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xonlyindreamsx —
His Name Was Chuck E.
Published: 2004-05-16 18:27:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 3624; Favourites: 77; Downloads: 342
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Description
This is not supposed to advocate for or against anything.Edit: I really do appreciate the Daily Deviation feature. If someone had come up to me on the street and asked me to suggest something from my gallery to be featured as a DD (after mugging me. Dude, do you not know that I have super elite ninja street skills!?) would I have selected this piece? No. To be honest, I would have told them that nothing in my gallery at the present moment deserves the honour. But back to this piece. The effort put into it was minimal and it was pretty much a simple cathartic writing exercise for me. That being said, it was something the lovely *Insignificant-Other enjoyed and I can't really argue with that because she lives near a theatre with a retractable roof.
If you take something from this little piece, great. If you don't, that's cool too. I'll buy you a beer and we can drink to my horrible punctuation. Just don't try anything funny because I'm not kidding around about those super elite ninja street skills.
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Comments: 137
Wow, thank you. That was a rather excellent comment to read. So many nice things said, I appreciate them all.
Yes, this actually was based on an actual experience. That is why I feel like I cheat about in my writing because it doesn't take much to put depth and/or perception into stories that have already happened or characters that really do exist. The people that can do that from scratch, well, they're the true masters of the writing craft and I could never measure up in comparison.
But I can't knock inspiration and if reading through this piece (and some of the other things of mine you mentioned) have inspired you to tackle a few writing exercises, I am flattered and thrilled to hear that and encourage you to stick with it. If you put forth even an ounce of dedication, you'd be amazed at the results. So do stick with it and let me know how things go.
Thanks again for the wonderful comment, Nellie. This one was a pleasure to response to.
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My all admiration to the telling! And your imagination. All to say is already said my dearest. I love your characters so much.you identiofied the age so well.
Well done!
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I've already faved this piece and written a comment before, but I had to write again.
I just found out tonight that my Aunt lost her baby. She was 3 months pregnant. This piece brought me to tears reading it again. You've captured the bewilderment and all the distraught confusion perfectly. Just really wonderfully done.
Stephanie
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I'm left speechless...that nearly brought me to tears...it seems such a short time ago that that was me, pulling the faerie hair out of the seat and wondering about the knights on their horses. I love this piece because you give such an increadable insite into the child's mind...such a sad story
I really like your style in this piece, and the repeated line of the father is a wonderful idea.
This had got to be my favourite piece I've ever read on dA...a facinating and marvelous achievment.
Absolutely wonderful, my compliments!
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oh, that, I was thinking aloud. I was wanting to suggest your work as DD today then noticed you got one yesterday. almost creepy but I'm used to that stuff now ._.
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Bunny, you're so cute. I shook my pom-poms in your general direction again. This time I even did the splits. Tore a few ligaments, but it's all good.
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I appreciate your torn ligaments. hope the ovaries are better by now.
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They're at ease and they say thank you for the concern.
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Wow such an amazing story and Im not even a big reader. As I was reading it I decided to download the song the nights in white satin by the moody blues, such a great song and I really got into reading the story. Anyway such an amazing story and sad but amazing
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Thank you!
I like that you downloaded that song and read the rest of the piece with it playing. Don't tell anyone, but whenever I go back to re-read this I always make sure that song is playing.
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Awesome, well I really loved the story and the song. Great Job
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you know, I wanted to leave a comment or a fav last night when I first saw this, but dA was undergoing some maintenance so it was in read-only mode.
now I don't remember what i had to say. I;ll just say that you did a PERFECT job of writing in a [very natural] child's behavior. It reminds me of me and my sister. I love it. ^_^
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Thanks for coming back. You could have kept your thoughts to yourself, but the fact that you returned to share them means a lot.
And your signature made me laugh.
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All I can say is WOW...my eyes were pinned to the screen...I can honestly say that is the first thing I have read in a long time that has kept me glued to it. And I could see actually see this in my mind..I dont get that a lot from things I read. Absolutely wonderful writing.
Never had anything like that happen to me, but I have a brother that is a year younger than I. It was like that was he and I there..Man, I have never had anything captivate me like that.
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I appreciate the read and the kind words, thank you. I'm glad that you were able to envision you and your brother. For some reason that sounds grammatically incorrect, but it's early!
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I love how realistic the story is, especially since it's seen through the eyes of a child. It seems like oftentimes people don't realize that children understand when something's wrong even if they don't understand the details. A pleasure to read
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It seems like oftentimes people don't realize that children understand when something's wrong even if they don't understand the details.
I agree.
Thanks for the read!
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I enjoyed it, oh and by the way ^_^ I'm a huge fan of the moody blues! The only concert I've ever been to was one of theirs
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wow. thats, umm... extremely... i dont even have a word for it. if you could combing moving, sad, and meaningful into one, that word would describe your story. i really enjoyed it, and i love your style. it made me think, and thats strange in todays world.
good job,
really.
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Thank you very much. If I made even just one person think, that's all I could ever ask for.
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the boy whispered as both parent's approached the car it should be "parents", without the apostrophe.
I didn't catch the abortion thing at all, I thought the "but there had been" refered to the fact that the kids believed it so much it seemed real. I thought maybe she had cancer or something since you mentioned that earlier. Ah well, I'm just dump
Good story. Agree with what =demonlight said above, especially about the inverted sentence structure towards the end. It sounds like Yoda speaking
Other than that, nicely written and everything!
