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SpokenAubade β€” I. Jenny Dwayne

Published: 2007-08-13 14:25:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 4297; Favourites: 86; Downloads: 37
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Description I. Jenny Dwayne

Her words were tangled in filaments. She cupped her hand in front of her mouth when speaking, cradled the sounds like children, keeping them close in case she had to try to pull them back. Maybe she was ashamed when they were stocky and short, and stumbled, not quite ringing out with confidence. In her apartment, instead of slippers, she strapped on high-heels, dreaming of elegance.

But though she clicked on the pastel floor-tiles, chipping the gray roses in the kitchen, and left finger smears on the metal refrigerator door as she grabbed it for balance, she could not glide. And so the red-strapped heels did not step over the threshold, but came only as far as the hallway mirror, where Jenny would shuffle in a circle, critically squinting at freckles and rounded cheeks.

She was uncertain in other areas of her life. When she drove her car, she pressed the brakes and gas pedal simultaneously, sometimes even realizing it, but never quite being able to change. The flashing of car headlights unnerved her when she looked in the rear view window, where the lights would bleach her blue eyes to white-gray, carrot hair to blond. She hated driving. She drove everywhere.

She wrung waiting until it became almost an art and stole facts from tabloids, finding truth between the lines. In the articles, the mermaids plead guilty for global warming and upside down birthing techniques were the new thing, and Jenny knew truth from falsehood. She knew that, when spoken, words were often mistaken, but written, they became maxims.

Her almost-husband, Albert, did not understand words as she did, and left when she could not answer the ring and flowers with 'yes'. The cab he took had black designs burned into the leather seats with cigarette ends, and she did not say the words to stop him.

Her apartment was narrow, slit between two other hollow apartments. The door was always locked and bolted. A lurid wreath hung, obscuring the peek-hole. The wreath changed with the seasons, but never quite to match the holidays, and never quite seen by the neighbors , staggering home, drunk on city life and fifteen-hour workdays. But almost matching holidays was enough for Jenny, because 'almost' was neatly typed in Webster's New World Dictionary between 'almoner', an act of mercy, and 'alms', a deed of mercy. Words were important.

Jenny did not work. Her cousin in a western firm knew that and wrote out monthly checks for her in minuscule handwriting, sometimes sending the money with a recriminating letter.

She lived alone.

In the privacy of her apartment, she thought up bookshelves for the empty wall near the window, a table set for the living room, carpet for the bedroom and a string of Chinese luck cats for the counter-top. For home, she bought and wore black evening dresses that drained her complexion to paste-faced plumpness. The dresses never quite matched her red high-heels.Β Β She had candle-light dinners alone.

She dreamed of stage directions uttered in a rakish voice by the dark-haired director with slender fingers. The roof was another dream, more rare and always set at night. But she would always wake up before she hit the ground.
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Comments: 55

lpowell [2008-04-19 21:28:07 +0000 UTC]

Excellent story. The first paragraph really hooked me in. The figurative langauge is fantastic.

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warstar [2007-10-15 20:29:16 +0000 UTC]

how non-clichΓ©d, to be asked to save the world and refuse... I like her. and her name

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tinyplaidninja [2007-10-10 04:07:03 +0000 UTC]

I like how she puts on red high-heels instead of slippers but can't walk in them very well. Great job!

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bloodyteardrop08 [2007-10-10 03:11:47 +0000 UTC]

I love this. She seems like an awesome person and I would love to meet her in real life. lol

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aceartistsalmo [2007-10-10 00:20:41 +0000 UTC]

this is an amazing piece of writing, this is.

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LAJL [2007-10-10 00:18:25 +0000 UTC]

Wow, I'm spellbound...
Seriously, this is wonderful. I think I shall watch you now

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dementedsped [2007-10-09 20:59:16 +0000 UTC]

hmm...i dunno, i liked it without the whole...vampire effect. she seemed more of a lost girl in a big world kinda person....
but you're the creator....

very nice style, flow. the first part is my favorite. and the words. "almost-husband", the wreath thing..

very nice.

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SpokenAubade In reply to dementedsped [2007-10-09 21:03:47 +0000 UTC]

Haha. Thanks; I'm glad you enjoyed the sketch.

Oh, and the vampire back-story? That was just me being sardonic.

Thank for the comment and add. (:

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dementedsped In reply to SpokenAubade [2007-10-09 21:20:52 +0000 UTC]

oh, haha, i see....

you're welcome! congrats on the DD!

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austheke [2007-10-09 20:39:59 +0000 UTC]

0.0

i am not going to sleep very well tonight. this is going to be ringing in my head at midnight.

not that it's a bad thing. actually, i think it's brilliant. the style flows so well...

"She had candle-light dinners alone.

