description
In the lands of decrepitude,I gaze upon the darkest certitude.
That life has no more meaning,
Which in return my destiny no longer unraveling.
Yet even without a voice,
The world will still rejoice.
Every playground is eternal,
For in desperation often rises renewal.
A man or a woman leaping forth,
Weeping yet taking a step for all that it's worth.
I myself swim across the vastness of the ocean,
Having lonely strides in constant motion.
The black sheep is never a definite thing,
For twists and turns are ever refined in the next drawing.
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Comments: 2
I feel your language is a bit contrived, as you strive to get rhyming endings. Rhymes should be used to add flow and feel to a poem, not take away from it, which I feel you do here. Which is a shame, cause you have a couple of really nice images here, some interesting thoughts, but it gets in the background of the rhyming and lack of rythm. Ah well.
- Cruhand the Raven
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I agree that rhymes have sometimes changed my poems in ways that change its original meaning, but in some cases, I believe that without considering any rules whatsoever, I just let my imagination flow, then sometimes create a cage with constraints that create something different that occasionally becomes better or simply ''different''. I have quite a few poems that do no rhyme, but have not posted them on DeviantArt. I may eventually ^^
Thank you for your comment, and congrats on being the first person to comment on my first day of posting something to be commented upon in DA
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