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WatersonmyMind — After Tonight. Damn.
Published: 2008-08-09 08:58:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 365; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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yawnI want my El Camino to be done.
But that isn't what's keeping me awake.
My cruel, anxious, sleep-deprived state.
Sing me to sleep, Jason. Anything to free me forms this insomnia hell. Right here, my face on my keyboard and my mouse escaping the desk as I struggle through the stages of consciousness that have taunted me for weeks.
“This is our fate, I’m yours.” Yes, take me, Sleep, I so desperately want to be yours.
Amongst the black sheets and my black room, my head explodes and suddenly the walls glow in the dark, laminated by my rampant, excruciating thoughts.
Questions.
Scenarios.
Doubts.
Connections.
Lyrics.
Characters.
Images.
Make them stop. They attack me; force me away from neuron regeneration and into my own random, mindless abyss.
I don’t have my contacts in and it’s so hard to see the words on this screen.
I need more than a scant, insufficient three hours. That ratio with 24 isn’t right.
I have things to do tomorrow. There’s a $1100 dash that needs replacing and duel exhaust to install.
Don’t make me do it by myself. I can’t.
I need you, Sleep, come back.
Anything.
Please.
I lied. Not anything. There are two things I would never trade you.
Well . . . one thing. One part of me, actually. And one person. You most certainly can’t have her.
You can have anything else.
My body aches. It’s like now I interpret exhaustion as pain because I’m too . . . exhausted . . . to know the difference anymore.
You owe me, Sleep.
Yes, you do.
I’ve had my share of sleepless nights, but now you’ve gone too far.
Come back.
What did I do wrong?
Why are you spiting me?
Ouch. Eyes hurt. Need contacts.
Need sleep. No contacts.
Was it that picture I took? Was it that person I kissed? Was it that moment of shallowness I had that one day? Is it the book I’m not reading?
Please, tell me.
Was it the gas I wasted? Was it that festering insecurity? Is it that stupid question that my mind doesn’t think is possible to answer?
Help. I’ve fallen and I can’t go to sleep.
I don’t think that’s how the commercial goes.
“In time, you’ll find that things aren’t always what they seem.” Yes, thank you James, that is so very helpful.
Sarcasm takes too much effort. I’m turning it off and conserving my energy.
I have a wrecking yard to comb through tomorrow.
Ophelia won’t restore herself.
Unfortunate.
The simple thoughts. What did I eat for breakfast?
The complex thoughts. If I had you. All I need is your love. Damn you and your obsession making. If I ever had the strength to hate you for something, it would be for making me consider everything else worthless. Complex. I agree.
I want toast for breakfast tomorrow.
I want Patrick Sump to make me toast.
Fall Out Boy can sing me a song about insomnia and toast.
I’d sing it in my kitchen every mooring.
Not that I eat breakfast anymore.
The rant is gonna get me.
Hey Stephenie, your dialogue sucks. Characterization is the only thing that really made you famous, you innuendo-dropping feind.
Louder Adam, I can’t hear your octave. I’m not a dog.
You may be 5’ 6, but your voice carries for your stature. Don’t worry. Your music videos are still sexy, no matter how short you are.
Jane might not love you anymore, but that’s what fan girls are for.
“Reluctantly, ‘cause most ‘a this press don’t fuck with me.” Just say it Kanye, you know you want to.
If you don’t, I will.
I scream it in my car. Just so everyone knows about the press.
Steve!! Stop being bipolar!!
Sound Effecx, go to bed!!
No. Shant.
I won’t fall asleep anyway.
I’ll just think and be miserable.
That’s what two in the morning is for.
Being miserable.
I can think of
. . . .
. . . .
. . . .
well, only one thing that would make it not miserable.
Please excuse me while I go chase the bastard known as Sleep.
I must coerce him back into my bed.
Or onto the couch, hell, I’d take the floor.
Anywhere with, anything for, Sleep.
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Comments: 23
Of course it does because you have nothing to say but at the same time you are saying nothing, or rather typing,
Oh duh
Sry for wasting comments space
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it's ok, I still love you, no matter how much space you waste.
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wow rhiannon, I like how you turned you ranting about not being able to sleep into a really interesting piece of writing. That takes skill, lol.
Haha, I also like how you throw in stephanie myers and her twilight saga. But I agree with you about her writing. How did you like breaking dawn by the the way?
And good luck with whatever happens with sunshine!
Oh, and advice which I am sure you have heard about not being able to sleep is having a hard workout before bed. OR read your ap history book. Seriously, that works.....hahah
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Yeah, I wish I still had my APUSH book. That would put me to sleep.
I haven't finished Breaking Dawn yet, but almost.
And thanks for calling me talented, it makes me feel all warm inside.
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Aw, I really liked it. Such a different style but so frickin' amazing.
I really liked how you capitalized the S in sleep. An interesting touch.
You make me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because this was awesome and I understood who you were talking about each time. But sad because you make me worry. Insomnia is not a good habit.
