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WordOfChen — I Know You Hate Me Now But...
Published: 2013-01-06 16:17:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 33572; Favourites: 1067; Downloads: 281
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I Know You Hate Me Now But...:Just give me a chance alright, I'll explain
To me, you're the girl that I notice everything about.
The way you laugh, the way you smile;
We got along great back then, even if we don't now.
And to be honest, I miss that...
You had the most lovely silky smooth hair
You'd give me the cutest anime girl smile
I wish I'd talked to you more about Manga,
Hell you got me started on the whole thing.
You were fantastic at drawing too
Man I was always jealous of that talent,
And I loved your drawings, like I once loved you.
I wish that you could have been a professional.
I would have bought your book every month y'know...
You encouraged me to write.
Back when my stories were shit,
Back when my poems were still baby's rhymes.
You taught me not to give in and I was grateful.
Now just let me finish alright?
I know that you won't speak to me.
That's okay, I admit to being an ass,
But the reason that I'm writing this poem to nobody,
Is because I want you to remember why I loved you;
I want you to recall that girl and think fondly of her,
Because once upon a time, I loved her the most...
-Chen Yuan Wen, 5th January 2012
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Comments: 252
Thank ye fer readin' and enjoyin' me work ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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I was immediately drawn in by the title, as other people have already stated. I rarely get into poetry here on DA, but I have to say that this touched my heart! It brings me back to past relationships (though I know the guys I dated hardly feel this sorry), and also other people who have hurt me in the past that I wasn't romantically involved with.
I like how this could almost be referring to any relationship, family, romance, or just friendship, but even though you spoke about a girl you loved, the feelings of love and loss can be related to other relationships.
And as someone else stated, it does sort of seem like a poem that could give a girl hope about boys and all that. I think more teenage girls should read this.
As for the content itself, I love the way you italicized key lines. Back when my poems were still baby's rhymes. I love this line the best. The way you used the phrase baby's rhymes symbolizes that you weren't mature enough at the time this all happened, in a way. At least, that's what I got from it. Clearly you are much more mature now and have grown from this loss.
So to wrap this up, it's a very beautiful and touching poem. Well done!
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Thank ye fer takin' th' time t' enjoy this piece me friend ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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This is pretty dreadful, it pains me to admit. It reads like an extended Facebook post. It is exceedingly personal and inward which leaves no relatability for the reader. Likewise, it touches on no significant themes which allow the reader to explore.
It seems like you're focusing too much on the events of what happened in the relationship rather than exploring the genesis of your regret. There's no shame in writing on girls or relationships, but the pieces should aim at some deeper truth to the happiness or regret or pain.
Frankly, it's too base to hold any sort of weight in the literary world. I would suggest exploring your feelings more and experimenting with form in the future.
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I thank ye fer th' critic, but here I can see that you're only looking at it from a literary perspective.
The words themselves are design t' help readers relate t' a subject. So what if it sounds like an extended facebook post. Ye say that like it's a bad thing. What matters is how it affects the readers and that t' me is far more important.
Call it a different style if ye will, I look forward t' seein' how our results differ in future. After all yer a commericial author like me aren't ya ^^
Oh and here's a little self-promotion for ya:
T'would really help me out if ye visited me e-book's publication page and liked or shared it. If ye want t' sample it as well, ye can read the first 15% o' the book free.
Here be th' link (^_^)> [link]
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow. Just...wow. When I saw the title of this deviation, I thought: Hang about! This looks familiar... One click away and the memories came flooding back. This scenario you talk about is almost identical to my own experiences that I've had with a boy, and where we are now, which kinda helped me to empathize a bit. But enough about my own sob story;
The words you used here are simple, painting a story which is visually clear and easy to understand; telling the story of a boy admitting his wrongs to a girl of his past. I, as a reader, could also get a feeling of how you (as a writer) may have felt whilst writing this poem; sincerity (and maybe some sense of loss and regret). Also, it's straight to the point and doesn't drag on like I've seen some poems do, which was also a bonus.