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I'm laughing at the "parent's/parents" thing because I do that all the time. A year later and I still haven't changed! 
Crap, the last thing I want is a character sounding like Yoda.
Thank you for the feedback and the read, doll. It is truly appreciated.
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Hehe, yes, we all have small grammatical quirks we always get wrong, don't we?
No prob on the feedback, it's only a delight to give
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I absolutely loved this peice!
The innocence, fantasy and yet harsh reality of it was wonderful- it reminds meof my own mind at times...I was nearly in tears.
it also reminds me of something...that happened to my own family..my mother...
this was beuaitful, great job
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I hope your family was able to deal better than mine was. There is still the occasional bitter reference during a heated argument that has absolutely nothing to do with the memory. Like if my parents are fighting over the stove or something.
Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts.
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Your welcome
And I hope someday that bitterness passes...I can only imagine how being reminded even subtely can be very painful especially for your Mother.
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Amazing story, really got me thinking.
I always think to myself how I won't hold anything back from my kids, I won't tell them the world is some dark terrible place or anything, but not be so indirect about stuff. But as I was reading this I started to reconsider, and I'm starting to understand all the fairy tales and lies. It's more because they want the children to be happy and not have to worry, be free when they can.
Really, I've pissed at my mom because I feel really stupid around most people my age (16) because they're experienced so much more than I have. My mom won't let me out of the house to take a walk, let alone most of the things that kids my age do (I'm not talking stupid crap like drinking or partying like an idiot, I just mean going out and about). I've been so sheltered that until lately, that I've matured more, I've been really shy and anti-social. So all the things add up, I never really had any friends and have been lonely, and I now know that I'm ignorant and now that I do have friends I mess up around them and say stupid crap without thinking, so I lose them. It's all kind of a chain reaction from being sheltered so much to the point that I can't gain essential experience and mature, and I sometimes feel childish compared to most people.
But this has given me a stronger point of view from my mother's side, and made me realize logic isn't as much of a gift as I think it is. That is what I want to raise my future kids to be, logical and think more independantly than most children are raised now a days. But it's almost always the smart ones who are cynical, and lack that innocence, so its making me understand why parents are like that a bit more.
Thanks a lot, any peice that can make me reconisder my parenting style and change 1 or more soon-to-be people's lives ought to get a +fav.
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That was an excellent, excellent comment. Thank you for that.
I'm always going back and forth about what kind of parenting "style" I should adopt when I have children. Part of me wants to expose them early to stuff that I know they'll be exposed to eventually, but it's like I want to intervene early enough so I am the one that is there when they are first introduced to certain things. Just the ideas, the explanations, not the actual...things. But then what you said about understanding fairy tales and lies makes perfect sense. Just think about Santa Clause. That is one of the biggest lies that we tell children, but when I found out that he didn't exist (when I was six) I was absolutely devastated. I think that children need a little bit of fantasy because they will certainly have enough reality to deal with once they hit adolescence and beyond.
I think it's all about finding a happy medium. You don't want to shelter your child too much (as you will probably attest to) and you don't want to raise a completely naive child either. You seem like a pretty level-headed and mature sixteen-year-old so I think your mother did a lot right.
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...This is so eerie....It's just writhing with child curiosity about things they shouldn't be knowing about. o_o I've experianced the same thing, but not via the same route.
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It is a bit eerie, but children know a lot more than we give them credit for. Just think of yourself when you were younger. I know that I always knew a few things that adults automatically assumed I was too young to understand. Granted, I probably didn’t grasp certain concepts in the same way that I did when I matured, but we start off pretty young.
I couldn't even imagine what children know these days. It scares me a bit.
Anyway, thanks for the read!
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Wow. That is so amazing, it almost moves me to tears.
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Aw, thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
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Prose on DA rarely keeps my attention but with this I was intrigued from the start and then hooked from the blue-haired fairy bit. 👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I really liked the part about the blue-haired fairy.
"it's fairy hair because it's blue"...."That means it came from a fairy"
child logic is the best hehe.
Showing this through the eyes of a child is a really effective technique, the dark seriousness of the situation is mixed with the childish innocence and that contrast gives extra impact to the eventual outcome.
Somewhere in the middle of the story I thought that the mother was mentally ill or something like that because of the references to headaches.
I think that it's effective that the children are talking about how they expect a baby when infact an abortion has taken place.
sorry for the dis-jointed comment, I was kinda writing what I thought as it came into my head.
Very great writing, well done.
Ah, your comment was like a stream of consciousness. I like it!
It's interest to find out that a lot of people, at some point, thought the mother had a mental illness or was in a mental institute. I can see how the reference to the headache would suggest that - very clever on the readers part! It tells me that some people are really thinking through the whole piece; trying to piece everything together.
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hehe I'm glad you liked it.
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this was a truly amazing piece makes me have a really depressed feeling .___. feels like something's tugging at my heart ><...lol, anyway, very very vivid piece, i rarely read anything on DA, but im really glad i read this one.
grats on the DD ^^
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I'm very glad that you read it as well. Thank you!
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Wow. That... wow. Yes. I've +fav'd more writing in the past 2 days than ever before, and this wll be another.
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Right on! The literature section needs that kind of attention. There is certainly some great stuff in there.
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