She dreamed of stage directions uttered in a rakish voice by the dark-haired director with slender fingers. The roof was another dream, more rare and always set at night. But she would always wake up before she hit the ground."

that's my favorite part of the whole thing. that first sentence... i understood the whole sketch right then while reading that. i love it. absolutely love it. i will look forward to seeing your other sketches. well done, well done!

and many congrats on the DD.

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Negated [2007-10-09 19:56:47 +0000 UTC]

*is really really tempted to say I told you this is good!*

hehe. congrats on the dd.

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MrDarwenstreet [2007-10-09 19:11:45 +0000 UTC]

There were some parts that just hit me in the face and simply made me pity Jenny, a wonderfull piece of writing. Its a sad thing though, if it were'nt fer the DD I would of never encountered this D: Anyway, shush Moose.

Well done on the DD!

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TragicWasteOfSkin [2007-10-09 18:58:24 +0000 UTC]

i love this. she sounds so...i don't actually know how to put it but i like her a great character. wish i could write like this. x

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chugglepuff [2007-10-09 18:51:51 +0000 UTC]

Brilliant. I was gripped by this from beginning to end. Congratulations on the well-deserved DD!

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SquidWish [2007-10-09 18:37:36 +0000 UTC]

Jenny reminds me of someone that Im supposed to know, but don't. Her behaviors are all too familiar...

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bringtheacapella [2007-10-09 18:18:40 +0000 UTC]

This really made my heart sink at some parts. I love a story that can really make you feel the way it's supposed to. Well deserved DD, congratulations

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Planotic [2007-10-09 18:08:18 +0000 UTC]

WOW!!

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stillherelove [2007-10-09 17:33:02 +0000 UTC]

hey, congrats on the DD and well done for this amzing piece of art. jenny is a character not about to be forgotten.

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FreakyFip [2007-10-09 17:24:03 +0000 UTC]

wow, this is just... wow.
I read the first few lines and the next moment I was totally into it.
Your writing style is wonderful, I really love it.
While I read I saw Jenny in my mind in her apartment, wearing her highheels.
And I loved the thing about the dictionary, it really fit well into her attitude.
If you keep wrting like that you'll become a great author and I'll be the first one buying your book. XD
Great work and now my fav. ;-P

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lovetodeviate [2007-10-09 17:06:11 +0000 UTC]

Congratulations on the DD, Naiya.

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SpokenAubade In reply to lovetodeviate [2007-10-12 00:17:09 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. Hey, know what? If not for the contest...


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lovetodeviate In reply to SpokenAubade [2007-10-13 07:59:29 +0000 UTC]

Don't be silly. I'm sure the idea was already there. By the way, I still owe you a poem.

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Perynne [2007-10-09 17:01:08 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow. This is very well written and creates beautiful imagery in the mind. Jenny is a very interesting character, I'd love to read more about her.

Jenny is completely right... words are very important, more so than most people understand.

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Raizaiel [2007-10-09 16:12:13 +0000 UTC]

This was masterful. There was nothing in here that I can find a problem with, or any errors whatsoever. Great writing, keep it up.

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SkysongMA [2007-10-09 15:26:50 +0000 UTC]

I wasn't sure what to think of this when I read the first few lines, but I like it. You walk that line between description and letting the reader figure things out for themselves quite neatly. This character is interesting- very, very human.

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Twoforflinching [2007-10-09 14:26:28 +0000 UTC]

The DD is most definately deserved, you have a wonderful talent.

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qbeentraining [2007-10-09 13:35:02 +0000 UTC]

This is quite spellbounding...I love DD's because they give me a window to explore the talented artists on this site... I look forward to the next segment...

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JanaRey [2007-10-09 08:18:24 +0000 UTC]

ok, this is a beautifully written piece, but to me, the character of Jenny brought to mind a woman living with dillusions or a mental illness. There were some details in this piece that mirrored experiences I have had with mental illness.
I know this is not what you meant to put across, but I'm still adding this to my faves because your style is beautiful & flows so wondefully.

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SpokenAubade In reply to JanaRey [2007-10-12 00:23:47 +0000 UTC]

To be honest, I wasn't quite aiming at mental illness per se, just at the neurotic tendencies that are not quite classified as illness or are ever treated. Eccentricity, perhaps, in an almost euphemistic sense. The intended characterization aside, I'm glad you enjoyed the sketch.

Thank you for the comment.

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poprocksandcharlotte [2007-10-09 07:26:25 +0000 UTC]

See see see?

Fantastic sweetness, congrats on the DD!

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SpokenAubade In reply to poprocksandcharlotte [2007-10-12 00:24:09 +0000 UTC]

Teehee. You have a sixth sense, girl.

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poprocksandcharlotte In reply to SpokenAubade [2007-10-12 09:56:18 +0000 UTC]

a sixth sense for sensing talent?