The title also lured you in as well, making you wonder what else would be said in this poem. Also, it may change some girls perceptions of boys (i.e. boys being immature etc...instead of caring etc...)...No offense too boys out there...e.deviantart.net/emoticons/a/a… " width="19" height="19" alt="
It is an extremely touching poem from a boy, definitely worth all the praise it and it's author can get. Simply sweet, heartfelt and romantic (without the cheese). e.deviantart.net/emoticons/g/g… " width="17" height="15" alt="
Well done!! e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/b… " width="15" height="15" alt="
e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/t… " width="31" height="17" alt="
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Thank ye fer enjoyin' this piece, I hope ye'll enjoy what's next t'come ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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You're welcome; and I will
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As a lover of romantic-poetry, I must say, this is quite simple and bitter sweet. More sweet than bitter.
Not only the writing but the format too, with the italics highlighting the grouped paragraphs to let the reader know which paragraph belongs where, dispite all the lines being separate.
Upon reading it, the first impression one would get would be that of a love struck puppy or a smitten young boy. But it also gives the impression of innocence. Describing the things you loved about her such as her laugh and smile. It's cheezy, but romance IS the definition of cheezy.
Theres not much technique being used, but you some how managed to pull this confession off without the use of techniques. Its nice, but with the use of maybe repeats to make your statement more clear, or maybe the old fashioned rhyme would had to the quality (and entertainment), but thats just me.
However, you did use inclusive language; directing it to the girl without really using her name. And with the knowledge that she might never read this, and that this was just a way to express how you feel in the slightest hope of her reading this its makes the piece all the more bitter sweet. The un-read letter.
The litterature is that of a boy in love (or was), and it is obiviously honest, but I can't truely see it from being straight from your heart.
The part of "You'd give me the cutest anime girl smile." The part of compairing her to anime can go both ways. As a compliment, saying that she is as cute as an anime is a compliment but personally, (or for other girls) I think being compaired to an anime girl would not be fair. I would like it, but I think being compaired to a flower or rose would be more... romantic. It's not original, but every girl would like that to happen to them. (I like anime as much as the next otaku, but thats not the point) The point is, as much as it would be a compliment, it would also be too fantasy related.
But that was probably to help get on the subject of the reason why you love manga.
It is simple, because... I can't find much deep issues in the text such the void that she left and how much her missing presence affects you. In the text all I can see is the vision of a lost love.
But it is nice know that guys would still care and write for some they have lost. I'll say it once, and I'll say it again, its very bitterly sweet.
NOTE; nothing related, but the writers note made me giggle with the sterotypical image. Nice work sir.
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Oh yes, personal touch is important in identifying ones art, no doubt, thus the reason we create our own pieces in the first place. Well, I do have no doubt that if she ever does read it, she'd be delighted with it.
Ofcourse, I'm just being a nit-picker and pointing out the smaller things in the text, sorry if my critiques are (very) long, literature just really peaks my interest. (especially yours). Actually this was the first of your works I have read (and critqued it instantly). I may have judged you too quickly on how well you use techniques (seeing how well you apply them in your other works). But certainly, your pieces are very, very well written, and never boring.
A man with talent such as yourself deserves to find happiness, and with no one else but with the girl of your dreams. Maybe I like this poem just a bit more, knowing your personal and very real sincerity. Good luck in love Sir- I mean, Captain Chenbeard.
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Well that part about th' anime girl smile was a personal touch, because she loved that comparison...since she loved being related t' that. I can see yer point of view that its those little things that make me works so different. If we're all doin' th' same thing, then that be quite borin' eh? Haha
Thank ye again fer takin' th' time t' critique this, yer words are wonderful ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
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I love that you started superficial and moved to the things that would matter to her, it's like you're drilling your way into her heart.
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Hello! I've used the title of your lovely piece in a poem here for this project. Thank you for the inspiring art!