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Yes, that's me in the wee hours of the morning and steve on shuffle.
And if anything, I'll adjust and live with your so called 'insomnia habbit.'
I'll just be a little more on edge than ususl. I'll drive faster, eat less, all that fun stuff.
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No, no adjusting.
Fixing is better.
And you're going to be driving faster anyway. You own Ophelia.
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But I don't know how to fix it.
If I adjust, then at least I know I'll get some sleep and at this point, that's really all I want.
And yes, Ophelia and I will go very fast.
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Yes, sleep is our goal.
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Then I'm adjusting.
I'm going to the doctor next week and I think she'll be able to fix it.
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Yes, god damnit. She better.
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It's really interesting prose, even if you may be miserable. All the most famous writers were miserable. That's a known fact. So though you may not be in the greatest mood, hey, at least you're achieving something. . .
I like your comment about Stephanie. 
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Beefs?
Heck, there are times I want to strangle that woman.
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"Beefs" may be Pennsylvanian lingo. Oh well. It means "issues," I think.
Some people may wonder why Twilight's so famous. I don't. I figure that if you appeal to the insecurities of adolescent girls everywhere, you're guaranteed a hit. By insecurities, I mean the way that Edward is always saving and reassuring Bella. I mean, honestly. An "atta girl" every now and then's okay, but he doesn't need to tell her why she deserves heaven and beyond every three seconds.
Or maybe I just come from an unsupportive family
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No, I get the same thing from her books.
I'm not quite finished with Breaking Dawn, but I"m pretty sure i know how it's gonna end.
And you're absolutely right.
"Oh my gosh!! Edward!! I wish someone that perfect loved me and cared for me and saved me and made me feel special. I know, I'll jsut live vicariously through Bella and it will kinda be the same thing!!"
THe story is so generic and her writing style is so simple it almost bores me. A thirteen year old fan girl might not be able to see past the next chapter, but me, a seventeen year old author, can see right into the next book.
I need plots and characters that are a challenge for me and in Twilight, Jasper is as close as I get.
Edward and Bella are so frickin' easy to predict I feel like I'm wasting my time reading 'casue I already know the gist of what's gonna happen.
Hence the fact I don't read, or write, 'young adult' books. I need a book with language and complex characters that speak and narrate with a little more conviction.
Please excuse my rant. :0
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No, it's okay. I talk to Andarta (a DA/real friend of mine) all the time about my problems with Twilight, mainly because she hasn't read it and can't contradict me, which his always nice.
I always felt like punching Bella in the face. I guess that was just a knee-jerk reaction whenever she was playing damsel in distress. If that many people tried killing me (for no reason, mind you) I'd definitely get some karate lessons or something. But no. She sits around on her ass and screams for Edward's help. I hate to compare my own heroine's to Stephanie's (I always thinks it sounds a bit conceited) but let's be honest. Paula and Dot could KICK Bella's ass. And if Dired came up against Bella, he'd tell her to save her f*@%ing self.
Edward is why so many women don 't get men. They think that men should be knights in shining armor come to sweep them off their feet and take care of their every problem. Let's face it. This is 2008. Chivalry is dead.
Or maybe I don't give men enough credit. Either way, Edward is unrealistic.
And I write young adult books because I am a young adult. But I definitely don't go for the whole Gossip Girl/soap opera genre that rocks the market.
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I burst out laughing when you said karate lessons.
And you're completely right, Edward is the most unrealistic character I've ever read.
One of the big things that bothers me is the generic story line. THere is absolutely nothing original about a vampire falling in love with a human. Whoo, havent' seen that one before.
But her writing is what really gets me. Her sentence structure doesn't vary much at all, there aren't any interesting vocabulary words, her dialouge (in my opion) is dry and unrealistic.
There is no figurative language, most of her analogies are weak (how many times can you compare Edward's skin to marble? THink of something new already!!) and yes, I would love to punch Bella in the face.
Most of the time, I see her as a helpless complainer who isn't deserving of Edward or his amazingness (no matter how unrealistic of amazigness it is).
And I hate Gossip Girl. Soap operas aren't as bad because they have really hott guy characters, but there are most definately other things I'd watch or read.
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I hate any book (Gossip Girl) about the trials of spoiled rich girls. Hello? I think there are more terrible things than nail polish that won't match your outfit.
Hence why I tend to find poor people more interesting.
I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for rich kids who whine about how terrible their life is. Maybe I'm being insensitive, but I can't be open-minded about EVERYTHING. *shrugs*
And yeah, Edward's skin must be very marble-y, because she does use that word a lot.
I don't know. I never paid much attention to the quality of Meyer's writing (it's terrible, I know; a writer like me should pay attention to details). It was always the helplessness of Bella and the unrealistic chivalry of Edward that got my panties in a bunch. But true, true. I don't remember any interesting analogies or words.
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Ya know, it's really annoying when you're so frickin' pathetic all the time.
Grow a pair and get some sleep.
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