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KildGeek [2007-10-02 01:12:53 +0000 UTC]

I think she is beautifully sad. I really like the fluidity of this story - we get to learn about Jenny's whole life and routine. We realize that there is so much more to Jenny, but yet we can't capture what that is. Leaving things up for the imagination is a good thing, and although this is a clear character description we can't help but wonder if her life we'll ever get better - or if she wants it to. I like how she deals with words, I like how we know who she is not because you explain her feelings, but her habits - it's a very welcome and different approach.
Anyway, I really like it.

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Katchzen [2007-09-10 02:57:56 +0000 UTC]

Lovely. Just lovely. I think I would very much enjoy meeting her.

I love that you gave her life and reality. She doesn't seem so much a character as someone you might see on the street or bump into on the subway one day. Or perhaps one night, if you're keeping to the "vampires don't do well in sunlight" thing. ^-^

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wordworks [2007-09-10 01:23:46 +0000 UTC]

I think she's perfectly adorable.

If this is a sketch, I'd love to see the complete piece. I believe in growing stories around characters, myself, and Jenny deserves a piece as peculiar and appealing as she is.

Well done.

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q365 [2007-09-09 15:07:21 +0000 UTC]

I think I fell in love with your writing after this piece.

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an-xperience [2007-09-06 03:58:48 +0000 UTC]

your words have been magically written~~~
your character sketch nicely shapes a breathing being~~~
may you both be blessed

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artistic-poet [2007-08-17 00:34:09 +0000 UTC]

wow... beautiful.... left me (mostly) speechless...

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SpokenAubade In reply to artistic-poet [2007-08-17 00:37:21 +0000 UTC]

Only mostly?

I'm disappointed. I'll have to try harder next time.


Thank you for the comment; I appreciate it.

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artistic-poet In reply to SpokenAubade [2007-08-17 00:46:22 +0000 UTC]

lol, well, if i was completley speechless i wouldn't be able to comment, would i?

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SpokenAubade In reply to artistic-poet [2007-08-17 00:47:30 +0000 UTC]

Nice save, but commenting doesn't require speech.

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mrsvelvetears [2007-08-16 08:49:50 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm...there is such a dreamy quality to this story, and yet Jenny seems so real. I suppose she strikes me as being realistic because I know people who are much like her. All those little details - how she covers her mouth when she speaks, how she dresses up for no one but herself - those details represent qualities I see in others and myself.

I'm not sure, though, how I'm supposed to react to Jenny. Am I supposed to pity her? Am I supposed to respect her? I would definitely like to see another story so I can get to know her better.

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SpokenAubade In reply to mrsvelvetears [2007-08-16 15:15:09 +0000 UTC]

Yes, being a character sketch, it doesn't quite have a point, except to describe the character (which is a major weakness, I think, of the little write-up). I've had so much positive response to this, that I do think I'll write an actual piece with Jenny as a main character.
I'm very happy that I managed to express a dreamy-yet-realistic feel in this.

Thank you for saying that and thanks for the comment and for the encouragement.

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lifeisatraipse [2007-08-14 23:44:27 +0000 UTC]

hmm vampire asked to save the world. well if she saves the one individual who cares about her most then maybe that individual will be able to save the world with the love of Jenny.

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SpokenAubade In reply to lifeisatraipse [2007-08-15 03:50:23 +0000 UTC]

That would be an interesting twist! Hmm. I might just take that idea and run with it. (:

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lifeisatraipse In reply to SpokenAubade [2007-08-15 20:29:48 +0000 UTC]

reminds me of the very few i mean highly few individuals who do the same for me. saving me or bringing me up to greater heights, and I'll do my best to fix the bigger problems.

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ShadowsQuill [2007-08-14 20:55:13 +0000 UTC]

This is incredible! I love it.
And the thought behind the name is great too. I'm usually one to make up names to fit the feel of a character, but this is great. Jenny just fits her.
This is so real to me. It's wonderful.

Something that struck me is that as much as she loves the word almost, she should like the almost-husband bit.

"She had candle-light dinners alone."
That slapped me in the face. I loved it.

She understands words. Words are living things. Words shape us and control us. Why be afraid of any A.I. when words are the real, unseen threat. Words wrap around us and twist us till we can no longer think of escaping.

And music is even more powerful.

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SpokenAubade In reply to ShadowsQuill [2007-08-14 22:06:07 +0000 UTC]

I've been thinking of doing a series of these type character sketches - just for fun. Because it is very interesting to explore outside of the usual character types, and into the less common ones, the ones with quirks.

I'm very pleased you liked Jenny. She's my little sweetheart. I should write a full story with her. (:

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ShadowsQuill In reply to SpokenAubade [2007-08-15 05:18:28 +0000 UTC]

You should.
She's great.
If only I could write short stories. I can't ever seem to help continuing. It just gets longer with no end in sight. *grin*

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Dragonfly2093 [2007-08-14 08:01:21 +0000 UTC]

I'm one of the curious...that trick with her name is great! I like how she put on high heels instead of slippers. Good luck with the contest.

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