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Quite well written. Original, the technique is lovely and the way you added "Now just let me finish alright?" at the end. Made quite an impact on me and as a writer at the point when "my stories are shit" this kind of poems inspire me to strive with hope that I will write something like this myself.
Best of luck to you mate and thank you.
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I love this poem because It exactly describes a relationship with my ex girlfriend and I.
I know she hates my guts but I still love her.
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This is great...just, really really well written.
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Wow. I'm crying. I feel like I can relate to this poem a lot. The person I deeply love has recently been being ridiculous, so when I read this, it was like I was reading it from him. Wishful thinking, that's for sure.
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When I first read this I thought you were an old friend of mine. He used to speak in the exact same way, write in the exact same way, and I definitely hate him now.
Sorry I had you confused.
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i'm sorry but i don't understand why this is getting such a ridiculous amount of praise? you literally fucking used 'anime girl smile' in a poem i don't think i have to say much more
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It's because people can relate to it. This is a subject that...well a lot of people feel. A lot of my enemies used to be best friends. If the subject is deep a couple of weird things won't matter
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That's what my friend Steven said to me he's so sweet
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For a moment I felt like as if I am reading my own words.
Beautiful!
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Been there Cap'n, pretty much the exact same xD
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Aye thank ye kindly fer enjoyin' me poetry ^^
If ye don't mind I'll just put a little bit o'self promotion here:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This reminds me of whats going on in my life right now, and explains it in ways that I right now would not be able to articulate. But at the same time it tells a completely different story, this made me feel both happy and mournful at the same time. I was also drawn in by the title. Keep up the awesome work! I look forward to reading more
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Thank ye I'm very glad ye enjoyed me work. I can certainly stand th' feelin' o' loss in a relationship and of course wonderin' how it might have turned out.
Anyway thanks again and I'll just write this bit of self-promotion:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
That moment when you completely understand the underlying emotions but have no idea what this feels like!
Raw and simple; sufficiently captures a moment of self-reflection. I imagine one would stare out the window with a glass of ___ (insert your preferred drink) to compose something like this!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Funnily enough I was starin' out me window in naught but me shorts contemplatin' th' stir-fry I had fer lunch when I thought this up. Me pirate brain be workin' in mysterious ways.
Anywho, hope ye don't mind just gonna promote meself a little:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank ye, but o' course ye have t' remember what yer gettin' yerself inta if ye want t' revisit a relationship o' an sort ^^
Now then, pirate self-promotion time:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Ye have me thanks fer enjoyin' this friend ^^
And now fer a little pirate self-promotion:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Me thanks dear friend ^^
And now fer a little pirate self-promotion:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you Captain! I'll check it out. c:
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Me thanks ^^
-Captain Chenbeard of the Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
My fiance claims to being a pirate, and he writes similar to this.
Is there just a community of Pirate-Closet Poets around here? Haha
Very lovely by the way, also something we can connect to.
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Well let me put it this way. If he has an actual pirate crew (as I do) then he be a real pirate. I have about 50 men and women signed up at the moment beneath me flag and I currently be the semi-top dog around these seas.
Perhaps he might o' been inspired by me style, after all that is what th' age o' pirates is like eh?
And now fer a little pirate self-promotion:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
damnit, you made me turn red. I remember I had a friend once who wrote and I drew, I was something else back then and now I don't talk to him because I'd rather cheer for him on the sidelines and he prefers to be alone.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Aye tis quite sad indeed, I wish it could have worked out better fer ya. However, I'm sure ye don't regret th' happy times spent together eh? ^^
And now fer a little pirate self-promotion:
T'would be lovely if ye'd check out me e-book: [link]
Every like or share of th' book helps me out and if yed like, feel free t' sample the first 15% free. Ye can buy it o'course if ye like it after, tis only $1.99
Thank ye
-Captain Chenbeard o' th' Black Fedora Pirates
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
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